Well it is Wednesday again, and the white boy is back and he needs a yellow wrist band. Ellis will remain incomplete as a man without this magical wrist band he dreams of. Turns out his friend, former Backstreet Boy AJ McLean, happens to own a company that makes wrist bands with spikes n shit. They should definitely hook up on that idea, and the idea of AJ appearing on the future Death! Death! Die! track ‘Butt Town’. Fuck Yeah! Speaking of Ellismate’s friends, Carey Hart hooked the wing up with a new place to get a trim called ‘The Shave’ and they hooked it up. Carey Hart has such sweet hair too by the way. Sorry got a little sidetracked, so Ellis wrote a new song, but not for the band, this ones for him. It felt weird to him to work on a track by himself. Tully can sympathize with that, after all he is the mastermind behind ‘Retrofit‘, get it up ya! Tully’s goal all along is to just get one track played on Faction, who knew. Ellis would prefer Boneyard which sounds like him, and good ol’ Rawdog wants his shit played on The Loft, though I don’t see Slingin’ Cream fitting in over there too well. Good friend of the show THC said he heard Liquid Metal play a Death! Death! Die! track which is bad ass. This article of Ellismate reviewing all the new dirt bikes in the 2013 450 Motocross Shootout is fucking sweet too! You know what else is sweet, Ellismate found his prostate. Well really Katie did, and Ellis confirmed for us all that it works like a champ. Maybe a little too much, cause after you do it once, your an ass whore for life. Speaking of ass whores, Jizz Cult got to make yet another button today after sabotaging the show, “Can You Dig It”. He started working on the “Warriors, come out to play” button, but Jizz got out of the situation before we got that piece of radio gold. Thats really all that happened from last night, that Ellis Tully and Rawdog can remeber…….
Oh that and Rawdog has to suck a dead horse dick at The Reckoning soon, since we bow again to our lord Emperor Obama. Ellismate played the audio from the original bet for us and Rawdog to hear again for confirmation. The Jingleberries debuted their new smash hit, ‘Kill a horse, suck it’s penis!”. We also got a quick appearance from Rude Jude, and just in time to witness Rawdog practice on a 10″ piece of steak that Tully just happened to have brought for this occasion. After some strong convincing to Rawdog he needed to practice to avoid falling flat on his ass shownight, we all got to hear young Josh choke his way and only get about an inch of it down. #FuckTully said fuck that, and showed him how its done, taking at least a good 4″ before hitting the back of his throat. Rawdog gave it another try, and damn near vomited it all up. All in all, worst blow job ever!
Pepsi has taking a huge step closer towards ruling the world, announcing they are releasing ‘Pepsi Special‘ in Japan, which will make you loose weight. Coke appears to be working on a soda to make your more beautiful, no you are. So since the election was last night, there is obviously a bunch of reaction, such as tweets from superstars like Terrible Ted Nugent, The Bean, Justin Bieber and even warlord Nick Swardson. But none of them were as nuts as the shit spewed from the twitter mouth of one Donald Trump. Is he serious, crazy or seriously crazy? Who fucking knows, Ellis thinks he’s just keeping his name out there, but Tully wonders if dudes just loosing it or maybe he’s just pissed at the tax breaks he would have gotten with Mitt. Trump did delete a few of those tweets, but clever Jizz Cult found ’em and read a few. Basically dude wants to start a revolution, which would only be successful if you bring Rage Against the Machine and topless bitches in army pants dancing and shit. Some other cool shit from last night’s erection, Colorado and Washington both legalized weed, Red Dragons! Of course Tully found the additional language, which is the taxation of it. It gets taxed 25% each time it passes from the grower to the processor, from the processor to the retailer, and yet again when passed to you. Quick math on that, if you started with $100 of weed, it would be $195 when sold to you, damn near double! Sounds just like something Obama would do, followed up by army enforced butt chugging tuesdays!
Nothing happened in Cookie News but we did get to hear the drop for it which has been long overdue. Some shit happened in Cock News, turns out 1/3rd or British men can’t see their dicks, and rape kids with their balls. A shit ton more happened in Doing Stuff With Rawdog. Fuck man, we now know how to make chicken, chicken salad and a martini. We can clean a gun and avoid an avalanche. Thanks to Josh, all of us can tackle Ellis in football and make hash. The Illusionist taught us how to use a breast pump and find our prostate. Doc Banger banged us with knowledge of repairing a blown circuit breaker and he added to his sisters quest to get that damn raccoon out of the attic. Bush Baby enlightened us on how you water ski and how to syphon gas out of a car. We also got to hear him try to blow a bubble, whistle, snap, burp, fart and much more!
The crew recapped a bunch of shit in Hollywood News from the past few weeks. Kirstie Alley is a fat slut and C-Lo didn’t rape that bitch. Ariel Winter was getting mind fucked by her mom. Also some dude got the living shit beat out of him in front of a Hollywood night club. Rawdog read some quotes from Joe Simpson’s gay lover in his video recap of the two’s affair, which were just disturbing. Not as disturbing as this Portuguese gay dude and his castration of his 65 year old lover using a corkscrew, or the curing of aids he did with dudes nuts while walking the streets of Manhattan. But enough of that shit, lets get back to Rawdog. Tully and Ellis tried to teach him how to blow a bubble, which took us up to final calls, and Rawdog almost got it. Turns out Josh is also extremely afraid of cartwheels, but thats a whole other story. We heard from Sasquatch, whos a truck driver in Alberta and also from a caller who told us Halloween still hasn’t happened in some parts of NY and NJ due to the storms, but those were the only callers the show got as no one else called after that. We did hear that Ellismate took about 2″ of finger in last nights escapades. Thats of course a far cry from the 22″ of my arm that goes in your mom when Im fisting her gaped ass, OH!