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Show Re-cap For Wednesday 6/20/2012

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Alright folks, were halfway done with this week. For some it has been good, others it has been a typical shit storm of bad service, torn pants, forgotten phone chargers, and all around cluster fuck. According to deaf people, they don’t want to hear. According to me, I like hearing, it would really be hard to listen to the radio if I had to read subtitles all the time. Ellis went to a titty bar while waiting for Bestie and others to join him at a club, where he posed as a bisexual man mounting cock lover who also digs chicks, and apparently the “No sex in the Champagne Room” rule does not apply here. Well sort of. More like a hand jobs are okay clause but the price is ass makeup on you slick new white pants. Cavino is funny, or is it Rich? Nobody’s sure but one of them is funny. Comics are all stealing material whether they know it or not, just like this web site is constantly raped for material by all the top comedians. Except girl comedians, this shit is way too funny for them.

Forrest Griffin will be appearing at Ellis Mania 8 as the MMA Sasquatch, so honestly folks, don’t fuck with the Sasquatch, he will fuck your shit up! Shit Nacho is sad, I don’t know why nor do I care. He works on the greatest radio show on satellite radio. I know some people that would give their left nut to be in his position, damn kids don’t know how good they got it. The guys went over more costume ideas for some of the fights, Ellis is pegged on being a Mexican Bandito and some of the other ideas were a ballerina, hot dog, cow, pizza, taco…..fuck, now I’m hungry. And to the astonishment of us all, Rawdog can’t properly identify a jockey. Yes, I said Jockey, those short guys in helmets and matching pants that carry a short whip and RIDE FUCKING HORSES!

Hey, are you a fat ass? Do you like to get wasted but hate driving your rascal to the store to buy all that beer? Well do I have great news for you. Now with Gastric Bypass surgery your lazy nacho eating ass can get skinny and get drunk faster! Just when you thought you couldn’t get any lazier. There was no Worlds Greatest Wednesday today, but we were graced with its power bottom partner, New Music Tuesday, on Wednesday. Josh did it backwards again where Ellis and Tully guess the artist and I think that it should stay this way, games are more fun than just having to shove pencils in your ears to stop the torture. Rawdog’s pick of the week was some whiny bitch singing a song about whining and bitching, you should check it out. Not really, don’t, trust me.

Tully and Fuck Burrito made some new Celebrity news that informed us all that Celebrities are working so hard that they are unable to sleep or properly hydrate themselves. It would appear that this is an epidemic and should be dealt with immediately, never mind the massive amounts of drug use, that isn’t a factor. Final calls were pretty good today, our friend @bwstrangler called in about his “buddy” forwarding a picture of his dick to all of his and his wife’s family. This call was great but it was only to be topped by the 12 year old girl that called and after having a little lesson in proper girl edicate, left us with “cunt.” Well done little girl, your daddy must be proud, wherever he is. Dean Wilson also called into the show but with his heavy accent I couldn’t understand a single word he said, much like yer mum when she tries to talk with a mouth full of dicks, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 6/14/2012

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Driving around town I noticed that there are a lot of people on the corners with signs saying “need help”, “hungry”, “my family was killed by ninjas and I need money for karate lessons.” But this afternoon I heard a solution to this problem. According to Ellis, we should just shoot them. Put them out of their misery like the old farm dog and plant them under the apple tree so it will grow delicious apples so that we may eat them and not go hungry. The circle of life. Okay, maybe he was exaggerating, but it sounds good to me. Ellis talked about his Ellis Mania fight and has lined up a mystery MMA fighter, but he won’t tell us who until papers are singed. There will be a hologram Marlyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, Jimmy Hendrix, and Jim Morrison. The only reason that I am mentioning this is so that you might imagine the the holographic gang bang that would happen if I had the controls. Ellis spent some one on one time with Devin (Snooks) last night and he said that she was sad that him and mommy aren’t together anymore. Ellis vowed to set his happiness aside and focus on making his kids happy. This is a noble thing for a father to do and hopefully on his quest he finds his own happiness along the way. On the lighter side of things, there was the discussion of who’s better, Mr. Rogers or Barney? Personally, that bloated purple brain raping bastard of a dinosaur can go choke on a thousand dicks. Anything that can sing a song that makes me contemplate suicide need to be eradicated, and yes, I’m also looking at you Nickelback.

Chris Brown and his “crew” got into a tussle (yes, I said tussle) with Drake and his “crew.” There were some words, and then someone smashed a beer bottle and cut one of Brown’s guys causing a slight gash on his chin. The only reason I am even mentioning this is because I am thoroughly disappointed with the rap community, don’t they know that broken beer bottle fights are the country music industry’s territory? They better hope that Blake and Keith don’t hear about this. June is now gay pride month, so congratulations you homos, you can celebrate by being even more fabulous than normal. Oh yeah, who would have ever guessed that along with having huge horse cocks, horses also have huge horse balls, and love hula hooping. No seriously, they fucking love it!

The “Sad Titties in The Rain” art project was due today, and as much fun as it would be to describe each one in painful detail to you, I will just post the link so you can see these shitacular pieces of art yourself (and I use the word art very loosely). http://sadtittiesintherain.tumblr.com/ Personally I think that Rawdog did the best, probably because it has lots and lots of big boobies. Fuck you, I judge it as I see it and I see boobies, clear winner. But I am not a professional art critic, Hunter Johoroskofeltafishington is, and she said that the pieces weren’t that bad, oh and she said titty a lot.

Mayhem was too late for the critique but he got a miniature showing of the guy’s work and showed a peice of his own. He was the usual Mayhem and then shit got thick son. There was heated discussion about the “N” word and its use, meaning, history. Jason was getting pissed, Miller wasn’t letting up. But in the end it all washed out and Jason and Jason will now go ride moto. Speaking of motorcycles, did you ever know that your mom once tried her hand at riding a motorcycle? Well, a picture speaks a thousand words, OH!

 

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 6/13/2012

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You may not realize this, but you are reading my 20th show re-cap on noyouare.lixlink.com! I will give you a minute to celebrate, pop some champagne, buy a hooker, what ever you do to celebrate momentous events. This afternoon we relearned that the Wonder Child was allergic to gluten. I’m not sure what gluten is but I think that it is an allergy that pussies use to justify their pussiness. Getting back to the recap, Josh only ate Wonder Bread as a kid, which according to some listeners is full of gluten. Imagine that he doesn’t even know what he’s allergic to. But that is why we love him and his confusing, childish ways. Meth heads fucked every thing up for the rest of us with normal allergies because now you have to go to the pharmacist to get the good shit, thanks fuckers! Either way, it turns out that its The Man that makes us sick and The Man also makes the pills that make us better, so anyway you cut it, your getting fucked by The Man. That is, of course, your Jeremiah Johnson, then your one bad ass mother fucker.

Rob Dyrdek (@robdyrdek) came in today, and it was a great interview. He talked about the incident between him and Daniel Tosh of Tosh.O and said that if Ellis called him earlier, Dyrdek would have agreed to a fight at Ellis Mania 8. But alas, he did not and now that Rob’s head is clear he feels that fighting would not be the proper move. Rob talked about his charity and also openly apologized to Tony Hawk for the misunderstanding and communications between the two charities and then he started talking about a skate tournament and something about a front side ollie kick flip heel grab 180 into a smith grind ass gape foot fetish flippie grind ball gag. Those who skate know what I’m talking about.

There wasn’t a Worlds Greatest Wednesday today, well kinda. Apparently tomorrow there will be some art critic expert chick who looks at flower vaginas and there were many suggestions on a subject for this art expo from hell. During the suggestions, our dear friend bitPimps was put on probation for his suggestion for “Clydesdale’s ripping women’s faces off,” and rightly so, that shit is crazy and we have discussed this in depth previously. But on second thought, I think it would make an interesting sculpture. The “winner” of this non WGW was “Sad boobs in the rain.” Well done folks, cant wait to see hear the drawings. Oh and the Cougar Life saga continues, Ellis replied to some old dusty vag cougars and is still skeptical if this isn’t a scam. Again, can’t wait until tomorrows show because you know those bitches  aren’t waiting long, they got to get moving before they’re six feet under.

They’re not sad, but neither am I now.

Breaking Ellis Mania 8 news! Unfortunately Andy Bell (@andybell) will not be making it to Ellis Mania because about 8 months ago he dropped an internal load into his wife’s cookie and as your mum knows, you take enough unprotected mystery shots in the box and mistakes will happen, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 6/6/2012

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What a better way to start a show than with a little “Suck a clit like a micro dick” freestyling! I can’t think of one, bet you cant either, so Suck a clit like a micro dick ootz ootz ootz Suck a clit like a micro dick. Fuck I better get out of that before I start taking ecstacy and trying to fuck a glowstick. California is upping its cigarette tax, sucks to be you. Ellis say a dude whopping up on his half retarded dog and he beat the shit out of him, in his head. In reality he thought he should but did nothing and drove off. At least he did say that if the dog was a kid that he would have actually done something. Thats comforting for all the kids out there, but dogs, your on your own. Somebody was getting beat up and shot the assaulter and this isn’t the interesting part, wait for it. Josh would shoot an attacker to only wound them. Wow, when I heard that I almost dropped my NRA card and spilled my jar of Hopps No. 9. Somebody should teach Mc Tumble Bum that dead men don’t lie and one story is better than two. An actual police officer told me that so I know it’s legit. And Tully was on Hair Nation being a DJ for some reason, I don’t know. But I do know you can hear it here thanks to Cobra Tits.

Zolar from the Howard Stern Show called in because he thought he heard himself mentioned on the show. Nope idiot, try listeneing sometime, its awesome. Many people think that Ellis and Howard are tight but that is wrong. Ellis said that he doesn’t consider Howard a friend, only an inspiration and they don’t hang out and pass notes. Canada has at least 4 flipper babies, congratulations, and we were graced with New Music Tuesday, on Wednesday. Just change the fucking name already, its been three weeks sinse NMT was actually on Tuesday. This NMT was different, and suprisingly good, for once. This time Josh played the song first and then Jason and Tully tried guessing the Artist, it was entertaining and fun. Now I am going to go jump onto my Pegasus and catch some of these flying pigs that keep shitting on my car.

Today was also Worlds Greatest Wednesday and we got the privlege of Mayhem Miller joining the guys in studio. As always, Uncle Mayhem was on fire and kept everyone on their toes. This WGW was “The Best Place To Have Your Penis” or something like that. I don’t think that there was a top 10 because there was a little disturbance in the WGW Force. I’m suck a fucking dork. Apparently Daniel Tosh made a skit on his show that made Rob Dyrdek look like a child molester. This spilled onto Twitter where the two slapped each other across the face with gloves and declared a duel. Perfect for Ellis Mania 8. But the wrench in the story is that Tony Hawk was in this same skit! Say it ain’t so Birdman. Ellis called The Hawk, there was some drama, a little name calling, I’m sure somebody started to cry. But at the end it seems all is well in the skateboarding world and everyone still hates Tosh. So much fucking drama that I almost forgot about the time your mom went to the eye doctor because her vision was blurry. He said that she has to stop masturbating. She said, “Is that why my vision is blurry?” He said, “No you have to stop because I’m trying to examine your eyes and the small from your rotten box is going to make me hurl,” OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 5/31/2012

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Weclome to the Dog Center Re-Cap, and now its over. Back to the Jason Ellis Show re-cap. This re-cap is dedicated to the Ellis Show that was dedicated to Clint “Toughest Mother Fucker Alive” Eastwood who turned 82 today, happy birthday you bad ass mother fucker. Ellis let Devin play hookey for half a day to go to the beach and had an awesome time. Makes you remember that days like that stick with a kid forever, thats the first lesson. The second lesson is that pearls make oysters and are the strongest man who is scared, or somethin like that. Blame Tully. West Coast Customs hasn’t called Jason back yet and hes a little nervous but between you and me, I have a little insite on the A6K!

In the news, a woman caused a 30 minute traffic backup when she got out of her car and started vigerously masturbating. I can’t think of a better reason to be late for work. The Biggest Bitch Fight came back today, and after almost an hour of calls, the fight is set. Unfortunatly the names of both contestants were’nt mentioned, but I’m sure it will be a thunderous bout. Will brought in an old segment where Josh is warning about the dangers of robotic sex. It wasn’t bad, it was actually a little hard to tell then from now. But more inportantly, Josh had a second date, AND HE MADE OUT WITH HER! But theyr’e propbably broken up now. The general thought is that MC Bugaboo doesn’t know how to kiss, so Ellis is going to have a contest with Penthouse girls to see who is really better at making out. Secretly though, they just want to make out with hot chicks, don’t tell Penthouse.

There was more Canibal news, yum, and there’s going to be a jet ski party at whichever lake that Big Fucking Mega Boat will be filmed at. Final calls were rather good today, a gal called in saying that Ellis is an inspiration to her due to her horrific childhood and that she is greatful for making her laugh. But on the other end of the spectrum, Traniville Lector called in and was quite bland, slow, and rather disturbing which is a great way to end the show, and this re-cap. But it was nice of yor hairy bushed, flat chested, vagina slurping mom to call in, OH!