Category Archives: Overviews & Re-Caps

Overviews & re-caps of broadcasts from The Jason Ellis Show.

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 9/5/2012

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I basically stared at this for the entire Lycans discussion.

Wassup party people in the place to be? I’m filling in for @AZ_RedDragon today because he’s having a fucking dinner party – I know what you’re thinking, I didn’t know he was such a debutante either. HEYOH! Actually, he’s having dinner with @azkellie and @FaceplantLauren and I assume his wife and kids. If going by the songs Ellis played during the breaks today, this is a love filled show today. Ellis got woken up by Paris Hilton today, sure, it was just in his dream, but still. He’ll be moving out of his apartment soon, he plans on giving all his shit to Goodwill so he doesn’t have to move jack shit, solid idea when you get tons of free shit. The DogFather used to read bedtime stories to Rawdog and would do character voices to match the story – including Elmer Fudd, he’s got a wicked awesome Elmer Fudd. More talk about Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, I’m still not sure what this is, but it sounds like another vampire movie and that means it can fuck itself right off my TV, I don’t care how hot Kate Beckinsale is. Shitting and farting in front of your significant other isn’t really all the cool – you’re just asking for trouble because one or both of you are going to end up calling the other a nasty motherfucker.

If you keep eating that shit, you’re gonna pay for it!

Jennifer (Rawdog speak) Jessica Simpson is now sponsored by fat lady snacks Weight Watchers because she’s gained a lot of weight after mowing through Mac-n-Cheese and shit while she was pregnant, and she refuses to run because according to her, her titties are too big. There was quite a bit of time spent on her fatness and diet, which is okay, but I’m done talking about her dumb ass. The real deal Holyfield is that if you get fat and don’t do anything about it, you’ll look for any excuse to justify your fatness. Oh, and don’t scarf down a shitload of “comfort food” (and no, M&M’s do not fall into that category) while you’re pregnant, it’s not doing you or that spawn in your belly, any good. A possible solution is changing your diet to the Ellis Diet, water, dick, and vodka. A listener sent in an email from 2010 that appeared to have Lindsay Lohan as one of the recipients. It outlined who was going to be suing her ass, the skrilla she’ll need to pay for all that shit, and the duckettes she at the time didn’t have to cover anything but a booger. Hilary Duff’s giant head is married to Mike Comrie’s massive dome, and if they boink to make a baby, it will be Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. There was talk about Octomom porn, I Googled and then shut down my computer – that was enough for one day.

Stick to roller disco, Borneo. And stop with the orangutan sex slave trade.

Some poor orangutan was kept as a sex slave, with repeat customers – and that’s pretty fucked up, man. Why would you prefer to fuck an animal instead of a human? I don’t have an answer for that one. Shout out to Borneo, you monkey fuckers top the list as the most fucked up shithole on the planet. Speaking of fucked up shitholes, we got to hear some new drops today, straight from The DogFather’s mouth (or shithole if I may), showcasing his speech impediment that Rawdog still doesn’t accept as fact. It’s fucking amazing, there’s no way Rawdog doesn’t hear it, he’s pwaying dumb. And for the record, I don’t mean to be offensive when I call The DogFather’s mouth a shithole, it’s more a term of endearment, witerawwy.

World’s Greatest Wednesday came back today! Except it took forever and a day to get going because Will “Shiny Shins” Pendarvis fucked the button bar up like some kind of orangutan fucker or something. For that, he had to create some new intros for the show, which he completely botched the words on most of them – but whatever, he did his famous “radio thing” that’s he’s been known for since the 80’s. On a quick, but completely unimportant note, we found out Lightening Train (aka El Gato) fucked a half Mexican, half Chinese stripper. Anyway, because Ellis is going to be boning Katie in a hot air balloon, WGWtopic for today was “world’s greatest thing to do in a hot air balloon”. And here’s your top 10 in order from 1st to last:

If humans can wear a Bane mask, so can animals.

  1. Bang Katie with a Bane mask on
  2. Get a champagne blowjob from Katie
  3. Pay the pilot to wear a gimp suit
  4. Howl in Katie’s ass
  5. Dress up as Batman and Robin and fuck Katie
  6. Blindfold the pilot and fuck Katie
  7. Put a cubic zirconia around Katie’s neck while fucking her from behind
  8. Fire a flare gun as your cumming from fucking Katie
  9. Get a female pilot and have a threesome
  10. Play “I believe I can fly” from a loudspeaker

Satan called into the show today, he’s in Kansas, he still sounds scary but he’s really dropped off the map and his music is starting to suck. I think Shoebox must be mixing his shit because you can barely hear Satan over the tracks. So here’s what we’ve learned today: Don’t fuck with Lycans, don’t eat mac-n-cheese and expect to lose weight, don’t fuck orangutans, don’t lend money to Lindsay Lohan, don’t fuck with the button bar, and don’t Will-Will the Will unless you’re ready to Will. And for godsakes, you’re old enough to know better by now, you have to stop licking your mom’s cooter, you don’t know where that thing has been. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 9/4/2012

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Well? Who did you think shows up at swinger parties?

It’s Tuesday, it’s Cullen’s birthday, and I’m still reeling from that kick ass interview with The Jingleberries, so nothing can put me in a bad mood today – NOTHING! Big Daddy Jayce Cakes went to a swinger party in Palm Beach or some shit, I’m just wondering if he happened to see Rawdog’s mysterious girlfriend there. He did see an Aussie couple there, they were older and from Melbourne, hence they were off-limits and in the “no boning” queue in Ellis’ brain. Which begged the question, what if he saw an EllisFam member there? The consensus was that it would be super fuckin’ weird, gross, and a boner killer. He banged some chicks he didn’t know and Katie banged some dudes she didn’t know, apparently people were quite interested in Katie at this swinger party. Surprise, surprise, Rude Jude also went to a swinger party over the weekend as well, but not the same one – he also fucked his first white girl, who happened to be German, in 2 and half years.

My milkshake would’ve brought all the boys to the yard, but I drank it.

Tully has made the decision that he will never take hallucinogens again for the rest of his life, he’s worried he’s going to get a mental image of something and it will stick with him for the rest of his life. He did however take some Vicodin this weekend and really enjoyed it, so he stands by his decision to get into pills. Tully also went out on a date this weekend, with his wife and not his girlfriend, they went out to dinner and movie and guess who he’s looking at while at the Japanese restaurant – yup, Glenn Danzig. Rawdog feels like he’s gained some sexual prowess recently, specifically when to go fast, slow, and in or out! Every. Fucking. Day. Champ. He went to a Dodger’s game over the weekend, boned his girl three times, and now she’s getting some flowers today. Some super secret girlfriend of Tom Cruise supposedly got in twouble with Tommy and The Church of Scientology by proxy, and was then forced to scrub toilets with a toothbrush. Something or another about Marlene Dietrich. Whatever, don’t give a shit, let’s move on.

You’re gonna have to click for biggie size!

The guys played a game today with the Shake Weight® – winner gets a pass and the losers having to vigorously use the Shake Weight while staring at each other, first one to blink, loses and gets their balls hooked up to and pulled with the R/C car. First question: Who is the richest drummer? Survey says, in order of richest to not as rich: Ringo Starr, Phil Collins, Dave Grohl, Don Henley, and Lars Ulrich. Rawdog got the free pass, pitting Tully against Ellis – in the end, Ellis blinked first and so got his nuts tugged. Today was NMT, I think it started as 90’s themed because there were some really shit bands at first, and then it seemed like the 90’s portion was over and it was more current shit bands. To be fair, it did get a little better, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let Rawdog feel good about NMT.

Rawdog has dwarf-gigantism. That’s not medically accurate and is total hearsay, but it sounds pretty good because he’s sensitive about his height. A couple of people called in to sing the Marlins song and to say they hate their jobs, but the world kept on a turning, and they kept hating their jobs. No silver lining there, folks. Just pure hell, 5 days a week. It could always be worse though, could you imagine having to do bukkake gang bangs 7 days a week like you mom? OH!

UPDATE: It’s not Cullen’s birthday. Ellis fuckin’ punked me. I swear I heard him say it at the start of one the song breaks. Cullen’s birthday is 9/11. That’s right, the war on terror and Cullen are synonymous.

Show Re-cap For Friday 8/31/2012

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Did I won?

It’s Friday, and I can put it in your motherfuckin’ mouth, I mean if you like. Okay, just let me know I guess. Sharks don’t ever enjoy anything, they don’t like the taste of fish, people, or probably even weed – they’re just terrifying. Ellis went to go surfing today, there were no waves, and then there were waves, and then there was a hot Asian chick on a long board. Get all that? Good! Rawdog is the guy who doesn’t like liking things, which includes pretty much everything except nuggets, hot pockets, ice tea, and weed. Hey, if you say “bathing suit” or “swim suit” – you’re “out of the loop” cuz that shit’s gonna change, it needs to change, it’s time for a new name – and less quote usage from me. I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one who woke up this morning thinking about how in the blue fuck you could honestly masturbate with shit. That’s just fucked up no matter how you slice lather it, you’re looked at in the same light as a murderer.

Doors, how do they work?

Exciting news, a fucking tornado was spotted in my area on radar and by a trained spotter, my phone’s banging out alerts and the local sirens are going off. I’m sitting here tweeting and taking notes on the fuckin’ re-cap – for you – for YOU! The DogFather (who is now selling fortune cookies) and some dude named Matt (who is a Navy Cytologist) came on the show today. There were more speech impediments fwying awound than in that “special” cwass you were in at gwade school. In “Women, Am I Right” news, 50 people wasted half the fucking day looking for a missing woman, whom was also part of the fucking search party. What a twat. There was certainly no shortage of articles for this segment today, but I’m not re-typing all that shit. Just go to CNN or something, I’m sure half that site is filled with dumb bitches making amazing news stories.

I’m not gonna lie…

There were several dudes that called in today to say that they can’t finish while fucking their really super hot wives, they take the Rawdog method and finish later by themselves. You, sirs, are suspects. Some Canadians stole a shitload of maple syrup from the strategic maple syrup reserves, threatening to disrupt the global market on maple fucking syrup. USA? Oil reserves. Canada? Maple syrup reserves. And IBM presents, you make the call. Mia Isabella, a transvestite porn star who Ellis and Rawdog say is hot as fuck, stopped by the show today. At the age of 4 she told her parents she was a girl, got her tits done at age 18, she’s from America but of French, Puerto Rican, & Jamaican decent, and has a full line of transvestite sex toys. The guys played a speed dating game with her, and I can honestly say I never want to hear Ellis whisper hitting on a chick, ever again. Rawdog’s technique sounded exactly like a radio interview – go figure, Tully’s sounded like what you’d think, and Charles the intern sounded like an overly confident, unattractive, fat guy with herpes.

You cannot vote for this… thing.

Clint Eastwood spoke at the RNC last night, looking and sounding old, and making an utter fool of himself as he miserably tried to poke fun at Obama and make jokes. I think the best thing he said was how conservatives don’t go out “hot doggin’ it”, I laughed like a little school girl at that because to me, hot doggin’ means to stick your dick between a girls two ass cheeks and start pumpin’. The guys watched one of the videos I sent of this chick flipping out on a New York City subway train, and then they went to town watching about 4 others that Rawdog found after watching the first one. Most of them have made their rounds on the Internet, but they’re still kinda fun to watch. If I find the time and motivation, maybe I’ll hunt down the links for you – but don’t hold your breath. Unless you want to, just don’t blame me if you get a headache or die or something like that.

Is this racist?

And here we go again, I just got home and more tornado alerts and sirens. Do you see? See how much I love you guys? I heard one of the best callers in awhile on the show, he said Canadian’s should have their babies in the mud – and he might be on to something there. But then, the dumbest caller of the called on to say everyone else was dumb, so naturally, he got motherfuckin shot in the dome, split his wig, sprayed noodles, blasted, etc. Lesson’s from today’s show are? Well, there’s a lot, some were touched on in this re-cap, some from yesterday’s re-cap, and the rest? You’re just gonna have to hope you don’t do them. One extra lesson I can share with you though is, do not – under any circumstances, eat anything your mother cooks for you, she snowball’s into everything she cooks. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 8/30/2012

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I guess today is the second best thing to Friday, but it sure beats the hell out of Monday. Do you know who the coolest successful Asian dude is? I can’t really think of one, there

Coolest dude ever!

are successful Asians, and there are, well, there are successful Asians. Off the top of my head I cannot think of any that are really that cool, someone that I would be stoked to hang with. Rawdog thinks the dude from the Hangover is cool but that’s because its Rawdog and his thinking is less than cool at times. This started todays show theme of coolness, whos cool, how to be cool, and whats cool. Heres a guide, it has pictures. And no I didn’t read it, I’m already the coolest mother fucker writing this re-cap right now! The coolest god would probably be Buddah, he probably smokes and knows where to get great food. The coolest dude is probably Johnny Depp because bitches want to get all up on his shit. And the coolest dudes on Twitter are probably @bitPimps and @Mike_in_Canada. BitMike2012!

Chris Humphries might have given his alleged big gay baby herpes to some alleged massive slut allegedly. He denies giving it to her which only means one thing, big gay baby has herpes allegedly. Some 100 year old dude backed through a bunch of people and kids and sparked the conversation of what we should do with our creepy smelly elders? Some of the ideas were to use them as a food source, use them for energy, put them into a demolition derby because they already fuck the shit out of their cars now, and get them all hopped up on some good shit and drop them into a war to “take one for the team.” But no matter what we should truly cherish our elders because with out them we wouldn’t know…..hmm, I got nothing. Carry on.

Aaliyah Love was in the studio today and she is a porn star who was apart of the 3000 frames per second shoot for Ellismania.com and so she gets to plug her shit and we all get to sit back and wait until she’s gone. But being a good sport here is what they talked about, porn, boobs, cam girl, shaving, boobs, putting things in, snowballing, squirting, masturbation, shit, shitting while masturbating, masturbating with shit, you know, the usual stuff.

There will be a Town Hall Question something something with Tony Hawk and SiriusXM sometime soon after the Ellis Show, you should check your local listings because I can’t find shit, and honestly I didn’t look very hard. But check it out! Will came in with his earth shattering observation that he believs that Sunday Morning Coming Down is one of the greatest songs ever. I listen to country and it’s a good song, but not one of the greatest, shame on you Will. Whats up with Pussy Riot? If you care click the link, fuck, I didn’t know who they were until now, and I still don’t give a shit but there you go, thats the kind of awesome dude I am. Vince Vaughn will bitch out if Jack Nicholson enters the room, Christopher Walken is probably a really awesome dude to chill with, and in case you didn’t know, Christopher Walken got his hair style from yer mum, after she dropped her pants, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 8/29/2012

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I honestly have no idea what this is!

Why hello there friends, how are you this lovely afternoon? Please join me on this mystical and wondrous adventure through the lolly pop fields and licorice trees. There was a very very special guest on the show today. We got to visit with out bestist best friend ever, Tiger Ellis! The beginning of the show was a very G rated set up with a few news stories and then some fun and funny sound drops, YAY! There was a bit of discussion about baby poopies and how they sometimes make quite the mess. Steven Hawking would rather be without legs than an eagle because eagles have no romance in their life. Monkeys are really smart and heart burn free because they have Tums and Tiger was bullying Raw Dog because, well, that’s what happens to Man Boys. And if your a millionare oil tycoon, get a prenup, becasue all kinds of icky bad things can happen that are no fun at all.

Tiger is asleep, so lets move on with this fucking recap like a horny dude plowin through a bus full of barely legal cheerleaders! (Thank you Penthouse Forum) Its time for Ellis to

Role models – FUCK YEAH!!

read some fucking poetry while Josh drinks some green ass drink and let me tell you thefucking poem was so fucking fantastically fantastic that i couldn’t believe the fucking words I was hearing. Will had some shitty game that was from some pile of crap girls magazine that was supposed to tell them how to not be bitchy cunts like their mums but I’m pretty sure that the fucking magazine missed the damn point, especially the part thatdidn’t tell them that snitches get stitches, stupid bitches. Hey fuckers, if you cut yourself then get help, I don’t mean accidental I was juggling chainsaws cuts, but I feel bad so I cut myself cuts. Got it? Cuttings bad m’kay!

The baby dick cutting American Association of mutilating Pediatrics says that there are more benefits to circumcision than not. Whatever you decide, know this, it feels better, the dude on the radio said so, that makes it true. In today’s final calls we learned that bitches be crazy and shit all hatin’ on each other instead of going on epic cross country trips where they get to rail random dudes in different places and visit new pharmacy’s for penicillin and antibiotics and Plan B pills, Spice Radio is just a bunch of cock hungry whores that want to get on your balls and shoot jizz all over the fucking place, and if your not sure if you should get married or keep dick stabbing bitches then you probably aren’t ready to settle down.

Tiger woke back up, so I leave you with this my friend, where ever you are, what ever you are doing, remember someone loves you, and its probably yer mum, she loves you long time, OH! (This joke was rated G for all audiences).