Tag Archives: Dingo

AKA Luke Trembath

Show Re-Cap for Monday 7/7/2014

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what-just-happened

Dingo when he woke up in the hospital with no memory.

OMG sisters! I’ve missed you soooo much! XOXO’s and stuffs. After the week long break, the show is back and so are the recaps. This must mean contract negotiations are going well for Ellis. Nothing is finalized yet, but it looks very promising and he’s excited and will tell us all as soon as he can. Which works out well for him because he doesn’t want to lose his job. And it works out well for us fans too, because we get to continue listening to our favorite show. Dingo, 28 years young, has some shit to tell us today. He took the week off as many of us did. On about Wednesday, he turned the drinking knob up to 11 and carried that through to the 4th. He knew he had to fly to Vegas on Saturday, so Friday around noon he started getting worried he might miss his flight since he’s been up for 2 days drinking heavily and partying with all his friends, excluding Paris Hilton. Everyone avoided her house even though she sent out a mass text to let everyone know she was having a party at her house. Everyone has already banged her twat out so why bother going, right? Anyway, the 4th, it’s noon, Dingo’s concerned about potentially missing his flight. So he takes a substance to help him stay up, but you’re not supposed to take this substance that puts you into a hole, so to speak, while drinking. He’s at this mega house, a massive party house, a Hollywood royalty house. He starts feeling woozy, goes to the bathroom and throws up and thinks he’s gotten past it. He’s on the couch, he feels hot, he goes outside and feels like he’s going to puke again. He’s given a bucket and blacks out. He wakes up with doctors around him and he’s in the hospital. He’s confused, doesn’t know what day it is and doctors are trying to tell him how he managed to get there. Apparently he was stumbling around the beach throwing up, a stranger see’s him and gets paramedics to take him the emergency room in Malibu. They hook him up to an IV and the doctor says that’s all he can do for him and gets the paramedics to take him to the hospital in Santa Monica. They don’t know his name, he couldn’t be traced back to this mega home or friends. He made it to the airport with a plastic bag containing the board shorts and tank top he was wearing during his blackout, gets to Vegas in time for the fireworks and to introduce Nick Cannon. His new management company took him to the UFC fights and is still feeling pretty shitty so he smartly skips having any drinks in Vegas. Ahhh, the days of being young and doing the kind of drugs you can feel have aged your body by a decade.

overheard

So, he used a tool you say? What could it be? Oh, thanks Dingo!

Not to be outdone, Tully hit up 7-11 and mowed down a shitload of Doritos. He’s wondering how many Doritos he’s willing to admit to having. Has a bunch of food, some beer, and some smokes and almost goes into a Dorito hole. Ellis just stayed by the pool all day with the kids (yes, I’m including the youthful Katie here – HA!) and applying sunscreen to Devin every 20 seconds. Some strange kid wanted him to buy him a toy or some shit, another kid wanted to keep trying to pour water over his head and he’s wondering where the fuck the parents are. Then he see’s a kid go over to the edge of the pool, squat down, and release a bunch of little turd logs into the pool. Mr. and Mrs. Tully also saw a little kid face plant in from them and end up having to parade the kid around to try and find the parents because they weren’t around either. Parenting, apparently in LA, very few people actually do it, leaving behind pussy kids and annoying kids. Oh, and before I forget. Katie can’t throw up, she wasn’t feeling well, took some charcoal pills, and tried sticking her finger down her throat but it wasn’t working. So, it was up to Ellis to use a “tool” to help get the job done, which it did. As Ellis and Tully did a graceful dance around what this magical “tool” was, Dingo, well known for his masterful wordsmith abilities, blurts out, “dick in the mouth”. Oh. And also while Wilson was in Alabama, he never once heard the “n” word.

eyebrows-raised

Ellis flirting with Kenda.

MMA News time with Kenda (not Kendra) Perez. Ellis received no drunk texts from Kenda over the weekend, so that pretty much means she was with her boyfriend and he must be working his way into her heart as well as her panties. Joe Rogan temporarily got put on blast by Dana White for asking Rousey if she was willing to rescue the UFC 176 PPV event in less than a month because it currently has no main event. Dana then later exonerated Joe and all is well between the two again. Chris Weidman put doubts to rest with his win over Lyoto Machida. Urijah Faber beat the brakes off Alex “Bruce Leroy” Caceres and it sounds like Urijah has had a falling out with Duane Ludwig. In TUF 19 finale, BJ Penn retired after his TKO loss to Frankie Edgar. And Ben Askren heckled “fat” Johny Hendricks and “bald” Dana White. Also, Chael Sonnen got fired from FOX Sports and UFC broadcasting. Speaking of people getting fired, here we go. Anthony Cumia, yes, the bitter old gal from Opie & Anthony also got fired. Apparently it was over some racist shit he said on Twitter. Whatever. I don’t care. Maybe not so coincidentally, new segment time with “Dude, Will This Get Me Fired?” The major bit of entertainment here was how we learned that Cumtard wiped his ass, between his legs, while standing up. Some chick he worked with at McDonalds that he tried to flirt with caught him with a wad of shitty toilet paper in his hand, dick hanging out, and standing like some kind of mental patient. Then we get another bomb dropped on us when Tully admits he’s not sure he’s ever wiped while sitting down, he always stands up to wipe. That means there are people walking among us who stand up to wipe. You know Tully & Cumtard can’t be the only two in the world. I never would’ve known, and you said the show isn’t informative.

hot-in-here

Donald Schwartz, poaching, and history get me so hot!

Donald Schwartz called into the show to talk about how much it costs if you want to go poach a rhino. I might have written that wrong. He doesn’t condone poaching, matter of fact he flat out is opposed to it, he just knows a lot about it. He’s also opposed to beheading people, but also may allegedly know a lot about it. Also, apparently killing cool lions causes the pussy lion population to increase. I’m not sure how, but if Schwartz says it does, then I’ll take his notoriously racist* word for it. *Disclaimer: Donald isn’t really a racist, he just plays one on TV. Also, I’m joking again. He, as far as I know, has never played a racist on TV. Anyway, shit is in trouble. Animals. The ocean. All of it. And if they’re in trouble, then we’re in trouble. And nobody wants to report to the principal’s office for this one. Trust me. Or don’t. Trust Donald. See if I care. Just trust someone for once in your life. Wait. That might be a bad idea. Just go to awf.org, there are pictures there!

Ever heard of Jordan Haskins? Me neither. Apparently he’s running for 95th District Michigan State House Representative and he used to be into “cranking” which is supposedly a sexual fetish where he removed spark plug wires from cars, sat in them with the engines running, sparking, and making noises, while he jerks off. Time for some notable moments in world history with Ellis and Dingo. The Dalai Lama was a Korean dude who invented yoga, wears a dress, and is not the CEO of Apple. The bikini was invented by Dingo’s mom when she was born and his dad wore a blue one and got the nickname Blueberry. Amelia Earhart did not steal babies, but was the last female bohemian who made the world’s best/worst lemonade. Ever. She also went on a walkabout until women had rights, and then pissed off men threw her in the ocean. Lyndon B. Johnson signed up for civil rights which gave rights to civil people in 1964 and then promptly gave those same rights to everyone except for Dingo’s mother. That girl that sued Kobe Bryant was pissed because he tried to crack open the backdoor and she was not into the butt jams and so she sent text messages to the FBI and Kobe quickly bought his girl a ring with a massive rock, thereby apologizing for splitting another ladies butthole apart which required stitches. In the butt. Butthole stitching. The Battle of the Little Bighorn was between Colonel Mustard and Chief Sitting Pond, up in Canada. Neither dude took any shit, but eventually Colonel Mustard was killed by Indians (feather, not dot) and they were all like, “fuck that cracker-ass cracker.” People at the time were all like “that’s fucking bullshit, man!” But nowadays, people are like, “well, fuck that Mustard guy” because as a whole, we were dicks to Indians (feathers, not dots) and that pretty much marked the invention of fire water. John Gotti was the father of gangster rapper Irv Gotti, he invented prohibition, the Gotti necktie, and suits. The Statue of Liberty and french fries were gifts from France just say “hi, we like you” and we accepted both gifts which made our entire population fat, but fully pleased and in need of a nap. The French are still waiting for us to send them a statue of Hulk Hogan. The Watergate burglars where a family that robbed banks and information from Secret Services and sold them to the Chinese, but were caught by Deep Throat, who turned out to be Tom Hanks and was romantically linked to Richard Nixon. Alexander The Great was gay, but the greatest of all time, he hunted elephants, owned Rome, and participated in orgies like a champ. Somebody put mercury on their dick and poisoned him and then he died. The Salem Witch Hangings were real, not just a story to make kids stop eating cookies at night. They tossed witches in water, if they drowned, they were not witches, if they floated, they were witches. This was of course all before anyone learned how to swim. Benjamin Franklin flew kite, which created electricity because he put a key on that kite and then lightening was like, BOOM! Entrepreneurship to you, sir! And that concludes our history lesson for today, kiddies. Now, how would you kill Dingo? By grenades at the Grenade Games? Him on an ice rink with a bunch of rocks and you and your drunk friends get to stone him to death? Think of your best and then keep it to yourself because the show is over by now.

awkward-kiss

Awkward kisses.

Show Re-Cap for Monday 6/23/2014

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player-cuts-out

When SXM keeps cutting out.

Here we go, bust out your to-do lists and start checking off that 1 thing you did and take stock of the 99 other things you have not done yet. Donald Schwartz is supposed to be filming and editing Friday’s show at the go-kart track, so you should be able to see that on officialjasonellis.com at some point. Dingo promises to wait until 4PM or so to shut the event down, like he did last time when he purposely pulled a Nipplopolis and went the wrong way on the track. So else besides Dingo likes Steve Aoakley? EDC or CDC or BBC or something or another is selling more tickets than Coachella or some shit. Basically, Dingo had another very exciting and busy weekend filled with drinking and naps. Ellis has managed to work in 3 shits today already, Dingo did a little one, and Tully got ripped off with his shit today. Nobody feels good about a terrible shit. Did you know Christian James Hand took his scuba certification in the Hudson river? Yup. That’s pretty gross. My player kept cutting out so I’m kind of lost in all this. Some how this segues into when Ellis was younger, his dad had a panel van, all decked out that he’d take to panel van shows and look all cool with custom shag carpet and shit. Oh yeah, and his dad tried to teach the kids how to barefoot ski because real men do it barefoot. Something about Urijah Faber and taking skydiving to a whole new level with MMA while skydiving. I don’t know if I heard that right, but if I did, that sounds pretty fucking stupid.

workout-mind

Aubrey will rape your entire family just to get a workout in.

Aubrey Marcus called into the show today. He learned Ellis has already taken his 3 poo’s, had a cheat day yesterday, and has no nuts of the macadamia variety. So workout talk. Nothing helps you lose weight like long, protracted workouts. So what you want to do is do really short bursts of hardcore workout stuff then kind of go back to a normal, easier pace, and then do a hardcore burst again. You keep that cycle going and you’ll burn calories and lose weight like God himself came down and sucked the fat right out of your cock and tits. It’s all about abs and ass, abs and ass. Another, less healthy, and unattractive option could be anorexia, but I’m pretty sure nobody recommends that route. Most people take fish oil pills for the brain and insides, but Dingo used to put fish oil in his hair for awhile. I don’t know if that made his hair smarter or just smell like your mom’s vagina. So remember when @CrackerStacker6 tested out the speech jammer and tried rapping along to Put Your Balls On It? Go give it a listen if you haven’t heard, he also did a version of Target Practice that was hilarious as well. Well Tully asked Cullen to put his lyrics over the music track so they could let Dingo listen to it. It completely cracked everyone up and then it was time for Dingo to try to speak using the speech jammer. He fumbled around a bit, but was more like a woman about because he’d just stop and they’d have to prompt him to keep speaking.

Back from the break, it’s time to play the dating game – with a twist. Two of the three “suitors” will be using the speech jammer while answering the contestants questions. The suitors will be Nate Hotdog (not using the speech jammer), Cumtard, and Jetta, both of whom will be using the speech jammer. The contestant is retired porn star Kayla Paige. She likes a manly man, so of course all contestants offer up the fact that they have a hairy ass. Nate was coached by Ellis & Tully into talking about how big and veiny his cock is and how he wants to jam it in her butt. Basically, suitor #3, Nate Hotdog, increasingly got more and more vulgar until he was shitting a crystal ball into her ass while cumming. So who’d she up choosing? Suitor #1, Jetta. There was a ton of laughs during the segment and at one point Dingo fell out of his chair. On a side note, Kayla gets to go out on tour for 2 weeks with Limp Bizkit. You tell Ellis & Tully we’re biting their tongues to play nice and didn’t make any disparaging comments about the Bizkit.

first-time-fingerer

Someone’s gonna get fingered!

What kind of shit have you killed? At what age? Did you feel bad about it? Are you a serial killer in training? Most all of us have killed something at least once in our lives, the difference is if you had a boner while you did it or not. So somebody, lord knows who, submitted a link to 16 Musicians Losing Their Shit On Stage, at approximately 1:13 PM CDT on June 19, 2014 that was on the show today. That’s not important though, what is important are the ones I think were the top 3: And those were Biggie Smalls getting pissed at his DJ, Billy Joel getting pissed at his band, and Michael Jackson getting pissed at Slash for his epic guitar solo. Give them all a watch, it’s pretty funny. Final calls time, what would you do if you were 1980’s Billy Joel for 1 day? Dingo might take a nap and then do a bunch of cocaine. But really, everyone would just get on a private jet, fuck Christie Brinkley, dump her off in Provo, Utah and then try to pick up a bunch more women to worship your Piano Man cock. And that’s all I got for ya, stay frosty!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 6/16/2014

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i-dont-trust-you

MMA shirt? Fine. Hockey jersey? Not fine. I don’t wear either, but I also don’t know about that logic.

It’s like raaaaaayyyyyy-eeeeeaaaaaaiiiinnnnn on your recap day. It’s a freeeeee mustache riiiiiiddddeee when you’re already laid. I don’t know why I just did that, I apologize for that crock of shit. So, happy belated Father’s Day to all you good-ass dads out there. All you shit dads, you can eat shit. Shit mate. Routines are off right from the get go, Jetta & Cumtard are MIA. Ellis & Aubrey thought of an app that will help kick your chewed up wad of bubble gum ass into shape. Dings is there, he just ate, he wants that app, and if he does, he needs to fork over some skrilla. Dingo got his drink on yesterday, Miami lost and people are either talking smack, or maybe they’re not. Ellis’ cable company sucks a mean dick, it a bad way though. It won’t record shows, he can’t get some channels, and by god – they’re fucking expensive. He can’t see American motocross shit, but he sure can see Italian motocross shit – all brappity boppity boopity and shit. Tully thinks the NHL cup finals were “breath taking” and I say totally anti-climatic. Big weekend for the Ellis family, made big daddy Jayce Cakes tired as all hell. He went to a father’s day thing at Carey & Pink’s house, they got a stocked pond and shit. Devin cast her line out and viola! She catches a fish. Tiger busts out his Ironman rod and bam, catches a fish. Tiger had his first big boy crash on the motorcycle this past weekend. He cried but ended up handling it like a champ. Ellis likes his new Red Wings hockey jersey, but Katie doesn’t. Which makes no sense really, which is worse? Wearing clothes that promote a company’s food supplements or a hockey jersey? Riiiight. Somehow discussion turned to shit reality shows on TV, which there is no shortage of, pretty sure that’s all of TV now. Reality shows you make you stupid. Fact. I think. I’m not sure. You feeling alive? Because Tony Gwynn isn’t. Poor dude had mouth cancer and died at the young age of 54. Not to be outdone, Casey Kasem died a day before Gwynn, but he was 82.

and-post-it

Submitting your Wolfknives Membership purchase.

So UFC. I didn’t watch it, neither did Ellis. Kenda was there, but she didn’t really pay attention either. Which leads me to believe I didn’t miss jack shit. Well, besides Andrei Arlovski returning to beat Brendan Schaub. Apparently fans thought the fight was boring and even Dana said he made a mistake putting that fight on the main card and said it should’ve been part of the prelim card. Ouch. Now, on to a more interesting fight. This is of a ghetto fight at a gas station with some black girl beating the shit out of two dudes with her titties flopping all about. By the end, she was completely naked and the two dudes were completely loopy after getting their asses handed to them by Miss Naked Ass-kicker USA. More Wolfknives signed up and got their names today. It seems along with the increased number of members, there is a specific increase in female members, which is cool as shit. So welcome, sisters! Hey, did you know there’s a Wolfknives Member Registry? Well there is, and it’s run by @RainmanRDS. There were some great names given out today. Unfortunately, nobody got Fart Barfunkle this time around, maybe next time.

did-i-hear-crazy-talk

Did somebody say deviled eggs? I like deviled eggs.

Something, something about Abercrombie & Fitch. I think they’re hurting and may or may not be looking for more washboard ab young men to parade in front of their stores. Time for a Dingo quote! In today’s culture, people look at asses as an asset. ~Dingo And now for some more crazy. There’s this dude that is convinced Stacey, her deviled eggs, and Miracle Whip are straight up evil. Side note, he kind of looks like The Architect from The Matrix, but his logic kind of sounds like Gilbert Grape. This guy is crazier than a shithouse rat on a fishing boat. Remember the guy from last year that got busted having sex with a pool raft? Well, he’s back, having sex with inflatable things again. Asphyxia is back to beat the shit out of Cumtard. The idea is that Asphyxia will be performing some S & M style shit on Cumtard and he has to guess the password to get her to stop. Before we get too far into the whole experience, Dingo had to get his licks in, so to speak, and gave Cumtard a hard slap on bare ass. Cumtard didn’t seem like he liked the whole experience too much, that is until he started getting an erection during the nipple clamp tugging session. One the funnier parts for me was while he was getting waxed & was given the clue of “leader” and he guessed the safe word “Barack Obama”. I hope to Barry that if anyone out there practicing S & M, uses Barack Obama as a safe word – that’s a game changer, politically and otherwise. The torture continued, with a few mishaps here and there, but the ultimate goal was essentially reached. Cumtard in a dress and in pain. And that led us to final calls with the question, would you rather be a bear with a human dick or a bear with a bear dick, but a human mind. I think everyone can agree that bear dicks are gross and you wouldn’t want one.

hi-bye-mom

Toodles!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 6/9/2014

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party-it-up

Drunk Dingo at Diddy Jr’s party.

Welcome (English), ulihelisdi (Cherokee), bienvenue (French), herzlich willkommen (German Gaper). It’s another Monday recap with your bestie-cakes, me! Okay, so maybe we don’t know each other well enough to best friends, but we can change that – and that’s change you can believe in! Ellis is super excited to be here today, things are looking great for him because he feels like he’s got 7 million balloons tied to his pants, he feels light. And he’s excited to make all kinds of money and move in next to rich fuckers and ruin their days. Haircuts. Ellis had a bowl cut when he was young, it almost turned into a bob. Guess which younger, male, Ellis is not allowed to have a mohawk or a shaved head? Hint, his name rhymes with Liger Tee. Dingo was at Diddy’s son’s birthday party on Thursday and got wasted and isn’t sure what he said, but he knows he let loose. He was there getting blasted with basically just the family, minus Puff – he didn’t show up until way later. Everyone was singing Happy Birthday to Diddy Jr. and cracker-ass Dingo couldn’t clap in rhythm with everyone else. Speaking of singing Happy Birthday, Tully and his son sang Happy Birthday to Mrs. Tullywong. It was just as embarrassing because it’s just 1 adult and 1 toddler singing. Speaking of toddlers, Ellis and Katie went to a gay pride parade on Saturday. There was a whole lot of talk about dudes fucking dudes, supposed 24 hour anti-AIDs pills, and pubic hair, more than I will bore you with. Basically, it sounds like it was exactly what you might expect it to be. FABULOUS!

hitting-on-kenda-perez

How I picture Kenda when Ellis is hitting on her.

Will’s still faithfully training for his fight with Cumtard, straight up in his shorts and ready to rock’em sock’em by the time Ellis gets to the gym. Which begs the question, does Cumtard even know about the Madden brothers and the X-Games? Just go with it man, segue’s be damned! So that gracefully leads us into Kenda Perez on the horn and not hung over to talk about the UFC. She was in Albuquerque, New Mexico for the fights, she even hit up a bar to watch, but not participate in line dancing. She smelled all kinds of that sticky icky green skunk bud in her hotel, and apparently Dingo thinks that means a smell of sex and not pot marijuana. Tully was in Albuquerque once, his room had bullet holes in the door and a duct tape repair job on the toilet, so we’re talking upscale shitting here. Anyway, some people fought during UFC Fight Night and apparently there was some whack-a-doody stuff that went down, but honestly, I’m just not feeling it so you’re gonna have to go look on the lines yourself to find out what all happened. So Dingo practiced his American accent with some “cheeseburger” and “cheese steak” drops. He’s about halfway there to an American accent, needs practice. He doesn’t get most of our National Anthem either, until it gets to the “live free” part. Again, just go with it, I think he’s mixing up the song with the Die Hard movie. So everyone on the show is trying to watch hockey a lot more, sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t – but hey, at least they’re trying. Tully likes it when the guy skates behind the other teams goalie and everyone’s all like “ooooohhh, which was is gonna go, is going left, is he going right, nobody knows!” And Ellis likes it when the guy passes behind his back and people fake fall. Dingo just likes the National Anthem, you know the part.

sherk-werk

Ermahgerd! It’s sherk ners!

Wolfknives members, you wanna choose some music? You can still send in some picks for songs to be played – so there’s that. You’re probably not gonna get 311 played, but you can try, you dick. Shark news time, directly from the ocean. Scientists were puzzled by a 9 foot great white shark that got eaten. Turns out, it wasn’t a fucking Kraken or Godzilla, it was a colossal cannibal great white shark that ate it. BOOM! I break news and hearts, y’all! Also, the Loch Ness monster is full of shit, man. Hey, some how you can win a download code the new Linkin Park album for something or another, and the upcoming UFC fights, I don’t think you have to do anything for it, it’s just how Ellis feels at the moment. So good luck with that! It’s time for some history lessons with Ellis and Dingo. 20 years ago, the “Hollywood Madame” was arrested, who was she? She was a coke ho, she had a book, she showed everybody her black book of ho’s, and dick sizes. That last part might not be correct, but let’s not mince cocks here. On June 8th, 632 AD, Muhammad the Barbarian died, he started a religion, not cheeseburgers. Ronald Reagan was a movie star, became a politician, and he invented Star Wars but gave Lucas the rights to it, and Marilyn Monroe was his bastard child because Presidential loads were flying all over the place back then. The 19th amendment was passed to give black people a mule and some acreage since we treated them like shit. Some good movies came out in 1989, but the crackdown on drugs came to hardcore fruition in Tiananmen Square and unless you were in a strong relationship, you could only have 1 child, also California rolls were invented. Babe Ruth invented the candy bar, he was a drunk, beat his wife, and slept with everybody. He was the fattest person to point at the sky and hit a ball right up the sun’s ass. Deep throat, he worked for the FBI, knew the secret to awesome blow jobs, and shared that information and gave free demonstrations, and that’s where Tommy Lee Jones got all wrinkly. Amy Fisher was an ice skater, she broke some hot Asian chick’s legs, and then got shot in the face with some fat dudes load. Brothers Lewis and Clark were boat enthusiasts that flew around the world and made shoes. They’d buy Chinaman and trade them for blacks, 2 for 1, it was a fucked up time around the Louisiana Purchase era. Is your head spinning from all this very factual information in this history lesson? I know mine is! See, who says learning can’t be fun?

So remember how Tully mentioned he, Will, Cumtard, and Jetta all invested $20 each of their own money into the show? It was revealed today they got on fiverr.com and paid for people to do make things to help promote the show. None of them were worth $5, much less the time it took to send an email. Well, maybe the chick singing Who Let The Dogs Out, that might of been worth the $5. Sounds like maybe this $10 game Tully had made might also be the best thing made and represents the show better than all the other stuff. This brought us to final calls and the question, what would you do if you had a “Get out of AIDs free” pill for 12 hours. Apparently Rik Mayall from “The Young Ones” died at the age of 56, that show was fucking great, so that sucks. And on that note, I have a massive headache, so I’m done staring at this screen. Don’t die!

Bonus: Here’s @McKaI86 pretending to be Bane and talking about TJES.

Download (link to MP3)

Bonus #2: “The Party”

Show Re-Cap for Monday 6/2/2014

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i-am-somebody

In case you don’t know, now ya know.

Who loves ya? That’s right, I do! Who puts the lotion in the basket? That’s right, you do! So if you were listening to Faction previous to the show, you might have caught a quick replay of the show, specifically the “Horse Force” bit. Why did they play that just before the show? Because it’s going to be a topic on today’s live show. Everyone still with me? Great. Let’s begin. Why does the voice of the listener on the phone sound so dumb? Because dumb people have free time to push buttons on their phone, so they get through to the show. The couch Grant Cobb made is full of bad spirits, it’s causing havoc on the show. Ellis wanted to watch the hockey game on Sunday, but by the time he did, it was over. Ellis is now like Eminem in 8 Mile, where he flips off the Free World crew and says “Fuck the Free World” – only with Ellis is doing that with Game of Thrones because the last episode killed off some dude he likes. Dingo knows Miami will be winning the NBA championship this year, and if anyone knows, it’s Dingo. So we all know how much Ellis has been trying to get Devin into moto and she just wasn’t having it. He pulled the old switch-a-roo and took her bike to go trade it in on a 4 wheeler for her, which she seems to be loving. BOOM! Moto family achievement unlocked. Not to be outdone, Tully’s wife went to Target and bought some flip flops. BOOM! Flip flop achievement unlocked. Quick Moto News, Villopoto is not racing and could be saving himself to make a run at being the GOAT so he can finally work on getting drunk and fat. Dingo got to see a private screening of 22 Jump Street, he said it was great. He also saw A Million Ways to Die in the West, he said it was good but he walked out. He also said he walked out on 21 Jump Street when he saw it in the theater. So what have we learned from all this? Dingo walks out on at least 2/3rd’s of the movies he goes to see. Tully and his wife once sat right next to Seth MacFarlane while he was out on a date. He said the chick seemed like a gold digging bitch without the package to back her up, she wasn’t that good looking and seemed really annoying. So what have we learned from that? Seth doesn’t appear to be plowing hot Hollywood poon and nobody knows why not.

yay-horse-force

Yay! Horse Force! YAY!

So what was up with the Horse Force replay before the show today? Because Ellis wants a t-shirt designed for it, and if the show gets really, really big – he thinks they should make a cartoon of it. They talked about who would be what kind of horse, each horses special gift, and any weaponry they might use. This went on for a good hour, kicking around all kinds of ideas for Horse Force. I’ll be a god damned monkey’s uncle if Bob McKenzie didn’t call into the show today. You may remember him tweeting Ellis during Friday’s show, saying he was listening in his tunnel up in Canadaland. Who the fuck is this Bob fellow, you ask? He’s a longtime Canadian hockey commentator. It’s pretty funny to think that he listens to the show and even funnier to think about him becoming a Wolfknives member. Wilson punched Ellis in the face today! Not like just decked him at work or anything, he went to the gym with Ellis to start getting ready for EMX. He wore shorts and took his shoes off and everything. A woman in Virginia was arrested for running an illegal strip club out of her house. Police found out when someone called the police to complain about the price of drinks, a whole $2 each. Tim Kennedy stopped into the studio, he’s a professional MMA fighter and special forces operator. He had two fights against Mayhem Miller, winning one and losing one, he called the fights fun and it sounds like he wouldn’t be against another one for final supremacy. He participated in halftime push ups, he called out Tully for doing halfies, and then he did 1 extra because he can. According to Tim, Bisping has an English midget in his entourage who was constantly trash talking him. He was an entertaining guest and clearly still has his wits about him. He also mentions Chael Sonnen has great hair, with Kenny Florian coming in second, and he is not turned on in the least by female fighters.

wrong-love-gun

This may or may not be why Trevor is an alleged murderer. He learned it from mom.

Hey. Some lady had her baby on the train of her wedding dress. I’m not sure how that’s news, but if you’re inclined to do so, you can find the story on the lines. Ellis says if he ever gets married again, he wants it to be on a pirate ship with just his wedding party. He wants to stand up & steer and drink and talk and stuff. Am I the only one who feels like Ellis has been bringing up marriage a lot more since his heart stuff? Anyway, the show has two new interns now, Trevor and Nate. Both are 21 I believe, both are virgins, and one of them has a beard – I’m not sure which one, I think it might be Nate. Also, one of them (Trevor) kind of sounds a lot like the previous intern, Hardcore. One of them, I assume the one that sounds like Hardcore, isn’t that big of a fan of the show, or so it seems. Trevor doesn’t say much and answered every question with one word answers, it was weird. Nate wants to be a radio host, but only if he’s good at it and people like him. Neither one of them are into dating, Nate likes his free time and not having to be answering to no bitch. Nate has also gotten high before, he likes bowling, eating, and plans on getting high again in the future. Trevor likes to go off-roading, in his Jeep Cherokee. He really seems untrustworthy, like the kind of intern that’d poison your coffee. He hangs out by himself and plays Splinter Cell. Their first test to see who is the better intern, Ellis sent them off to get syringes. First one back was Nate, Trevor was just not as resourceful and chose to follow Nate, ensuring his loss. And there you have it, Monday’s recap all gift wrapped, with ribbons and a bow, because gosh darn it, you deserve it. Now go enjoy your evening of food, masturbation, and eating the food you’ve fucked. Baby, you’s nasty.