Ellis was late today, but I can forgive him, not like I’m ever really on time. Ellis is bummed because his Netflix isn’t as good as he wants it to be. Or regular TV isn’t as good as Netflix, I’m not sure cuz he lost me somewhere. But he likes movies though. He said so. That’s a quote, I probably shoulda used the “” thingies. Boobies. Do mermaids have vaginas? Ellis thinks they must because they make poops but I disagree. I think the lady mermaid poos out her fish baby eggs and then the guy mermaid jacks off and Spider-mans the eggs while the fish lady is all like “ooooh yeah, just like that. Cum on my eggs, cum all over them!” while squeezing her lady fish boobs. Have you ever tried to tip a cow? Well guess what hot shot, you can’t! Apparently cows have and oversized medulla oblongata that gives them a superior equilibrium. That and they sleep laying down. After a bit of awkward office drama where Will said Kevin constantly throws him under the bus and Kevin replied with the same claim but he can’t remember an instance, they read their “future” journal entries. Will wants the show to be successful, Kevin wants to be married to an inappropriately young woman, and Jetta wants his future wife to stop hating him.
In Hollywood News, Antonio Benderas released Melanie Griffith back into the general population. In the divorce Melanie is asking for child support, sole custody of their daughter, and her share of their properties. Antonio’s only request is to keep his hair which has been denied. J Lo’s boyfriend broke up with her, they say it was a mutual split but sources are saying that J Lo wasn’t packin enough in the sack for his liking.
Ellis rocked out last night at the magic mansion in Hollywood. He was invited by Bestie McBestington and his brother. They played songs from their new album and Jason said that even though he isn’t a fan of Good Charlotte he really dug the new songs so check that shit out when it’s released. More Hollywood News, Hootie couldn’t get into his own concert because they didn’t think it was him, some fat lady is making fat lady clothes now, a watch maker on IG is calling out all the rappers posting pics of their fake Rolex’s, and Dolly Parton has vagina tattoos, allegedly. But it’s still true cuz I just put it on the Internet.
After coming back from the break and plugging the great site, Justiceforvets.org, Jason, Christian, and Tully talked about smoking and the good ol days when the doctors would just prescribe a dose of Man The Fuck Up and Marlboro Reds. After some banter and chit chat of the sort they watched a video of Ellis in Vancouver for 411 magazine. Christian Hosoi is selling a bunch of his old skateboard decks on eBay for charity. This little tidbit of news brought about some old skateboarding stories from Ellis’s glory days when Hosoi was the fucking rockstar of skating.
After the break they talk about the EM10 battle, Tully vs Mad Child, and how Tully isn’t nervous but he might get shit whipped in the first minute if he doesn’t watch out. Jason Gay Dick Ellis called Twitch the Homo late which didn’t seem to matter. Twitch is going to be in the X Games competing in best whip and he needs us to twitter ESPN or X Games or some shit and hashtag #bestwhip #xgames #twitch #WhateverHisTealNameIs. Christian brought is the best new music of the month and here is my top 5 picks that you should immediately buy,
In today’s news an Oklahoma father runs over his daughters fiancé, a South African bike robbery at gunpoint is recorded on a gopro, and Branden knew he was fat when his mom thought his tum tum had scratches on it but they were really stretch marks, like the ones on yer mums flappy labiaus fattius, OH!