Show Recap For Friday, 8/16/2013

Nothing says Friday like kicking back and watching a JFK documentary and learning that he got shot because he wanted everyone to love each other and his brother got shot too, which can only mean one thing, conspiracy. They talked a lot about conspiracies and assassinations (hahahaha, that word says ass twice) and all kinds of crazy shit that crazy people like to talk about. Ellis lost a sponsor,  a Famous sponsor, that he won’t mention 3448709_3627172_lz Stars, and has been stressing and feeling like shit And Straps. Katie ran up a hill, I know, exciting shit, unless you were running behind her. Rawdog’s laptop is still out of commission so he is using his kindle fire today, and it’s adorable like carrying a puppy in a backpack or watching Two Girls One Cup. They played more video submitted for the EM9 Karaoke Contest on Instagram. They all sucked and even some people got banned from Ellis Mania, but I forget exactly who so I can go into further detail. If you want to try, submit an Instagram video of yourself singing a Death!Death!Die! or Taintstick song and send it to @wolfmate and hashtag it #Ellismaina9, the winner will get to sing on stage with the band. Speaking of bands and sucking, they tried to find a band to play at Ellismania with the guys, some of the suggestions were, Tim Time Bomb And Friends, NOFX, Iwrestledabearonce, Pennywise, Machine Head, G.O.A.T. And Your M.O.M., etc.

Jenni Mazky wrote a blog on the subject of being disrespectful to women, she did a great job and there were far too many points to mention here but I have a link for you, here, read it, no really, read it, READ IT YOU FUCKING LAZY BASTARD! This opened the segment, Women Am I Right, and we start off with Rhonda Beckmann who got arrested for indecent exposure after she got drunk and yelled, “it’s titty time!” A ginormous fat English chick claims she can’t get a job because employers are racist against Fatty McFatFat’s then got arrested for stealing pastries and champagne. A stupid woman ingested a live tapeworm to lose weight then a doctor had to remove it before she died. A woman in Florida called cops because she got a suspicious package, maybe a bomb, disguised as a dildo. Two batman-rides-unicornchicks broke up and one stole three strap-on dildos, you know, to practice her air tight ski pole skills now that she is single. A chick gave herself a black eye and claimed to be abducted and the police couldn’t account for here whereabouts for a couple hours, most likely she was getting the D. A chick locked her roommate and his friend and wouldn’t let them leave till she got railed, sounds pretty sweet until you realize she was about as cute as a dingleberry hanging off a cats ass hole. A 200 pound blind woman had to be tazed after assaulting the mail man because he gave her kids her mail. Pearl Jones has been arrested for selling hydrocodone out of her home, she’s 85 and the best grandma ever! A New York woman threw out her fridge forgetting her life savings was in it but some worker at the dump recovered the whopping five grand. The guys then turned their attention to the change with Fox and how it’s now Fox Sports, 1 and 2, with UFC, moto but not moto, NASCAR, formula 1, soccer, MLB, etc. So it’s pretty much the same but awesomer.
People’s park in China opened a lion exhibit but put a dog in there instead. Chinese zoos, am I right!?! Zoos are bad, and because zoos are bad Finding Nemo 2 changed the ending, now rabid gulls will attack Nemo in mid jump raining blood upon the childeren. Have you ever wondered what women bitch about, me too but I’m gonna keep it short, this is just a recap not a doctoral thesis.  Samantha complained that her boy friend jammed his finger right in her pooper then stuffed it in her mouth. Another chick had sloppy car sex and now has some sort of indian burn scar on her back. Taylor’s boy friend rammed his man meat into her turd cutter without aking and she didn’t like that. Anonymous with a huge clit was in college and was getting railed doggy and the dude slipped and rammed into her taint splitting it open like some type of fruit getting split open and had to go to the ER to get stitched back up and later at home he wanted to put it in her stink chamber. Another girl is kinda weirded out because her boyfriend wanted to get railed by a strap on then he wanted it all the time and never got her off. Ding! Stephanie was hanging with her coworked drinkin and smokin and ended up fuckin but he had a little wiener that would barely stay in her cookie so she let him put it in her butt and three days later she found the rubber that slipped of his tiny pecker in her baby maker. Tracy had a two guy threesome and neither dude could get her off, selfish bitch. Turd called in and had a college roommate who pooped while she was bathing, not sexual unless your German or into that sort of thing. Chrissy’s husband barely fucks her and when he does he’s a two pump chump. And Jordan’s boyfriend came home late and fake raped her and was mistakenly in her bum then they laughed and laughed and laughed.
A newly declassified document from the CIA about Area 51 says there never were aliens there but only a testing ground for spy planes, and you can completely trust the government, they wouldn’t lie to you. The guys then started talking about aliens,

The Red Planet, hardly any sunlight and completely soulless.

The Red Planet, hardly any sunlight and completely soulless.

vampires, werewolves, and government conspiracies. Ellis said he would punch a UFO from his roof if it came around his hood because that’s what bad ass mother fuckers would do. Rumor has it that Beiber and the wild boys are looking to buy a ranch, mainly the never land ranch so they can fix it up and have their very own allegations of child molestation. Rawdog still wants to go to mars, not to build shit, something more technichal and less labor intensive, like regulate the oxygen levels or something else incredibly important. Just as long as he doesn’t have to back anything up or figure out how to do any sort of simple common task. Speaking of jobs, I remember the time yer mum was down on her luck and decided to make a few extra bucks by working the corner. After the first day I picked her up and asked “how did you do?”. She said, “I did pretty well, I made $200.50”. I asked, “What asshole gave you 50 cents?” and she replies “all of them”, OH!

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