Show Re-Cap for Monday 7/1/2013


Not even the “Eh-Team” could stop me!

Okay, okay, I’m back, it’s great to be back and I couldn’t think of a better way to come back than on Canada Day – especially after infiltrating the land of the mole people the week before. Hold the applause, please. What was my mission, you ask? Well, this was an operation with several missions, some of which I can tell you after being debriefed, and some of which I cannot tell you – unless you have the proper security clearance. First, I located and GPS tagged as many entrances to underground mole tunnels as possible. Then I found a crude cell built to hold one Mike Tully. Soon after, I found evidence that the Richmond family may have been involved in treason. And finally, I was to find a cure for moliosis – a disease that causes some Canadians to lose their sense of humor, especially in cases where jokes mention Canada. Oh yea, and the show is back too, after an impromptu cancellation of last Friday’s show. I have no idea what that was about, some say it was punishment, some say it was sickness, and yet others say it was Dom’s fault. Speaking of which, he seems to be missing from today’s show. Did he get 86’ed while I was away? I didn’t hear anything about it when listening to OnDemand.


Everything except hand jobs.

Did you know woolly mammoths are Jews? They have curly hair coming off the sides of their ears, like Jewish people. “Bleeding” Burger Ellis is in studio today, farting and bleeding all over the place and in a diaper. Rawdog hasn’t told his mom that he’s dating a porn star. Actually, he hasn’t told any of his family, but it’s mommy that’s the big one that might have an issue with it. The other girl he was sliding his dick into, right to the top? Yea, he dumped her non shroom sharing ass to the curb. But only after he pummeled that pussy like trout meat one more time. Here’s something. Tiger got to meet Shaq! And here’s something else. Tully was an honorary Girl Scout for 10 years, sitting in on brownie meetings and shit, poor bastard. Sounds like Shannon Shenanigans Gunz will be doing the workout with/against Rawdog on Wednesday! Which makes me wonder if she’ll accidentally queef while doing burpies. Jesus, what is wrong with me. Hand jobs aren’t sexual intercourse according to someone from some where. Sounds legit. Also, hand jobs make the world go ’round, along with loads to the face.


Slave to the McNuggets.

Chris Weidman called into the show today. A lot of people seem to think that he has the tools to beat Anderson Silva and end Silva’s reign as the middleweight champion. He (and other’s) say he’s better than Chael Sonnen and that he will make Silvia look human in a stand-up battle. He seems super laid back and it doesn’t seem like he’ll be mentally broken before the fight. Guess we’ll all find out this weekend when he fights Silva and UFC 162. If you don’t remember, Weidman was on the show before while they were in New York and had his house destroyed by hurricane Sandy. This led us into Rawdog’s workout. Rawdog says that Ellis picking on his shoes fucks up his workouts. So instead, Ellis will sing a song about how awesome Rawdog is while he’s doing his workout. It seemed to help get him focused and motivated, but it didn’t stop the after workout vomit session that he always has.


Fuckin zippit bloopity shiggy doo a shoopa doopa appah clappah whoogly

The X-Summer X-Games were in Munich, X-Germany over the weekend and blah, blah, blah X-who gives an X-shit. A woman from Arizona was arrested for smuggling drugs from Mexico in her vag. She had a long, thick, chunk of meth in a condom that was so big, it had to be surgically removed. Something about Robin Thicke and dirty words, don’t care. Alec Baldwin got mad at some assfuck who tried to disrespect at his wife and then apologized for it because he tweeted some shit about the gay guy being a queen or something. Pendarvis realized that in the past few weeks, he’s called a straight man a queen – and I think he meant it maliciously and should publicly apologize. Wait. No. I don’t think he should apologize for that actually. J-Lo sang a few songs and some dude died. I don’t know, that’s as much Hollywood news as I’m willing to hear. More importantly, I really want one of those old school pudding pops. Chocolate banana to be precise. Bring that shit back Cosby! And with that, I leave you with this… A priest, pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a drink. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/21/2013

You Tell 'em Jewels, I mean Ellis

You Tell ’em Jewels, I mean Ellis

Well kids, gather around the ol’ camp fire and listen up to the Thursday tales from The Jason Ellis Show.  So uh you know how when you have puffy socks on and you can’t tell where the shoe stops and the skin begins?  And that feeling you get when your snuggled up in your sheets is as close to feeling your insides as you’ll ever get.  Look kids, your uncle Ghostload ain’t gonna lie to ya, the first hour isn’t going in any Backbone official recaps anytime soon……but still better than 98.2% of the other shit out there -so- How could you say no to having a pussy for one year, and still keep your cock n balls?  You can’t – gotta try it once right!  But no tits though, that’s just too much, and would you get all emotional and shit as part of the package, this and more but first.  Good old Sam Rubin joined the show again to shoot the shit, plus his Oscar red carpet show coming up, and totally disrespect the show.  Did you know he doesn’t even follow Young Wing after he gave him a nice EllisFam Flex to boost his followers?  Of course Ellis called him out on it, and Sam just replied he subs that out so let’s just ask the guy who runs Sam’s twitter.  Yeah well that dude called, and basically said that’s BS, even despite Sam’s attempt to blame a glitch in twitter.  Honestly, who gives a fuck about twitter, but its principals that matter here.  Other shit – Sam owns a blackberry, and had his twitter followers go from 10,000 to 100,000 in a day or so, but then magically down to 30,000 shortly thereafter.   Whatever dude – He’s a dick to Tully, totally full of it and proud to say so.  Check out his red carpet shit or whatever your mom wants you to do.  There is this video of Andy Dick on Sam’s show going ape shit on Howard Stern.  Other than that, check out Bernie with Jack Black cause Tully said so.



A woman's mind is complicated

A woman’s mind is complicated

Check out this year’s front runner for Best Picture at this year’s Oscars.  So this muthafucker here just lost his gay porn star mind.  Shout out to Scott Green and his #FullHomo ass, a true EllisFam ledge from way back if you don’t know what’s up.  Sounds like he may have an upcoming role in the potential masterpiece Gory Hole.  Think of a glory hole in Hostel, and let your mind wander.  Its gonna get pretty nasty, but hard first, then just nasty – check it out!  More nasty for that ass, this chic here was arrested for fucking her pit bull in public.  I really ain’t got no advice for that bitch….or any of these bitches on your favorite segment, Teen Talk.  This is where Rawdog reads off some questions for teen magazines and Tully n Ellis answer them.  So, if you suffer from an online boyfriend who lives in Iraq and you love him but don’t know what to do, or maybe just don’t know how to give a good blow job and need help (Don’t we go over this like once a week?), and if not that I’m sure your 17 and dating a 25 year old who just found out and is now pissed…..What do you do?   Nah, wasn’t shoot yourself this go around, but yeah some dumb bitches and more on that to come.  Did you know Cumtard is filling his free time from not answering the phones by working Craig’sList for guests and/or a new job?  More Teen Talk – Can you get preganat from precum?  Friends with pill and college dude addictions.  Some chic who lives with her grandma and isn’t allowed to fuck her boyfriend yet.  You get the drift – they should all shoot themselves, or just get the AIDS and be done with it!



Hollywood News time kids – Josh Borlin and Diane Lane are getting divorced even though he “allegedly” beat her who give a shit.  Lindsay Lohan lost her lawsuit against Pitbull.  Friend of the show Jackson Strong showed up on TMZ, but with a shirt on this time.  Hey man, seriously, who is the biggest loser on The Jason Ellis Show?  Is it Cumtard, or how about Will ‘JizzCult’ Pendarvis III?  Nah, its Rawdog with Sam Rubin as a close second, OH!  Riveting talk from here boys n girls.  Let’s talk hair!  Is Rawdog going bald?  Should he get the Jason Newsted with long hair in a pony tail and shaved sides?  Isn’t Will’s hair just the greatest, he’s so dreamy.  Think that’s not hot shit – Check out Beard Talk and how Tully’s got too much stubble.  OK, Beard Talk sucks, back to Hair Talk – Did you know Rawdog had blue hair back in high school?  Apparently Ellis used to dye his hair a lot too, and may explain why he’s bald as a muthafucker.  Dave Lombardo is out of Slayer for trying to get all smart and shit, and that ain’t fucking metal so fuck that dude he’s out!  Good shit -King Mo Lawal fights tonight in Bellator so if you read this in time go check that shit out!  Not only does Shia LaBeouf wanna fuck his mom more than us here at NoYouAre, but he wants to fuck Alec Baldwin too, but he’s on his own there!  Finally in Hollywood News, Matthew McConaughey has lost his fucking mind, but not that sweet ass hair….and here’s how!



         Seriously Dude!

Women Am I Right?  Truck Yeah you are if your a hair dresser lady in the UK who put $1000 a month into the wrong account cause well you know.  Trucker Yeaher if you know a guy from a dating sight, but never met, and give him $450K for his new gold mining business.  Truckest Yeahest if you shoot your free throws like this bitch.  All of a sudden shit got fucking Sirius at The Jason Ellis Show when Will ran into the studio with scissors and other sharp objects to slash up Rawdog’s face.  Why you ask?  Just a zit, but still that dude held a knife to the Illusionists face and took off a piece, Red Dragons Will!   Back to Women Am I Right, am i right?  So if your Valentine’s Day sucked, you can feel better after reading about this crazy bitch and what she bit of of her boyfriend.  Tully says a woman on average spends over 1 year of her life putting on makeup, and I call bull shit – its at least 5+ my friend.  And finally, we have ourselves a winner ladies and gentlemen – Women Am I Right?  Oh and Ellismate had a Jew Cookie and the fortune inside didn’t really apply to him – so be sure to check out and get it up ya super accurately!


“Gory Hole” starring Jason Ellis, Rawdog and Scott Green


So I told ya the show wasn’t a huge success today, but still better than 4 hours of Mad Dog Russo, fucking hell man.  However, Ellis did do that super cool phone call thingy at the end of the show – Ya know where he just takes calls, but with no one else there – just Ellis and the fans – one on one – mano y mano, well uno y uno.  It’s basically Final Calls on steroids which is pretty bad ass.  Nothing too sweet other than Bieber talk and why Ellis doesn’t do hard drugs anymore, for the umpteenth time.  But once in a while you do come across a gem, and today it was the caller’s idea of a contest where a caller is on the show for an extended period of time, maybe an hour, and gets to just fit in and riff and see how it goes.  Not sure what then end game is here, but fuck it I’m in!  Ellis also did reminisce on Wolf Knife Laser Torch and its origins.  Other than that, I’d like to thank Barry for giving me the strength to persevere through Sam Rubin’s bullshit, and I’d like to thank the Dog Father for making those tasty little Jew and Honky Cookies we all love so much, and most of all I’d like to thank your grandmother for getting that dingle berry off my ass that had been there since at least last weekend……with her teeth, OH!



Show Re-cap For Monday 11/5/2012

Don’t mind me, just wheeling my manly dick around.

Happy Mother Fucking Monday sisters! It’s colder than a well digger’s ass, so we gonna heat this bitch up like some Ramen noodles, yo! Actually, I guess we’ll see about that – I mean how hot the re-cap is. Don’t hold me to it. Did you know that manly men have daughters? Well now you do. And guess what else? I have a daughter, so that means I’m full on manly, but you for sure already knew that, right? Dingo was on the show today and you know what that means – that’s right, a lot of loud, cackling laughter over anyone whose talking! Political talk took up most of the first hour, and I’m uninterested in what anyone else’s political alignment may be, I only care about my own and you should only care about your own as well – so there ya go. Neat, right? Next up was Hollywood gossip news. Something about Joe Simpson, & Sharon Osbourne, and guess what else? That’s right, I don’t give a shit about Hollywood gossip news, so there ya go.

Rawdog not only got a high five, but also the prestigious “I participated” ribbon.

A very young Rawdog played some tee-ball and pee wee league soccer in his illustrious youth sporting career, he got a high five once too! Have you and your brother ever tag teamed a chick? Did your brother help guide your dick into this mega-whore? Who the fuck am I kidding, of course some of you sick bastards have nailed some slut together with your brother. But you know what, porn is not real life, so it was probably an even more disgusting experience than what most of us are imagining. Did you know Alec Baldwin dropped down and did 20 halftime push-ups to show how in shape he is? Me neither. Dude Am I A Slut segment today. Some gross chick did something gross, but was not a slut. Another chick called in to say she used to masturbate to Rawdog’s voice on the radio while she was driving her car. She’s also sleeping with two different dudes she works with, neither of them know about the other, they have great sex, and she doesn’t want a relationship. Rawdog was trying to have some phone sexy times with her but Dingo couldn’t shut his fucking yapper long enough for anyone to hear. Doesn’t matter anyway because, DING, she was a slut. Another chick wanted to get laid on the morning of her divorce, went and got drunk and rode a mechanical bull at a bar, and banged 3 different people over the course of a weekend. Survey says, not a slut.

My reaction every time I make an awesome joke on the Internet at someone’s expense.

Cumtard has joined another dating website, trying to get some stank on his hang down. He won’t say which website so people don’t fuck with him. Tully posted his usual 2:30 Instagram gold, this time of a poster of a Japanese boy band called “Glay” that was formed in 1988 or some glay-ass shit like that. You like your porn made in the USA? Like money shots and unprotected sex? Well if you’re in LA County and voting tomorrow, vote no on Measure B. I think that’s what it’s called, actually, you should probably check for yourself. Some chick that has the mental capacity of a 6 year-old, got knocked up. I’m not sure how this is news, aren’t most chicks walking around thinking like a 6 year-old? HEYOH! Just kidding, there’s too much domestic violence going on out there, something like every 9 seconds a woman gets beat on. You’d think they’d learn to pipe down if every 9 seconds they’re getting the business. Sheesh. Need a good place to get your hair cut, ask fucking Dingo because he’s going to tell you no matter what – even though he doesn’t cut his fucking hair. Some dude called in, he pissed on his own balls for 4 years because his pecker was attached to his nuts until his parents got him circumcised. Fucking hell. Another dude can stick his own balls in his ass, he sat on them and then wondered if he could shove them in – low and behold, he could. This dude says his hanging balls are about 8.5 inches! His balls are longer than his erect dick! That’s crazy, but not as crazy as the 11 inches of balls hanging between your mom’s legs. OH!