If you’re not familiar, 中Jersey Mike中 (@jerseymike334) made quite a few parody songs for TJES, most (if not all) have been featured on the show – some are still in use on the show to this day. And he was kind enough to send them over to us so we could share them with the rest of you! Enjoy, this guy made some legendary shit – show him some love!
Led Zeppelin needs to come back, or 80’s glam rock. One of them. Because older women need some shit to listen to and I guess reminisce about. Big, crispy hair, the Brat Pack, it’s all going to bring back memories of when they had a tighter box. Ellis had a couple meetings, some good news, some bad news, some hidden news, some mediocre news, and he can’t talk about any of that shit, so fuck it. It’s Friday. You know Tom Cruise? I mean, not know him, but know who he is? You do, right? He’s that chick that got married to that younger, taller dude? His full name is Thomas Cruise Mapother IV. It looks like Superman IV, and he just might be the Superman of skin care cream. Ellis is talking about getting on more channels, and I don’t care what you say, because that would be awesome like Blossom. Rawdog’s friend “Mr. X” had a question about after he came on his chick, she licked it up, and then wanted to kiss him. Sounds like it was all meant as a silly after sex joke thing, but Mr. X has to put a stop that shit if he don’t want it. Homey don’t play that snowball game.
Anne Hathaway. Tully will accept the fact that you may think she’s pretty, but he will not accept the fact that you may find her sexually attractive. And according to Ellis, she most likely has a smelly ass – he can just tell. And according to me, she’s the type of girl that would snowball her boyfriend as a joke. So it has been said, and now written, and so it shall be. It’s the law of the land. Who wins between a vampire, a predator, a liken, and aliens? Who gives a shit? Some bored dude thinks Google is racist because he thinks one of their Google Doodles depicts a black man running on a watermelon track. That’s fucking ridiculous. Google is racist because they depicted that same black man holding one of the “O”‘s in one Google Doodle, and then the next day that same “O” was missing.
Some chick that battled bulimia, which left her without a gag reflex, was demonstrating how she has no gag reflex and accidentally swallowed a butter knife. What makes this fucking whack is, this isn’t the first time she accidentally swallowed a goddamned knife. Women. Tully’s looking for a good, reliable opiate pill to take – which we all know Rude Jude could hook him up like a rock star – but regardless, as one might imagine, TJES listeners had tons of suggestions. I don’t even remember how this topic got started, but there was a debate on whether you’d rather fight a horse sized duck, or a bunch of duck sized horses. I haven’t started tonight’s pill poppin’ party yet so I can’t give a well thought out answer to that. But what I can give you an answer to is the question your mom is always asking – “hey baby, want some company?” And the answer to that is: Put your hands behind your back and get on your knees, you’re being arrested for prostitution. OH!
Why do all fat women wear purple? That was the question that started today’s show. I think this is a question that may just plague at least 1/3 of the world’s population, NASA doesn’t even know. As with any Rude Judesday, he came on the show and apparently while Ellis was on vacation, Jude enjoyed getting a bunch of new listeners to his show – so shout out to his Caucasian ass. China could potentially invade the US because the majority of their population are males, and like parties that are sausage fests, a fight always breaks out. That’s why I recommend you all watch Red Dawn as much as possible, that way you know how we’re going to win and drive those reds back to their homeland. WOLVERINES! Sounds like a porn site wants to send TJES some swag, so be on the lookout for a possible Rawdog Fleshlight product line sometime in the future.
We got to hear some audio from Ellis’ interviews with some of the stars from The Expendables 2. The first interview was with Dolph Lundgren where Ellis says he found him to be one of the funniest in the movie, said he looks better than Clint Eastwood, and asks if he thinks his punches and kicks are better than Randy Couture’s. There were more questions but fuck that shit, I ain’t writing this shit down word for word. Next was his interview with Terry Crews and Randy Couture, which started out with Ellis saying Terry is a massive dude and Randy could beat up everyone in The Expendables 2, we didn’t get to hear him ask Terry if he has a massive penis though. We had to wait to hear the KTLA edited version of the interview, which turned out pretty good actually. However, we did get to hear a message on Ellis’ phone from Uncle Mayhem singing a song about how he loves Ellis and such.
The guys played some Olympics history trivia today, with all answers being either true or false. For instance, ancient Olympiads were required to be nude in their competitions – because you know, oiled up men wrestling is totally no homo. If you believe Rawdog’s trivia questions, ancient competitors would chew on animal testicles before competition, as an early form of steroids, which let’s be honest – sounds fucking hardcore. Tug of war was once an Olympic sport, which is totally acceptable considering badminton is currently a sport, and I think we all can agree that tug of war should come back. In the end, Jason ended up being the winner in today’s Olympic history trivia – which is pretty fucking amazing in itself, but there ya go. His prize? He get’s to give Shit Taco another new name, who shall now be known as Tuberculosis. Tuberculosis also claims to be a comedian, so he got a chance to tell a joke (it sucked) and plug an upcoming show he’ll be a part of.
Today was NMT, 3 weeks worth of it as a matter of fact. Turns out, it wasn’t as horrible as most, but still – I’m not writing much about it. I will say this though, there was talk of Syndrome of a Down and Downzig being something worth checking into. A caller had a real problem with that particular topic and called out the guys, especially Tully. Once the guys explained everything, the caller calmed down and saw that it’s not meant to be malicious and things moved forward. Considering many of the callers to the show, it was super surprising to hear him be intelligent about it – so shout out to that dude – good call. New segment today, “You’re dead to me”, where people that suck get put on notice, which I think for now is only Josh Koscheck. I imagine in just a few short days, there’s another person that will be on that list. Not just because they suck, but because you can’t be a mega-whore for your entire life without some kind of consequences – so make sure you say goodbye to your mother because soon, she’ll be dead to you as well. OH! (shit, that was dark)
To Close out the week, we have one last big event. Morgan, Domino, and Britney compete in the Ultimate Tranny Contest in a studio packed with guests. I apologize that the audio quality isn’t the greatest. Never mind that…
Chest bump!
Trustfall!
Ultimate Tranny Contest – 8/25/11
Download (link to MP3)
Bonus: The story of Lee & Jason in Cabo, Mexico – 8/30/11
Download (link to MP3)
More than meets the brown eye, fear the fabulousness!
Hey, hey, AD from Houston here with another re-cap. Seriously though, who the fuck is AD? Why is he in Houston, what the fuck is there? Does he do anything besides Faction updates? Is AD even a real human or is it a computer? Questions like these are what made Arsenio Hall go “hmmmm”. Jude came on to talk about how pilled out he was during the first part of EllisMania 8 and how he had a great time hanging out with Ellis fans. And there was more talk about Rawdog potentially being known as “Fag-a-tron” since his Shade 45 rap debut, which of course he isn’t, just as long as you don’t ask Jude’s listeners. Ellis’ knee is all filled up with fluid and looking pretty gnarled, that’s gotta feel great, shout out to Mayhem – ya dumb shit. He also took the liberty of steeling the motorcycle helmet that Chad Reed (the guitarist in D!D!D!) wears during shows, and won’t give it back. Props again to that dude for upping his douche level on the market by a solid 3 points.
As we age, we all get to a point where we just don’t care about some things anymore.
Ellis wants to make EllisMania 9 even bigger, but he knows that the bigger it gets, the more stressful things will become and more chances of pissing someone off. But, like a lot of people, he’s always striving for more, so much so in fact that he tends to never be satisfied with what he has recently accomplished. That spawned some interesting conversation from the guys concerning their own work ethics, how they feel about where they’ve come from to where they are now in their lives, etc. Tully talked about how while working for Carson Daly, his highlight was getting Carson to read something he wrote. A very familiar feeling for some of us who tweet the show like we’re mute and suffer from tourettes syndrome, I’m sure most of us enjoy hearing our tweets get read on the show. I don’t know if it’s so much for the recognition as it to just hear something you’ve created be good enough to be repeated to listeners. The whole conversation was actually pretty interesting, maybe more so to the older crowd versus the younger crowd, but it had some pretty good insights and retrospectives for everyone.
AIDs sandwich: Bread, mayonnaise, cheese, and extra AIDs.
Some dude was eating airplane food and got stabbed in the mouth with a needle, and now he’s on AIDs medication. Nope, that’s not a joke, it’s for real. Where’s the fuckin’ TSA on that one? Probably busy putting AIDs infected needles in airplane food. Take that TSA! Internet balls are all swollen! The Boy Scouts are still banning homosexuality, shocking, I know – a religion based group against homosexuality? Some listener called into say he was once a Boy Scout and that they are some hardcore brother fuckers. I can only assume that is very true. Speaking of AIDs sandwich, your mom used to employee of the month at Subway for several years running. Not because she did a great job at making AIDs sandwiches, but because she was the one that came up with the $5 footlong specials, and as you might have guessed, it wasn’t about sandwiches at all. She was the talk of North America and doing great until it was revealed that instead of using mayonnaise, she would regurgitate all the loads she swallowed into the dispenser – essentially baby birding everyone with cum. At that point, Jared broke up with her and began his new diet. OH!