The Day Jesus Came To Hollywood

I’ve never written any fan fiction, so I decided to give it a try. I don’t think it’s going to get any air-time so I might as well give it some net-time. So without further ado, here it is.

The day started off a little different when everyone arrived at the studio. It was my first visit to the Swinghouse Studios, I felt slightly uncomfortable as a 38-year-old on a fieldtrip, chaperoned by his mother, as part of my “Continuing Education Program for the Specially Gifted.” As I quickly glanced around the small, zoo-like smelling stuidio, I took in many visuals. Grant Cobb was buried in Ellis’s crotch, tattooing two baby wolf cubs, one on each of Ellis’ testicles. The muffled sounds of the days first tickle fight between Will and Kevin could be heard gently permeating into the studio. Tully was feverishly preparing his Wagyu beef, poulet de Bresse chicken, hard-boiled quails’ eggs, white truffles, with Charroux mustard and Saffron, between two slices of nice honey accented multi-grain bread. Rawdog was staring off into space, concentrating on not picking his nose while the multitudes of fans peering from the laptop was glaring in his direction. The show was merely seconds away from starting as Still Fly by Big Tymers was beginning to fade out into the familiar show intro. I felt my ballsack tighten and a twitch in my manhood as it slightly receded into itself as if it were out in the open-air with a brisk breeze in the room.

The Jason Ellis Show began in full swing, after the familiar and welcoming show intro, Ellis dove right into the first segment. Kevin (aka Cumtard) was beckoned into the studio, arriving in spectacular fashion, donning an American flag themed speedo, a shock collar, and nothing else. Grant Cobb was putting the finishing touches on Ellis’ testicular tattoo. With a “psshhh psshhh” sound of a spray bottle and a few quick wipes, Grant was teary eyed while breaking down his gear while Ellis sat there, airing out his balls. Cumtard had the anticipatory look of a starving hyena on the Serengeti, ready to feast on an easy kill. I temporarily contemplated if this was a setup to a game that I might not want to witness, until Tully pulled out a butter dish that was completely void of butter, and he began shaking it. It sounded like a thousand Tic-Tacs being shaken, and he opened the lid to reveal hundreds of teeth that were harvested locally from the near-by homeless crackheads that surround the Swinghouse Studios. Another tightening sensation came over my ballsack, Rawdog squirmed in his chair – seemingly adjusting himself, as if we both shared that tightening sensation in our nether regions.

The day’s first segment was finally revealed. Rawdog had his familiar stash of microwaved cum that had been turned to powder and ground up like fine parmesan cheese. Tully reached to grab a coffee cup that appeared to be filled with his urine from the night before after drinking half a bottle of scotch, it was dark, as if he had waited for his body to process the alcohol. Will then barged into the studio, proudly presenting a cup that almost resembled black coffee, but turned out to be Will Pendarvis the 2nd’s chewing tobacco spit cup – on the side of the cup was a Confederate flag. Ellis sat with a look of satisfaction on his face and his balls resting on the chair, open and free. Rawdog was sent to the kitchen / bathroom to combine the contents and utilize his unprecedented microwaving skills to prepare the concoction that already resembled a sort of darkened Matzah ball soup, void of any meat, basically just the broth.

Upon his return, Rawdog was clearly aroused and erect. After the smell permeated the tiny room, everyone had become aroused as if we had all taken some magical Spanish fly that forced an erection onto all in the room, even Cumtard. The stage was set. I produced the sippy cup my mother always reminds me to carry, as it provides me with something familiar so I don’t get stressed out and throw a fit. Oh, how I love my mother and her large, dark areolas. The time had come, it was finally here. Cumtard was ready for the spiritual awakening only a delicacy such as teeth, urine, and tobacco spit, topped with a bubbling, melted layer of what was once dried cum granules could produce. The delicacy was carefully poured into my “special” sippy cup – without a lid, and an infant spoon covered in rubber for Cumtard to properly retrieve the optimal amount of liquid to teeth ratio. Will took his familiar spot alongside Cumtard, dipped the spoon in and pulled out a heaping spoonful of French cuisine. He carefully blew over the contents of the spoon, cooling it with his smoky breath and told Cumtard to open wide. Upon receiving the first helping, Cumtard’s eyes grew larger and lit up as if they were drawn on, like some character from Japanese anime. You could hear the crunching of Cumtard chewing bum teeth ever so delicately, he began sobbing and trying valiantly to keep his mouth closed so as not to spill a drop of the magical contents within the sippy cup.

After the first few bites, Cumtard now was uncontrollably crying, snot bubbles and tears streaming down his face and caressing his chapped lips. Ellis couldn’t hold out any longer and stood over Cumtard, masturbating furiously. In what seemed like no more than 20 seconds, Ellis dropped heavy loads of cream onto Cumtard’s face. Upon seeing this, Will, struggling to keep feeding Cumtard, leaned forward and vomited all over Cumtard’s most indistinguishable face. That sent the rest of us into a convulsing fury, we all stood around Cumtard, stroking our dicks. SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! Deliveries of man cream were now coating Cumtard’s face just as in a twisted bukkake film that could only be produced by Japan. Tears, snot, vomit, cum, urine, spit, teeth, it was mixed together and dripping off Cumtard’s face like a child’s melted ice cream. Will grasped both his large ham hock hands around Cumtard’s head, pulled him in close and began to kiss him with a passion that could not be re-created even in the midst of Hollywood. All of this was so wrong, but oh so right at the same time. The was a peace in that tiny room, we were all connected as one hive mind. Just then, the phones lit up and Ellis pulled himself together to answer the call. “Yeah, what do you want?”, he hissed. There was audible sobbing coming from the other end of the line, the caller collected themselves just enough to meekly utter a few words that will stick with us all forever. “Can I get a Wolfknives name?”

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