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Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/18/13

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What’s love got to do, got to do with it?  With that, welcome to another Thursday edition of Thunder Dome with your host Tina Turner a.k.a Ellis.  Yeah, I don’t get it either, too deep for me.  Speaking of too deep, Tully apparently got a little too deep this morning while digging in his ass, just after taking a nice shit mind you, and on his finger was some liquidy substance.  Unfortunately it wasn’t shit like we all had hoped, but blood is pretty fucking Red Dragons I’d say and that’s what was on Tully’s finger when he pulled back.  After a thorough review, he determined the blood was in fact not from his deuce in the commode, but rather from his ass cheek.  And thus begins today’s show, what is bleeding on Tully’s ass, call 855-355-4741 now and give us your thoughts.  But please spare me the immediate need to rush to the hospital as it is both necessary and obvi!  Let’s just focus on the potential para-rectal cyst lying deep in his ass tissue.  Did you know this same scenario happened to Rawdog recently, but turned out he just ate some Doritos, DING!  Thankfully Rude Jude stopped by to help us get off Tully’s ass, and focus on the real matter at hand….washing your hands.  As Jude puts it, wash your hands so you don’t pass second hand dick – Good shit Jude!  Jude taught us all about black hair care and what a weave cap is.  He also said Lord Sears is working hard on staying awake, making it most of the show yesterday which also included Adam Carolla.  “A Tree doesn’t get mad if you call it a bush.  It knows its a tree!” – Rude Jude.   Not sure how to transition from that to chics leaving snail trails and being proud of it, but it happens and I’m sure it somewhere on Vine.  Of course, thats not to be confused with your Happy Trail, or Treasure Trail, or finally Hairway to Heaven!

 

Not sure I like where this is going....

Not sure I like where this is going….

 

Remember yesterday’s World’s Greatest Wednesday, well today’s just as good to finish it up.  It was to find out who or what is, the World’s Greatest Way to humiliate a snail down in Flo-Rida.  Yeah so we just went through all the nominees:

Rawdog betray the snails for a bagel and crucify them

Make snails have gay sex and make fun of them

Cook snails in beer and feed them to other snails

Make them listen to Accidental Racist (Don’t click it)

Beat the snails with Ellis’s PETA award

Put Offspring and Jeff Hardy stickers on their shells

Send them into space on balloons with Death!Death!Die! stickers for promotional purposes

Cum on a snail

Make them drunk driving monster trucks

Use a potato gun to shoot snails at other snails

Have Rawdog posterize dunk on a snail

Make the snails preform parkour

Make the snails preform the Mega Ramp

Surround them with a ring of salt, and a ring of beer outside of that

Spray them with Axe body spray, when their about the get laid, set them on fire

Drag them behind trucks

Dress them as the Statue of Liberty and make them spin signs on the street corner

Give the snails all white boy cornrows

(And some late additions to yesterday’s list, which by the way has a few removed that Ellis ditched prior to voting)…….

Put snails on Jiffy Pop and put them in the microwave

Tie Snails to both ends of a battery and make them touch to get zapped

Pull the snail’s dick out and pour salt on it, the “Salt Peter”

So that’s the list, can’t really do shit about it now but so you knew who or what was even available.  Oh, and Rawdog only smoked like 3 or 4 times in college.

 

Rawdog's new night spot coming soon!

Rawdog’s new night spot coming soon!

 

Hollywood News bitches, and what other bitch but Kim Kardashian to start us off with her divorce of Kris Humphries and how it may be finally happening.  Remember the dude Finch from American Pie, the one that banged Stifler’s mom, yeah well some one night stand didn’t want to leave last night, and well check this shit out!  Serena Williams was strutting that ass in Miami and DAMN!   Adele turned down a million bucks cause she still got more life to live, for real for real.  Did you know Jennifer Aniston has been cupping, or better yet do you even know what the fuck that means?  If oyu answered No, fuck yeah homie!  Well Gwyneth Paltrow used to do it, and Tully hates that bitch, so you should too – remember that’s fuck Gwyneth Paltrow kids!  Jaden Smith says that Obama told him Aliens were true.  And thus concludes today’s Hollywood News, so now just back to how German dudes thought black dudes coudln’t beat them in sports until Jessie Owens and Joe Lewis kinda fucked all that up for them.  From there it was Jackie Robinson and white dudes figured out that when the monies on the line, always listen to Wesley Snipes.  Did you know that Michael Jackson stole the moonwalk from some dude who was a Solid Gold Dancer?  Did you give a shit that Fergie is trying to vogue or some shit?  No you didn’t, but I bet you do give a shit about this two on two MMA fighting over in Russia!  Dom, fuck my bad, Lil’ Bane was out and about the streets of Hollywood yesterday allegedly saying Justin Bieber had been killed by Nazi’s for his Anne Frank comments the other day.  Since Lil’ Bane produces The Jason Ellis Show, he had a tape record on him, and we all got to listen to people’s reactions.  People such as some old lady who swallowed the microphone and some dude who already knew about it before Lil’ Bane told him.  Batman actually spoke and gave his regards to Beiber’s mom.  Finally some Australian dude was propsitioned mon, “Fuck the Cunt, I shoulda killed him”.  He’s getting better folks, hell of a job Dom!

 

JustinBieber1-RIP-1364789695

….Mon!

 

News from a Dolphin, my favorite shit might I add, about some lady who cut off her husband’s dick cause he was fucking an old girlfriend or some shit.  But enough of that, lets get down to some real business.  All show Ellis n Tully sprinkled in some shots at Rawdog about basketball and getting a game together.  Well it will be sometime tomorrow morning, with Rawdog trying to make 3 out of 10 layups, and also a two on two game between Ellis N Tully verse Will and Dom.  Unfortunately tickets aren’t for sale, but how fucking sweet would it be to see this.  Just make sure to listen tomorrow for what happens.  Kinda like yesterday, when you had to tune in tomorrow which is today, to find out who or what is the World’s Greatest way to humiliate a snail.  Well folks, here’s your top ten:

10 – Put Offspring and Ed Hardy stickers on the snail’s shells

9  – Beat snails with Ellis’s PETA award

8  – Send snails into space with balloons to promote Death! Death! Die!

7  – Make snail parkour videos

6  – Dress the snails as The Statue Of Liberty and make them spin signs on a street corner

5  – Pull the snail’s dick out and our salt on it

4  – Put them inside a circle of salt, surrounded by a circle of beer

3  – Spray them with Axe body spray, and as they’re about the get fucked, set them on fire

2  – Have Rawdog betray the snail’s for some bagels, and crucify them

1  – Have Rawdog posterize them

Hey don’t look at me, you fuckers voted on this shit.  Seems pretty accurate to me though, cause having The Illusionist dunk over you and see it on your bedroom wall is some fucked up shit.  But no where as fucked up as the last episode of Suck My Dick with Will and Lil’ Bane, where Thunderballs and I took turns cupping your grandma’s ass while we moon walked all over her pussay, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/1/2013

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too_bookoo

First time we banged your mom, she said we were too bookoo. But we all knew that was bullshit & sure enough, she took every inch of the entire NYA platoon.

Wassup bitches!? It’s April 1st and that means I’m gonna go full on douche and play an April Fool’s joke or 3 on your asses. Better be on your toes, sisters! So with it being Monday, guess whose in studio today? If you said Uncle Mayhem, you’d be wrong because that ship sailed awhile ago, and Dingo has been coming in on Mondays for awhile now. Ellis was hanging out with old people while looking at a house, the old lady was cool, but the old guy was shaking his head at Ellis. Ellis was all like, “your pants, your belt buckle is on your belly button and I haven’t shaken my head at you in disgust.” He didn’t say that out loud, but he was thinking it – so maybe that old man got the telepathic message – or maybe not. Do you know what ghost hunters wear when they go out hunting for ghosts and other apparitions? Affliction Clothing. Ellis went running for his workout, Dingo has been running, but also skipping the running and instead eating, oh and Rawdog got invited to and participated in an orgy! April Fools, he is still in the friend zone.

missed_payments

In this monetary based world, if you’re not thinking about money, you’re either rich or dead.

Ellis has been worrying about money, so like anyone suffering through tough economic times, he bought 3 motorcycles over the weekend. But hey, he’s looking to move, maybe he’ll be without a pool, a smaller house, and maybe the kids will have to share a room, but things will work out and the kids seem to really like the idea of it all – so that’s what counts. Rawdog had a pround “big brother” moment yesterday. He’s little brother MC McJewyPants started spitting his flow and impressed his big brother with how much better he’s gotten in the past 6 months. Hey, how do you wanna die? Viking style on a flaming boat? Buried in the ground in case you can become a zombie? Burned into a pile of ashes in a crematorium? All this death talk spurred some pretty upbeat conversations, such as family members dying far too soon and supposed crematories that actually just give you a sack of ashes from a month’s worth of smoking in a dive bar. And with that, Tully tried to steer the conversation to a brighter side by mentioning it’s opening season for baseball and some dude in the NCAA broke his ma-fuggin’ leg. When it first happened, everyone was pissing their pants about how bad it was, but that really doesn’t compare to Clint Malarchuk’s accident.

spider-man_tuna_can

Just watch Spiderman or something, you’ll be much happier.

Jon Jones has pulled out of his fight with Chael Sonnen, he just found out he has AIDs and the athletic commission will not allow him to fight due to the potential threat of other fighters contracting HIV. April Fools, the fight is still on. Georges St. Pierre has to back out of fighting Johnny Hendrix because he wants to be in a movie. Chris Weidman is preparing for his fight with Anderson Sliva, while Anderson is busy picking his balls, and learning how to speak like Steven Seagal. Hollywood news time, Lindsay Lohan’s lawyers have tried to get her to go to rehab and then I trailed off because I’m so sick of hearing about her that I could literally puke, eat said puke, shit that puke out, eat the puke I just shit out, and then shit it out again and slather it all over my body. And that is no April Fools joke. Kim Kardashian is a big fat whale and her stupid shit sisters have all come out to defend her gargantuan structure and say that she is really pregnant, not just eating ice cream sandwiches. Rawdog can’t pronounce Liev Schreiber’s name, we shouldn’t be surprised. Halle Berry wants a law passed where you can’t photograph the young children of celebrities. Justin Bieber got confiscated in Germany. April Fools, it was his pet fucking monkey. Is this dude turning into Michael Jackson or what.

neighbelline

Is Rawdog going to start wearing make-up now too? Come on, buddy! Confront your roommate, if not for your own sakes, for all of ours!

And with that Rawdog brought out a new segment “See It Or Fuck It”, where Rawdog tells you about the movies coming out and Ellis says if he’d see it or not. First up, GI Joe. Survey says, go ahead and see it. Next up was another fucking Tyler Perry piece of shit. Survey says, if you’re black, you know you’re gonna go see that shit, if you’re white, come on. Next was The Host, it sounds horrible. Survey says, avoid that shit like you avoid family functions. Let’s just skip the rest, they’re all shit. Speaking of shit, Rawdog’s gay roommate clogged the toilet with his massive gay turds, and left that shit there for him to deal with. So what’d Rawdog do? Went to Jack In The Box to go potty. What. The. Fuck. Dude gets steamrolled by women, and now by his roommate too? Confrontation is not in Rawdog’s vocabulary, he just got friend zoned by shit. Pretty much everyone is ready to fly across the country to tell Rawdog’s roommate that he’s a dumb motherfucker and he better cut the shit plunge the shit or next time he’ll be eating it. A university study of people in different phases of sexual activity say that the more sex you have, the bigger your brain swells and throbs.

biotics

Gonna go on a date with a porn star? Both of these are going to be your friends.

This leads us into Eva Lovia (thanks @cogdeth, I didn’t hear who it was), who visited the show today. She’s an astrophysicist who proved the Virial theorem in stellar astrophysics. April Fool’s, she’s a 23-year-old porn star. Her and Ellis were supposed to go out one night and he opted to stay home instead, so they smoothed things over and told each other that they look better in person. Then they talked about when she started fucking, who she started fucking, why she started fucking, and other fucking related topics. She does other stuff too, like having fun and activities. But mostly of the fucking activity variety. Ellis wants to pump her for 6 seconds, she’ll let Rawdog pump her for 6 seconds as long as they’re both clothed. Rawdog claimed he could pump more than 4 times in 6 seconds, completely missing the joke Ellis made about him blowing his load too early. It was Dingo, pound-for-pound today’s funniest guest, who jumped on the opportunity to explain the joke to Rawdog. Poor guy.

suprise_patrick

Why didn’t The Lord take the uglier ones first?

Now is when the show moved to “Women, Am I Right?” and we were blessed with a plethora of even smarter women who do things like; blame trained squirrels for destroying their garden, fall out of their vehicles while reversing, along with many other stories, and why you should spill your man nectar on their outsides, not their insides. This brought a single, mini whorecaine into the studio, or better known as Katie. But she’s not stupid, ugly, or dumb. She is a little weird, but fuck it, she’s hot and has nice titties – you’d totally let her walk over your ass if she was yo baby momma, admit it. While we’re at it, I know you’ve been wondering why you cry so much during sex, it’s from the pepper spray, man. OH! Sorry, I know that’s a touchy subject for you. I also know what’s long and hard on you as well. The fourth grade. OH!OH! Which is also the sound your mom made upon her first double penetration. OH!OH!OH! And that’s what dyslexic Santa says. FUCK IT, I’M OUT!

Show Re-cap For Monday 2/25/2013

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oscar_goes_to_jail

You’re a monster, Oscar, a monster!

It’s Monday, the day after the Oscars! Whose feeling fabulous?! Yeah, me neither. The only thing I hate more than Hollywood gossip has to be Hollywood award shows. But, you know it’s gotta be addressed – especially since you saw Rawdog tweeting his little furry butt off Sunday night during the awards. Actually, I think that’s the most he’s ever tweeted. If you’re looking for more Oscar Awards talk, you’re in the wrong fuckin’ place, sister. You better sit your gash down and hit some other shitty website. It’s Tiger’s birthday today, have you wished him a happy birthday yet? Shame on you! Smooth segway into today’s first guest on the show, Ding-o-mate, pound for pound the smartest guy raising his feet while driving past a graveyard. He ate a bunch of shit and woke up to spew chunks and then go back to sleep, like an Australian version of a Roman in the vomitorium. That probably doesn’t make any sense. Ellis is back in therapy, sounds like he had himself a session today to up his game and shit, he also watched some porn this morning – dude had a busy morning so far. Rawdog went out on a fourth date this weekend with some little hussy, they went to a comedy show, had a few drinks, and got himself a kiss on the cheek for his efforts. Tully got eye raped by some weird dude that was coming out of the bathroom at the zoo.

mantis_thug

Thug mantis is ready to rumble, motherfucker.

Is pollution shrinking our cocks? Could this explain a Chinese man’s pecker? Or is this pure bullshit? I don’t know, my cock & balls are cool. Dennis Bermudez called into the show today after his fight over the weekend, which made fight of the night and is contention for fight of the year. He’s got 7 stitches over his left eye, his right eye is almost swollen shut, and the rest of his head is busted up – but, like a fuckin’ warrior, dude sounded great on the horn. Ronda Rousey ended up beating Liz Carmouche, and apparently people really want to hump on Rousey and everyone agrees that Cormouche kinda looks like butt chin Urijah Faber. Sounds like the UFC is considering a new clothing rule for women’s MMA after Rousey’s titty almost popped out on several occasions, which I’m amazed we haven’t seen someone’s ass cheeks yet. There was some speculation on how much MMA fighters are getting paid versus other athletes such as boxers, and why aren’t the fighters getting paid more. Generally, everyone seems to agree that these fighters aren’t getting paid what they should be, but everyone also things those numbers will go up as the sport grows.

shes_on_what

Lindsay, find her pretty much anywhere.

Ace Frehley is losing his home to foreclosure while Lindsay Lohan is in trouble again – no, seriously. Ron Jeremy on the other hand has been cleared to go back to torturing vagina’s with his disgusting dong. Kanye West won’t let Kim Kardashian sign autographs anymore, I’m not so sure it’s him teaching her to keep part of her life private as much as he’s embarrassed to be seen with her extra thick bacon coat. He say’s he also won’t be appearing on her shitty show, and it sounds like Kim might not even come back for her own shitty show. The League of Extraordinary Kid Rapers Church is once again getting slammed right in the proverbial asshole over allegations of a super priest wanting to do gay things with other priests, making them the gayest anti-gays on the fucking planet. Time to completely dumb all your stupid people and stupid rules and get in on something where fucking children isn’t the main issue among your peers.

worlds_okayest_mom

Your mom’s spit cup.

Speaking of dick, Andy Dick just joined the cast of Dancing with the Stars, word on the street is he’ll be FABULOUS! Some dumbshit was saying The Offspring was potentially going to tour with Metallica, and that dumbshit needs to burn in hell. Some dude called in to say his pussy son (his words) got in a fight at school and wanted to know how he could be proud of his little girl without condoning fighting. Your mom called in to get a “Sweater Puppies” name. Everyone knew she meant “Wolfknives”, she’s a woman so we expect a certain level of thinking. Instead of giving her a name, they asked her if she knew the difference between her hippie ass and a hockey player. Of course she didn’t, so they told her that a hockey player takes a shower after 3 periods. Naturally, she didn’t get it. So they asked her if she heard the one about the child with AIDs? It never gets old. She didn’t get the joke, but she did pull out a picture of your little brother and sobbed, so that was still pretty funny. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 2/6/2013

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Wednesday is known as hump day, as its right in the middle of the work week. At work, you often have vending machines.  Sometimes, you just really need that zagnut bar, but it gets stuck…..and to those who die from vending machine accidents, today’s show is for you!  You dumb lucky fucks got a good one too, so lets roll.  Shout out to SuperCrossDragon and his bad ass cricket concentration camp.  Also shout out to magnets, fucking love those things however they work, and lets hope they do work to hold up the wolf knife banner which just fell down.  If your pants just fall down, and your iphone falls out yo pocket, just let your ass rip and record that shit fart – send it to I think ellisparodies@gmail.com but don’t quote me on that shit fart.  Ellis played a new one of his own to get us started, and Tully had a few that had been sent in including a sweet 20seconds from Brandon, and the guy who asked Kobe how is ass taste, literally!  Sorry to that one lady with the 28 G’s who wants Ellismania to be in June cause it can’t, but Rawdog mania is anytime you want, Hey Lady!  Titties like that will probably knock you out worse than that dude from Ultimate Fighter last night.  They’d probably make you cum like a mother fucker too, and microwave that shit like Rawdog did, but thats later in the show.

 

 

MyFreeCams.com get it up ya!  Ol’ Uncle Ellis got it up him, and watched some ladies get all kinds of shit up them, and all free too.  Well not really, you need tokens for some private shows, but some chics just go for it without tokens, i say fuck tokens!  Kinda creepy to hear Ellis Tully n Rawdizzle each watch chics on cam, and give us the play by play, but also kinda funny too.  They saw someone requesting a chic play with her belly button, some Amish Milf lady, and even got a Red Dragons in a room.  Ellis says its fun to watch n see bitches just get pissed and yell at their computers, and others pulling a dildo out their ass, sniffing it and deciding blowing it ain’t a reasonable option anymore.  The real questions is how much money can be made doing this shit?  Enough to possibly get Cumtard to become Camtard, and put the World’s Smartest Box to use for a true greater good.  Considering he called his mechanic while in the studio, and dropped a over 5-grand bill, he may be looking to more than just one website….so try out StreamMate.com or Chaturbate.com.  Also he could try to cum and microwave that shit like Rawdog did, of course thats later in the show.

 

Happy Birthday @AZ_RedDragon, and Will too I guess.

This Muthafucker here said he was Obama, tried to kidnap some kids, and got the shit beat out of him.  No its not Will Pendarvis III, but today is @AZ_RedDragon‘s birthday so shout out to yo sexy ass, #FullHomo!  Oh, its Will’s too but I only mention that cause it led to a game that got playeded by the fellas.  Yeah remember how last week ol Jizz Cult thought it be a good idea to put Cumtard and his hard earned money on the line……Win Will Pendarvis III’s Money.  If you don’t remember the game, it pits Will against a caller, and Tully asks a question.  Will writes his answer down, then the caller shouts their answer, and if he’s wrong plus the caller is right, Cold Jizz Cult Cash You Cunts (Album droppin’ this September)!  Look, I ain’t gonna sit here and write each question, cause honestly what the fuck dude.  I Will Pendarvis III tell you the tibia is known as the shiny shin bone, and made some dude $23 richer.  BJJ stands for Blow Job Jason, and to be correct it is Anderson “The Man” Silva who is a master of BJJ if you didn’t know!  Last year’s super bowl champs were in fact the Tamp Bay Lighting.  If you knew that, then I’m sure you knew Lebron James and Toby Bryant are two players from the Miami Heat.  And while no one got the quarter of a million dollar question, some dude did get the $4,300,000,000,000 Q when he recited the Green Lantern Oath, while Cumtard jerked it in a near by Green Room, coincidence – I think no you are!  I wonder if he microwaved that shit like Rawdog did, but can’t think about that now since thats later in the show.

 

Damn Right It’s Britney Bitch!

So Postal workers will still be going postal, but just not on Saturdays, and no link you can just look that shit up.  Remember when Rawdog almost went postal yesterday on salads, and Ellis almost went postal on him – you remember right?  Well they kissed n made out up n Rawdog got nuggets and lived happily ever after.  Remember that dude Sean, that doesn’t have a dick yet but wants one, and beat the shit out of Rawdog in EllisMania.  He stopped by the show with his chic to put some Hard Pussy On Your Ass.  But before he could do that, Ellis Tully and Rawdog had to play Name That Pussy.  If your interested in hearing about how the boxes  of say Sharon Stone, Pamela Anderson, Miley Cyrus, Kim Kardashian or Kate Moss look, well fucking On Demand it Barry Damn It.  And if your really tweaked, make sure to listen for how Paris Hilton, Helen Hunt and Sasquatch Demi Moore.  Oh shit, and I almost forget, It’s Britney Bitch!  The game wasn’t all that riveting really, but it was a close one that came to the last question.  Rawdog n Tully got it right, Ellis got it wrong, so Hard Pussy On Ellis’s Ass and Rawdog microwaved his own cum, but thats not until later in the show.

 

Cover artwork for said album

Ok Ok it’s later in the show, so its time for Hard Pussy On Ellis’s Ass.  Turns out Sean just got a hormone shot, and had his Rock Hard Clit (Thats the band name for said album due out in September) was ready to go since he left the Dr’s office.  So he put it on Ellis has literally, and got a well deserved Red Dragons for his sportsmanship.  He also played a little What Do You Boys Think Of These This, but off Ellismania.com cameras and just out of the eye sight of Tully conveniently as well.  Breaking News – false alarm just good ol’ Hollywood News.  Bieber banged Rihanna while he banged Selena, but not at the same time which would have been Red Dragons Story Of The Week.  Remember Lil’ Kim, well not by this picture you won’t.  Remember Allen Iverson, yeah well apparently the bank don’t when his mortgage was due.  Remember Fergie, yeah me either but sounds like she’s pregnant.  Oh and Barney’s kid murder some dude too, and of course Rawdog microwaved his cum, but will get to that later later on in the show!

 

My Cum Pockets Never Look That Good

Don’t be stupid, be swimmingly…and check out this picture of I don’t fucking know what just check it out!  Also, check out Ellismania.com soon for the video shot today of Rawdog rolling his r’s, blinking with a shake weight all shock collared up!  Speaking of Rawdog, the manboy, the mythical fairy, the ledge – Dude fucking microwaved his cum.  Its later later in the show, so lets get to it.  Remember yesterday some dude called in, said his boy microwaved his own load, and gave it to a buddy in place of crystal meth for dude to snort?  Rawdog tried it, well not the snorting part, or at least he didn’t tell us that much.  He did tell us he did this while he “thought” his roommate was asleep.  He told us it does become a white residue passable for a powder after about 20 seconds in the microwave, so dude’s story checks out.  He said he used a plate, paper towels and he called it a recon mission.  He told us much much more, but you have to go back and listen for yourself to get the full MadDog experience.  And if your whining about replays, you can either get it On Demand, or trust me this will be in a Best Of real soon!  And if your whining about what the new Monopoly piece is, its your grandma doing a pterodactyl with Professor Money Bags, Hitler and Flip Rippington, OH!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Show Re-cap For Friday 1/11/2013

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Dicks, piss, diarrhea  welcome to another average Friday here on The Jason Ellis Show. Do you hate other peoples annoying habits like shaking their leg, cracking their knuckles, masturbating in public bathrooms? Tully does and he’ll kick you in

The Sham Wow can soak up nearly a pint of blood after being beaten by a hooker!

The Sham Wow can soak up nearly a pint of blood after being beaten by a hooker!

the cunt if you annoy him too much. Focus and motivation will make you strive even during a recession because people with that will not settle for anything less, like the Sham Wow guy. Ellis was saying that he wants more actors on the show so we here at NoYouAre are reaching out to all the celebrities that read this blog and ask them to go on The Jason Ellis Show, if you won’t do it for us, then do it for yourself. Kim Kardashian made a quick in studio appearance and said that Khloe has better looking vagina and that hers looks like a roast beef sandwich that was run over by a train of hatchets.

The geniuses in the porn industry have developed porn that reacts to your physical

One out of three has shit their pants.

One out of three has shit their pants.

movement and emotions. It will finally be nice to have someone still trying to blow you while your curled up in the corner crying into an empty tissue box. Speaking of porn, the Nuclear Cowboys have a special EllisFam section at their shows and the only way to get a ticket in that section is to use the super secret code “Ellis.” Kevin presented his comic book quiz today. He worked very hard to make this quiz and spent countless hours making every question perfect. It sucked. The Unsigned Bands segment will be on Monday with a super secret special celebrity guest. My guess is McConaughey.

In today’s Hollywood News, Lindsay Lohan is filming a movie called Canyons or something where she is naked most of the time. This I might actually go and see. Except that according to the panel of vagina experts, Irish chicks have oddly colored and wrinkly pussies. Some drug dealer is suing some other famous dude for stealing his name to become famous, Charlie Sheen is trying to buy himself some Karma points. Taylor Swift got dumped again, but my sources say that it is because she doesn’t have a vagina. My sources are idiots and they drink too much. Quentin Tarantino got pissed at reporter because he kept asking the same shit everybody always asks him, see for yourself.

My plan is working perfectly.

My plan is working perfectly.

Today was the debut of the never heard before segment, Get The Clit Off Your Chest, where girls can call in and talk about all the shitty things guys have done to them in the sack. Some of the things mention were unintentional ass stabbing, small dicks, two pump chumps, uncoordinated ground n pounders, torn foreskin maguillacuttys, apologetic fucks, premature ejaculating hobos, more tiny dicks. Final calls were mostly about dicks, then my app cut out and the heavens smiled on me so I didn’t have to listen to the rest of the nonsense. But what I did have to listen to was yer mum bitching about how long it takes for her to get her tampons shipped to her since she has to get them specially made, OH!

 

Extra super absorbant for those loose leaky vag caverns, OH!

Extra super absorbent for those loose leaky vag caverns, OH!