Tag Archives: EllisMania

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 6/20/2012

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Alright folks, were halfway done with this week. For some it has been good, others it has been a typical shit storm of bad service, torn pants, forgotten phone chargers, and all around cluster fuck. According to deaf people, they don’t want to hear. According to me, I like hearing, it would really be hard to listen to the radio if I had to read subtitles all the time. Ellis went to a titty bar while waiting for Bestie and others to join him at a club, where he posed as a bisexual man mounting cock lover who also digs chicks, and apparently the “No sex in the Champagne Room” rule does not apply here. Well sort of. More like a hand jobs are okay clause but the price is ass makeup on you slick new white pants. Cavino is funny, or is it Rich? Nobody’s sure but one of them is funny. Comics are all stealing material whether they know it or not, just like this web site is constantly raped for material by all the top comedians. Except girl comedians, this shit is way too funny for them.

Forrest Griffin will be appearing at Ellis Mania 8 as the MMA Sasquatch, so honestly folks, don’t fuck with the Sasquatch, he will fuck your shit up! Shit Nacho is sad, I don’t know why nor do I care. He works on the greatest radio show on satellite radio. I know some people that would give their left nut to be in his position, damn kids don’t know how good they got it. The guys went over more costume ideas for some of the fights, Ellis is pegged on being a Mexican Bandito and some of the other ideas were a ballerina, hot dog, cow, pizza, taco…..fuck, now I’m hungry. And to the astonishment of us all, Rawdog can’t properly identify a jockey. Yes, I said Jockey, those short guys in helmets and matching pants that carry a short whip and RIDE FUCKING HORSES!

Hey, are you a fat ass? Do you like to get wasted but hate driving your rascal to the store to buy all that beer? Well do I have great news for you. Now with Gastric Bypass surgery your lazy nacho eating ass can get skinny and get drunk faster! Just when you thought you couldn’t get any lazier. There was no Worlds Greatest Wednesday today, but we were graced with its power bottom partner, New Music Tuesday, on Wednesday. Josh did it backwards again where Ellis and Tully guess the artist and I think that it should stay this way, games are more fun than just having to shove pencils in your ears to stop the torture. Rawdog’s pick of the week was some whiny bitch singing a song about whining and bitching, you should check it out. Not really, don’t, trust me.

Tully and Fuck Burrito made some new Celebrity news that informed us all that Celebrities are working so hard that they are unable to sleep or properly hydrate themselves. It would appear that this is an epidemic and should be dealt with immediately, never mind the massive amounts of drug use, that isn’t a factor. Final calls were pretty good today, our friend @bwstrangler called in about his “buddy” forwarding a picture of his dick to all of his and his wife’s family. This call was great but it was only to be topped by the 12 year old girl that called and after having a little lesson in proper girl edicate, left us with “cunt.” Well done little girl, your daddy must be proud, wherever he is. Dean Wilson also called into the show but with his heavy accent I couldn’t understand a single word he said, much like yer mum when she tries to talk with a mouth full of dicks, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 6/19/2012

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Look how adorable Shaq is!

Guess what’s happening today? Ellis is fucking your mom’s face, he’s fucking your face, he’s fucking my face, he’s fucking everyone’s faces off – like a Clydesdale. Speaking of horses, Ellis wants a bald dog, he doesn’t think Andre the Giant is adorable, and he says anything over 6′ 6″ isn’t adorable. This is where I disagree and show you a picture of Shaq on horse, that is adorable – in an inhumane sort of way. Some homeless guy knocked on the window of THC’s Porsche, asking for money, and he almost got that last tooth in his head knocked the fuck out when he was trying to play tough homeless junky guy. That’s not a good way to ask for charity, getting your dirty bum hands on a dude’s Porsche and telling him to fuck off. But enough of impoverished people talk because it’s a real downer, it’s Rude Judesday. He gave a pair of undies to Ellis, which makes for an odd gift, but hey – we’re talking about Jude here. Last Friday, Jude took himself an ecstasy type pill and went to get a rub and tug by a tiny Asian with braces, then when next door to eat tacos – thereby creating the best two hours of his life.

I wanna be the Wolf Knives too!

Breaking news, Grant “No longer duckin'” Cobb is back in the musical chair fight, but by backing out originally, he gave up his belt and @Butterballs_EM6 is still the interim musical chair fight champion. There is also talk of a possible appearance by MMA Barney The Dinosaur (@ShaneCarwin) at Ellismania 8! But you know that shit ain’t gonna happen, Carwin’s a working man and is probably too busy. We got to hear Ellis busting out his acting chops in the major, made for TV movie “Zolar“, as well as some behind the scenes extras from the DVD. Shout out to @CobraTits for providing audio and video for all your curious Zolar viewing / listening pleasures. More peeps were called up into the Wolf Knives gang ranks, it’s getting pretty big like your mom’s ass, so if you’re getting in on that shit, you should probably get on it like your mom does on the homeless cock. Whoa! Two mom jokes in a sentence? Is that a record? Probably not. Oh well.

These girls were pretty funny.

Rawdog thinks there are female comedians that are just as funny as the top male comedians. Clearly that’s bullshit because chicks can’t make jokes while they’re bleeding from their stink box. Honestly, comedy has historically been dominated by males, but I think that’s changing about as much and/or as fast as it can. Yes, there are funny females in comedy, but I’m not sure that’s really even so much of a goal of females as it is for males. There are tons of different theories on why there aren’t more women in comedy. I don’t know. Maybe in the future it will be dominated by women. HAHAHAAA Fuck. I’m sorry, I can’t even keep a straight face saying that. How can I laugh at you while I’m trying to picture what you look like naked? It’s just not that easy, as opposed to your mom. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 6/14/2012

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Driving around town I noticed that there are a lot of people on the corners with signs saying “need help”, “hungry”, “my family was killed by ninjas and I need money for karate lessons.” But this afternoon I heard a solution to this problem. According to Ellis, we should just shoot them. Put them out of their misery like the old farm dog and plant them under the apple tree so it will grow delicious apples so that we may eat them and not go hungry. The circle of life. Okay, maybe he was exaggerating, but it sounds good to me. Ellis talked about his Ellis Mania fight and has lined up a mystery MMA fighter, but he won’t tell us who until papers are singed. There will be a hologram Marlyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, Jimmy Hendrix, and Jim Morrison. The only reason that I am mentioning this is so that you might imagine the the holographic gang bang that would happen if I had the controls. Ellis spent some one on one time with Devin (Snooks) last night and he said that she was sad that him and mommy aren’t together anymore. Ellis vowed to set his happiness aside and focus on making his kids happy. This is a noble thing for a father to do and hopefully on his quest he finds his own happiness along the way. On the lighter side of things, there was the discussion of who’s better, Mr. Rogers or Barney? Personally, that bloated purple brain raping bastard of a dinosaur can go choke on a thousand dicks. Anything that can sing a song that makes me contemplate suicide need to be eradicated, and yes, I’m also looking at you Nickelback.

Chris Brown and his “crew” got into a tussle (yes, I said tussle) with Drake and his “crew.” There were some words, and then someone smashed a beer bottle and cut one of Brown’s guys causing a slight gash on his chin. The only reason I am even mentioning this is because I am thoroughly disappointed with the rap community, don’t they know that broken beer bottle fights are the country music industry’s territory? They better hope that Blake and Keith don’t hear about this. June is now gay pride month, so congratulations you homos, you can celebrate by being even more fabulous than normal. Oh yeah, who would have ever guessed that along with having huge horse cocks, horses also have huge horse balls, and love hula hooping. No seriously, they fucking love it!

The “Sad Titties in The Rain” art project was due today, and as much fun as it would be to describe each one in painful detail to you, I will just post the link so you can see these shitacular pieces of art yourself (and I use the word art very loosely). http://sadtittiesintherain.tumblr.com/ Personally I think that Rawdog did the best, probably because it has lots and lots of big boobies. Fuck you, I judge it as I see it and I see boobies, clear winner. But I am not a professional art critic, Hunter Johoroskofeltafishington is, and she said that the pieces weren’t that bad, oh and she said titty a lot.

Mayhem was too late for the critique but he got a miniature showing of the guy’s work and showed a peice of his own. He was the usual Mayhem and then shit got thick son. There was heated discussion about the “N” word and its use, meaning, history. Jason was getting pissed, Miller wasn’t letting up. But in the end it all washed out and Jason and Jason will now go ride moto. Speaking of motorcycles, did you ever know that your mom once tried her hand at riding a motorcycle? Well, a picture speaks a thousand words, OH!

 

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 6/13/2012

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You may not realize this, but you are reading my 20th show re-cap on noyouare.lixlink.com! I will give you a minute to celebrate, pop some champagne, buy a hooker, what ever you do to celebrate momentous events. This afternoon we relearned that the Wonder Child was allergic to gluten. I’m not sure what gluten is but I think that it is an allergy that pussies use to justify their pussiness. Getting back to the recap, Josh only ate Wonder Bread as a kid, which according to some listeners is full of gluten. Imagine that he doesn’t even know what he’s allergic to. But that is why we love him and his confusing, childish ways. Meth heads fucked every thing up for the rest of us with normal allergies because now you have to go to the pharmacist to get the good shit, thanks fuckers! Either way, it turns out that its The Man that makes us sick and The Man also makes the pills that make us better, so anyway you cut it, your getting fucked by The Man. That is, of course, your Jeremiah Johnson, then your one bad ass mother fucker.

Rob Dyrdek (@robdyrdek) came in today, and it was a great interview. He talked about the incident between him and Daniel Tosh of Tosh.O and said that if Ellis called him earlier, Dyrdek would have agreed to a fight at Ellis Mania 8. But alas, he did not and now that Rob’s head is clear he feels that fighting would not be the proper move. Rob talked about his charity and also openly apologized to Tony Hawk for the misunderstanding and communications between the two charities and then he started talking about a skate tournament and something about a front side ollie kick flip heel grab 180 into a smith grind ass gape foot fetish flippie grind ball gag. Those who skate know what I’m talking about.

There wasn’t a Worlds Greatest Wednesday today, well kinda. Apparently tomorrow there will be some art critic expert chick who looks at flower vaginas and there were many suggestions on a subject for this art expo from hell. During the suggestions, our dear friend bitPimps was put on probation for his suggestion for “Clydesdale’s ripping women’s faces off,” and rightly so, that shit is crazy and we have discussed this in depth previously. But on second thought, I think it would make an interesting sculpture. The “winner” of this non WGW was “Sad boobs in the rain.” Well done folks, cant wait to see hear the drawings. Oh and the Cougar Life saga continues, Ellis replied to some old dusty vag cougars and is still skeptical if this isn’t a scam. Again, can’t wait until tomorrows show because you know those bitches  aren’t waiting long, they got to get moving before they’re six feet under.

They’re not sad, but neither am I now.

Breaking Ellis Mania 8 news! Unfortunately Andy Bell (@andybell) will not be making it to Ellis Mania because about 8 months ago he dropped an internal load into his wife’s cookie and as your mum knows, you take enough unprotected mystery shots in the box and mistakes will happen, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 6/12/2012

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Hulk banging a cement truck

Yeaaaaaa motherfuckers. Tuesday, what can we say about Tuesday? Not a lot I suppose. I prefer not to talk about it. Dingo and Jude were on the show, and a dingo did in fact steal that one bitches baby, I think. It doesn’t matter if you blow Hulk or get fucked by Hulk, you’re gonna die because he’s going to get all up in (and completely go through) dem guts, aight. Rawdog may be forced to wear a bikini in his fight at Ellismania. That Sam Ruben dude from KTLA called in to the show and he still wants to send Ellis on press junkets to interview movie stars and shit. He had a bunch of helpful tips for interviewing these stars and such. The dopest part of all that talk? Ellis may get to interview Salma Hayek, she’s hot as hell, and I’d straight up ruin my life just to get all up on Salma.

Or maybe not so much

Surprise, surprise, CougarLife is a scam, because you have to keep buying credits to talk to fake cougar bitches. Who’da thunk it? Age 14 Tully, being the stud he is, broke up with his girlfriend and recorded it so he and his friend could listen and laugh about it. OH BURN, BITCH! Ellis went to the spa, some chick in the street asked him if that was parking for the spa. He goes into the spa, nobody is there and then suddenly a worker was giving a tour to this chick he saw in the parking lot. She comes into the room he’s in, sits down and starts talking to him, saying that Ellis reminds her of her brother. He was trying to teach her how to swim and shit, she left to go get a facial and said she’s going to start coming there at the same time he does. Sounds like she’s trying get with Ellis, but she probably could have skipped the whole “you remind me of my brother” line. Cool story bro.

Everything is going to be fine.

I had to pick my kid up after work because my wife got to go to the fucking horse track with her work like some kind of old ass, degenerate, gambling addict. That shit ain’t fair, I wanna go too! Anyway, so the last thing I heard was about a Mormon, who was married to a woman, but was gay and sexually attracted to men, but thought it would be a sin if he actually had sex with a man. What a conundrum that guys life must be. Next thing I knew, Tully was describing (rather sensually) an imaginary omelet he was cooking, to a caller. Doesn’t sound like I missed much, because I did hear another caller say he was impressed with Rawdog for kissing chicks and impressed with Ellis for not ending the show early today because of all the shitty callers. Speaking of shitty, I’ve got a craptastic joke about your Asian mother. Do you know why she has such squinty eyes? Because atomic bombs are pretty bright. OH!