2013

Posted on February 25, 2013 by bitPimps 中

You’re a monster, Oscar, a monster!

It’s Monday, the day after the Oscars! Whose feeling fabulous?! Yeah, me neither. The only thing I hate more than Hollywood gossip has to be Hollywood award shows. But, you know it’s gotta be addressed – especially since you saw Rawdog tweeting his little furry butt off Sunday night during the awards. Actually, I think that’s the most he’s ever tweeted. If you’re looking for more Oscar Awards talk, you’re in the wrong fuckin’ place, sister. You better sit your gash down and hit some other shitty website. It’s Tiger’s birthday today, have you wished him a happy birthday yet? Shame on you! Smooth segway into today’s first guest on the show, Ding-o-mate, pound for pound the smartest guy raising his feet while driving past a graveyard. He ate a bunch of shit and woke up to spew chunks and then go back to sleep, like an Australian version of a Roman in the vomitorium. That probably doesn’t make any sense. Ellis is back in therapy, sounds like he had himself a session today to up his game and shit, he also watched some porn this morning – dude had a busy morning so far. Rawdog went out on a fourth date this weekend with some little hussy, they went to a comedy show, had a few drinks, and got himself a kiss on the cheek for his efforts. Tully got eye raped by some weird dude that was coming out of the bathroom at the zoo.

Thug mantis is ready to rumble, motherfucker.

Is pollution shrinking our cocks? Could this explain a Chinese man’s pecker? Or is this pure bullshit? I don’t know, my cock & balls are cool. Dennis Bermudez called into the show today after his fight over the weekend, which made fight of the night and is contention for fight of the year. He’s got 7 stitches over his left eye, his right eye is almost swollen shut, and the rest of his head is busted up – but, like a fuckin’ warrior, dude sounded great on the horn. Ronda Rousey ended up beating Liz Carmouche, and apparently people really want to hump on Rousey and everyone agrees that Cormouche kinda looks like ~~butt chin~~ Urijah Faber. Sounds like the UFC is considering a new clothing rule for women’s MMA after Rousey’s titty almost popped out on several occasions, which I’m amazed we haven’t seen someone’s ass cheeks yet. There was some speculation on how much MMA fighters are getting paid versus other athletes such as boxers, and why aren’t the fighters getting paid more. Generally, everyone seems to agree that these fighters aren’t getting paid what they should be, but everyone also things those numbers will go up as the sport grows.

Lindsay, find her pretty much anywhere.

Ace Frehley is losing his home to foreclosure while Lindsay Lohan is in trouble again – no, seriously. Ron Jeremy on the other hand has been cleared to go back to torturing vagina’s with his disgusting dong. Kanye West won’t let Kim Kardashian sign autographs anymore, I’m not so sure it’s him teaching her to keep part of her life private as much as he’s embarrassed to be seen with her extra thick bacon coat. He say’s he also won’t be appearing on her shitty show, and it sounds like Kim might not even come back for her own shitty show. The ~~League of Extraordinary Kid Rapers~~ Church is once again getting slammed right in the proverbial asshole over allegations of a super priest wanting to do gay things with other priests, making them the gayest anti-gays on the fucking planet. Time to completely dumb all your stupid people and stupid rules and get in on something where fucking children isn’t the main issue among your peers.

Your mom’s spit cup.

Speaking of dick, Andy Dick just joined the cast of Dancing with the Stars, word on the street is he’ll be FABULOUS! Some dumbshit was saying The Offspring was potentially going to tour with Metallica, and that dumbshit needs to burn in hell. Some dude called in to say his pussy son (his words) got in a fight at school and wanted to know how he could be proud of his little girl without condoning fighting. Your mom called in to get a “Sweater Puppies” name. Everyone knew she meant “Wolfknives”, she’s a woman so we expect a certain level of thinking. Instead of giving her a name, they asked her if she knew the difference between her hippie ass and a hockey player. Of course she didn’t, so they told her that a hockey player takes a shower after 3 periods. Naturally, she didn’t get it. So they asked her if she heard the one about the child with AIDs? It never gets old. She didn’t get the joke, but she did pull out a picture of your little brother and sobbed, so that was still pretty funny. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/21/2013

Posted on February 21, 2013 by wiz1010

You Tell ’em Jewels, I mean Ellis

Well kids, gather around the ol’ camp fire and listen up to the Thursday tales from The Jason Ellis Show. So uh you know how when you have puffy socks on and you can’t tell where the shoe stops and the skin begins? And that feeling you get when your snuggled up in your sheets is as close to feeling your insides as you’ll ever get. Look kids, your uncle Ghostload ain’t gonna lie to ya, the first hour isn’t going in any Backbone official recaps anytime soon……but still better than 98.2% of the other shit out there -so- How could you say no to having a pussy for one year, and still keep your cock n balls? You can’t – gotta try it once right! But no tits though, that’s just too much, and would you get all emotional and shit as part of the package, this and more but first. Good old Sam Rubin joined the show again to shoot the shit, plus his Oscar red carpet show coming up, and totally disrespect the show. Did you know he doesn’t even follow Young Wing after he gave him a nice EllisFam Flex to boost his followers? Of course Ellis called him out on it, and Sam just replied he subs that out so let’s just ask the guy who runs Sam’s twitter. Yeah well that dude called, and basically said that’s BS, even despite Sam’s attempt to blame a glitch in twitter. Honestly, who gives a fuck about twitter, but its principals that matter here. Other shit – Sam owns a blackberry, and had his twitter followers go from 10,000 to 100,000 in a day or so, but then magically down to 30,000 shortly thereafter. Whatever dude – He’s a dick to Tully, totally full of it and proud to say so. Check out his red carpet shit or whatever your mom wants you to do. There is this video of Andy Dick on Sam’s show going ape shit on Howard Stern. Other than that, check out Bernie with Jack Black cause Tully said so.

A woman’s mind is complicated

Check out this year’s front runner for Best Picture at this year’s Oscars. So this muthafucker here just lost his gay porn star mind. Shout out to Scott Green and his #FullHomo ass, a true EllisFam ledge from way back if you don’t know what’s up. Sounds like he may have an upcoming role in the potential masterpiece Gory Hole. Think of a glory hole in Hostel, and let your mind wander. Its gonna get pretty nasty, but hard first, then just nasty – check it out! More nasty for that ass, this chic here was arrested for fucking her pit bull in public. I really ain’t got no advice for that bitch….or any of these bitches on your favorite segment, Teen Talk. This is where Rawdog reads off some questions for teen magazines and Tully n Ellis answer them. So, if you suffer from an online boyfriend who lives in Iraq and you love him but don’t know what to do, or maybe just don’t know how to give a good blow job and need help (Don’t we go over this like once a week?), and if not that I’m sure your 17 and dating a 25 year old who just found out and is now pissed…..What do you do? Nah, wasn’t shoot yourself this go around, but yeah some dumb bitches and more on that to come. Did you know Cumtard is filling his free time from not answering the phones by working Craig’sList for guests and/or a new job? More Teen Talk – Can you get preganat from precum? Friends with pill and college dude addictions. Some chic who lives with her grandma and isn’t allowed to fuck her boyfriend yet. You get the drift – they should all shoot themselves, or just get the AIDS and be done with it!

Hollywood News time kids – Josh Borlin and Diane Lane are getting divorced even though ~~he “allegedly” beat her~~ who give a shit. Lindsay Lohan lost her lawsuit against Pitbull. Friend of the show Jackson Strong showed up on TMZ, but with a shirt on this time. Hey man, seriously, who is the biggest loser on The Jason Ellis Show? Is it Cumtard, or how about Will ‘JizzCult’ Pendarvis III? Nah, its Rawdog with Sam Rubin as a close second, OH! Riveting talk from here boys n girls. Let’s talk hair! Is Rawdog going bald? Should he get the Jason Newsted with long hair in a pony tail and shaved sides? Isn’t Will’s hair just the greatest, he’s so dreamy. Think that’s not hot shit – Check out Beard Talk and how Tully’s got too much stubble. OK, Beard Talk sucks, back to Hair Talk – Did you know Rawdog had blue hair back in high school? Apparently Ellis used to dye his hair a lot too, and may explain why he’s bald as a muthafucker. Dave Lombardo is out of Slayer for trying to get all smart and shit, and that ain’t fucking metal so fuck that dude he’s out! Good shit -King Mo Lawal fights tonight in Bellator so if you read this in time go check that shit out! Not only does Shia LaBeouf wanna fuck his mom more than us here at NoYouAre, but he wants to fuck Alec Baldwin too, but he’s on his own there! Finally in Hollywood News, Matthew McConaughey has lost his fucking mind, but not that sweet ass hair….and here’s how!

Seriously Dude!

Women Am I Right? Truck Yeah you are if your a hair dresser lady in the UK who put $1000 a month into the wrong account cause well you know. Trucker Yeaher if you know a guy from a dating sight, but never met, and give him $450K for his new gold mining business. Truckest Yeahest if you shoot your free throws like this bitch. All of a sudden shit got fucking Sirius at The Jason Ellis Show when Will ran into the studio with scissors and other sharp objects to slash up Rawdog’s face. Why you ask? Just a zit, but still that dude held a knife to the Illusionists face and took off a piece, Red Dragons Will! Back to Women Am I Right, am i right? So if your Valentine’s Day sucked, you can feel better after reading about this crazy bitch and what she bit of of her boyfriend. Tully says a woman on average spends over 1 year of her life putting on makeup, and I call bull shit – its at least 5+ my friend. And finally, we have ourselves a winner ladies and gentlemen – Women Am I Right? Oh and Ellismate had a Jew Cookie and the fortune inside didn’t really apply to him – so be sure to check out JewCookies.com and get it up ya super accurately!

“Gory Hole” starring Jason Ellis, Rawdog and Scott Green

So I told ya the show wasn’t a huge success today, but still better than 4 hours of Mad Dog Russo, fucking hell man. However, Ellis did do that super cool phone call thingy at the end of the show – Ya know where he just takes calls, but with no one else there – just Ellis and the fans – one on one – mano y mano, well uno y uno. It’s basically Final Calls on steroids which is pretty bad ass. Nothing too sweet other than Bieber talk and why Ellis doesn’t do hard drugs anymore, for the umpteenth time. But once in a while you do come across a gem, and today it was the caller’s idea of a contest where a caller is on the show for an extended period of time, maybe an hour, and gets to just fit in and riff and see how it goes. Not sure what then end game is here, but fuck it I’m in! Ellis also did reminisce on Wolf Knife Laser Torch and its origins. Other than that, I’d like to thank Barry for giving me the strength to persevere through Sam Rubin’s bullshit, and I’d like to thank the Dog Father for making those tasty little Jew and Honky Cookies we all love so much, and most of all I’d like to thank your grandmother for getting that dingle berry off my ass that had been there since at least last weekend……with her teeth, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/14/2013

Posted on February 14, 2013 by wiz1010

Today’s Valentines Day Show recap is for the ladies, so Happy VD from Ghostload ladies! Oh, and now a Happy VD to the fellas too, #FullHomo. Speaking of Full Homo, Tully took Linsanity to some museum and Ellis is working super dad hard on new approaches to his kids. All sounding good to me, and to Ellis too who gave himself some more HTFU advice and is rolling on, Brother! Ellis really does believe the show will have a REAL producer soon, and that THC should call him every night and threatening him. Sounds kinda cool, but not as cool as Chad Reed Day a week from 22-morrow. Doing Stuff With Rawdog with a VD twist, how do you propose to your hopeful wife to be, tonight? Now we all know that you gotta hear Rawdog to understand him, but basically you need a ~~boat~~ small yacht, a life guard on stand by, a walkie talkie, and you better prey its not cloudy tonight. Or you could just bring your own Minora to dinner and do it over candleslight. For real for real, he’d just have the Domino’s dude bring it in a box of those tasty fucking chocolate dunkers they got. Tully threw in his 2 cents, just do it like a magician, except the ring is the quarter……..and her ear is her pussy!

I Love You Too!

So this gay dude said he ain’t got the gay no more on account that he was saved by Jesus, at a bar, but turns out he still kinda got a little gay still. Fuck Yeah – Ellis got the new punching machine and it is time to try it out. Some callers got to take bets on who would beat who, but only the upsets of course and for cash n prizes. Basically each took someone against Ellis, but if they lost…well we can get to that later. For those playing at home Tully lays the odds as (From 1st to last) Ellis, Jizz Cult, himself and Cumtard even, and Rawdog last. He’s from Oxford, so lets go with that and see what happens. 3 punches each and use only your highest single score. Oh and Ellis’s little girl got a 55 on this thing, which I think scores from 0-100. Cumtard up first with some Street Fighter shit, and topped out at only a 40! Jizz Cult, Jizz Cult, Jizz Cult got a 50. Super Dad up next and Tully got a respectable 60 to at least beat Snookie. Rawdog banged out a 46 which was pretty good considering. The intern snuck in to grab a 54, almost buddy! How about Ellismate, a 58 – no shit Tully knocked out Ellis, on radio. That or this machine ain’t the accurate, maybe but unlikely I think! Oh yeah, a few dudes got to the Prize Chamber, but on Ellismania.com coming soon….dude licking his dog’s ass….dude to fart on his girlfriend…..and look for Robert who has to smoke a microwaved load joint – yup!

Now this dude is ready to play Dick Baseball

Britney Markham is in the house you bitches. Transsexual porn star, bitch, and she fought in a prior Ellis Mania event bitch, she’s the bitch who puked in the bucket in the ring, Red Dragons bitches! Allegedly some of that vomit got on Carmen Electra, who was in the front row bitch, and she ain’t been back since bitch. Ok I’m done with the bitch thing, but you get the idea she’s expressive! What’s Britney got going on? Just got back from Columbia where she got some ass injections, oh and she’s got a book like sometime this year. She’s got a charity going on, The Britney Markham Foundation. She pissed into a glass on the limo ride to TJES, had and has ball cancer, and may be a little racist. So what do we do with a tranny of this caliber, play a game – Dick Baseball. Yeah, they did. 4 boxes set up, each further away in distance. The farther away the more points and the higher the prize, for the caller. Oh but there’s a twist my friends, the caller can trade their prize for Cumtard being shock collared and having to catch the balls in his mouth, from the trannies dick. Ready – Play Ball! Yeah so baseball is a bit boring, how about it was kinda cool, one dude got a sticker, and pretty quickly it was just Cumtard trying to catch ping pong balls while Tully n Josh took turns pitching to the tranny batter with a huge stick. Fucking hilarity if you can go back, or catch it on a best of I’m sure. Cumtard only got the balls on his chin and nose, but never into his mouth, and he got the shit shocked out of him.

Best I Could Find On ‘Shitting Metal’

Some dude bought some bread with shards of glass in it, and we all know that Shitting Glass Is Metal!!!! So Britney has this friend with her, Paula, who’s telling us all about this bad ass new workout called SeXercise. She took a moment to show Rawdog the ‘Vine’, where your chic is on the floor doggy, you come in from above and behind, and she wraps a leg around you and resembles a vine = Fucking Genius! Just one bit of advice I took from the show today, while you do wanna tell your lady about this, please wait til tomorrow dumb ass. Curious about the Britney Markham diet? McDonald’s, Xanax, Shit, Anal Douche and repeat. You ~~Sir~~ Lady Are A Moron. You know the game, and hopefully you heard it cause my weed dealer stopped by and I had to pause that shit, and you know the fucking Sirius App sucks balls so I finally tune back in to hear the age old question of life – Would you rather live in 40 or 100 degree weather year round? Answer: “No One’s Titties Are Out When It’s 40 Degrees Dude” -Jason Ellis. Let’s see, cursive is gay, porn is worse than violence for your kids, Britney can shoot a 12 foot load and obviously give herself a facial, Sear’s beats National Geo for spank material. Then shit got heavy, would and how often would you blow yourself if you could? Britney can, bitches! Ellis verse Tully on this one with Rawdog deep in thought and all we got out of it was a sweet button from Will – Yeah Will! Stamp Collecting and Dungeons and Dragons are equally gay, but one could lead to a fortune so fuck off. And Corey Taylor has a book out about possessions n his life n stuff, fucking cool right. Before Britney could leave she had to do one last thing, punch the machine. She got a 46 which tied Rawdog and that just pissed her off to no end, so good luck with that bitches.

What I’ll Be Doing To Your Grandmama’s Box Later Tonight!

Hollywood News be Ballin’! Yeah Jim Jones got arrested for Ballin’ to muthafucking hard, and another time for having snow on his side walk, really. By now I’m sure you’ve heard about the former no legged Olympian dude that shot his girlfriend, if not here. Chubby Checker is suing HP over some app that determines your dick size from your show size. My gut says the majority of you searched for the app rather than reading the story, and if you did read it, it was only to hear more about the app. Why is Drew Barrymore removing her tattoos – cause she was to be buried in a jew box n live happily ever after in jewternity. Nicki Minaj sucks. Ke$ha is fucking hot and apparently this documentary of her says she’s just like ol’ Uncle Ellismate boys n girls. Well with the piss drinking and shark stuff, fucking ~~Ellis~~ Bob’s your uncle! James Franco will be unveiling Gay Town at some art festival. Death! Death! Die! have announced no plans of such said song, yet. Lady Gaga cancelled her tour cause she tour her labrum, fucking pussy I may have broken my thumb and I ain’t let the fans down on a gnarly TJES recap, ~~bitches~~ Ballin’! MMA News about NY almost getting their shit together – STD News about whats in store for later tonight. Some lady called in, I think she was trying to get Ellis to bang her and her husband. Oh, and Rawdog reviewed some art or some shit. Not really sure cause I couldn’t wait to break out today’s score and kinda don’t remember much. All I know, by the time I post this I will be ‘Vining’ your grandma if the bitch can lift her leg that high – Happy VD grandma, OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 2/11/2013

Posted on February 11, 2013 by bitPimps 中

Snookie dropped a deuce?

It’s another Monday, and holy shit balls, Ellis got the outline done for his hair club for wolf men tattoo! That’s fuggin gnarly nuts. Rawdog thinks it might be a bit of a rash decision, even though Ellis has been talking about it for several weeks. It’s just such a massive thing to do and is shocking, so that might be where people are questioning the decision. But, hey, Ellis is alright – don’t worry about it, it’s not your head. Carey Hart hooked the Ellis family up big time, Tiggy got to sit on Carey’s motorcycle and get his picture taken, Devin got to take a massive dump in Carey’s personal bathroom, and Carey’s chiropractor popped Ellis’ back and fixed his shit – then they all got the fuck outta there. Will Rawdog be creating a “Rawdog’s Puffy Nipple Corner” on the EllisMania.com website? Will Tully and Ellis become pimps?

He was doing the Harlem Shake before it was cool.

Hey, did you see the Grammys? Yeah, me either. So fuck that shit. Oh, and Rawdog serenaded us with some of the songs played, the beautifully nasal renditions brought a tear to listener’s eyes. Grammy talk went on for about 45 minutes or so, there’s not much more to say about it. The ex-drummer of Korn was arrested for driving under the influence of a sleeping pill, that’s pretty stupid. Sad reptile news, the world’s largest captive crocodile who was more than 50 years old, died from chronic diarrhea – now that’s some bullshit! Tully revealed that when he was kid playing ColecoVision, he gave the TV the finger and his mom saw him do it. Dun-dun-dun! Later that night while he was taking a bath, he washed his own mouth out with soap, like a good Christ fearing child may tend to do. Rawdog’s getting buff and busted out 40 halftime push-ups today, giving the guys a free look at what it looks like while he’s taking control and pumping a chick.

Don’t be gay! Rape little kids instead, because, it’s um… not gay.

More unsigned burps and farts came up today, and of course the Burbank Dave fart came into question, they could tell it was edited together – but it was still good none the less. Cumtard had a couple loving unsigned farts as he was walking home with Will Pendarvis, OMG guys, it was so cute! That lead us into a game by Cumtard, clips of Stupid Tits (former intern) describing things and the guys have to guess what the hell he’s talking about. As you can imagine, his descriptions were on par with his impressions, which means they’re pretty much worthless and the shit that comes out of his mouth can only be understood by him and him alone. The Pope resigned, the first to do so in over 600 years, everyone’s speculating that he’s pulling out due to all the sex scandals revolving around the Church. Some Ellis listener foiled a fucking bank robbery and got sent to the prize chamber for his efforts. Red Dragons! There was some Hollywood news, but I was driving home at the time and didn’t care to take notes. Then talk about selling out, what it entails, would you do it, etc. But maybe more importantly, what does two grains of rice in the sink mean? A Somalian has been up all night vomiting. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 2/8/2013

Posted on February 8, 2013 by Az_RedDragon

Time to take a ride on the Dick Ambulance, innn outtt innn outtt. It was funnier when Ellis did it. Ellis is back and on pain meds for his back and today he said it hurts when he looks down, but being the champion that he is he came in today to entertain our asses. He said that he is felling old, not because of his back but because of the young girls that were in the studio yesterday. He thinks that they were too young for him and that it would be creepy. Rawdog then explained the “half your age plus seven” rule. That’s where you divide your age by two, add seven then ask for her ID and if she’s over 18 then your in the clear. Then Ells talked about the TUF knock out because he finally got to see it on TV. They talked about getting switched off and how its bad but Ellis used to see his skate buddies do it all the time. The conversation turned to fighting people and if it’s ever worth it even if your fighting for girl. The general thought was that it’s not good and fighting for honor is just stupid. Ellis said that there will be no final calls because the callers suck and it’s all the same bull shit over and over. They talked about home protection and what is best to keep near in case of an intruder. Other than a gun I think the general consensus is a bat. Tully showed Kevin how he need to answer the phones now and I think that he is the best call screener ever, just as long as I’m not trying to call. The dude is cutthroat and like a dude on Twitter said, Burbank Dave is fucked now.

This is the hour that I missed and then relistened to after an alleged many beers so the following may not be completely accurate A woman has lots of cats and licks them, cue the pussy licking jokes. There were more unsigned farts played and something about Megan Fox but I’m not too sure what. Some actors have odd OCD like habits, for example Olivia Mund pulls her eyelashes out when she’s nervous and Michael J Fox gets jittery when he is happy, or sad, or sleeping. Homeless people smell like they shit and don’t shower, who knew. Tully said he’d kick the priests ass and yell hail Satan or something then Kevin chimed in with Asian retard story about inappropriate smiling. And there’s a lot of fucked up people on twitter, surprise surprise. One dude thinks about his buddy’s junk then Ellis ended this hour by pounded a monster.

Ellis thinks it would be funny to ask random people on the street about their STDs. A woman got caught with three different kinds of drugs in her vagina. Then somehow the conversation progressed into Tully’s love boat of slaves and whores. Sounds pretty awesome because after a while they will start to like being there and making waves with the motion of the ocean. Rawdog doesn’t think he could live anywhere but in a city. If Rawdog woke up one morning and he was black the first thing he would do is call his family to let them know. Then he would go to McDonald’s and order his usual chicken nuggets with a side of expected racism. Ellis would listen to the blues because that’s what all black Australian skate boarders do. Tully then proceeded to explain why the Blues suck and that nobody really listen’s to the Blues even though you might like it once and a while, like a thumb in your bum.

Get The Clit Off Your Box was just one chick whose boyfriend pushes her head down on his dick and holds her nose closed so she can’t breathe and chokes on his dick. This dude shouldn’t be allowed to have a dick of he can’t treat those that service it with a little respect. And she also caught him sniffing her panties in a neon green thong. On behalf of men everywhere, this dude is out of the club. In Hollywood news the new Sports Illustrated cover was leaked and nobody gave a shit. Adam Levine made anti cologne that smells like a homeless man who shit himself and made a hand puppet out of it. Something about Bruce Willis promoting Die Hard 5 while a little wasted, RedDragons to him. Star Wars, bla bla, bla, more Hollywood news and who gives a fuck, it’s Friday. Oh yeah, Lohan.

Final calls allegedly happened, kinda. There were much better calls but way less of them. Even there weren’t many calls they were still informative. We learned that if you work in service industry you have to be pleasant but you don’t have to eat goat, and being on point no matter what happened to your pup after a coyote eating, Jesus cross and dead guys on your neck. (note: I was very drunk at this point and I’m not sure what this meant but it was in my notes so I shall share it with you). The one thing that I am sure about is that yer mum was very drunk too, so drunk that she got arrested for public indecency after wearing short shorts in public, OH!

No You Are

Red Dragons, Bitches

Tag Archives: Rawdog

Show Re-cap For Monday 2/25/2013

Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/21/2013

Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/14/2013

Show Re-cap For Monday 2/11/2013

Show Re-cap For Friday 2/8/2013