Show Re-cap For Wednesday 7/11/2012

Welcome to the Dog Center Re-Cap, and now fuck that shit. Ellis was a little late this afternoon but he got in and that is what counts. Ellis was late I assume because he was sparring Mayhem and he said that he is faster, stronger, and has more stamina than he has ever had in his life. As Ellis arrived he noticed that something was wrong with the console, his headphones and everything else in the studio. It would seem that Shoebox is throwing one hell of a party in there after the show ends. Some exciting news for the EllisFam that are to broke to go to Ellismania, the bikini contest on Friday will be aired live on for FREE! That’s right folks, listen to scantily clad women tell you what Mr T means to them.

The worlds heaviest woman, 643 pounds, got so fat because she got dumped and started eating but when she got famous for being a tub of lard her ex-boyfriend came back. Now because he is such a chubby chaser they are bumping uglies seven times a day and she has now lost a whoppin 100 pounds. Way to go champ and thanks for taking one for the team. Mayhem came in about midway through the show and recanted his epic tale of danger and excitement from his recent camping trip to Yosemite National Park. Sometime during the trip his girlfriend managed to wander off and get lost. She ended up spending the night snuggled up to a rock in near freezing temperatures. If this chick can hang with Jason then this night in the woods was probably a walk in the park. Doc Banger made his debut on Shade 45 with Rude Jude and unfortunately if you didn’t change the channel, all you would have heard is New York screwin the pooch again. Tully called them, gave them some strong words, talked about their mommas, and BOOM the show was back just in time for the Love It or Hate It segment. Surprisingly enough, they hated it. I would love to tell you what all was said, but this is the part where I direct you to our friend, @Cobratitis, who has it here.

I want to crawl inside your butt hole and live there like a gerbil.

Daniel Tosh made some chick mad for making a joke about rape or something, apparently he didn’t yell surprise so she got all butt hurt and now he had to apologize. The biggest crime in this is that he has yet to apologize to the millions of others that he constantly rapes in the ear holes with his TV show. Shannon Gunz came into the Swing House today to get things ready for Friday and Ellis called her into the studio. After some friendly banter they started talking about the bikini contest and then asked Shannon some sample questions. The biggest shocker in this entire thing is that she doesn’t know who Mr. T is, doesn’t know at least one racist joke, was a taco slammin cookie licker in college, and she doesn’t know any “Yo Momma” jokes. Tully, Jason, and Josh really had some good ones, but do you know the true origin of the “Yo Momma” joke? They’re all about yer mum, except the one about shitting in a toilet, we all know she just shits her pants, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 6/13/2012

You may not realize this, but you are reading my 20th show re-cap on! I will give you a minute to celebrate, pop some champagne, buy a hooker, what ever you do to celebrate momentous events. This afternoon we relearned that the Wonder Child was allergic to gluten. I’m not sure what gluten is but I think that it is an allergy that pussies use to justify their pussiness. Getting back to the recap, Josh only ate Wonder Bread as a kid, which according to some listeners is full of gluten. Imagine that he doesn’t even know what he’s allergic to. But that is why we love him and his confusing, childish ways. Meth heads fucked every thing up for the rest of us with normal allergies because now you have to go to the pharmacist to get the good shit, thanks fuckers! Either way, it turns out that its The Man that makes us sick and The Man also makes the pills that make us better, so anyway you cut it, your getting fucked by The Man. That is, of course, your Jeremiah Johnson, then your one bad ass mother fucker.

Rob Dyrdek (@robdyrdek) came in today, and it was a great interview. He talked about the incident between him and Daniel Tosh of Tosh.O and said that if Ellis called him earlier, Dyrdek would have agreed to a fight at Ellis Mania 8. But alas, he did not and now that Rob’s head is clear he feels that fighting would not be the proper move. Rob talked about his charity and also openly apologized to Tony Hawk for the misunderstanding and communications between the two charities and then he started talking about a skate tournament and something about a front side ollie kick flip heel grab 180 into a smith grind ass gape foot fetish flippie grind ball gag. Those who skate know what I’m talking about.

There wasn’t a Worlds Greatest Wednesday today, well kinda. Apparently tomorrow there will be some art critic expert chick who looks at flower vaginas and there were many suggestions on a subject for this art expo from hell. During the suggestions, our dear friend bitPimps was put on probation for his suggestion for “Clydesdale’s ripping women’s faces off,” and rightly so, that shit is crazy and we have discussed this in depth previously. But on second thought, I think it would make an interesting sculpture. The “winner” of this non WGW was “Sad boobs in the rain.” Well done folks, cant wait to see hear the drawings. Oh and the Cougar Life saga continues, Ellis replied to some old dusty vag cougars and is still skeptical if this isn’t a scam. Again, can’t wait until tomorrows show because you know those bitches  aren’t waiting long, they got to get moving before they’re six feet under.

They’re not sad, but neither am I now.

Breaking Ellis Mania 8 news! Unfortunately Andy Bell (@andybell) will not be making it to Ellis Mania because about 8 months ago he dropped an internal load into his wife’s cookie and as your mum knows, you take enough unprotected mystery shots in the box and mistakes will happen, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 6/6/2012

What a better way to start a show than with a little “Suck a clit like a micro dick” freestyling! I can’t think of one, bet you cant either, so Suck a clit like a micro dick ootz ootz ootz Suck a clit like a micro dick. Fuck I better get out of that before I start taking ecstacy and trying to fuck a glowstick. California is upping its cigarette tax, sucks to be you. Ellis say a dude whopping up on his half retarded dog and he beat the shit out of him, in his head. In reality he thought he should but did nothing and drove off. At least he did say that if the dog was a kid that he would have actually done something. Thats comforting for all the kids out there, but dogs, your on your own. Somebody was getting beat up and shot the assaulter and this isn’t the interesting part, wait for it. Josh would shoot an attacker to only wound them. Wow, when I heard that I almost dropped my NRA card and spilled my jar of Hopps No. 9. Somebody should teach Mc Tumble Bum that dead men don’t lie and one story is better than two. An actual police officer told me that so I know it’s legit. And Tully was on Hair Nation being a DJ for some reason, I don’t know. But I do know you can hear it here thanks to Cobra Tits.

Zolar from the Howard Stern Show called in because he thought he heard himself mentioned on the show. Nope idiot, try listeneing sometime, its awesome. Many people think that Ellis and Howard are tight but that is wrong. Ellis said that he doesn’t consider Howard a friend, only an inspiration and they don’t hang out and pass notes. Canada has at least 4 flipper babies, congratulations, and we were graced with New Music Tuesday, on Wednesday. Just change the fucking name already, its been three weeks sinse NMT was actually on Tuesday. This NMT was different, and suprisingly good, for once. This time Josh played the song first and then Jason and Tully tried guessing the Artist, it was entertaining and fun. Now I am going to go jump onto my Pegasus and catch some of these flying pigs that keep shitting on my car.

Today was also Worlds Greatest Wednesday and we got the privlege of Mayhem Miller joining the guys in studio. As always, Uncle Mayhem was on fire and kept everyone on their toes. This WGW was “The Best Place To Have Your Penis” or something like that. I don’t think that there was a top 10 because there was a little disturbance in the WGW Force. I’m suck a fucking dork. Apparently Daniel Tosh made a skit on his show that made Rob Dyrdek look like a child molester. This spilled onto Twitter where the two slapped each other across the face with gloves and declared a duel. Perfect for Ellis Mania 8. But the wrench in the story is that Tony Hawk was in this same skit! Say it ain’t so Birdman. Ellis called The Hawk, there was some drama, a little name calling, I’m sure somebody started to cry. But at the end it seems all is well in the skateboarding world and everyone still hates Tosh. So much fucking drama that I almost forgot about the time your mom went to the eye doctor because her vision was blurry. He said that she has to stop masturbating. She said, “Is that why my vision is blurry?” He said, “No you have to stop because I’m trying to examine your eyes and the small from your rotten box is going to make me hurl,” OH!