Time to take a ride on the Dick Ambulance, innn outtt innn outtt. It was funnier when Ellis did it. Ellis is back and on pain meds for his back and today he said it hurts when he looks down, but being the champion that he is he came in today to entertain our asses. He said that he is felling old, not because of his back but because of the young girls that were in the studio yesterday. He thinks that they were too young for him and that it would be creepy. Rawdog then explained the “half your age plus seven” rule. That’s where you divide your age by two, add seven then ask for her ID and if she’s over 18 then your in the clear. Then Ells talked about the TUF knock out because he finally got to see it on TV. They talked about getting switched off and how its bad but Ellis used to see his skate buddies do it all the time. The conversation turned to fighting people and if it’s ever worth it even if your fighting for girl. The general thought was that it’s not good and fighting for honor is just stupid. Ellis said that there will be no final calls because the callers suck and it’s all the same bull shit over and over. They talked about home protection and what is best to keep near in case of an intruder. Other than a gun I think the general consensus is a bat. Tully showed Kevin how he need to answer the phones now and I think that he is the best call screener ever, just as long as I’m not trying to call. The dude is cutthroat and like a dude on Twitter said, Burbank Dave is fucked now.
This is the hour that I missed and then relistened to after an alleged many beers so the following may not be completely accurate A woman has lots of cats and licks them, cue the pussy licking jokes. There were more unsigned farts played and something about Megan Fox but I’m not too sure what. Some actors have odd OCD like habits, for example Olivia Mund pulls her eyelashes out when she’s nervous and Michael J Fox gets jittery when he is happy, or sad, or sleeping. Homeless people smell like they shit and don’t shower, who knew. Tully said he’d kick the priests ass and yell hail Satan or something then Kevin chimed in with Asian retard story about inappropriate smiling. And there’s a lot of fucked up people on twitter, surprise surprise. One dude thinks about his buddy’s junk then Ellis ended this hour by pounded a monster.
Ellis thinks it would be funny to ask random people on the street about their STDs. A woman got caught with three different kinds of drugs in her vagina. Then somehow the conversation progressed into Tully’s love boat of slaves and whores. Sounds pretty awesome because after a while they will start to like being there and making waves with the motion of the ocean. Rawdog doesn’t think he could live anywhere but in a city. If Rawdog woke up one morning and he was black the first thing he would do is call his family to let them know. Then he would go to McDonald’s and order his usual chicken nuggets with a side of expected racism. Ellis would listen to the blues because that’s what all black Australian skate boarders do. Tully then proceeded to explain why the Blues suck and that nobody really listen’s to the Blues even though you might like it once and a while, like a thumb in your bum.
Get The Clit Off Your Box was just one chick whose boyfriend pushes her head down on his dick and holds her nose closed so she can’t breathe and chokes on his dick. This dude shouldn’t be allowed to have a dick of he can’t treat those that service it with a little respect. And she also caught him sniffing her panties in a neon green thong. On behalf of men everywhere, this dude is out of the club. In Hollywood news the new Sports Illustrated cover was leaked and nobody gave a shit. Adam Levine made anti cologne that smells like a homeless man who shit himself and made a hand puppet out of it. Something about Bruce Willis promoting Die Hard 5 while a little wasted, RedDragons to him. Star Wars, bla bla, bla, more Hollywood news and who gives a fuck, it’s Friday. Oh yeah, Lohan.
Final calls allegedly happened, kinda. There were much better calls but way less of them. Even there weren’t many calls they were still informative. We learned that if you work in service industry you have to be pleasant but you don’t have to eat goat, and being on point no matter what happened to your pup after a coyote eating, Jesus cross and dead guys on your neck. (note: I was very drunk at this point and I’m not sure what this meant but it was in my notes so I shall share it with you). The one thing that I am sure about is that yer mum was very drunk too, so drunk that she got arrested for public indecency after wearing short shorts in public, OH!