Show Re-cap For Tuesday 2/14/2012

Be My Valentine RawdogToday is Valentine’s Day and Rude Judesday, love is in the air! David Faustino (@DavidFaustino) stopped by the show today, you know, Bud Bundy. Apparently he raps? That has to be fuckin’ amazing to hear. Okay, I take it back, it’s not really that amazing. He seemed like a pretty chill cock, his interview was interesting and he had a sense of humor, he did play a round of the game mentioned below. And I did find it funny when he was talking about being able to make money while being comfortable. Taken out of context it kind of sounded as if he inadvertently was saying Ellis looks like shit when he said, “You can look the way you look right now.” Maybe I’m the only one that found it kind of funny.

Blasko also stopped by the show, which also means it was “Get the cock off your chest” Valentine’s edition. It seems there were several people who fucked their best friends’ child, disturbing. Some married guy and 4 of his friends all got a blow job from some chick, he stated she was “full”, and again, disturbing. There were a few others, but nothing quite as stellar as the previously mentioned.

A completely harmless box of Valentine's chocolates. (Th... on TwitpicTully prepared some Valentine’s chocolates and brought them into the show. They played a game where they had to answer questions, the person furthest from the correct answer got a chocolate to eat. As you can guess, these aren’t the type of chocolates you’re likely to enjoy. Here’s the breakdown of who lost and what they got to eat:

  1. Rawdog ate a chocolate covered fish oil pill. Things couldn’t have worked more perfectly here considering Rawdog’s palate for only McDonald’s and Jager.
  2. Ellis ate chocolate covered taleggio cheese treat, it’s some kind of “Italian, romantic, stinky cheese” according to Tully.
  3. Rawdog ate an all milk chocolate made with 100% breast milk! Shout out to Tully’s wife and her recent ability to squirt booby milk out of her teets. Rawdog is now one step closer to being adopted by Tully and his wife. (see “Hard Hitting Questions“)
  4. Blasko ate a chocolate filled with dried cat food, and he didn’t seem to mind at all. I imagine it had a granola type crunch to it and the chocolate probably masked most of the cat food flavoring.
  5. Rawdog, looking for his third delectable treat, got lucky on this one and picked the original chocolate – it had nothing in it, it was just a delicious chocolate.
  6. Cumtard got to eat a chocolate covered muscle, and I can only imagine the stench and nasty that it was made of. Someone was horking, holding back some vomit, I assume it was him.
  7. Blasko came back in an attempt to catch up to Rawdog, he got to eat a chocolate covered olive. Pretty tame compared to others.
  8. Ellis got his second turn to eat another chocolate morsel, this one being a chocolate covered octopus. That had to of been just as bad if not worse than the muscle. More gagging on this one, definitely from Ellis.
  9. Ellis got his chance to tie Rawdog by eating chocolate covered fish eggs from Tully’s Sunday night dinner. Again, this has to be up there with muscle and octopus.
  10. Cumtard ate chocolate covered kimchi (fermented cabbage) and apparently it has quite a pungent smell. But Cumtard is used to eating all sorts of horrible shit so it seemed he choked that one down without much of an issue.

To end off the show, a random 12 year-old called in. I don’t wanna be the one to say he’s too young to be listening to this show, wait. Yes I do. He’s too young to be listening to this show. Kind of like how your mom is too old to still be a hooker, but she still is. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 2/13/2012

Scumbag WhitneyToday’s show started off with moto talk. Basically somebody passed somebody else and then they got passed or some shit like that. And there you have it, fully detailed information overload for all you moto fans out there. There was talk about Whitney Houston, her death, her versus Mariah Carey, her versus Beyonce, and her versus Godzilla (okay, that last one is an outright lie) anyway, I’m not sure what the end result was because I kind of zoned out, sorry ’bout that. Grammy Awards were last night and I could care less, so I zoned out on that one as well. I’m pretty sure if you’re interested in that, you can Google the shit out of it.

Speaking of Google, they played the Google game where Cumtard comes up with a Google search like, “Why do people from New Jersey ______” and you have to fill in the blank, guessing on what the most popular Google search terms might be. That was entertaining for a bit as Ellis and Tully usually come up with some really inappropriate / funny stuff and Dingo (@TheDingoInSnow) just completely goes off any sort of logical path whatsoever. I think Rawdog is probably the only one who gives his actual best answers at most times, which in itself can be funny.

Ellis may have pulled out of his pro fight because he keeps getting sick after he trains a lot, he’s gotta go see the doctor (not Dr. Feelgood). No word on if Friday morning shows will be back or not, but I suspect not. I think he’s waiting for the time slot change as previously discussed. There was some other speculation from a few listeners that I saw, but that wasn’t directly discussed, although it may have been slightly alluded to on the show. Therefore, for now, I classify it as hearsay and so it shall not be permitted in this court of No You Are. If it’s true and Ellis wants everyone to know about it, I’m sure he’ll discuss it. I’m not going to be part of a rumor mill so I’m not going to comment on it.

That pretty much sums up today’s show. I think the only other thing I didn’t discuss was your mom’s cooking and how she likes to cook with cum. So there’s a good chance you’ve eaten another mans sperm while enjoying your favorite dish. EW! I mean OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 2/10/2012

Psych! No live show today = no show re-cap for today. Ellis is taking Friday mornings off so he can train for his upcoming fight. By the time he comes back to Friday’s – I think they’re hoping to move to the Friday afternoon slot like Monday thru Thursday.

So there ya go. Check out the “best of” show or replay from yesterday’s show or your mom’s porn blooper scenes. OH!

Your mom was a bitch

Show Re-cap For Thursday 2/9/2012

Rawdog Likes To PartyToday started off with Dog Center, which I find absolutely hilarious, Ellis wasn’t late, he just wanted Rawdog to sweat it out for a few minutes while Tully remained absolutely silent. If Ellis were actually gay and wanted a relationship with someone on the show, his first choice would be to get on the Tully train, for his stability. Which makes perfect sense, next up would be Rawdog, then Will because he won’t be living as long. Dan would be his rebound guy, but you couldn’t expect a real relationship with that guy – he’s got too much game.

This chick called in with the most dainty voice ever and says she’s 24 but sounds like she’s 9. She called her parents “mommy” and “daddy”, shit got weird really quick. Another chick called in with an equally similar “little girl” voice, not quite as dainty, but still sounded young as fuck. And then yet another chick called in, she didn’t sound nearly as young, but she also claimed to be a big fan of the show. More and more “girly girl” chicks kept calling in to say they listen to and love the show and that was about it for Miss Jailbait USA (coined by Tully)

Malin Akerman (@MalinAkerman) was on the show today to tattoo her name on Ellis’ ass (finished product), along with Rawdog and Joe Willy. She seems like a really cool chick, her interview was awesome and she was really into it. She was totally into Death! Death! Die! as well and even wanted to sing on parts of it. I could totally see this girl being part of something in the future whether it be song or video, she rocks.

Today was also “Doing Stuff With Rawdog”, which I’m sure you know is a very clear, concise public service on how to do random things. Like always, he knows how to do most everything but the bright shining star in this episode was when he explained to a girl how to suck a dick – since Valentine’s Day is coming up and all. I uh… it was… I can’t, I just can’t. It was like watching a brutal car wreck. You don’t wanna look, but you just can’t stop looking? It was kinda like that and just as horrifying. Remarkably similar to seeing your mom’s box, I saw a bit of toilet paper still stuck on the opening of her hole. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 2/8/2012

Ellis got an uncorrected proof copy of his book today, bound and all. The day when you receive your copy is getting closer, I think they said April 20th? Ellis also addressed yesterday’s awkward interview with that chick. I guess he told Cumtard that if the interview went bad, he should come in and get her out of the studio. Well, if you heard yesterday’s show – Cumtard never came in. Ellis also asked a question about dating a basketball player that supposedly came from Cumtard’s notes and I guess it was misinformation or something. That’s when the train started derailing. Although there seems to be a lot of “Cumtard” talk, Ellis says it is his own fault and he should’ve talked to her or taken more control of the situation. Anyway, who cares, let’s move on.

There was talk about potentially auctioning off spots in the musical chair fight, or other things, to help Sean (sp?) the tranny get a dick. And someone came up with the idea to auction off a night with @DanOD5, and he’s a fuckin’ ledge. He also got offered a free TV, some guys just get all the breaks. Tully brought in a celery soda for Rawdog. I’m sorry but it sounds fucking miserable, celery soda. Awesome, can I get some fish flavored ice cream with that and make the world’s shittiest float? Speaking of that, they all tried a bacon shake from Jack In The Box, which according to Rawdog tastes like a cold cut but everyone else seemed to reasonably enjoy it – with the exception of Dingo who demolished his all together.

Guess what? Nope. Care to guess again? Nope, you’re still wrong! Today is World’s Greatest Wednesday (and #WhitePeopleWednesday) so you know what that means right? Nope, wrong again. It means your Twitter got blowed the fuck up with suggestions for world’s greatest celebrity facial decomposition – which was suggested by none other than @mike_in_canada. Another piece of notable news, one week from today, WGW will determine the world’s greatest guitar solo, you can send in your suggestions to jellis@siriusxm.com. I was going to post the top 10 face melters from today’s WGW, but as soon as Pete Burns got nominated, it was over. He beat out honorable nominee’s such as Wayne Newton, Keith Richards, and Kenny Rogers. So shout out to that mess of a thing!

In other news, Jason “Mayhem” Miller (@mayhemmiller) thinks he might be able to get another shot at a fight in UFC (@UFC) if his fans tweet Dana White (@danawhite). So go ahead and do that if you want. Ellis also got tweeted by Dodge. He has been talking about getting a Dodge for several weeks now and guess what? Nope, man you’re wrong a lot. Dodge tweeted him, not sure why or what it may or may not mean, but they did.

And there you have it, gave it to ya as best I could. Who loves ya? Nope. Fuckin wrong again, what is it with you and being wrong all the time? Shit. Oh well, you can take comfort in the fact that I will help guide you, like your mother guides cocks into her eagerly awaiting mouth. OH!