It’s like raaaaaayyyyyy-eeeeeaaaaaaiiiinnnnn on your recap day. It’s a freeeeee mustache riiiiiiddddeee when you’re already laid. I don’t know why I just did that, I apologize for that crock of shit. So, happy belated Father’s Day to all you good-ass dads out there. All you shit dads, you can eat shit. Shit mate. Routines are off right from the get go, Jetta & Cumtard are MIA. Ellis & Aubrey thought of an app that will help kick your chewed up wad of bubble gum ass into shape. Dings is there, he just ate, he wants that app, and if he does, he needs to fork over some skrilla. Dingo got his drink on yesterday, Miami lost and people are either talking smack, or maybe they’re not. Ellis’ cable company sucks a mean dick, it a bad way though. It won’t record shows, he can’t get some channels, and by god – they’re fucking expensive. He can’t see American motocross shit, but he sure can see Italian motocross shit – all brappity boppity boopity and shit. Tully thinks the NHL cup finals were “breath taking” and I say totally anti-climatic. Big weekend for the Ellis family, made big daddy Jayce Cakes tired as all hell. He went to a father’s day thing at Carey & Pink’s house, they got a stocked pond and shit. Devin cast her line out and viola! She catches a fish. Tiger busts out his Ironman rod and bam, catches a fish. Tiger had his first big boy crash on the motorcycle this past weekend. He cried but ended up handling it like a champ. Ellis likes his new Red Wings hockey jersey, but Katie doesn’t. Which makes no sense really, which is worse? Wearing clothes that promote a company’s food supplements or a hockey jersey? Riiiight. Somehow discussion turned to shit reality shows on TV, which there is no shortage of, pretty sure that’s all of TV now. Reality shows you make you stupid. Fact. I think. I’m not sure. You feeling alive? Because Tony Gwynn isn’t. Poor dude had mouth cancer and died at the young age of 54. Not to be outdone, Casey Kasem died a day before Gwynn, but he was 82.
So UFC. I didn’t watch it, neither did Ellis. Kenda was there, but she didn’t really pay attention either. Which leads me to believe I didn’t miss jack shit. Well, besides Andrei Arlovski returning to beat Brendan Schaub. Apparently fans thought the fight was boring and even Dana said he made a mistake putting that fight on the main card and said it should’ve been part of the prelim card. Ouch. Now, on to a more interesting fight. This is of a ghetto fight at a gas station with some black girl beating the shit out of two dudes with her titties flopping all about. By the end, she was completely naked and the two dudes were completely loopy after getting their asses handed to them by Miss Naked Ass-kicker USA. More Wolfknives signed up and got their names today. It seems along with the increased number of members, there is a specific increase in female members, which is cool as shit. So welcome, sisters! Hey, did you know there’s a Wolfknives Member Registry? Well there is, and it’s run by @RainmanRDS. There were some great names given out today. Unfortunately, nobody got Fart Barfunkle this time around, maybe next time.
Something, something about Abercrombie & Fitch. I think they’re hurting and may or may not be looking for more washboard ab young men to parade in front of their stores. Time for a Dingo quote! In today’s culture, people look at asses as an asset. ~Dingo And now for some more crazy. There’s this dude that is convinced Stacey, her deviled eggs, and Miracle Whip are straight up evil. Side note, he kind of looks like The Architect from The Matrix, but his logic kind of sounds like Gilbert Grape. This guy is crazier than a shithouse rat on a fishing boat. Remember the guy from last year that got busted having sex with a pool raft? Well, he’s back, having sex with inflatable things again. Asphyxia is back to beat the shit out of Cumtard. The idea is that Asphyxia will be performing some S & M style shit on Cumtard and he has to guess the password to get her to stop. Before we get too far into the whole experience, Dingo had to get his licks in, so to speak, and gave Cumtard a hard slap on bare ass. Cumtard didn’t seem like he liked the whole experience too much, that is until he started getting an erection during the nipple clamp tugging session. One the funnier parts for me was while he was getting waxed & was given the clue of “leader” and he guessed the safe word “Barack Obama”. I hope to Barry that if anyone out there practicing S & M, uses Barack Obama as a safe word – that’s a game changer, politically and otherwise. The torture continued, with a few mishaps here and there, but the ultimate goal was essentially reached. Cumtard in a dress and in pain. And that led us to final calls with the question, would you rather be a bear with a human dick or a bear with a bear dick, but a human mind. I think everyone can agree that bear dicks are gross and you wouldn’t want one.