Show Re-cap For Tuesday 1/29/2013

So you say you like romantic movies?

So you say you like romantic movies?

It’s Tuesday and your mom’s gash is still just a fucking mess, when is she gonna get that crooked shit straightened out, man? Whatever, it’s not like I care, I was just wondering. Chopper Read was pretty much an asshole, but a glorified asshole – at least in Australia, also he has no ears. Jude came in stuntin’ with a new glorious scarf, talking about how he does movie reviews with B-Real. Ellis feels like everyone is mad at him for having a Porsche, like he’s a rich snob or something, and Jude glaring at him while ranting about how people come from all over to help feed the homeless, then leave to go back to their mansions, and Jude’s left with a homeless dude shitting in front of his house. Jude’s into romance movies, so picture this – Jude getting dusted on K and trying to watch Sleepless In Seattle. According to Tully, Paul Newman is a million times cooler than Robert “Ball Bag” Redford, he’s the Garfunkel of Simon and Garfunkel. Tully also admitted to us that he cried at the end of the movie For The Love of the Game with Kevin Costner, and Rawdog admitted he cried watching Field of Dreams, also with Kevin Costner.

Gangster's, rappers, gangster rappers, and kitties. All of them, above the law.

Gangster’s, rappers, gangster rappers, and kitties. All of them, above the law.

Hollywood news time, some guy says he has a photo of a young Arnold Schwarzenegger performing a sex act – and then the 1 person who cares threw up. Ellis thinks one of his neighbors was filming him having sex in his pool, or maybe not, but either way he’ll sue his ass if it leaks out. Rick Ross was the victim of a drive-by shooting yesterday, 50 Cent joined Dingo when he speculated that Rick Ross staged the incident, because none of the bullets that were supposedly fired at him actually hit his car. Daughter of Tammy Knickerbocker from Real Housewives of Orange County, allegedly rammed several parked cars and punched a cop. Lindsay Lohan says she’s too ill to fly and therefore can’t show up to court, but she was photographed out shopping and smoking. You know that whole Chris Brown / Frank Ocean fight thing? Yea, from surveillance footage, neither one actually threw a punch, it was just their posses going at it. Justin Bieber grabbed the titty of one of his fans at a meet-n-greet, TJES groping expert, Will Pendarvis, confirmed it looked like a boob grab but questioned the fans age. Guess who has a moat around their virtual castle, that’s right, Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen, and nobody really knows why – but it’s there. Whitney Houston’s brother says he introduced her to crack, not Bobby Brown, and the entire world is clamoring to explain to him that he might not want to go around bragging about it.

Jesus is such a prankster, after all, Backstreet Boys exist.

Jesus is such a prankster, after all, Backstreet Boys exist.

Can the show summon Jesus? It doesn’t seem that way, as Jesus did not appear or even call into the show. Tully’s motherfuckin’ baby has been keeping his ass up all night long, so he’s got video of his wife singing songs and shit that he plays for the little motherfucker to try and get him to sleep. Aren’t those little motherfuckers cute when they’re sleeping? AJ McLean and his airbrushed fingernails (no Lee Press-On Nails for that man) came into the studio to help save our asses from another NMT with Rawdog. He’s making jewelry and women’s lingerie now, which coupled with his fingernail art, and his man-crush on Ryan Reynolds might lead one to question his sexual orientation, but make no mistake – he’s married. He talked about kissing Britney Spears on a basketball court when he was 13 and some other stuff, and then Rawdog got his little Jew claws on the reigns and took over with NMT, no matter what AJ did to try and stop it. After that, we got to make up potential death metal band names for AJ and Ellis, none were mentioned much less acknowledged except the ones AJ made up, so that was pretty neat. Just about as neat as when your dad stuck his dick in a vice and let the neighbor shit on it. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 2/13/2012

Scumbag WhitneyToday’s show started off with moto talk. Basically somebody passed somebody else and then they got passed or some shit like that. And there you have it, fully detailed information overload for all you moto fans out there. There was talk about Whitney Houston, her death, her versus Mariah Carey, her versus Beyonce, and her versus Godzilla (okay, that last one is an outright lie) anyway, I’m not sure what the end result was because I kind of zoned out, sorry ’bout that. Grammy Awards were last night and I could care less, so I zoned out on that one as well. I’m pretty sure if you’re interested in that, you can Google the shit out of it.

Speaking of Google, they played the Google game where Cumtard comes up with a Google search like, “Why do people from New Jersey ______” and you have to fill in the blank, guessing on what the most popular Google search terms might be. That was entertaining for a bit as Ellis and Tully usually come up with some really inappropriate / funny stuff and Dingo (@TheDingoInSnow) just completely goes off any sort of logical path whatsoever. I think Rawdog is probably the only one who gives his actual best answers at most times, which in itself can be funny.

Ellis may have pulled out of his pro fight because he keeps getting sick after he trains a lot, he’s gotta go see the doctor (not Dr. Feelgood). No word on if Friday morning shows will be back or not, but I suspect not. I think he’s waiting for the time slot change as previously discussed. There was some other speculation from a few listeners that I saw, but that wasn’t directly discussed, although it may have been slightly alluded to on the show. Therefore, for now, I classify it as hearsay and so it shall not be permitted in this court of No You Are. If it’s true and Ellis wants everyone to know about it, I’m sure he’ll discuss it. I’m not going to be part of a rumor mill so I’m not going to comment on it.

That pretty much sums up today’s show. I think the only other thing I didn’t discuss was your mom’s cooking and how she likes to cook with cum. So there’s a good chance you’ve eaten another mans sperm while enjoying your favorite dish. EW! I mean OH!