Show Re-Cap for Monday 9/30/2013


bitPimps, did you just fart?

Who farted? (T-SHIRT!) No. Seriously. What the fuck is that smell? Wait. That’s me. False alarm. It’s a great day to be in America, because you can fuck yourself. Or something like that. Houston, we’re still having mic troubles. You hear me AD in Houston? Wilson is trying to fix the compression on the mics or some shit, in the meantime, Ellis & Dingo did Radio Instagram, Rawdog is shouting out his peeps (more on that later), and Tully is shouting out some dude because his sister asked if they give shout outs on the show. So shout out to Rawdog and Tully for shouting out to their peeps, which I assume is us. I asked Rawdog to shout out the Devil, since his “peeps” allegedly killed Jesus, but he never did – which is pretty much an admission of guilt. Wilson got the mics working, right about the time Ellis accidentally KO’d his laptop and Dingo had to talk him down from spiking the laptop like a football. Ellis wasn’t on the show Friday because his dick was pissing blood again, then he got sick, and now he’s on antibiotics. Remember, when you think you’re having a bad day, ask yourself if you’re pissing blood, getting knocked out, sick from the flu, and toting around a broken laptop.


Little did J-dog know, YOLO was about to be taken seriously.

Ellis can’t find people to spar him, except really big black dudes that knock him silly or make him piss blood. Tully started going to the gym and now he has athlete’s foot. Ellis don’t give a shit if he does or not. Ellis pretty much knows Jason Momoa now, from the gym. Tully heard an interview with Peter Berg over the weekend, but let’s face it, he’s no Garry Shandling. So back to Rawdog and his “peeps.” You know Rawdog get’s all “oh, my people have been oppressed for centuries” preachy? Well somebody (me, I am somebody!) sent in an article that says there is absolutely no archaeological evidence that Jews were ever really slaves in Egypt. Matter of fact, they never even left Israel – it’s looking like some pure bullshit story, made up by liars. LIARS I TELL YOU! This news has be as disappointing to Rawdog as Anne Frank fans when she never wrote a sequel to her best seller. OH! Tully thinks he has the right to be just as upset with slavery as any Jewish or Black person because his great-grandfather was an Irish indentured servant back in the day. I have to admit, his argument has legs. Would George Clooney stand in a ring and beat himself unconscious for a billion dollars, which he then donates to charity? Now that your mind has been blown, let’s get those balls / ovaries of yours tingling with some EllisMania 9 news. There might be a new fight between Pierre-Luc Gagnon (PLG) and Elliot Sloan, mano a mano, skateboard to skateboard, hand to hand, etc. Now that Red Dragons are helping to sponsor EllisMania 9, Madchild is now confirmed to be opening up for Death! Death! Die! Feeling those tingles yet?


Take your job seriously, like I do these recaps. OH?

Ever had a sunburn on your dick? Ellis and Tully have. They also know about “lollies” and “fags”, which was candy in Australia. Speaking of candy, Ellis has taught Tiger how to ollie and now he’s rolling along doing ollies and shit. Devon is starting to do super straight wheelies and tic-tacs and showing more interest in skating. Sibling rivalry can be a great motivator, according to Rawdog, who said he pretty much was the king of his household between his siblings. Speaking fights, candy, and kings, Rawdog has been working out with his kettle bells in preparation for his fight with Nick Swardson. This brought us to a short training session where he hit pads with Ellis. Dingo was nice enough to shoot a little video of it so he could send it to Nick, so he knows what kind of beating he should be expecting. Of course, none of this intimidated Nick as he responded with “I’m going to rape his ass mouth” which sounds pretty serious somehow. Then there was a 3 minute punch pad session with Wilson to test his gassiness. During this session, Ellis was showing Rawdog how to throw his hips into his punches, which ended up being Rawdog twerking it right in front of Ellis’ package. The phones are still all fuckered up in the new studio, which makes sense because the mics are all fuckered up too. Remember? I already told you about that earlier, you might have short term memory loss. I knew a guy who had short term memory loss once, I forgot what happened to him though.


This ain’t your daddies revenge porn. Wait. Yes it is.

There is a legal movement underway in California to limit so-called “revenge porn” where people humiliate their ex-whatevers by posting explicit photos and video online. If you remember, Ellis got revenge porn’d when that chick he dated posted a picture of his wiener online. You know how you don’t fall victim to revenge porn? You don’t send pictures of yourself naked to other people. But you know you wanna keep doing that shit. And you know that’s the business model behind Snapchat, so I look forward to seeing your explicit photos and videos. This led into a massive discussion about the legalities, uses by people & businesses to research you or your background, Ellis’ dick online, etc. Sean Penn is allegedly all roided out nowadays. Did you know 47% of Australians are functionally illiterate? I’m not sure you should be surprised by that considering Dingo and Ellis. This led us into a spelling bee game between Ellis and Dingo. As you can imagine, it was a chore for each just to get to a 2-2 tie, I’m not sure what the end result was because I was busy burning the words “feral bitch” into my vocabulary. Wanna know what shameful thing your state is famous for? Oh, I almost forgot. Jimmy Barnes is the Bruce Springsteen of Australia, and his song “Working Class Man” was featured in the timeless classic movie “Gung Ho.” I don’t know much about Jimmy Barnes, but I can tell you this, he’s a top bloke. In Australia. For deaf people. And people still living the 1980’s dream.


It’s joke time, kiddos!

And before I go, I’ve always wanted to tell this joke to Wilson, because he loves Pink Floyd and death. How are Pink Floyd and Princess Diana similar? Both of their last big hits were the wall. And I always wanted to tell this joke to Rawdog, because, well… you know he’s been intimate with horse anatomy before. I used to be in to S & M, bestiality, and necrophilia, but then I realized I was just beating a dead horse. And I always wanted to tell this joke to Tully, because he’s Oxford educated and therefore knows what this test is. What did the black man get on his SAT? Barbecue sauce. And I always wanted to tell this joke to Ellis, because we both hate Yoko. What is yellow and lives off of dead Beatles? Yoko Ono. And finally, I always wanted to you guys this joke because it’s true. What’s easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women. OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 7/8/2013


Here’s me writing today’s re-cap and not giving a fuck.

It’s Mungday, you filthy animals and like sands through the hourglass, so are the graves of our wives – or something like that. Jumping right in, the UFC and MMA, Ellis says some people are saying the Silva vs Weidman fight was a setup and those people are just fucking wrong. Rawdog isn’t on the show today because he has a girlfriend, but Dingo is on the show today because he does not have a girlfriend. One of the interns apparently had a great weekend at Mission Beach and was telling Ellis & Dingo about it like they needed to cancel today’s show and get there right away. Basically he got laid and finger banged a chick until she peed. And then walked in Rawdog after giving blood at the doctor’s office, looking for STD’s. He also had an envelope waiting for him from Canada, it was disguised as shake powder, but was more likely anthrax considering it was the mole people. Apparently his girlfriend (who also fucks other people) tweeted about getting bent over, hair pulled, and being fucked from behind – but he doesn’t want to talk about if he’s done her doggy style, though, clearly he has now. He was also on someone else’s Internet radio show / podcast with his girlfriend, it sounded pretty horrible and boring so if you missed it, don’t fret. Sounds like he also rode a fuckin bike over the weekend. It’s like that whole “race against Tiger Ellis” really got to him.


Instead of Hollywood news, I give you… THE MERM! A perm with a mullet!

Hollywood news time, George Clooney is single again, doesn’t that make your dick moist? 50 Cent sent some shitty text messages to his 15 year-old son, doesn’t that make your dick dry again? Lauryn Hill is starting her 3 month prison sentence for not paying her taxes, doesn’t that make your dick not care? Jay-Z’s favorite cereal is Cap’n Crunch, Dingo doesn’t eat cereal, doesn’t that make your dick shredded? More important than Hollywood news, Tully flushed his flip cam down the toilet over the weekend, shit got real. There was some more shit, I mean Hollywood news, but who really cares. Time for Rawdog to do his workout and make those sexy grunts of his as a precursor to his even sexier barfing noises. You can tell the testosterone is kicking in because he was telling Dingo to basically fuck off right after his workout. Then he took off his shirt so he could flex and show off all his newly grown stud muscles. One day, I picture Rawdog coming in all jacked up and ready to punch everyone in the dick.


A man’s breakfast, because we’re manly men!

Holy shit, some soccer referee stabbed a player during a game, then the players beat the shit out of the referee, stoned him, quartered him, behead him, and put his head on a fucking stick. That just upped soccer’s stocks in my book. Planes, trains, and automobiles. All them shits crashed over the weekend, which the only thing more surprising would be that them shits don’t crash more often. Moto news time, some people rode their bikes, someone one, someone else came in second, and some other people crashed and shit. If you haven’t been able to tell by now, I had a busy day at work, missed pieces of the show and am too tired to go back and jot down anything I’ve missed. Sorry ’bout that. Maybe this will help make up for it. KFC might be suing a restaurant in Thailand for replacing Colonel Sanders with Adolf Hitler and calling their shit-kickin’ chicken shack “Hitler.” Ellis bought Rawdog a present, it’s a stamp, of the Jewish star. It’s for when Rawdog does something good, Ellis will give him a little stamp. I can tell you’re still upset about the re-cap today, aren’t you? I know. I know. I’m trying to make it up to you. I mean, it’s not like I’m some kind of monster. Maybe this will make you feel better. A man is walking through the woods in a cold morning when he spots a little girl crying. He approaches her and asks “whats wrong, why are you crying?” The little girl looks up, tears glistening in her eyes, and says “My puppy went into the pond and couldn’t get out, so daddy went to get him but the water was freezing and they both drowned, leaving me alone and lost in the woods!” The man further approaches the little girl reaches to touch her shoulder while undoing his fly and says “Well, today just isn’t your day is it.” OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 12/20/2012

Rawdog Face Toast - Yummy Yummy for my Rumbly Tumbly

Rawdog Face Toast – Yummy Yummy for my Rumbly Tumbly

Ever gone really really fast in your car, all the way to the point you should slow down, but you don’t….you know that feeling you get after the point of no return, not only is it a cheap buzz, but the best way to equate the feeling of precum.  Oh and its Thursday!  Back to driving fast, why does Ellis do it?  Its in his blood, in his brothers blood, and probably in his kids blood too.  So the Wing’s thinking he outta kick it down a gear with the kids present, so they don’t get any bad ideas.  But when the kids aren’t there, well of course Ellis wants to race.  He still wants to race professionally either moto or trucks or whatevers clever.  Tully doesn’t get it really, he’s never enjoyed something enough for it to be work and a hobby at the same time, guess he’s never written a TJES recap, zing!  Seriously though, would you like pictures of you and your profession throughout your home?  Or how about you and your hobby?  Just depends on how ego centric or bad ass you are.  ‘My Face Toast’ by Jason Ellis sounds pretty bad ass, and if it sells, you may see the Rawdog toast in stores soon. You may also see a lot more of Josh getting pissed, well with his new nickname and all.  Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to “Ew-Jay”, a.k.a. Ew-Jay Simpson, and if you remember pig latin then Bobs your uncle.  If you don’t, uck fey ff oey ou yay ouche dey ag bay! Well if your headed to Vegas for the New Year’s, don’t expect to see the real Ellis there, maybe the fake one though, as Ellis is just going to kick it at home this year.  Well maybe a pool party, and maybe some hookers too. Or just maybe it’ll be Drunk Mitch and Ellis, naked in a pool, just reflecting on the year, so either way should be a riveting time for Young Wing.


They don't always make sense...

Not every pic make sense…

In Aussie News, this sick cunt ledge here done went kangaroo shit on this copper for being a dumb cunt mate!  Grant Cobb joined the show, to introduce us all to, for all your escort needs – Thanks Grant!    Also, for $30 you can sign up to and get reviews, prices, all that shit!  And for $600 and hour, you can get former Olympian Suzy Favor Hamilton, check it out!  Of course while checking this all out, Tully was able to find a chic on backpage, and trace her back to facebook, Woman Am I Right!   Speaking of Woman Am I Right, check out this miss universe contestant, why you so stupid lady?  Oh shit, breaking news – If you tweet Ellis at exactly 11:58am PT with a random sentence, he will use it to open the show, of course he won’t give a fuck tomorrow, so be sure to try that out next week!  Also, be sure to train your puppies to be racist, as apparently Rawdog was right in thinking this was true, as confirmed by quite a few ex drug dealers who called in to support Josh.  Of course, no one supports you when you fuck a chic that looks like John Stockton, but with a bag over her head, they all look like Karl Malone to me.


Don't take it so literally lady!

Don’t take it so literally lady!

In Hollywood News, Grant Cobb was almost raped by Ben Affleck while giving him a tattoo.  Is Kim Kardashian quitting Instagram over their new shitty terms?  Is Simon Cowell dating Carmen Electra for real for real?  Is Fat Joe going to get fucked in jail, after fucking over the IRS?  Why don’t you call Kat Williams a N-bomb?  Is Khloe Kardashian as fat as you think she is?  Yeah!  Why does the California Hamster Association hate Justin Bieber so much?  Is Ben Affleck going to run for Senate?  Yes, who gives a shit is correct!  Of course, the ‘GerbalKnives’ may have something to say to the California Hamster douche wads, once they are officially created by Ellis.  Oh, and George Clooney ain’t really up to shit these days.  So thats about it for Hollywood News, see you at Slash’s club, or maybe the Wing’s new strip joint he’s opening up next to the Wing’s gym, whatever floats your boat.


racistsThen the show took a turn for the worse I tell ya.  Nothing but racism, whores, tattoo guns on air in the background, and a shit load of ass kissing from here on out.  Apparently we are all whores, so says this news story about how much porn we watch, holy shit!  Super Mario was arrested for groping some woman in Times Square.  Then Cumtard groped our ears with his game Google auto complete thingamajig.  This is just one of those you gotta go back and listen too, but so you know what your in for….You can get aids from swimming with black people, and from Magic Johnson.  Your balls sometimes smell like bacon, and yes Nickleback does suck and does exist.  Mexicans don’t flush toilet paper cause they’re very environmentally friendly and love to recycle.  Australian people love kangaroo meat and saying mate.  Queefs are not only deadly, but are controllable as well.  Lets see, oh yeah, Jason Ellis is gay and single.  Oh and Slash is both black and jewish, similar to Lenny Kravitz.  TJ Lavin is not black, and I don’t think he’s jewish either, but he is one hell of an ass kisser.  He called into the show to talk about the X Games shit from yesterday, and told Ellis how much he loves him, and Ellis loves him back.  Then we had final calls, whore style.  Lots of Sarah and Rachael, and some caller requests.  All in all a good time until Tully took it just a little too far.  You see, just about the time Rachael and Sarah were having their little phone fuck fest, Tully acctually brought your mom into studio, made a huge fuck hole from her ass to her pussy, where her taint use to be, and took turns with Ellis Josh n Grant in and out in and out, enjoying that stage of precum we all love so much.  Of course this pissed your mom off to no end, as all she really wants to do is swallow jizz n excrement and then onto the next one, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 5/10/2012

I want to be inside you

Healing news today on the show, driving a Porsche settles upset tummies. Tomorrow will be @DanOD5‘s goodbye show, his internship is over and now he must leave the nest and spread his wings. He’ll fly, fly, fly away, back to Chicago and his hot mom. George Clooney probably has some ugly chick in his past that he still longs for, even though he bangs super hot bitches. Maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s Brad Pitt he longs for, I don’t know. Whichever the choice is, I accept your decision George. Some chick needed to expel breast milk and for whatever reason, it wasn’t coming out so the husband sucked it out for her. NOPE! Keep pushing me, keep pushing me, you just keep on pushing my love, over the borderline – borderline! You just sang that little ditty in Madonna’s voice – and now that song is also stuck in your head, you’re welcome.

Oh Asians, you so cray

Josh Barnett was supposed to be on the show today, but after being already 45 minutes late, Shiney Shins Pendarvis got a phone call saying he would be late. No shit Sherlock. So he got rescheduled in favor of having Twitch (@twitchthis) on at his scheduled time. Apparently the Japanese have done it again, they’ve created an ice bra to help keep the sweater puppies cool during those warm summer days – way to stay cutting edge Japan! Ellis and Twitch played a little trivia game to see who’s smarter than a… a, uh… I don’t know, you can think of something. Anyway, Ellis lost and got to have his nuts tugged on by an R/C car while Twitch gently kissed his neck. Okay, that last part was an outright lie, but the truth is that both of them are going to Twitch’s party tonight, so technically it could still happen.

Is it final calls time?

And then we had final calls… final calls. Oh final callers, why are you so fucking stupid? You don’t realize you’re talking to the person you just called, you ask things like “what are you doin?”, and your reception usually seems as if you’re on the dark side of the moon. I’m really glad you don’t call throughout the show and wait until the end, I wouldn’t be able to handle that. But I also want you to choke on your Speghetti O’s, I know you can do it if you just apply yourself. And now, I have a question for you! Why did your mom cross the road? Because I told that stupid whore to get the fuck off my lawn and go graze in the pastures with the rest of the cows. OH!