Show Re-Cap for Monday 11/25/2013


Getting gassed at the dentist.

Hello reader, how are you? I’m doing fine, thank you for asking! I just wanted to tell you good luck. I’m counting on you. Ellis went to the dentist today, he’s got numb face and he had to tell the dentist to keep that gas going as they were grinding down his toof. He hasn’t gotten his goldie teef yet, but he was such a big boy that the dental assistant chick gave him some chocolate. He’s boned a dental assistant before, a couple times actually. She had blown out titties but got them shits fixed. Dingo needs his own chair in the studio, a Dingo chair one might call it, that he can get his sweaty hands all over. Dingo cooked dinner the other night and cut his poor wittle finger. He cooked a turkey burrito in a pan and he’s been known to make a lasagna once or twice. What’s that? The show seems different today for some reason, you say? That may be explained by the fact that Rawdog isn’t there, but Cumtard is. Absolutely nothing was mentioned about Rawdog’s absence, so anything would be speculation at this point. I’m sure whatever it is/was will eventually be addressed as that’s how the show (and real life) has always worked. Ellis went to get a massage, had a towel over his face, and when he flipped over, he felt his pee-pee lay over towards his hip. When the massage was done, he got up to see what kind of view was revealed and felt like a creep. But a creep who is packing heat.


Your pajamas were how much?

Dingo’s wearing $190 pajamas today, for that amount of money you’d expect him to be constantly orgasmic, but he just seems comfortable. Dingo and Ellis have decided to burn their Uggs, which has to be the best decision ever because, wow. Ellis is a bit of a soap connoisseur now and he’s not falling for any of those cheap as soap gimmicks anymore, so watch out Irish Spring! In an effort to get candy, he got some rose scented shit sprayed on him and went around asking people to smell him. Dingo’s just waiting for the soap rash discussion, but that never came. Instead, we heard about a 12-year-old, crying Dingo who got scabies and passed it on to all his friends. Sounds like Wilson got himself a new haircut and a new lanyard and has allegedly been fucking the fat off himself. He reminded the guys that the go kart track that they’re going to Tuesday is having a toy drive for poor people and if you can, bring 100% of a full toy, not 10% of a toy like Kim Kardashian. Ellis and Dingo have been having strange dreams lately, Ellis thinks his is from the Alpha BRAIN and Dingo thinks his is from a RZA week.


Whenever Cumtard is on the show, everyone wonders what the punishment is going to be.

So this dude in Washington, IL filmed a tornado going straight for his house, tornado hunter’s Tully and Cumtard question the legitimacy of the video, but you can decide for yourself. Ellis got his Porsche fixed (not really, it’s gotta go back) and then somebody hit it, denting the exhaust pipe, marked it up, and THAT is why we can’t have nice things – because people suck. In case you haven’t heard, Cumtard has one of them phone apps out, called Freaky Scenes, and he’s gets more chances to plug it today by answering some trivia questions, wrong answers mean he’s eating some death dealing dog food from China. Let’s just say he didn’t leave the show hungry and you probably wouldn’t know the name of his app if I didn’t just post a link to it. Tully got a call from his bank saying someone tried to use his debit card with a fake ID of him and of course it was in Inglewood because Inglewood is always up to no good. “We live in a world.” ~Dingo Let that one sink in a blow your fuckin’ mind. Ellis will be on terrestrial radio tomorrow morning, on The Heidi & Frank Show.

Hollywood news time, Justin Bieber has perfume or wears perfume or both. Angelina Jolie bought Brad Pitt an island for $20 million. Common man Dingo say’s that’s chump change. Mick Jagger is now a great-grandfather. Jason Momoa has a man cave and invited Ellis to come over some time, even gave him his phone number, so he might be on the show one day – the tale of two Jasons. Manny Pacquiáo won his fight against Brandon Rios in the first ever pay-per-view boxing card from China. Ellis started to talk about his incident with Beacher of Beacher’s Madhouse and Dingo quickly cut that conversation off like someone was talking about murder for hire over the telephone. Seems like Dingo now hates that dude and doesn’t want him to get his name mentioned even if just to say “fuck that guy”, which Dingo did actually say. Nobody knows whats up with that and it doesn’t look like the fans will ever know – and I’m okay with that because I said fuck that guy before it was cool to say fuck that guy. Also, apparently people are mad at Dingo for posting a picture of Miley Cyrus on his Instagram. I don’t really care one way or the other, so I don’t know what to say about that. Ellis got sent some Duck Dynasty shit for his pets and Dingo ain’t about to let anyone hate on that shit. This spurred on some callers who treated us to their duck and deer calls. Oh, and we got to hear “Smoked Out Clit” from Death! Death! Die! and Everlast.


How to silence Dingo.

Breaking news, Cumtard did not eat death dealing dog treats from China. After he started feeling like shit and forcing himself to vomit it all up, news on the wire was Wilson had played a dastardly trick and Cumtard actually just ate beef jerky. Wilson, you sly minx! Back to the news of the stars desk, Dingo Dingerton went to the AMA’s, he talked about how just fucking incredible, best thing since sliced bread, Imagine Dragons were. Of course he had to name drop Miley, Rihanna singing “garbldey arrrhhhg I forget” (which sounds like a kick ass song title), Nelly was there giving a shout out to the Lou. Thankfully Shoebox came in bearing gifts to steer the conversation away from “Dingo name drops more people in 60 seconds than anyone would think possible.” That lasted all of 90 seconds before Dingo steered us right back into name dropping thing. Shoebox chimed in with some real talk about wanting to fuck Miley. Then back to Dingo for his obligatory Miley name drop and to let us know he’s been to the AMA’s for 3 years now, again. Eventually Ellis had to tell Dingo to shut the fuck up for a minute so someone else could talk. No offense to Dingo, even though it sounds like it. I just could care less about the AMA’s and hate having to recap about that garbage. More power to Dingo for being in the mix in that world. I’ll have you know this man risked his life once. In the passenger seat of a truck. That was being driven by a professional. In the middle of a dessert. Where other driver’s drive past you and if you’re in serious trouble, they stop to help or call out for help. And where helicopters fly above checking the progress of drivers. HAHAA But seriously, thems jokes. Dingo was getting kind of heated for his terrifying rendition of being the passenger in a Baja truck. And finally, two lepers were playing poker, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off. OH!


Come to NYA for the recaps. Stay for the entertainment. Am I right? I’m right, right!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 9/30/2013


bitPimps, did you just fart?

Who farted? (T-SHIRT!) No. Seriously. What the fuck is that smell? Wait. That’s me. False alarm. It’s a great day to be in America, because you can fuck yourself. Or something like that. Houston, we’re still having mic troubles. You hear me AD in Houston? Wilson is trying to fix the compression on the mics or some shit, in the meantime, Ellis & Dingo did Radio Instagram, Rawdog is shouting out his peeps (more on that later), and Tully is shouting out some dude because his sister asked if they give shout outs on the show. So shout out to Rawdog and Tully for shouting out to their peeps, which I assume is us. I asked Rawdog to shout out the Devil, since his “peeps” allegedly killed Jesus, but he never did – which is pretty much an admission of guilt. Wilson got the mics working, right about the time Ellis accidentally KO’d his laptop and Dingo had to talk him down from spiking the laptop like a football. Ellis wasn’t on the show Friday because his dick was pissing blood again, then he got sick, and now he’s on antibiotics. Remember, when you think you’re having a bad day, ask yourself if you’re pissing blood, getting knocked out, sick from the flu, and toting around a broken laptop.


Little did J-dog know, YOLO was about to be taken seriously.

Ellis can’t find people to spar him, except really big black dudes that knock him silly or make him piss blood. Tully started going to the gym and now he has athlete’s foot. Ellis don’t give a shit if he does or not. Ellis pretty much knows Jason Momoa now, from the gym. Tully heard an interview with Peter Berg over the weekend, but let’s face it, he’s no Garry Shandling. So back to Rawdog and his “peeps.” You know Rawdog get’s all “oh, my people have been oppressed for centuries” preachy? Well somebody (me, I am somebody!) sent in an article that says there is absolutely no archaeological evidence that Jews were ever really slaves in Egypt. Matter of fact, they never even left Israel – it’s looking like some pure bullshit story, made up by liars. LIARS I TELL YOU! This news has be as disappointing to Rawdog as Anne Frank fans when she never wrote a sequel to her best seller. OH! Tully thinks he has the right to be just as upset with slavery as any Jewish or Black person because his great-grandfather was an Irish indentured servant back in the day. I have to admit, his argument has legs. Would George Clooney stand in a ring and beat himself unconscious for a billion dollars, which he then donates to charity? Now that your mind has been blown, let’s get those balls / ovaries of yours tingling with some EllisMania 9 news. There might be a new fight between Pierre-Luc Gagnon (PLG) and Elliot Sloan, mano a mano, skateboard to skateboard, hand to hand, etc. Now that Red Dragons are helping to sponsor EllisMania 9, Madchild is now confirmed to be opening up for Death! Death! Die! Feeling those tingles yet?


Take your job seriously, like I do these recaps. OH?

Ever had a sunburn on your dick? Ellis and Tully have. They also know about “lollies” and “fags”, which was candy in Australia. Speaking of candy, Ellis has taught Tiger how to ollie and now he’s rolling along doing ollies and shit. Devon is starting to do super straight wheelies and tic-tacs and showing more interest in skating. Sibling rivalry can be a great motivator, according to Rawdog, who said he pretty much was the king of his household between his siblings. Speaking fights, candy, and kings, Rawdog has been working out with his kettle bells in preparation for his fight with Nick Swardson. This brought us to a short training session where he hit pads with Ellis. Dingo was nice enough to shoot a little video of it so he could send it to Nick, so he knows what kind of beating he should be expecting. Of course, none of this intimidated Nick as he responded with “I’m going to rape his ass mouth” which sounds pretty serious somehow. Then there was a 3 minute punch pad session with Wilson to test his gassiness. During this session, Ellis was showing Rawdog how to throw his hips into his punches, which ended up being Rawdog twerking it right in front of Ellis’ package. The phones are still all fuckered up in the new studio, which makes sense because the mics are all fuckered up too. Remember? I already told you about that earlier, you might have short term memory loss. I knew a guy who had short term memory loss once, I forgot what happened to him though.


This ain’t your daddies revenge porn. Wait. Yes it is.

There is a legal movement underway in California to limit so-called “revenge porn” where people humiliate their ex-whatevers by posting explicit photos and video online. If you remember, Ellis got revenge porn’d when that chick he dated posted a picture of his wiener online. You know how you don’t fall victim to revenge porn? You don’t send pictures of yourself naked to other people. But you know you wanna keep doing that shit. And you know that’s the business model behind Snapchat, so I look forward to seeing your explicit photos and videos. This led into a massive discussion about the legalities, uses by people & businesses to research you or your background, Ellis’ dick online, etc. Sean Penn is allegedly all roided out nowadays. Did you know 47% of Australians are functionally illiterate? I’m not sure you should be surprised by that considering Dingo and Ellis. This led us into a spelling bee game between Ellis and Dingo. As you can imagine, it was a chore for each just to get to a 2-2 tie, I’m not sure what the end result was because I was busy burning the words “feral bitch” into my vocabulary. Wanna know what shameful thing your state is famous for? Oh, I almost forgot. Jimmy Barnes is the Bruce Springsteen of Australia, and his song “Working Class Man” was featured in the timeless classic movie “Gung Ho.” I don’t know much about Jimmy Barnes, but I can tell you this, he’s a top bloke. In Australia. For deaf people. And people still living the 1980’s dream.


It’s joke time, kiddos!

And before I go, I’ve always wanted to tell this joke to Wilson, because he loves Pink Floyd and death. How are Pink Floyd and Princess Diana similar? Both of their last big hits were the wall. And I always wanted to tell this joke to Rawdog, because, well… you know he’s been intimate with horse anatomy before. I used to be in to S & M, bestiality, and necrophilia, but then I realized I was just beating a dead horse. And I always wanted to tell this joke to Tully, because he’s Oxford educated and therefore knows what this test is. What did the black man get on his SAT? Barbecue sauce. And I always wanted to tell this joke to Ellis, because we both hate Yoko. What is yellow and lives off of dead Beatles? Yoko Ono. And finally, I always wanted to you guys this joke because it’s true. What’s easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women. OH!