Tag Archives: shit_toboggan

Show Re-cap For Monday 7/16/2012

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DanOD5 getting his interview on after some thuggery

Holy shit, I’m still reeling from @DanOD5 winning his fights! That had to of been one of the bigger surprises that night, I think, maybe, or maybe not. I dunno. I know I was floored. Rawdog officiated a marriage between two lesbians while they were in Vegas, and according to Cullen, he then promptly started trying to sleep with one of them but he got cock blocked by smooth operator Jude. Or maybe it was just the massive zit embryo he had festering on his face. Ellis couldn’t take it anymore and cut the umbilical cord on that sucker for him today on the show. After knocking Gay Bruediger out in the second round, while Ellis was celebrating his victory, he got a little surprise. He got kicked in the leg by Forrest Griffin and then Mayhem got him really good in the knee and fucked up his PCL. Congratulations on your win, now find a wheelchair and fill up on the pain meds! I guess that’s how some MMA guys like to congratulate each other.

MMA Sasquatch lurking and rubbing his jerky in the background

Dingo started one of the rounds in his fight on the top turnbuckle, what a fucking champ! Both he and Danny (not OD5) had been drinking before & during their fight and mysteriously after their fight, there was a vomit trail leading down a set of stairs. I’m guessing that could have been a combination of Jack Daniels, being out of breath, and getting socked in the stomach by MMA Sasquatch. Ellis was awarded the MVP trophy and promptly gave it to @FaceplantLauren and @Shanwize1 for their epic battle in the ring during the “Humongous Bitch” fight, in which Lauren won. By most accounts, it was the best fight of the night and deserving of the MVP trophy. And now seems like a good time to give you a re-cap of the rest of the fights and the winners: Cumtard defeated @shit_toboggan, @Dutch_RDS ended up winning the blindfold shock collar fight, some dude dressed as a belly dancer beat out @Cogdeth in the musical chair fight, and @TheRealRubyR defeated Rawdog.

Mayhem Bot making his rap debut with Death! Death! Die!

Apparently Mayhem was pretty blasted after the fights, but I guess he deserved it after his performance the previous night at the Death! Death! Die! concert. Tully said there were quite a few people who said that was probably the best show the band has put on. So congratulations to everybody in the band as well as the guest stars, everybody in the bikini contest from Friday, and everybody that participated in the fights on Saturday night! And shout out to all the other peeps who got to go to Vegas to experience EllisMania 8 in person! Even though the entire weekends worth of shows put on by EllisMania were probably wicked sick yo, I’m willing to bet if you were to ask everyone who went “what was the best part”, most would answer “meeting everyone” – but since I didn’t go, I can only speculate. At any rate, I’m glad to see you all had fun and all (or most all) have made it home safe sound. I mean shit, just think of how horrible it would be if something bad had happened to you there? Who knows, maybe you would’ve never gotten the chance to kiss your mom’s jizz covered face ever again. OH!

EllisFam Interviews

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I have asked for the EllisFam to do a small 8 question interview so that we may get to know one another and how The Jason Ellis Show has changed or impacted our lives. These are their reply’s, unedited and all in their own words. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do, and thank you to everyone who participated. Without you all this wouldn’t be possible.

Alex Reed (@shit_toboggan)

  1. Where do you live? Oakland, California.
  2. What is your occupation? Service adviser at Dana Meyer Auto Care in Albany, CA.
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. I am pretty much your average working stiff. I like tattoos, skating, loud fast angry music, slow sweet romantic music, bit of a comic collector, cars, all around good guy I suppose. Never really sure what to write when someone says “Tell me about yourself” unless I’m filling out a job application. I spend most of my time working, most recently been training three days a week for EllisMania 8. On my off time I’m also a semi-regular volunteer at 924 Gilman st, the semi-legendary punk rock club out here in the bay area.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? I’ve been  listening to the Ellis show for about 4 1/2 years.
  5. How did you discover TJES? I discovered the show kind of by accident. I had Sirius for over a year and was starting to lose interest in Howard Stern. I would listen to music and flip through channels all day. I always thought it was weird that the action sports channel had some British guy doing an afternoon talk show, and never really stopped to hear it through, but one day I landed on Faction during a “Dude, is it gay?” segment and couldn’t stop laughing. I listened to the rest of the show and loved every second of it. Been hooked ever since.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? It’s funny, definitely makes the work day go by faster. It can be anything from motivational to hilarious to just plain stupid to absolutely beautiful. The fans are really a community, not just a bunch of fans. Jason does a great job weeding out the bullshit we all can get stuck in. It’s a great way to spend four hours of the day and always puts a smile on my face somehow.
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? It’s been a good way to keep sane on stressful days. Joining in on all the “World’s Greatest” and other shit the show asks for participation on, all the EllisMania’s have been an amazing time. It does light a fire under my ass to get out and do more with myself. I was always a pretty lazy person, now I exercise and eat better and really do shit with my time. Life’s too short, y’know?
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? CumTard is gonna get fucked up real bad July 14th. RED DRAGONS!!!

Dutch 中 (@Dutch_RDS)

  1. Where do you live? Highlands Ranch, CO
  2. What is your occupation? Director of Product Management and Sales Gateway Services Group
  3. Tell me a little about yourself. 32 actually 33 on July 6. Just celebrated 10 years of marriage. I have a 4 year old son named Jack. He was born premature at 29 weeks he was 2 lbs 11 oz and spent 42 days in the NICU. He is my world and couldn’t imagine life without him.
  4. How long have you listened to TJES? I have been a listener for 4 years.
  5. How did you discover TJES? I was listening to faction one day when TJES came on, I was hooked right away.
  6. What keeps you listening to TJES? I keep listening because Ellis is real. He’s some some fake wackity wack radio guy. Jason has always been open and honest about his life, his struggles, his triumphs and that is a big thing for me. I also keep listening because I love the #ellisfam
  7. Has the show changed or impacted you life in any way? How? Through the show I met the #ellisfam. A great group of people that have always been there for me. I have had a lot of ups and downs or last 4 years and the fam has always been there for me. Recently I was going through some shit, I felt alone and started cutting. A couple of fam members reached out to me and saved me from myself. Even my own fraternity which I love hasn’t been there for me like the fam has.  There are a couple of people I will always be grateful for.
  8. Is there anything else you would like to share? I am really looking forward to meeting everyone at EM8 and putting on a good show the fans! Chin down hands up!

If you would like to be apart of the EllisFam Interviews, please contact me (@Az_RedDragon) through twitter and I will send the interview to you.









Show Re-cap For Wednesday 6/27/2012

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Did I ever tell you the story about the time I went to the gym and fought this really big black dude that was about 50 pounds heavier than me an had way more training and how he broke my nose and shit? No? Oh wait, that was Ellis today, I keep getting our lives mixed up. He realized that he had to re-conquer his fear of getting his bell rung and just fight for the fun of fighting, he said after that he was more relaxed and actually did pretty good in the end. Ellis was driving the A6K and for some reason it wouldn’t start, well good thing that he has his tool kit with him. Just pull out the BFH (that’s big fucking hammer for the rest of you) and gave the ol battery a few whacks. Just like good old American engineering should, it started right up. In Taiwan, Tibet, Tasmania, some fucking country starting with a T, there are Giraffe Rats that are invading swimming pools and eating babies. So everyone in Tennessee, be careful. Are sunglasses indoors cool? Is the Edge really a cool dude? Should rich people give big tips all the time? Only when your hungover or stoned, sure I guess I never met the guy, and always unless I become rich and then all you peasants can fuck off, with all due respect of course.

My Ellismania predictions:

Shit Toboggan vs Cum Tard 1,000,000/1 Shit Taboggan in the 1st round by death.

Rawdog vs Ruby Renegade 10/1 Ruby Renegade in the 3rd round by motorboat suffocation.

Germany outlawed circumcision based on religious beliefs, many believe that is just another way of keeping the Jew Man down. I mean really, after all this time why would anyone think that Germany has something against the Jewish people, that’s just silly. On better news, Nickelback is still a steaming pile of cock rock bullshit. This has been confirmed by a microbrewery owner, Dark Horse Brewery, when asked to supply Dickelback with beer in trade for free advertisement, he told them to go suck a bag of dicks. You sir I salute you.

Gabe Ruediger was in the Swing House today. He seemed to mix well with the crew and seems to be a rather cool dude. There was some “friendly” shit talking and I think this fight at EllisMania 8 is going to be one to remember. In Old Man news, don’t fart in front of their apartments. Old dudes in apartments have nothing to lose and will beat you severely with their wrinkled feeble limbs, or threaten you with a gun. So remember, blame it on the dog. This awesome segment was followed by the most horrible montage of shit brained callers I have ever heard on this show. It was so bad I was farting in front of old dudes apartments. See what I did there, that’s why I’m a professional. In more news the face eating zombie of Florida was only on weed and a shit ton of crazy, the knob gobbling Asian chef is under investigation, and an Archaeologist called in and informed the guys of a giant ten foot man ape that used to live in North America. They aren’t sure why they became extinct but most studies point to disease, coincidentally the same disease that yer mum is carrying in her massive cave man banging ham slammer, OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 6/15/2012

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Sometimes it’s the innocent looking ones you need to watch out for

I apologize in advance for what I’m about to do to you. Kickin’ it in the front seat, Sittin’ in the back seat, Gotta make my mind up, Which seat can I take? It’s Friday, Friday – Gotta get down on Friday! Okay, that’s far enough. It’s out of my system and will never come back to haunt you. Who will be taking Andy “Stay Duckin'” Bell’s place to fight Ellis? Gabe Ruediger (@GabeRuediger) will be, that’s who. This will be the third UFC fighter Ellis has gone up against and he says instead of just trying to survive like with the previous two UFC fighters he’s fought, he’ll be going for the win. Ellis is going to Miami next week, or two weeks from now, something like that. He’s going to be a judge at some Hooter’s Girls bikini contest, and I think he’s also going to try and party with Dexter. Ellis left the show for a few minutes to go take a shit and live tweeted, while taking said shit. Rawdog is going out on another date with the same chick he was recently making out with at the bar. She suggested go out dancing or stay home, eat mac-n-cheese, and watch Arrested Development. That sounds like she’s up for wearing shorts with no panties, sitting on the couch, and getting finger banged while Tobias Fünke wears the same short shorts as her.

I’m high as fuck man

Hey, some chick ate squid cum and had some squid babies all up in her mouth, yo. Yummy! If you eat seafood and/or sushi, you’ve probably eaten some cum too – or if you’re an asshole to your waiter, I guess there’s a good chance you’ve eaten sperm as well. Cumtard stopped by the show to get his mouthpiece for his fight at Ellismania and trash talk @shit_toboggan, which probably is only gonna make it hurt worse when he gets his ass handed to him. Speaking dicks (*cough*Cumtard*), you ever get nervous dick when you’re getting ready to bang a chick? That’s your body telling you to be weary, maybe she’s a massive hose beast, has STDs, or maybe you’re just a homosexual and with the wrong partner, I don’t know, I’m just sayin’. @FonzoBlunt showed up as well, he too had to get his mouthpiece all set – as you may have guessed, he was allegedly higher than bird pussy.

When I’m not busy being awesome, I’m busy being fucking kick ass

In “Women, am I right?” news, a fifteen year-old girl was unaware that the seventeen year-old boy that she met online and banged, was actually a twenty-four year-old woman. The old sea hag fucked her with a fake dick, through her zipper. Fuckin’ wang chung tonight! Some chick from my neck of the woods got caught shoplifting at a Walmart or some shit, they locked her in the bathroom until the cops got there, and by the time they did, she was up in that shit cooking up some meth. There was a ton more of stupid bitches and their stupid bitch stories, but I couldn’t possibly list them all. Ellis’ demeanor on the show changed in a heartbeat, he felt the show was “gay” and he wasn’t liking it. It’s supposed to be who gives a fuck Friday, but it seemed like he started giving a fuck immediately – it happened when he got a text about skrilla. THC called in to try and cheer up Ellis, he’s such a fucking cool dude, and he seems like he really cares. Props to that guy for being an awesome feller!

Your mom/dad is moist

Kids now-a-days, and around Rawdog’s age, don’t know what metal really is because they only got to experience bands like System of a Down and the like. One thing that bothered me about awards and all that shit back in the 80’s was they would put bands like Poison in a “best new metal” or “heavy metal” category. That’s just pure D bullshit, I remember thinking, “why the fuck isn’t Metallica or Slayer in there? Now that’s metal, not fucking Def Leppard!” Anyway, whatever, too bad for you youngin’s that get shit music these days. That about covers it for this re-cap, Happy Father’s Day to all you good dads out there, I hope you all have a great weekend and get a blowjob! You know your dad’s getting one, sure it’s from that stupid bitch with a bulbous baboon ass you call a mother, but at least she gobbles up the cock like a champion. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 5/23/2012

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Such an eventful Wednesday show think that I might find it hard to fit everything into todays re-cap, but here goes nothinng.  Somebody infiltrated the intro song with that shitacular Marlins song, Rawdog thought System of a Down was the biggest metal band when he was in high school (figures).  Ellis wants to get a head tattoo so from afar it would look like he has hair, new Goth rock sucks as much dick as old Goth rock, Tully likes his pork a little rare, and someone called in asking for advise with divorce at which point Tully and Josh took the reigns and after a rather heart felt discussion the show took a music break and returned with a best of show. Nobody is clear what happened or what went wrong, but we all wish the best for Jason and hope things get sorted out soon.

But dont be sad, I created a hashtag game that @bitPimps kicked off called #EllisFamRumors, enjoy.

@Hollow_NorCal Heard @bitPimps & @mike_in_canada are siamese twins who sit on thier couch and share a laptop. #EllisFamRumors

@Jack_The_Cunt #EllisFamRumors I’m not who I say I am. I’m not a cunt.

@bitPimps I heard @AZ_RedDragon recently started a new job, not driving trucks, but as “Tito” in the Chippendales Male Revue.

@Hollow_NorCal I heard @Dutch_RDS  was a spy. #EllisFamRumors

@biiPimps I heard @KimDultz runs a gang that reaches from Boise all the way to the other side of Boise. #EllisFamRumors

‏@bitPimps I heard @shit_toboggan won a “best customer / employee relationship” award. #EllisFamRumors

@cogdeth “@bitPimps: I heard @cogdeth shot a man in Reno just to watch him eat pie. #EllisFamRumors” >~ no, but I DID climb fence in Vegas #OtherSide

@bitPimps I heard @mike_in_canada has pictures of his wang up on Brazzers. #EllisFamRumors

And the biggest #EllisFamRumor is that yer mum isn’t the massive gutter slut that we all think she is, but then again, its only a rumor, OH!