Show Re-cap For Tuesday 12/4/2012

We’re just here for the strippers and midgets, bro!

Yo dude bro-bro dudes-bro! It’s Tuesbro, so let’s see what the bro’s have for us on today’s bro-show, you know, bro? I missed the first 20 bro-down minutes or so of the show, so I’m not sure what the topic was, but I came in right when Mayhem volunteered his mother to fight Rawdog. A blind man also called and offered to fight him as well. Not everyone can agree upon what is the cutest puppy, but one thing is for sure, Rawdog just might be the cutest puppy of them all. Deaf people definitely have deaf pride, all trying to rub their deafness in everyone’s faces, telling you they can feel sound vibrations and shit. But who would win in a war with deaf people versus blind people? What about midgets? Why aren’t midgets for sale yet? Some things in life just don’t make any sense. Lot’s of stripper talk today, their stripper tactics, their stripper games, and stripper etiquette.  Ellis popped Katie in the face today with some jabs while they were doing some boxing for a workout. She liked it and wanted more, biatch be cray, yo!

Steven Seagal teaches dudes how to wrestle, too!

Hollywood news time, Gary Busey’s bankruptcy case is now closed, but he still owes $450,000 to the IRS. Demi Moore’s banging some new young dude, and guess what? Tully knows him. Katt Williams is back in the news after leading cops on a chase, he stopped at Target and slapped the shit out of an employee. Katt seems to be out his gotdamn mind. Kim Kardashian is still in the middle east, but with what looks like herpes. Nick Lachey got into a fight with a San Diego Chargers fan, he was making fun of some other dudes shirt (tough guy stuff), this dude’s wife told him to eat shit or something, and then Nick-bro flipped out and got kicked out of the game. Frankie Muniz had a mini-stroke at the mini-age of 27, which would suck large-balls, so let’s hope his mini-ass gets back into better health. In the late 1980’s, Brad Pitt was caught with Mike Tyson’s wife, Robin Givens. Red Dragons! Tyson also revealed that he was high on cocaine while filming The Hangover. Randy Couture made a half joke that he would only come out of retirement to fight Steven Seagal, so Seagal said he’d fight him for free at some place where there are no witnesses. Hugh Hefner had some chick leave him at the isle just before their wedding, but now it’s back on. Yay for money!

Fuck your Christmas songs, you need a Slayer tree topper!

New Music Tuesday Christmas edition today, we got hear new hits from such awful acts as Cee-Lo, John Travolta & Olivia Newton John, August Burns Red, Backstreet Boys, Colbie Caillat, Thousand Foot Krutch, Rod Stewart, Tracey Thorn, Flatulenta, Blake Shelton, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and fucking finally Sufjan Stevens as the pick of the week. All of it was absolutely terrible and was hell on Earth for most of us. Breaking news, Sal Masekela is dead, no wait, X-Games are dead, no, that’s not right either, Sal & ESPN broke up, yes, that’s correct. He will no longer be hosting X-Games. I wonder if they’ll remain friends and send each other Christmas cards? This whole Sal & ESPN thing spawned a massive conversation about hosts and people who interview athletes at sporting events. Aussie news, crocodiles are getting their Christmas dinners in early, sounds like they’re eating children left and right, I don’t even think they served yams.

Wanna have lunch with Ellis, Rawdog, and Tully? Tough shit, motherfucker. Just kidding, you can go bid on your chance to win that life altering moment, and when you win, prepare to fingered with mind tongue. In cock news, George Takei said he jacks off to completion in the shower while thinking of Ellis. You might not want to donate your spermies to a lesbian couple unless you have some sort of legal document that states they can’t come back after your ass for some duckettes. What is the difference between your mom and a refrigerator? The refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 11/9/2012

Shut it, yappy!

Hello ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you that I don’t give a fuck, because it’s Friday. Let’s see, where should I start? How about with a good old fashioned falcon punch to the vagoo? Yes, yes, that feels right. Now we can begin our journey together, focused, void of any fucks in our way, and with a clean pair of underoos. Ellis feels like buying silver pants and wearing a furry vest. Tully had and wore silver pants, but Rawdog didn’t – it’s not silver pants time for Rawdog and I think he knows it. However, Rawdog is slamming a Go Girl energy drink. You know, man shit. Machine Head is supposedly not allowed to play in any Disney owned venues or on Disney owned property, which includes some House of Blues locations. But more importantly, how’s Cumtard’s butt doing today? Better than it was last night after trying to wedge a tube in his ass. He said the tube was cutting his asshole, so he tried just the funnel and it too was cutting his asshole, but eventually got the enema kit to work and squirted beer up his ass and all over his socks. You’ll be able to see Cumtard’s buttchugging and be able to access on your smartphones in 5 days!

That sick track you’re making is only missing some sweet licks!

Moon news came back today, people are seeing UFOs eggs in the skies above the borders of India and China. Some poor kid that was forced to go into some gay conversion therapy basically got tortured by his family, wants to see his whack-ass family, but they don’t want to see him. Or something like that. It was a pretty long clip and started to space out. Gay conversion therapy. Seriously, people believe in this shit. Come to find out, this is more prevalent than I certainly thought, as several callers chimed in about their varying and unfortunate experiences with it. Rob Flynn from Machine Head ended up calling into the show, not about gay conversion therapy, but about the whole Disney vs Machine Head topic spoken about earlier. He cleared the air a bit about what went on, but the real news here is that he said he was open to helping Ellis with his personal track that he’s been recording. There was a quick semi-listing of all the things Rawdog has done over the year, such as losing his car, swallowing his own load, banging Sparky two times with one rubber, etc. Maybe we’ll get a full compilation of all his accomplishments before the end of the year.

He’s seen you driving ’round town with the girl he loves, and he was like haiku.

Hollywood news time, Jonah Hill and some Don Lemon who is a CNN news anchor are in a Twitter fight, apparently Mr. Lemon said hi to Jonah and he didn’t say hi back or something so now Mr. Lemon has a fruit cup up his ass. Mark Wahlberg will allegedly be replacing Shia LaBeouf in the forthcoming Transformers movie, which doesn’t have a name yet or I’m guessing even a fucking script. Robert Pattinson is crying about something or another, doesn’t matter – he looks like a foot. Cee-Lo was in the fucking news again, something about being in a brawl with some chicks, one of whom called him a fat motherfucker, or some shit like that. Again, who gives a shit. Somebody mentioned Lindsay Lohan and Storage Wars again too, but I was completely gone at this point and giving zero fucks. Rihanna said something about something else or someone else and then thankfully it was all over. I swear to shit, I hate writing about Hollywood gossip, it seriously has to be the worst fucking torture there is. I think from now on, anytime there’s Hollywood news, I’m just going to make up my own shit, at least then it might be a little entertaining. How much better would it be to read too? Like if I told you that Cee-Lo was caught buttchugging 2 cases of Schlitz and then went & bashed a store clerk over the head with a bat and pissed on their corpse, you’d be like “RED FUCKING DRAGONS!”

Noted racist and extreme falling enthusiast Black Africanakis (aka Donald Schultz) stopped by the show to talk about his show, saving animals, and of course extreme falling. Wanna see “The Ding” wasted, in a blue dress, and fighting other cunts? Of course you do, even though it’s not really Dingo, it’s just some drunken Aussie bitch being a sick cunt. Shoebox was in the studio as well, but he’s pretty much worthless, so fuck him. HAHHAAA Just kidding. He’s worth at least minimum wage. HEYOH! I guess congratulations are in order! I wanted to congratulate you, I heard your mom finally came out of her coma today! Just kidding. She died. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 11/2/2012

Wooh it Friday! Are you coming out hot, because I’m coming out hot! But you don’t need to be hot, just be your sexy sexy self. Its Friday and the re-cap is late but I don’t give a fuck, neither should you, at least until tomorrow then the fuck giving shall continue. Ellis and Tully said that people with hair need to compliment the bald on the shape of their heads, but what about the rest of unlucky bastards that just have that receding shit, nice forehead? Fuck. Eva Lovia (@MissEvaLovia) called in today to give the Wing some shit about standing her up for a Halloween party. Turns out she is a Girl on Girl porn star and takes the cock on the side. They started talking about some prop in Cali about condoms and dental dams but I was too busy thinking about her doing her thing to really pay attention. This brought up jobs that are more dangerous than porn, like being a trucker, or a lineman, or ice fisherman, or firefighter, or yer mums gynecologist. All of these are really difficult and dangerous jobs and respect to the men and women that put their lives on the line to get the job done. Tully once dated a chick with the herps and also banged her, but only once and with protection, courtesy of Ziplock. Turns out she got married and now lives happily with his and herpes. I was there, yer mum was outbreak free and loving it. I know its kinda early in the recap to put in yer mum jokes but fuck you, its my recap and it’s Friday, I don’t give a fuck.

Marie Antoinette loved to eat pie and told all the people to lick the pie also. Then they make glasses from her titties. That is all true because it is on the internet now and everything on the internet is true. Our beloved Christian J Hand drove 45 minutes to ask some chick out. Oh, did I mention that this chick is the one and only Adrianne Curry (@AdrianneCurry). Fist bumps for you sir, and a bum pat from us here at NoYouAre, we know you could do it kid. There have been rumors throughout history about people having to get their stomach pumped from ingesting too much semen. I’m here to set the record straight and tell you that Rod Stewart, John Bon Jovi, The New Kids on the Block, Lil Kim, Yer Mum, or Alanis Morrisette have ever had load pumped from their stomachs. They just keep it in there like a pro and wait for it to pass. Cee Lo was accused of drugging some girl and then having his way with her, but this is false, according to reliable sources, me. But I don’t know shit so carry on. Are you rich? Probably not, but if you were you should give a bunch of money to Charity or Selena, which ever stripper you liked the best because that shit ain’t gonna last forever.

They guys did the Unsigned Bands segment again and here are a few that were played.

Pivot – Doesn’t suck, especially if you are into Coheed and Cambria

Hell Pie – Sounds like Dave Mustaine drunk off his balls

Black Milk For Dead Virgins – If you can get ast the name they actually don’t sound that bad.

Odd Estrada – The band is good but the singer ruined it for me.

Arrival of Autumn – Again the singer fucked the band

Livy HighJust watch the video.

The Wild – Good Rock a Billy sound, here’s the video.

Dirty Twig – Uplifting song that will make you feel better about your life. Here’ the video.

If you are an unsigned band and want The Jason Ellis Show to play your crap music then email them at


ABC is doing a benefit concert for the victims of Hurricane Sandy and it will also be simulcasted on SiriusXM, Channel 20, 112, and 117. Now back to fart jokes. There was a resturant delivery truck in China that got pulled over and to everyone’s suprise they found cats, lots of cats. Apparently they were all out of rats and dogs. Pigs are as smart as a five year old, but taste way better. Tully did Women, Am I Right? again today and we learned that pregnant zombies chicks can’t hold their booze, If your a chick in Dubai, get out! Yer mum might try to axe murder you for playing Nickleback, some chick wants a fish memorial on the highway, if your car is on fore and you own a vagina you should pull into a gas station, and all in all, we learned that women are just fucking crazy, pound for pound. The secret is finding the less crazy ones. Drinking hand sanitizer will get you fucked up but if you butt chug it then your dad will have to poop into your butthole to make it work again. Urologists are all creepy bastards that sing about wieners while touching yours. Paint ballers can take 15 balls a second to the face. That’s not real impressive when you consider that yer mum can take 15 balls a second to the face and still be able to work the shaft, OH!