Show Re-cap For Friday 11/2/2012

Wooh it Friday! Are you coming out hot, because I’m coming out hot! But you don’t need to be hot, just be your sexy sexy self. Its Friday and the re-cap is late but I don’t give a fuck, neither should you, at least until tomorrow then the fuck giving shall continue. Ellis and Tully said that people with hair need to compliment the bald on the shape of their heads, but what about the rest of unlucky bastards that just have that receding shit, nice forehead? Fuck. Eva Lovia (@MissEvaLovia) called in today to give the Wing some shit about standing her up for a Halloween party. Turns out she is a Girl on Girl porn star and takes the cock on the side. They started talking about some prop in Cali about condoms and dental dams but I was too busy thinking about her doing her thing to really pay attention. This brought up jobs that are more dangerous than porn, like being a trucker, or a lineman, or ice fisherman, or firefighter, or yer mums gynecologist. All of these are really difficult and dangerous jobs and respect to the men and women that put their lives on the line to get the job done. Tully once dated a chick with the herps and also banged her, but only once and with protection, courtesy of Ziplock. Turns out she got married and now lives happily with his and herpes. I was there, yer mum was outbreak free and loving it. I know its kinda early in the recap to put in yer mum jokes but fuck you, its my recap and it’s Friday, I don’t give a fuck.

Marie Antoinette loved to eat pie and told all the people to lick the pie also. Then they make glasses from her titties. That is all true because it is on the internet now and everything on the internet is true. Our beloved Christian J Hand drove 45 minutes to ask some chick out. Oh, did I mention that this chick is the one and only Adrianne Curry (@AdrianneCurry). Fist bumps for you sir, and a bum pat from us here at NoYouAre, we know you could do it kid. There have been rumors throughout history about people having to get their stomach pumped from ingesting too much semen. I’m here to set the record straight and tell you that Rod Stewart, John Bon Jovi, The New Kids on the Block, Lil Kim, Yer Mum, or Alanis Morrisette have ever had load pumped from their stomachs. They just keep it in there like a pro and wait for it to pass. Cee Lo was accused of drugging some girl and then having his way with her, but this is false, according to reliable sources, me. But I don’t know shit so carry on. Are you rich? Probably not, but if you were you should give a bunch of money to Charity or Selena, which ever stripper you liked the best because that shit ain’t gonna last forever.

They guys did the Unsigned Bands segment again and here are a few that were played.

Pivot – Doesn’t suck, especially if you are into Coheed and Cambria

Hell Pie – Sounds like Dave Mustaine drunk off his balls

Black Milk For Dead Virgins – If you can get ast the name they actually don’t sound that bad.

Odd Estrada – The band is good but the singer ruined it for me.

Arrival of Autumn – Again the singer fucked the band

Livy HighJust watch the video.

The Wild – Good Rock a Billy sound, here’s the video.

Dirty Twig – Uplifting song that will make you feel better about your life. Here’ the video.

If you are an unsigned band and want The Jason Ellis Show to play your crap music then email them at


ABC is doing a benefit concert for the victims of Hurricane Sandy and it will also be simulcasted on SiriusXM, Channel 20, 112, and 117. Now back to fart jokes. There was a resturant delivery truck in China that got pulled over and to everyone’s suprise they found cats, lots of cats. Apparently they were all out of rats and dogs. Pigs are as smart as a five year old, but taste way better. Tully did Women, Am I Right? again today and we learned that pregnant zombies chicks can’t hold their booze, If your a chick in Dubai, get out! Yer mum might try to axe murder you for playing Nickleback, some chick wants a fish memorial on the highway, if your car is on fore and you own a vagina you should pull into a gas station, and all in all, we learned that women are just fucking crazy, pound for pound. The secret is finding the less crazy ones. Drinking hand sanitizer will get you fucked up but if you butt chug it then your dad will have to poop into your butthole to make it work again. Urologists are all creepy bastards that sing about wieners while touching yours. Paint ballers can take 15 balls a second to the face. That’s not real impressive when you consider that yer mum can take 15 balls a second to the face and still be able to work the shaft, OH!


Show Re-cap For Wednesday 10/31/2012

Boo motherfucker!  What else would you wanna do on Halloween but kill someone, but like for real!  Thats what Ellis is all about today, and Adrianne Curry equates it to tripping balls basically, well the whole hallucinogenic part of it anyways.  Ahhhh Adrianne Curry, makes me wanna go “Shazing”, which is the sound made when your dick goes into a perfectly fitting carnival or shitbox.  Always learning something on the Jason Ellis Show, like Jason wants a sex couch, Rawdog is a Beverly Hills Ninja for Halloween, and that Adrianne goes to strip clubs for a nice place to talk.  She also said its cool if you check out another chic, but no more than 10 seconds.  But if the nipples are hard, then its ok for at least 20 seconds.  But good ol’ Ellismate found the loophole, if your seeing if her ass is real or fake, you can stare as long as it takes.  Some other shit we learned, some dude called in with 2 dicks and its called Diphallia, and strippers fucking freak out when they see it.  Apparently dude can piss or cum out of either of them.  Gnarly!  Speaking of cool shit with dicks, Ellis can slap his dick and make a Spoon Man kinda vibe with it, which he later in the show recorded and played live!!!  We also learned that “Randy” in Australia means horny, and it gives RawDog’s ‘Macho Man’ voice a whole new meaning.  Then Adrianne found the shake weight and we all stopped and listened……..



The elections are almost over people, and this little girl is sick of Bronk Obama and this whole erection thing.  Then we learned more about rape, and how in some states dudes can claim rights of “their child” in situations of impregnating a lady they raped.  Fucking sick right – Adrianne said she take a crowbar to the thing if she wasn’t allowed to choose.  Shoebox said he got accused of rape his senior year of high school.  Some bitch put him through the ringer for a while, and then just admitted it was a lie = CUNT!  Speaking of cunts, Cee Lo has been accused of rape and of not skipping a midnight snack.  Best spot for a snack near Hollywood, Adrianne suggests Hatfield’s and Rawdog offered Grill ’em All.  Shoebox offered us the TV series ‘The Walking Dead‘, which Rawdog said wasn’t that good, so its probably the greatest show ever made.  Oh man, serious Halloween tip for you here, Adrianne reminded us if your going to fuck a zombie you gotta remember lube!  That goes for any ladies in their eighties too kids!  And if you somehow impregnate this zombie bitch and make a zombie son you can always name him either Chainsaw, Cannibal or Hannibal, all solid choices and Ellismate approved.  Seriously though people, if the zombies do come for real, Ellismate is heading straight for the jet skis.  Not bad idea, unless you follow @SharkPeople on twitter!


Nothing gay about this at all.

What is the World’s Greatest Thing Done While on Cocaine?  Could it be Lawrence Taylor or Michael Irvin, both of which won superbowls and did mad whores while on coke.  Maybe its Stephen King who wrote his best novels with a toot here or there.  And who could forget musicians like Eric Clapton or bands like Fleetwood Mac.  Oh fuck, how about that one dude who called in a while back and rubber banded his junk, contorted it until he got it in his ass, and literally fucked himself!  Possibly the winner was Elvis and his days of liquid cocaine, but we will truly never know who or what, is, the World’s Greatest Wednesday since they just gave up on it!   We did learn some key info though, like Adrianne once won a bet to sniff a bands name spelled out in coke, and that Stevie Nicks blew her nose out so bad she had to take lines up the ass.  And if your going to fuck while on cocaine, either get it hard first, or pop a cialis before the start of your night!


   “Yo Yo, Hook Me Up Homie!”

If you haven’t noticed Tully isn’t in today, so in keeping in the spirit of #fucktully, our good ol’ friend Jizz Cult laced us with his pics on Instagram, so be sure to follow @Deadletters on Instagram for all of Will’s hilarious photos.  Adrianne used to have a pet Tarantula, and it bit her, and she got really fucking sick from it, Woman Am I Right?  Seriously ladies, don’t ever drop a “Yo Yo, Hook Me Up Homie!” if you in bed with a dude, cause its a legitimate reason to hit a bitch.  Speaking of my homies, check out Tony Hawk’s RIDE Channel on youtube for todays featured video of Birdman and Ellismate, bon appetite!  Rawdog had a game for Shoebox, Adrianne and Ellis, all Halloween themed and shit.  The game was lame, but the voice Rawdog blessed us with was classic!  Think of it like a cross between Rip Taylor and The Monster Mash dude.  The rest of the show was spent on the the new segment, “What have you stuck your dick in?”  We’ve done this before, but with Adrianne in studio it seemed a good time to refresh our memories.  Of course we got the basics out of the way, such as a vacuum cleaner, warm shampoo bottles, and in between two mattresses.  Some dude called in about the time he and his buddy DP’d a calf-liver.  And how could we forget the guy who cut a hole in the wall and lost his virginity to it.  He goes back from time to time to visit his family and his ex.  Cans of corn beef, pie filling, trannies, basically anything slightly warm and gooey will do.  The winner for me, some dude fucked a bong and later his buddy took a bong rip from it, what a douche.  From there the show was bombarded with ‘Dick Sticking Stories’ from a ton of #EllisFam, all of whom are listed here, that have fucked your mom over and over and over!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 10/9/2012

You’re all wrong, it’s butt chugged piss!

It’s Tuesday and I want this stupid bitch client to get fucked with a Rambo knife, she’s such a stupid cunt. Okay, sorry. I just had to get that out. Look, nobody is gonna tell Ellis what to do, nobody is gonna tell me what to do, and nobody is gonna tell you what to do either. Fuck all that shit. Mayhem is flipping his shit? Duh. He’s gonna go through whatever it is he’s going through and hopefully he’ll pull himself back out of it and carry on. Carry on my wayward son, there’ll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest, don’t you cry no more. Shit, I did not mean to bust out some Kansas, that shit just happened. Sounds like Ellis might have gotten another book deal, it’s not 100% solidified, but it sounds like it might be close to that. Yelawolf was on Jude’s show sometime in the past, he left a bottle of his pain killers there – which Jude was ready to munch until Yelawolf came back to get them. We found out who the mastermind was behind Mayhem being completely fucked up at EllisMania 8, Jude. He gave him drugs. Can you believe Jude has never done coke? Me neither, that’s kinda fucking weird considering how into synthetics he is.

At least pretend to give a fuck.

That chick that sings with Death! Death! Die!, @lisadonnelly, was on the show today to hear her latest work on the “In The Water” song. She might sing about her alleged large dick in the song, but she’s unwilling to hump Ellis or Rawdog’s leg with her very real cookie. Ellis and Lisa sang an acoustic version of “Load” while Tully strummed the guitar, and I assume Rawdog just sat there being all sad while thinking about the load he shot on his now ex-girlfriend’s face. Ellis went into story mode and started telling of the time when his dad beat his ass because he wasn’t washing his car or something, that’s when everyone started chiming in to turn his story into song form – it was beautiful. More importantly, Lisa has a new album coming out soon, she’s unsure of the name of the album at this point, but you can pre-order or “pledge” to her album. Here comes a really cool thing, you can donate some money and do a song with her, or collaborate on song, etc. Just think of the possibilities, you could have your own “If You Love Me, Start Butt Chugging” jam or maybe something like “Dick Cancer Karate Chop”, you get the idea.

That’s not desire, she just needs to take a massive shit.

Multiple sex toy owner Adrianne Curry came on the show today, newly almost divorced and already with one boyfriend left in the dust. She said she fucked herself a lot while being married because Peter Brady (aka Christopher Knight) wasn’t fucking her, but maybe it’s because she’s a nympho and his old ass couldn’t keep up. She wants to have a monogamous fuckfest with someone, she’s not into multiple partners because she’s scared of catching a disease – so that would seem to strike Ellis off the list of a potential fuck partner. She’s also anti-butt stuff, including rim jobs – her words, “I know what comes out of my ass after all my protein shakes and Jager bombs, and it ain’t pretty.” She also claimed to have “swamp vagina” during her visit on the show. That is one classy broad, good to see all that charm school is paying off for her. Overall, she is a pretty good guest, she talks like “just one of the guys” and is pretty open when discussing herself.

America’s first and whitest Blood gang member.

Hey, you ever do any butt chugging? If so, get out of my sight. Wanna see an old guy holding a press conference about butt chugging? Well here you go! Guess who’s the new owner of Nope, not some random fan, but Tully himself! He has no idea what he’s doing with it yet, but one could only be lead to believe that there will be some fuck Tully available at rock bottom prices. Everyone’s favorite, South African, racist, animal lover, and director of Big Fucking Mega Boat, Donald Schultz, stopped by the show today after doing the Bean and Playboy shows earlier. He says that he has been getting a lot of positive feedback from the movie, and after the release of BFMB, it’s unknown how long he can keep James Cameron and Judd Apatow at bay. Speaking of keeping cock hungry whores at bay, your mom is now all over Schultz’s tube steak smothered in underwear, which is weird because he’s not only racist, but white, and yet she wants him to “show her it’s true what they say about black men”, so he plans to stab her and steal her purse. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 10/5/2012

Wanna learn to say words? You need to get accepted into college, son!

It’s Friday, your mom’s a cunt, Ellis did her, and Rawdog shit in her mouth. Tully’s out sick today, but more importantly, what the fuck is up with people eating bone marrow? Have you ever shit on the floor, just because you can? Other people have, because they’re fucked up in the brain. Ellis is getting Adrianne Curry to come on the show Tuesday, so you can look forward to that. Rawdog can’t pronounce French words for shit, which isn’t really surprising considering he fucks up his own native language on the daily. But really, who cares about other foreign languages? They all suck. No phones again for most of the show today, AT&T needs a good snowballing and get their shit together. Did you know Kid Rock was around for like 10 years before his first big hit broke? Yea, me neither. The Ellis children are lucky, Big Daddy Rape Cakes went out last night and bought them a 4-wheeler.

When Morpheus tells you, it’s time to listen up.

Katie, Cumtard, and Fletcher Dragge came onto the show today to help out since Tully is gone and there’s no phones. Ellis found a bunch of old CD’s that were his brother’s, Stevie, and inside were also some audio of the show before it was ever even really a show and he was basically a DJ playing songs for a long period of time and talking for just a few minutes. It was pretty funny to hear Ellis, he sounded way younger – and of course we didn’t get to hear much of it because he never likes listening to himself. If you think callers now days are bad, you should’ve heard the callers from back in the day – it almost makes you feel sorry for the callers. Katie’s more rad than I thought, she was talking about Ellis jizzing on Tully’s guitar while he’s playing it – because it make a different sound. Will watched Big Fucking Mega Boat last night and he said it made him feel like he was on acid and he laughed until he cried. Katie made a judgement call about Rawdog Teenage Jeff Goldblum, low and behold she was right, her assumption that Rawdog ZZ Top Testie doesn’t groom his package was true, it’s been months since he’s groomed down below.

Hello, this is dog. Fletcher, you got some crazy stories.

Ellis is still trying to get Rawdog to put the fleshlight in between his legs and Katie said she’d lick his fake cookie if he did it. The verdict? Nope, he’s still not going to do it. Fletcher told a story of a dude that hooked up with some chick, he wanted her to go home with him and her girlfriends were not having and wouldn’t let her go. Next day she wakes up with a rash on her face and goes to the doctor, doctor tells her to not move, he has to go call the cops. The rash on her face is from a certain type of disease that is caused by cannibalism. DAYUM! Some roadie dude for Pennywise, who has Hepatitis C and HIV, stabbed Fletcher in the foot with this pen, trying to freak him out like he had just given him the gift of death. DAYUM, DAYUM! Fletcher doesn’t like TMZ and Harvey Levin, so he see’s one of the TMZ dude’s with long blonde hair around his town and wearing a Pennywise shirt, so he comes up with an idea to grab a pair of scissors and go up to the dude and cut his precious locks. His friend talked him out of it, knowing that he’d get sued to shit, but he still wants to punch anyone who is associated with TMZ and Jared Leto.

Hate Cumtard as much as you want, but he’s a team player.

Tera Patrick came in to play tits I mean a game, everyone filled out a questionnaire and based on their answers, she selects the one she thinks would be the most datable. Hey, did you know her tits I mean dad is a wine maker? Did you know she used to tits I mean bang Everlast before she married that dirtball, Evan, from Biohazard? Anyway, let’s get back to the tits I mean game. After going through all the answers and tallying up the results, the winner originally was tits I mean Katie, but she got booted from competition, so it ended up being Fletcher. The prize was Tera Patrick’s fleshlight, but Cumtard looked so giddy and drunk that Fletcher presented the prize to him. Some Canadian’s worked their beady little eyes into the studio, they’re fans of the show and I guess just stopped by to say hi and get their copy of “I’m Awesome” signed by Ellis. Guess who finally tucked their junk and took a picture with a fleshlight pussy between their legs? Not Rawdog, but Cumtard! So I heard one time that your dad walked into your mom’s bedroom with a sheep under his arm. Your mom was lying in bed reading. You dad said, “This is the pig I have sex with when you’ve got a headache.” Your mom replied, “I think you’ll find that is a sheep.” So you dad said, “I think you’ll find I was talking to the sheep.” OH!