It’s Tuesday and your mom’s gash is still just a fucking mess, when is she gonna get that crooked shit straightened out, man? Whatever, it’s not like I care, I was just wondering. Chopper Read was pretty much an asshole, but a glorified asshole – at least in Australia, also he has no ears. Jude came in stuntin’ with a new glorious scarf, talking about how he does movie reviews with B-Real. Ellis feels like everyone is mad at him for having a Porsche, like he’s a rich snob or something, and Jude glaring at him while ranting about how people come from all over to help feed the homeless, then leave to go back to their mansions, and Jude’s left with a homeless dude shitting in front of his house. Jude’s into romance movies, so picture this – Jude getting dusted on K and trying to watch Sleepless In Seattle. According to Tully, Paul Newman is a million times cooler than Robert “Ball Bag” Redford, he’s the Garfunkel of Simon and Garfunkel. Tully also admitted to us that he cried at the end of the movie For The Love of the Game with Kevin Costner, and Rawdog admitted he cried watching Field of Dreams, also with Kevin Costner.
Hollywood news time, some guy says he has a photo of a young Arnold Schwarzenegger performing a sex act – and then the 1 person who cares threw up. Ellis thinks one of his neighbors was filming him having sex in his pool, or maybe not, but either way he’ll sue his ass if it leaks out. Rick Ross was the victim of a drive-by shooting yesterday, 50 Cent joined Dingo when he speculated that Rick Ross staged the incident, because none of the bullets that were supposedly fired at him actually hit his car. Daughter of Tammy Knickerbocker from Real Housewives of Orange County, allegedly rammed several parked cars and punched a cop. Lindsay Lohan says she’s too ill to fly and therefore can’t show up to court, but she was photographed out shopping and smoking. You know that whole Chris Brown / Frank Ocean fight thing? Yea, from surveillance footage, neither one actually threw a punch, it was just their posses going at it. Justin Bieber grabbed the titty of one of his fans at a meet-n-greet, TJES groping expert, Will Pendarvis, confirmed it looked like a boob grab but questioned the fans age. Guess who has a moat around their virtual castle, that’s right, Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen, and nobody really knows why – but it’s there. Whitney Houston’s brother says he introduced her to crack, not Bobby Brown, and the entire world is clamoring to explain to him that he might not want to go around bragging about it.
Can the show summon Jesus? It doesn’t seem that way, as Jesus did not appear or even call into the show. Tully’s motherfuckin’ baby has been keeping his ass up all night long, so he’s got video of his wife singing songs and shit that he plays for the little motherfucker to try and get him to sleep. Aren’t those little motherfuckers cute when they’re sleeping? AJ McLean and his airbrushed fingernails (no Lee Press-On Nails for that man) came into the studio to help save our asses from another NMT with Rawdog. He’s making jewelry and women’s lingerie now, which coupled with his fingernail art, and his man-crush on Ryan Reynolds might lead one to question his sexual orientation, but make no mistake – he’s married. He talked about kissing Britney Spears on a basketball court when he was 13 and some other stuff, and then Rawdog got his little Jew claws on the reigns and took over with NMT, no matter what AJ did to try and stop it. After that, we got to make up potential death metal band names for AJ and Ellis, none were mentioned much less acknowledged except the ones AJ made up, so that was pretty neat. Just about as neat as when your dad stuck his dick in a vice and let the neighbor shit on it. OH!