Tag Archives: Demi Moore

Show Re-Cap for Thurday 5/9/13

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Sup fuckers, it’s yet another Thursday with your Uncle Ghostload, and the ADHD is heavy today.  Ellis’s jaw hurts cause he’s been sleeping crooked and shit’s breaking on him.  Why do crab’s sleep sideways?  But like Tully points out, if there was a roided up smurf, beating the shit out of all the other smurfs, and your 6 foot ass rolled into town, blue roided up smurf would bring it to you despite your towering appearance cause that’s all he knows how to do!  Which really just means Ellis wants to get back on his board and shred, but not with a bunch of 14 year old kooks.  And Linsanity would be more likely to be Ellis skate board buddy, not to dare be confused with his DP buddy, since Tully is too old a dog to learn that new trick.  Did you know that Will practically gave birth to Silverchair?  I mean this dude was the first to play them state side, and he was the dude that picked them up at the air port in Hotlanta, I mean practically raised those little warlords.  Some crazy dude wants to be Ellis’s fight date buddy, again not his DP buddy, but this dude has never trained, just lifted some weights……well, get it up ya mate!  Speaking of crazy dudes, Rawdog is all set to go to Mars.  He even has it planned to coincide with the his last TJES show in roughly 6 years…….and then I lost transmission……..

 

 

........until they give Ellis $1,000,000.

……..until they give Ellis $1,000,000.

 

…..yeah so I finally got back into The Jason Ellis Show, and just in time to hear them tell some dude to go write a haiku on Silverchair, followed by some other dudes best attempt at “Baby, Baby” or some shit.  So what the hell is going on?  Its the Little Miss Jason Ellis contest!  Yeah I probably should have just switched over to Jude, but I stayed in and here’s what I deciphered.  We had 3 lovely contestants, John, Perry and Jason.  They each went through a well thought our test consisting of the aforementioned Silverchair haiku and a sexy karaoke, as well as eating a banana, a few questions, their overall looks, and of course a turn on the punch machine!  Fuck dude, that’s a lot of shit, this mutherfucker must be important huh.  Perry, who turned out to be the creepy dude, is the ocean and the least fuckable dude, had a haiku more about himself than Silverchair.  Perry did win the punch machine with a solid 66 (Which he used his palm to strike the pad, hmmmm), but came in last in the final voting so fuck off.  John, has huge areolas, which swayed Rawdog’s vote quite a bit, killed “My Humps”, and dominated the banana eating competition.  John had a horrible and uncalled for haiku and more horrible and more-er uncalled for ass or lack thereof, so clearly he isn’t Little Miss Jason Ellis.  Folks, meet Jason, not Ellis just a random dude with the same first name.  Jason knows why bitches be trippin’, haikud the shit out of Silverchair, was easily the sexiest by default, and despite him not knowing how to properly eat a banana, he is the winner of the 2013 Little Miss Jason Ellis Pageant, so enjoy your free shit and don’t ever tell anyone about any of this, ever!!!

 

 

So this is what I pictured, how about you?

So this is what I pictured….

 

Kevin Farley is just a casual laid back dude!  He stopped by the show to shoot the breeze with the fellas, cause you know he don’t give a flying mutherfucking fuck!  Plus, he can do a spot on impression of a cop, so he’s got that going for him.  You ever notice how sometimes in interviews we tend to find out more about Ellis than the guest?  Well, this was kinda like that, but we did find out Ellis and Kevin share a serious bond having brothers who passed and both having to deal, with that and drugs and life and whatever dude let’s talk about Dancing With The Stars.  Kevin’s hosts the road version of the show, which is still mega.  He’s friends with Andy Dick as well, and subtly calls BS on Andy’s new female love thang.  But its not just Ellis that bonded with Kevin today, Tully too shares a bond, University of Wisconsin-Madison bitches!  Turns out that school is like a mini Australia, partying and burnouts.  Kevin also was part of 2gether, a mock boy band, so he knows AJ and all the other boy band stars.  He hangs at Rocking Riley’s, the only Irish Pub in Hollywood as it turns out, and sticks to vodka cause of the calories, but lets just keep that hush hush, its a little touchy.  Lets also keep this hush hush, Tullyvich allegedly has some of Trader Joe’s finest in his home made Red Bull, all alleged of course, yeah come to think of it that didn’t happen, #fucktully.  Back to Kevin, and his new movies!  First off is Project Bigfoot, and this just pissed Rawdog off cause its a spoof on Bigfoot.  After a 5minute exchange of Rawdog justifying Bigfoot being real, and The Loch Ness Monster dodging sonar, Kevin got back to his new movie, Project Bigfoot, which is due out in a few months and should be hilarious.  But lets just say you don’t wanna wait a few months, and want your fix now, BOOM!  No its not called boom ya dumbass, check out Paranormal Movie out on DVD now.  Also, not sure how long you gotta wait for this, but Kevin and Ellis wanna start Titty Fucking Magazine so fuck yeah!  Oh, and finally, for the ladies, if your in the Hollywood area and wanna get titty fucked by a Hollywood Star, thats @ImKevinFarley on twitter – Enjoy!

 

 

Rawdog was quite the little artist!

 

 

Well turns out the ADHD meds are wearing off on yet another tremendous edition of Your Mom’s House, so enjoy Hollywood News kids.  Demi Moore is banging a younger Jason Ellis, good on ya mate!  The Crickets are still alive. Nicole Richie was awesome in her dress she wore at this years Met Gala.  Rawdog ain’t down for eating any crickets, maybe Dom is.  What the fuck is a Met Gala anyways?  Tom Hanks tops the list of Most Trusted individuals.  Julia Roberts is Hindu.  Some dude was swallowed by a hippo.  “Meth Heads Die”, “Tully Beating Potheads”, “Will Suggesting Coke” what do all these  have in common?  They’re just random notes I jotted down, again the ADHD is thick today. Mayhem just figured out he ain’t listening to the show for a few days…….

BJ27x1DCUAA8yKL.jpg-large

 

…..but I’m sure he would feel better knowing that this dude Min existed back in the day, and could drop a load in the Nile River to ensure to crops would grow, duh!  That reminds me of the time I tricked your grandmother into believing that if I dropped a load in her throat, her teeth would grow back, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Wednesday 3/6/2013

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This is the show recap with style, recapping the radio show with audio style! We’re so sexy our own reflection tries to molest us! Speaking of molesting, Malin Akerman is so hot she should be beaten, but not in a bad way. Beaten in a good way, with love, and a stiff dick. Speaking of cocks, Andy Bell isn’t one and all good after he and Ellis had a chat yesterday after the show. Dom (the new producer) is colorblind and single so ladies if your looking for a dude with mismatched socks, he’s available. Rawdog thinks looking for one night stands is creepy, figures, and Tully fucked a girl while he was house sitting his buddy’s pad and had to replace the sheets because she…fuck it, I’ll say it, her box was stinky! Tomorrow will be a rather cramped show with Katie, Malice, Joanna, and Joanna’s friend for Tiger Box practice. A black drunk Inspector Gadget, a black homeless dude, and a white guy in a suit walk in front of a seven eleven. You were expecting a joke? As of that mental image wasn’t funny enough. Then talk turned to pitbulls, shotguns, punches in de face, nails across the back, apologies, and of course, sex. And that was all in one night!

back when her boobs were normal

back when her boobs were normal

Ellis says that he is the man he is because of the BJ’s he’s had. I’m not sure what that means but it’s good advise, so go get BJ’s and be a better man. Today is the 15 year anniversary of The Big Lebowski and Tara Ried offering BJ’s for cash. If Ellis could run the country he would be dropping nukes on assholes and making it rain FIYAHHHHH! Then the other assholes will know that we aren’t shitting around. Then they talked about the one on one world war scenario again the only thing to remember from that conversation is that Crazy Bones Jones is to be feared by all.

Do you know what the worlds greatest guitar riff is? You will. Much like the critically acclaimed Worlds Greatest Guitar Solo, we bring you Worlds Greatest Guitar Riff! Is it Pantera’s Cemetery Gates, Metallica’s Enter Sandman, GnR with Paradise City, or Iron Maiden’s Number Of The Beast? Sent your suggestions to Tully, Jason, or Josh via Twitter or email them at jellis@siriusxm.com to send in your suggestions and they better not suck.Dimebag+Darrell

A dog shot his owner in the leg in Florida, probably after the dog caught the dude with his bitch. It is Florida after all. Somebody said that Ellis changed after he regained the memory of his raping from a dude he helped and now he doesn’t want to help anyone, like Tully.

hahahaha, anus

hahahaha, anus

Rawdog did his report on vaginas today, and we learned about the actual vagina, the vulva, the clitoris, the outer lips, and the roast beef. We also learned that there are many more uses for pubic hairs than just smoking them. Also don’t forget about vaginal odors and discharge. Finally, if you are a man, remember, your wiener doesn’t bleed, THANK BARRY!

In Feces News a man pooped on Camry and then fled police causing an accident on a freeway in California. A flaming bag of poo set a Pennsylvania house ablaze! Then they got off track a little and started talking about life on an islandlette and sharks then Jaws then Jaws 4, then mom Brodey fighting the Jawseses and something about Batmans butler, and how the Jawseses are big then small then big again, then the shark horse then a cat vs 100 walking goldfish. Back to jaws. Jawseses 5, terror at the academy awards. Oh and Dom is getting onto Grinder. In Hollywood News, Kanye is mad about being seventh on MTV’s hottest MC list, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are getting divorced, the dude that played John Conor is going to jail on a probation violation, and Cuba Gooding Jr is lying to chicks in the most awesome way and getting then in the sack! I made that last part up but you know that it’s true. Then Ellis gave a caller tips for taking your chick to the strip club, basically if she’s not cool with it, leave her fun time killiin ass at home! And  Russel Crowe took a photo of a UFO, seems legit to me. Reminds me of the time I took erotic pictures of yer mum, she was in bikini bottoms, topless, on the beach. Everything was perfect until that stupid whale rescue team got there and pushed her back into the ocean, OH!9018520_600x338

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 2/6/2013

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Wednesday is known as hump day, as its right in the middle of the work week. At work, you often have vending machines.  Sometimes, you just really need that zagnut bar, but it gets stuck…..and to those who die from vending machine accidents, today’s show is for you!  You dumb lucky fucks got a good one too, so lets roll.  Shout out to SuperCrossDragon and his bad ass cricket concentration camp.  Also shout out to magnets, fucking love those things however they work, and lets hope they do work to hold up the wolf knife banner which just fell down.  If your pants just fall down, and your iphone falls out yo pocket, just let your ass rip and record that shit fart – send it to I think ellisparodies@gmail.com but don’t quote me on that shit fart.  Ellis played a new one of his own to get us started, and Tully had a few that had been sent in including a sweet 20seconds from Brandon, and the guy who asked Kobe how is ass taste, literally!  Sorry to that one lady with the 28 G’s who wants Ellismania to be in June cause it can’t, but Rawdog mania is anytime you want, Hey Lady!  Titties like that will probably knock you out worse than that dude from Ultimate Fighter last night.  They’d probably make you cum like a mother fucker too, and microwave that shit like Rawdog did, but thats later in the show.

 

 

MyFreeCams.com get it up ya!  Ol’ Uncle Ellis got it up him, and watched some ladies get all kinds of shit up them, and all free too.  Well not really, you need tokens for some private shows, but some chics just go for it without tokens, i say fuck tokens!  Kinda creepy to hear Ellis Tully n Rawdizzle each watch chics on cam, and give us the play by play, but also kinda funny too.  They saw someone requesting a chic play with her belly button, some Amish Milf lady, and even got a Red Dragons in a room.  Ellis says its fun to watch n see bitches just get pissed and yell at their computers, and others pulling a dildo out their ass, sniffing it and deciding blowing it ain’t a reasonable option anymore.  The real questions is how much money can be made doing this shit?  Enough to possibly get Cumtard to become Camtard, and put the World’s Smartest Box to use for a true greater good.  Considering he called his mechanic while in the studio, and dropped a over 5-grand bill, he may be looking to more than just one website….so try out StreamMate.com or Chaturbate.com.  Also he could try to cum and microwave that shit like Rawdog did, of course thats later in the show.

 

Happy Birthday @AZ_RedDragon, and Will too I guess.

This Muthafucker here said he was Obama, tried to kidnap some kids, and got the shit beat out of him.  No its not Will Pendarvis III, but today is @AZ_RedDragon‘s birthday so shout out to yo sexy ass, #FullHomo!  Oh, its Will’s too but I only mention that cause it led to a game that got playeded by the fellas.  Yeah remember how last week ol Jizz Cult thought it be a good idea to put Cumtard and his hard earned money on the line……Win Will Pendarvis III’s Money.  If you don’t remember the game, it pits Will against a caller, and Tully asks a question.  Will writes his answer down, then the caller shouts their answer, and if he’s wrong plus the caller is right, Cold Jizz Cult Cash You Cunts (Album droppin’ this September)!  Look, I ain’t gonna sit here and write each question, cause honestly what the fuck dude.  I Will Pendarvis III tell you the tibia is known as the shiny shin bone, and made some dude $23 richer.  BJJ stands for Blow Job Jason, and to be correct it is Anderson “The Man” Silva who is a master of BJJ if you didn’t know!  Last year’s super bowl champs were in fact the Tamp Bay Lighting.  If you knew that, then I’m sure you knew Lebron James and Toby Bryant are two players from the Miami Heat.  And while no one got the quarter of a million dollar question, some dude did get the $4,300,000,000,000 Q when he recited the Green Lantern Oath, while Cumtard jerked it in a near by Green Room, coincidence – I think no you are!  I wonder if he microwaved that shit like Rawdog did, but can’t think about that now since thats later in the show.

 

Damn Right It’s Britney Bitch!

So Postal workers will still be going postal, but just not on Saturdays, and no link you can just look that shit up.  Remember when Rawdog almost went postal yesterday on salads, and Ellis almost went postal on him – you remember right?  Well they kissed n made out up n Rawdog got nuggets and lived happily ever after.  Remember that dude Sean, that doesn’t have a dick yet but wants one, and beat the shit out of Rawdog in EllisMania.  He stopped by the show with his chic to put some Hard Pussy On Your Ass.  But before he could do that, Ellis Tully and Rawdog had to play Name That Pussy.  If your interested in hearing about how the boxes  of say Sharon Stone, Pamela Anderson, Miley Cyrus, Kim Kardashian or Kate Moss look, well fucking On Demand it Barry Damn It.  And if your really tweaked, make sure to listen for how Paris Hilton, Helen Hunt and Sasquatch Demi Moore.  Oh shit, and I almost forget, It’s Britney Bitch!  The game wasn’t all that riveting really, but it was a close one that came to the last question.  Rawdog n Tully got it right, Ellis got it wrong, so Hard Pussy On Ellis’s Ass and Rawdog microwaved his own cum, but thats not until later in the show.

 

Cover artwork for said album

Ok Ok it’s later in the show, so its time for Hard Pussy On Ellis’s Ass.  Turns out Sean just got a hormone shot, and had his Rock Hard Clit (Thats the band name for said album due out in September) was ready to go since he left the Dr’s office.  So he put it on Ellis has literally, and got a well deserved Red Dragons for his sportsmanship.  He also played a little What Do You Boys Think Of These This, but off Ellismania.com cameras and just out of the eye sight of Tully conveniently as well.  Breaking News – false alarm just good ol’ Hollywood News.  Bieber banged Rihanna while he banged Selena, but not at the same time which would have been Red Dragons Story Of The Week.  Remember Lil’ Kim, well not by this picture you won’t.  Remember Allen Iverson, yeah well apparently the bank don’t when his mortgage was due.  Remember Fergie, yeah me either but sounds like she’s pregnant.  Oh and Barney’s kid murder some dude too, and of course Rawdog microwaved his cum, but will get to that later later on in the show!

 

My Cum Pockets Never Look That Good

Don’t be stupid, be swimmingly…and check out this picture of I don’t fucking know what just check it out!  Also, check out Ellismania.com soon for the video shot today of Rawdog rolling his r’s, blinking with a shake weight all shock collared up!  Speaking of Rawdog, the manboy, the mythical fairy, the ledge – Dude fucking microwaved his cum.  Its later later in the show, so lets get to it.  Remember yesterday some dude called in, said his boy microwaved his own load, and gave it to a buddy in place of crystal meth for dude to snort?  Rawdog tried it, well not the snorting part, or at least he didn’t tell us that much.  He did tell us he did this while he “thought” his roommate was asleep.  He told us it does become a white residue passable for a powder after about 20 seconds in the microwave, so dude’s story checks out.  He said he used a plate, paper towels and he called it a recon mission.  He told us much much more, but you have to go back and listen for yourself to get the full MadDog experience.  And if your whining about replays, you can either get it On Demand, or trust me this will be in a Best Of real soon!  And if your whining about what the new Monopoly piece is, its your grandma doing a pterodactyl with Professor Money Bags, Hitler and Flip Rippington, OH!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 12/4/2012

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We’re just here for the strippers and midgets, bro!

Yo dude bro-bro dudes-bro! It’s Tuesbro, so let’s see what the bro’s have for us on today’s bro-show, you know, bro? I missed the first 20 bro-down minutes or so of the show, so I’m not sure what the topic was, but I came in right when Mayhem volunteered his mother to fight Rawdog. A blind man also called and offered to fight him as well. Not everyone can agree upon what is the cutest puppy, but one thing is for sure, Rawdog just might be the cutest puppy of them all. Deaf people definitely have deaf pride, all trying to rub their deafness in everyone’s faces, telling you they can feel sound vibrations and shit. But who would win in a war with deaf people versus blind people? What about midgets? Why aren’t midgets for sale yet? Some things in life just don’t make any sense. Lot’s of stripper talk today, their stripper tactics, their stripper games, and stripper etiquette.  Ellis popped Katie in the face today with some jabs while they were doing some boxing for a workout. She liked it and wanted more, biatch be cray, yo!

Steven Seagal teaches dudes how to wrestle, too!

Hollywood news time, Gary Busey’s bankruptcy case is now closed, but he still owes $450,000 to the IRS. Demi Moore’s banging some new young dude, and guess what? Tully knows him. Katt Williams is back in the news after leading cops on a chase, he stopped at Target and slapped the shit out of an employee. Katt seems to be out his gotdamn mind. Kim Kardashian is still in the middle east, but with what looks like herpes. Nick Lachey got into a fight with a San Diego Chargers fan, he was making fun of some other dudes shirt (tough guy stuff), this dude’s wife told him to eat shit or something, and then Nick-bro flipped out and got kicked out of the game. Frankie Muniz had a mini-stroke at the mini-age of 27, which would suck large-balls, so let’s hope his mini-ass gets back into better health. In the late 1980’s, Brad Pitt was caught with Mike Tyson’s wife, Robin Givens. Red Dragons! Tyson also revealed that he was high on cocaine while filming The Hangover. Randy Couture made a half joke that he would only come out of retirement to fight Steven Seagal, so Seagal said he’d fight him for free at some place where there are no witnesses. Hugh Hefner had some chick leave him at the isle just before their wedding, but now it’s back on. Yay for money!

Fuck your Christmas songs, you need a Slayer tree topper!

New Music Tuesday Christmas edition today, we got hear new hits from such awful acts as Cee-Lo, John Travolta & Olivia Newton John, August Burns Red, Backstreet Boys, Colbie Caillat, Thousand Foot Krutch, Rod Stewart, Tracey Thorn, Flatulenta, Blake Shelton, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and fucking finally Sufjan Stevens as the pick of the week. All of it was absolutely terrible and was hell on Earth for most of us. Breaking news, Sal Masekela is dead, no wait, X-Games are dead, no, that’s not right either, Sal & ESPN broke up, yes, that’s correct. He will no longer be hosting X-Games. I wonder if they’ll remain friends and send each other Christmas cards? This whole Sal & ESPN thing spawned a massive conversation about hosts and people who interview athletes at sporting events. Aussie news, crocodiles are getting their Christmas dinners in early, sounds like they’re eating children left and right, I don’t even think they served yams.

Wanna have lunch with Ellis, Rawdog, and Tully? Tough shit, motherfucker. Just kidding, you can go bid on your chance to win that life altering moment, and when you win, prepare to fingered with mind tongue. In cock news, George Takei said he jacks off to completion in the shower while thinking of Ellis. You might not want to donate your spermies to a lesbian couple unless you have some sort of legal document that states they can’t come back after your ass for some duckettes. What is the difference between your mom and a refrigerator? The refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 2/6/2012

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The Super Bowl is over and I ain’t saying shit about it, you’ve no doubt already heard everyone talking about it already. I think Cumtard might have been crying or at least emotional – and not the kind of emotional when you have to shit really badly. He said he didn’t feel that great, body hurts, eyes hurt, etc. He might be sad about that one slut he was trying to go out on a date with, apparently she just keeps turning him down and blowing him off. Surprise!

Demi Moore is still in rehab for whip-its. That’s about as gangster as getting gum stuck in your hair. Oh, and apparently at some point she’s had plastic surgery on her knees, you know – to give them a lift. Talk turned to whose hotter, Demi or Madonna. I’m gonna say Demi because Madonna is starting to look like the Cryptkeeper. It has also been revealed that the hot Italian chick @DanOD5 ran into in the hot tub, is in film school. I say she’s going to want to film them having sex and he’ll end up on PornHub in 30 to 60 days.

Roseanne Barr is running for President? I guess if you’re into cheese subsidies and fat old woman farts, then by all means – vote for her. This has to be a joke though, right? More interestingly, there was more talk about Jack The Cunt. Unfortunately there won’t be a release for any Jack The Cunt songs, but fortunately for us there is CobraTits! There you can hear Jack The Cunt and Aussie Country to your hearts content. And get this, Germany has bestiality brothels. Yup, you read that right – bestiality brothels. Way to push yourselves to the forefront Germany!

I think that about does it, don’t you? I mean really, what more do you want? Look, I try to satisfy you, but lets face it – we all can’t put out as much your mom. OH!