The Jingleberries Will Make You Famous: Instructions

Posted on March 20, 2013 by bitPimps 中

So on February 1, 2013, The Jingleberries asked if you wanted your voice heard on The Jason Ellis Show. All you have to do is record yourself and send it off. You can use your phone, your computer, whatever means you have. And, yes, they laid out only 3 rules:

Say whatever you want in 30 seconds or less
The words “Jason Ellis” or “The Jason Ellis Show” must be said in the recording
Send your recording to mike@thejingleberries.com

We did just that and got some clips played on-air! One of which, Ellis said “might be one of the greatest re-joins ever made, ever!” We’re nobodies. You could make something like that too! So why don’t you?

How do you easily record yourself?
Simple. Everyone has a phone these days. And most of those phones have a voice recorder on them. If your phone doesn’t have a voice recorder on it, there are plenty of free apps out there that can give you that ability. If you have a really old phone, then you’ll have to use your computer, laptop, or something else that can digitally record your voice.

What file type should I send?
The Jingleberries (mike@jingleberries.com) can accept pretty much any file format, so don’t worry. Meanwhile, here at NYA, we don’t have the same cool toys. Therefore, if you want the audio posted on this site, you’ll have to send us a file format too. See below for the file formats we can accept.

Fine, I’ll send my files to The Jingleberries, but how do I send to NYA?
Send your audio to @bitPimps, just hit me up on twitter.

What file formats can NYA accept?
Any of the following:

3GP
AA3
AAC
AIF, AIFF
ASF
AU
AVI
CDA
DIG
DV, DVF
FLAC
IVC
MAV
MOV
MP3, MP4
M4A, M4B, M4V
OGG
OMA
PCA
QT
RAW
SD
SFA
SND
SWF
VOX
WAV
W64
WMA, WMV

Best of Re-Cap for Monday 3/18/2013

Posted on March 18, 2013 by bitPimps 中

I know. You’re all like, “Hey, what the fuck, man? It’s a ‘Best of Ellis’ show all this week!” And I’m all like, “Yeah, man. I know!” So you’re all like, “So why are you doing a re-cap today?” And that’s when I was like, “Dude, this isn’t your normal re-cap, this is something different.” So then you’re all like, “So how the fuck is this different?” And finally, I’m all like, “Because, dude. I’m going to go back in time, hit a few old re-caps and give you an overview of the show then and the show now. Like a ‘Best of NYA Re-Caps, Kinda’.” Okay, are we all on the same page now? No? Fuck. Look, here’s the deal. We here at NYA decided to try something new to keep you all entertained. Normally on “Best of Ellis” shows, we don’t do re-caps. This time we decided to our own “Best of NYA” re-caps. We all good now? Fantastic! So let’s jump right into this shit.

Your mom never made a World’s Greatest Cook list, that’s for damn sure.

Remember how Ellis used to do “World’s Greatest Wednesday” almost every Wednesday, until we all beat that shit into the ground? Those were fun as shit, and since the show is in the midst of a “March Madness: Greatest Guitar Riff” contest, let’s travel back to Wednesday, February 15, 2012 when we had a WGW to find the top 10 guitar solos. Click the link above to read the re-cap and see the top 10 guitar solos. And for the lazy, I’ll give you the overall winner, which was: David Gilmour – Comfortably Numb. Another WGW blast from the past was the first time Cumtard was let go from the show. Travel back to Wednesday, February 29, 2012 to see the top 10 things for Cumtard to do for money since he no longer had a job. The number one spot was secured by: Cumtard becoming a freeway clown. What about a WGW for the best thing to do with $2000? Jump to Wednesday, March 7, 2012 when it was decided the best thing to do was: Buy a top hat, a shitload of Jack Daniels, and shoot a moose. Good times, good times.

Mr. X is 1 part rebel, 1 part fucktard.

During the show, we’re always introduced to new and different people, most of them are pretty fucking cool too. But every once in awhile, we get to meet someone super special, like Thomas Haden Church, Rude Jude, or Mr. X. In a segment about bad ideas from Friday, February 3, 2012, one of the first times we were introduced to the first of many stories involving Mr. X, he was returning from Las Vegas after an EllisMania. At the airport, he got his bottle of shampoo confiscated, boarded the play back to LAX and then suddenly could not find his luggage after landing. Instead of going up to the counter to ask if his luggage had been lost, Mr. X waited a full two days before working up the courage to even ask about his lost luggage. Why? Because he had weed in that very same luggage. Don’t remember this story or want to hear more Mr. X stories such as getting snowballed or cumming in his pants? Allow me to introduce you to cobratits.com.

Sometimes you get what you asked for, just not in the way you thought.

Ellis gets a lot of hook-ups from different companies, even ones that aren’t his sponsors, some of them work out and others just fizzle into nothingness. You may remember when Brazzer’s tried contacting him over Twitter, and you may also remember how nothing came (innuendo) from that contact. I’m going to assume you also don’t remember Thursday, March 1, 2012 when Amtrak – the fucking train service – tweeted him. The idea the guys were considering was to see if Amtrak could offer packages to people who were making the trek to EllisMania’s in Las Vegas. That idea quickly faded once everyone realized that they don’t have any service routes to Las Vegas. Then another idea came into play, the possibility of using the train as a possible stage for Death! Death! Die! to perform on. Of course, nothing came out of that contact either, but hey, it’s the thought and potential that counts, right?

Well, that about covers our trip to the past for today, time travel can make you very sleepy and disorienting. Use your bumper sticker to ease your mind, have “no fear” as I count backwards from 3, you’re starting to feel normal again, 2 you’re eyes are open and you pants are back on, 1 you recognize your surroundings are contemplating a drink. *SNAP* You are back in the now, you’re time travel was a success and you are relatively safe until. At least until you remember what Penn & Teller looked like when they were young. YIKES!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/11/2013

Posted on March 11, 2013 by bitPimps 中

Skrillex faces are exactly the same as food poisoning shitting / puking faces.

What’s up sluts? OMG, you guise! It’s 311 day, and that’s gay. Skibbi-bee-do-bop. So there’s a radical dude in the studio, he goes by the name Dingo. Someone’s been fucking with the voice altermication machine and letting the air out of the tires in the THC Porsche. Kids love tattooed head guy in pink pants. Ellis took his kids to trampoline world, and when Katie went to the bathroom to go number 1 or 2, she heard kids talking about tattooed head guy in pink pants and all he got was smiling faces. The Ellis household got food poisoning again, this time from the Mexicans – but no love loss, they still their food. Puking and shitting good times was had by all! Then he got in a bit of trouble. Andrea had come over, to get the kids I assume, and as she was leaving, he turned and said, “thanks my only friend.” Of course that didn’t go over too well with Katie as she didn’t take it as a joke and felt slighted. It’s all good though, Ellis smoothed it over and they banged out the issue. Rawdog needs a jacket with a “Jew Claw” patch on the back, and the topper would be to invent the “Jew Claw” finishing move in EllisMania fights.

Xzibit’s fall back career? Pimp my ride Afghanistan edition.

Why hasn’t Mayhem gotten back with Ellis about co-hosting Tiger Box? Is he out training, secretly hitting ever open-mic night in Hollyweird, in an effort to show Ellis up with his newly honed comedy skills? Who knows. What would Ellis and Dingo be doing if they had to fall back on to another career? Probably build houses or dig holes, that seems to be the Aussie crutch. Thankfully for everyone, that’s not the case. It’s calzone time, some Chuck (@EatAtCarlos) dude that makes them stopped by today to deliver the guys’ inventions so they could all try them. In case you have forgotten, here are the calzones featured on today’s menu: Chicken nugget, spaghetti & meatballs, loaded nachos & cheese, chili dog, dessert calzones with Little Debbie snacks & Nutella, Nutty Bars, Brownies, peanut butter & jelly with peanuts etc. Ellis and Tully gave the nod to the chili dog calzone. Dingo seemed to be satisfied with the peanut butter & jelly calzone. And of course, Rawdog went to town on the chicken nugget calzone. Apparently there’s a fucking pizza convention in Las Vegas, which sounds kinda cool until you think about how many bullshit pizzas there has to be there. Nobody wants to be the guinea pig taste tester for the pesto chicken with buffalo cornflakes pizza.

Dude. Your steroids are not helping.

Moto news, Ryan Villopoto joined the 3-time winner at Daytona club, by umm, winning. Man, that guy, he’s one heck of a guy. Villopoto is now in the lead on the umm, leader board. This pushed Davi Millsaps into second place, trailing by 2 points and a couple of shots of steroids. Greatest riffs bracket has been setup, there are 64 entries on the bracket and it’s time to start whittling it down to 32, then the sweet 16 round, and finally the elite 8 round. It’s confusing how the bracket is working, but Rawdog gets it, so we’ll just have to trust him. Basically, 64 songs. If a song wins once, it goes to the 32 round. If that same song wins again, it goes to sweet 16 round. If that same song wins a third time, it goes to the elite 8 round. The confusing part comes up because there are only 8 songs planned for today and the plan is to get those 8 songs down to 1 song, putting that song into the elite 8 round.

Cat Scratch Fever (Ted Nugent) vs Ain’t Talkin’ Bout Love (Van Halen)
Sweaty Teddy won.
Black Betty (Ram Jam) vs Sweet Child o’ Mine (Guns ‘N Roses)
G’NR won. *
The Boys Are Back in Town (Thin Lizzy) vs Eye of the Tiger (Survivor)
Survivor won.
Under Pressure (Queen & David Bowie) vs Back In Black (AC/DC)
AC/DC won. *

Now to send 2 songs from the previous round, to the sweet 16:

Cat Scratch Fever (Ted Nugent) vs Sweet Child o’ Mine (Guns ‘N Roses)
G’NR won.
Eye of the Tiger (Survivor) vs Back In Black (AC/DC)
AC/DC won.

Now to send 1 song from the previous round, to the elite 8:

Sweet Child o’ Mine (Guns ‘N Roses) vs Back In Black (AC/DC)
G’NR won and is now in the elite 8.

We got to hear some Mike Tyson songs on the show today, thanks to umm, Mike Tyson and The Jingleberries. Science is now saying the beer goggles do not exist, which okay, being drunk doesn’t make a chick hotter, it just lowers your standards. Makes sense, poor decision making and loss of inhibitions tend to go with alcohol. We got a little more information about Dom the producer today in an effort to get everyone to know him better, he used to do radio in Arizona and his Twitter name, @TheHippieDom came about because he was labeled as a hipster. However, he wrote out a few more questions with multiple answers and the guys have to guess which is most likely

Hot, naked Dom

Q: What is the main reason why girls break-up with Dom? He goes Dutch on all meals, he works too much, or he has no future?
A: Survey says: He has no future.

Q: Dom toured around several states doing what sport? Extreme frisbee, hacky sack, or paintball?
A: He was an amateur paintballer.

Q: There’s an annual thing Dom does once a year in Mexico, what is it? To hear some great Americana music, to buy prescription pills for his rash, or to visit a friend in prison?
A: He goes to listen to Americana music.

Q: Dom has had some weird jobs over the years, which was it? A real estate agent, a urine drug screen collector, or an accountant?
A: Real estate agent.

Q: One of Dom’s most memorable trips to Mexico was what? Had no phone, no wallet, no passport, & $10 bucks and left by himself in Mexico, something else, or had to sleep in a Tijuana airport for 3 days?
A: He got left because he banged another chick besides the other girl that wanted to bang him. And he is now friends with the chick that left his ass stranded in Mexico.

Q: On a snowboarding trip one time, he came back to find what stolen from his car? Roof, seats, or wheels?
A: The roof.

Q: While trying to do a 180 on a snowboard ramp, Dom broke what? His tailbone, rib, or finger?
A: He broke his rib.

Q: Dom’s first concert was what? Sneaking in to see U2 at the age of 10, Rolling Stones at 2 weeks old, or Guns ‘N Roses at 25 or some shit?
A: U2, he likes Joshua Tree. HAHAAA

Dom stage diving at U2.

Q: Dom’s favorite alcohol of choice is what? Tequila, something else, or absinthe?
A: ‘Atta boy! Tequila.

Q: Six months ago, Dom got hit with what condition? Bell’s Palsy, Premonitory Turrets, or Osteogenesis Imperfecta?
A: Bell’s Palsy, he had a temporary stroke and half his face froze the fuck up and he has pictures to prove it.

Q: This year, Arizona nominated Dom for what? The most eligible bachelor in Arizona radio, best radio personality, or something else?
A: He won the best radio personality in Arizona radio.

Q: The scar Dom has on his arm is from what? A .22 caliber, a human bite, or a bottle rocket?
A: He got bitten by a Cumtard when he worked a developmentally disabled place.

And with that, we close out today’s re-cap and you can go on your own merry way and spread your herpes, just like your father, mother, brother, and sister before you. Also, Burbank Dave sends his regards, to your grandmother.

Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/4/2013

Posted on March 4, 2013 by bitPimps 中

This hills are alive with the sound of…

It’s another Monday, and some of you wouldn’t mind having sex with robots, and some chicks will fuck fat dudes, but not if you show them the fat first. Dingo and Ellis’ friendship has been taken to another level after this weekend, and apparently Dings has a killer pad. Intern Anal Gay-Lewis took Ellis’ advice and got rid of the crooked / aspiring pedophile mustache he was rocking, but he still looks weird because he has a weird head. The guys are thinking of Voltron’ing together to create a single mega-comedian, Laughtron. They could also split apart to be separate comedians, but together they’d be unstoppable with jokes about aspiring pedophiles and people in the audience with pictures of their kids. Ellis saved a gay dude from getting raped by another gay dude that was blue-balling the other gay dude’s drugged up butt. Even though he wanted to kill Mr. Gay Molestor Dude (HOMOcide, get it?), he thwarted off the dude and called the cops, all that happened the same night he went to see The Used, via Bert McCracken – whose wife listens to the show and turned Bert on to it. There was some talk about school. School in Australia, US, France, etc. I’m with Ellis on this one, I hated school and I hate even having to walk through them to this day. Somehow the conversation went from schools to the nearly non-existent middle class in America and Mexican’s taking jobs. All that collection of randomness in the first hour of the show, damn!

Fuck yeah, bath salts, so tite!

Good news, scientists have cured a baby with HIV by giving it a cocktail of shots within 30 hours of it’s birth – suck on that Africa. Supercross in St. Louis this weekend, Ryan Villopoto won the 450 class, and that’s MMA news, no wait… That’s Rawdog’s MMA news, in real MMA news, Mark Hunt knocked out Stefan Struve, and Wanderlei Silva knocked out Brian Stann in a super exciting Don Frye-esque fight. And in other MMA news, Katie got paid today and announced a purchase of shaving cream and a bunch of toys, not toys for children, but for adult holes – if you catch my drift. Why would the words “Blink 182 is gnarly” come out of Ellis’ mouth? Because of the drummer, you know, that dude that plays the drums. The next Death! Death! Die! album is working up to be a massive double disc set, as much music as can fit on a cd – plus a DVD of Big Fucking Mega Boat. Probably not out in time to be paired with the double disc release, is the Death! Death! Die! lunch box. A woman tried out to be the first female NFL kicker ever, she didn’t make the cut after missing her 15-20 yard kick – an old injury seemed to be holding her back. New TJES producer was introduced today, Domonick “Dom” DeLuise (@TheHippieDom) – whose been in radio for about 7 years and has luscious locks like Dingo, just not as long. He’s part Mexican, part Indian, part Italian, he eats meat and “froyo” (aka frozen yogurt), which might be a good nickname for him on the show. He speaks well, like he might be smart, so this could hopefully turn out to be a very good match.

You may not like Hollywood news, but you can appreciate some fine art.

Bad news, JCPenny seems to be losing the battle with Macy’s so your catalogs of department store jerk-off material may be dwindling even more. Who was the dumbest person/s on TJES so far? Stupid Tits? Aaron Lewis? Porn stars? Probably porn stars. This led us into the segment, You Sir Are A Moron, band edition. There was a lot of back and forth here, too much to keep up with so I’m just going to pretend we all know exactly what each person voted and who was more of a moron, sir. Hollywood news times, at 2:05 AM, Justin Bieber tweeted, “Worst birthday ever” – because part of his entourage was too young to be let into the club. HAHAFUCKINGHA! But wait, Bieber said that was bullshit, he didn’t try to bring underage people into the club, he said he walked in – it was lame – so he left. OMG! You guys… I sooooo… don’t give a shit. TMZ says Benji Madden has a dream pad. Jay Leno’s days may be numbered and Shia LaBeouf was boxing at a gym or some shit. Brendan Fraser has some seriously major expenses, saying he’s losing $87k per month, while Drake unloaded a cardboard box containing $50k at a strip club. And some Aussie billionaire plans on building a replica of the Titanic, yes, the unsinkable ship that um, sank. Fuck. That. Shit.

British porn.

Revisiting moto news, Will was called in for his opinion as he watched his first motocross this weekend. Predictably, he didn’t have anything to say, which spurred Ellis and Tully to rag on him for a bit until angry Will finally revealed himself and told them to fuck off. One is left to assume Will is missing his tickle partner and is having a hard time adjusting. That brought us to final calls, some lazy chick called in to say she doesn’t like working, which stunned all of us other working class dickheads. A dude called in about this chick that wanted to “eat him out” and it was awkward because she told him to get on all fours, he was scared and didn’t take the bung tongue surprise. That and he thought about her licking another guys asshole and now he’s been making out with her, therefore by proxy, eating another dude’s asshole. Another dude called in to say he signed his kid up for wrasslin’ and wondered if maybe something would be better, because he wants to wear his ass out so he doesn’t bother daddy anymore. Some dude wondered if Ellis ever smoked out of a human skull before, because his dad did Vietnam and swore it got him higher or some bullshit. Clearly that dude’s dad has never smoked out of your mom’s asshole. Because that shit is like smoking a joint rolled by Jesus and licked shut by your little sister’s pussy lips. OH!

The Day Jesus Came To Hollywood

Posted on February 26, 2013 by bitPimps 中

I’ve never written any fan fiction, so I decided to give it a try. I don’t think it’s going to get any air-time so I might as well give it some net-time. So without further ado, here it is.

The day started off a little different when everyone arrived at the studio. It was my first visit to the Swinghouse Studios, I felt slightly uncomfortable as a 38-year-old on a fieldtrip, chaperoned by his mother, as part of my “Continuing Education Program for the Specially Gifted.” As I quickly glanced around the small, zoo-like smelling stuidio, I took in many visuals. Grant Cobb was buried in Ellis’s crotch, tattooing two baby wolf cubs, one on each of Ellis’ testicles. The muffled sounds of the days first tickle fight between Will and Kevin could be heard gently permeating into the studio. Tully was feverishly preparing his Wagyu beef, poulet de Bresse chicken, hard-boiled quails’ eggs, white truffles, with Charroux mustard and Saffron, between two slices of nice honey accented multi-grain bread. Rawdog was staring off into space, concentrating on not picking his nose while the multitudes of fans peering from the EllisMania.com laptop was glaring in his direction. The show was merely seconds away from starting as Still Fly by Big Tymers was beginning to fade out into the familiar show intro. I felt my ballsack tighten and a twitch in my manhood as it slightly receded into itself as if it were out in the open-air with a brisk breeze in the room. Continue reading →

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Blog Archives

The Jingleberries Will Make You Famous: Instructions

Best of Re-Cap for Monday 3/18/2013

Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/11/2013

Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/4/2013

The Day Jesus Came To Hollywood