Holy shit! It’s Thursday the 13th! Wait. It’s Friday the 13th that’s supposed to be freaky, isn’t it. My bad. But for all we know, it could really be Friday and the man is just making us think it’s Thursday. Ever think about that one? You did? Oh, you did? Okay, well then fuck it. Ellis thinks he likes Frank Sinatra more now and might get some suits, go to night clubs and sashay to “Come Fly With Me”, and act like a completely different person. His therapist says he needs to get out there and get bitches numbers and shit, without doing a pillowcase full of cocaine and shitfaced on vodka. The knuckleball is an uncommonly thrown pitch in baseball, it is thrown to minimize the spin of the ball in flight, causing an erratic and unpredictable motion, making it harder to hit. Speaking of baseball, it was 43 years ago today that Dock Ellis threw a no-hitter while on LSD! A little intern rivalry on the show today as Anal Gay-Lewis spilled the beans on Jimmy Neutron, how he’s kind of stupid and doesn’t follow orders very well, specifically, his orders. Neutron started to give Anal the stink eye and began defending himself as he was having tremors in his fit of rage. The guys thought maybe Neutron was just blowing hot air, but he say’s he’s trained a little bit and thinks he can take Anal. Are you guys catching all these innuendos that are heavily peppered in the past few sentences? One thing both interns agreed on was that they both liked Team Jetta better than the each other, even though Team Jetta seemed like he had been partying with Jude before coming to work.
Hollywood news times. Rapper 2 Chainz’s robbery was actually caught on video along with a dude that happily skips down the sidewalk during the robbery. So cute! NBA talk time, the Spurs put Tracy McGrady (aka T-Mac) in the game because they were kicking so much ass. Back to Hollywood, Lindsay Lohan is still in rehab, that’s neat. David Letterman likes to compliment guest bands on their drums and find out if the drums are theirs or not. Pal of Jason Ellis, Carey Hart, was on TMZ because a photographer was taking pictures of Pink changing their child’s diaper, so Carey and his friend assaulted the dummy. Amanda Bynes and Cher got in a small spat on Twitter, then today Amanda got into it with Miley Cyrus on Twitter as well, and all that is super neat. Reese Witherspoon accidentally showed her turd cutter on them skreets. There are fragrance foundation awards? What. The. Flower? Who cares. Gerard Butler was on some show in Germany to try and crack nuts with his ass and then pour ice water down the front of his pants. This prompted the guys to think this might be something the interns should do, which of course Team Punishment (aka Tito, aka Jimmy Neutron) thought was a dumb idea and didn’t want to do. What a team player, he pretty much isn’t into anything and he definitely seems to have a chip on his shoulder. Each intern was sent out to get the goods, 1 some walnuts, 1 a bag of ice, and 1 to get something else I can’t remember. First one back? Jimmy Neutron, with a sack of fucking trail mix. What a dumb-shit. The interns finally came back with all their supplies, but only Anal Gay-Lewis knew how to put fucking ice in his pants, the other 2 interns were just lost. One is fucking high on something and the other must be mentally retarded.
Some fool has invented cube shaped wheels for skateboards, you know, because cubes must out perform round fucking wheels. I guess he’s talking about traction, but still, it looks ridiculous. Hey, did you know most past civilizations are full of fantasy shit that never really happened, like vikings wearing helmets with horns? Well, not Sparta. Apparently it was pretty much exactly like the fucking movie 300 – but with way more insults and a lot less love. Your newborn look a little funky? Better abandon that little shit on a hill and hope some stranger takes it home to eat it. So you’re 4 and afraid of the dark? Guess what, you get to be isolated in a dark room, ya little pussy. Happy 7th birthday! No go learn how to hunt and be a soldier and be naked. Oh, you’re hungry? Better steal some food and hope your ass doesn’t get caught, or you getting the shit beat out of you. This sounds exactly the opposite of where interns are raised. Rawdog did his workout challenge on-air today and it sounds like he went hard in the paint like a champ. I assume he spent the next 10 minutes on a single, continuous yawn afterwards. Then it was time for his testosterone smoothie. The interns were put in charge of making the smoothie, and guess what they couldn’t do very well? Yup, use a fucking blender. Scratch that, he worked out until he started puking, so that’s pretty fucking hard in the paint – though I’m not so sure having to puke after every workout is a good thing. You can say what you want about Rawdog, and you can say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly around schools and playgrounds. OH!