Show Re-Cap for Thurday 5/9/13

Posted on May 9, 2013 by wiz1010

Sup fuckers, it’s yet another Thursday with your Uncle Ghostload, and the ADHD is heavy today. Ellis’s jaw hurts cause he’s been sleeping crooked and shit’s breaking on him. Why do crab’s sleep sideways? But like Tully points out, if there was a roided up smurf, beating the shit out of all the other smurfs, and your 6 foot ass rolled into town, blue roided up smurf would bring it to you despite your towering appearance cause that’s all he knows how to do! Which really just means Ellis wants to get back on his board and shred, but not with a bunch of 14 year old kooks. And Linsanity would be more likely to be Ellis skate board buddy, not to dare be confused with his DP buddy, since Tully is too old a dog to learn that new trick. Did you know that Will practically gave birth to Silverchair? I mean this dude was the first to play them state side, and he was the dude that picked them up at the air port in Hotlanta, I mean practically raised those little warlords. Some crazy dude wants to be Ellis’s fight date buddy, again not his DP buddy, but this dude has never trained, just lifted some weights……well, get it up ya mate! Speaking of crazy dudes, Rawdog is all set to go to Mars. He even has it planned to coincide with the his last TJES show in roughly 6 years…….and then I lost transmission……..

……..until they give Ellis $1,000,000.

…..yeah so I finally got back into The Jason Ellis Show, and just in time to hear them tell some dude to go write a haiku on Silverchair, followed by some other dudes best attempt at “Baby, Baby” or some shit. So what the hell is going on? Its the Little Miss Jason Ellis contest! Yeah I probably should have just switched over to Jude, but I stayed in and here’s what I deciphered. We had 3 lovely contestants, John, Perry and Jason. They each went through a well thought our test consisting of the aforementioned Silverchair haiku and a sexy karaoke, as well as eating a banana, a few questions, their overall looks, and of course a turn on the punch machine! Fuck dude, that’s a lot of shit, this mutherfucker must be important huh. Perry, who turned out to be the creepy dude, is the ocean and the least fuckable dude, had a haiku more about himself than Silverchair. Perry did win the punch machine with a solid 66 (Which he used his palm to strike the pad, hmmmm), but came in last in the final voting so fuck off. John, has huge areolas, which swayed Rawdog’s vote quite a bit, killed “My Humps”, and dominated the banana eating competition. John had a horrible and uncalled for haiku and more horrible and more-er uncalled for ass or lack thereof, so clearly he isn’t Little Miss Jason Ellis. Folks, meet Jason, not Ellis just a random dude with the same first name. Jason knows why bitches be trippin’, haikud the shit out of Silverchair, was easily the sexiest by default, and despite him not knowing how to properly eat a banana, he is the winner of the 2013 Little Miss Jason Ellis Pageant, so enjoy your free shit and don’t ever tell anyone about any of this, ever!!!

So this is what I pictured….

Kevin Farley is just a casual laid back dude! He stopped by the show to shoot the breeze with the fellas, cause you know he don’t give a flying mutherfucking fuck! Plus, he can do a spot on impression of a cop, so he’s got that going for him. You ever notice how sometimes in interviews we tend to find out more about Ellis than the guest? Well, this was kinda like that, but we did find out Ellis and Kevin share a serious bond having brothers who passed and both having to deal, with that and drugs and life and whatever dude let’s talk about Dancing With The Stars. Kevin’s hosts the road version of the show, which is still mega. He’s friends with Andy Dick as well, and subtly calls BS on Andy’s new female love thang. But its not just Ellis that bonded with Kevin today, Tully too shares a bond, University of Wisconsin-Madison bitches! Turns out that school is like a mini Australia, partying and burnouts. Kevin also was part of 2gether, a mock boy band, so he knows AJ and all the other boy band stars. He hangs at Rocking Riley’s, the only Irish Pub in Hollywood as it turns out, and sticks to vodka cause of the calories, but lets just keep that hush hush, its a little touchy. Lets also keep this hush hush, Tullyvich allegedly has some of Trader Joe’s finest in his home made Red Bull, all alleged of course, yeah come to think of it that didn’t happen, #fucktully. Back to Kevin, and his new movies! First off is Project Bigfoot, and this just pissed Rawdog off cause its a spoof on Bigfoot. After a 5minute exchange of Rawdog justifying Bigfoot being real, and The Loch Ness Monster dodging sonar, Kevin got back to his new movie, Project Bigfoot, which is due out in a few months and should be hilarious. But lets just say you don’t wanna wait a few months, and want your fix now, BOOM! No its not called boom ya dumbass, check out Paranormal Movie out on DVD now. Also, not sure how long you gotta wait for this, but Kevin and Ellis wanna start Titty Fucking Magazine so fuck yeah! Oh, and finally, for the ladies, if your in the Hollywood area and wanna get titty fucked by a Hollywood Star, thats @ImKevinFarley on twitter – Enjoy!

Rawdog was quite the little artist!

Well turns out the ADHD meds are wearing off on yet another tremendous edition of Your Mom’s House, so enjoy Hollywood News kids. Demi Moore is banging a younger Jason Ellis, good on ya mate! The Crickets are still alive. Nicole Richie was awesome in her dress she wore at this years Met Gala. Rawdog ain’t down for eating any crickets, maybe Dom is. What the fuck is a Met Gala anyways? Tom Hanks tops the list of Most Trusted individuals. Julia Roberts is Hindu. Some dude was swallowed by a hippo. “Meth Heads Die”, “Tully Beating Potheads”, “Will Suggesting Coke” what do all these have in common? They’re just random notes I jotted down, again the ADHD is thick today. Mayhem just figured out he ain’t listening to the show for a few days…….

…..but I’m sure he would feel better knowing that this dude Min existed back in the day, and could drop a load in the Nile River to ensure to crops would grow, duh! That reminds me of the time I tricked your grandmother into believing that if I dropped a load in her throat, her teeth would grow back, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 5/6/2013

Posted on May 6, 2013 by bitPimps 中

Best homeless titties in hobo land?

It’s Dingo Monday, but first, whose still shitting their pants after yesterday being Stinko de Mayo? And no, that pun has nothing to do with Hellmann’s mayonnaise, George Lopez, or the Titanic. Anyway, the most valuable thing that Ellis came away with this weekend is you’re only as good as the company you keep. The Ellis children reminded him to call his brother, Lethal Lee, who he hasn’t talked to in awhile. Apparently, the only thing Lee regrets is giving up his moto career after he had gotten hurt, he feels like he’s already peeked in his life and his brother hasn’t. But he goes to work and comes home to hang out with his children, making him a super dad. Ellis went to go riding moto on Sunday with Katie and the kids, found out that Katie’s bike had been left on, leaving the battery completely dead. Then he and Katie had a lover’s quarrel, got to the track and there’s an event going on, it’s packed as shit, and it costs $100 per person to get on the track. Tiger’s bike wouldn’t start, took it to the store and they couldn’t get it started either, and there’s how you kill about 4 hours of your day without even riding moto at all. Dingo’s Sunday was much better, drinking lots of beer and tequila and spraying champagne all over the place. Rawdog had a date on Friday, they went to see 2001: A Space Odyssey, which got his panties dripping wet. No blow jobs, no fingering, no nothing. He thought the date went well, called her the next day to ask her out again, got her machine and never heard back. So he called that chick from Friday’s show to go out, she took him to a gay bar with dude’s in their underwear dancing in a conga line. And then he got a blowjob, came, titty fucked her and blew another load! Later in the show, during “DP talk”, she said she’d show Rawdog what DP was! Then today, bitch that never called him back, called to apologize for not calling back and to say that she had a great time & wants to go out again. Are we seeing a new Rawdog? Will it last? Time will tell. While on the topic on blowing loads and titty fucking, Rawdog’s Nana and Papa just recently celebrated their 59th wedding anniversary, so that’s pretty legit!

Mr. Balls loves the children!

Hey kids, an antibiotic resistant strain of gonorrhea may be the new AIDs! Basically, you could go into septic shock and could kill you within days. It started in Japan (surprise) and has now spread to Hawaii, California, and Sweden, so be on the lookout for that coming to a whore near you soon! Brazil is fighting testicular cancer with a new mascot, his name is Mr. Balls! Speaking of balls, Dingo was trimming over the weekend and clipped his balls right on the zipper and it was dangling a little bit and he cut it off with a pair of scissors! This spawned a conversation about trimming versus going completely bald in the ball area, sounds like Dingo is still going bald while the majority of the world is trimming. This conversation then morphed into how gay-friendly and/or how gay each person on the show is, Dingo’s about 10%, Ellis is about 30%, and Tully might be reaching for the stars as he’s cried while talking about Morrissey to his wife. PETA is mad (what else is new?) that Governor Chris Christie squashed a spider in front of school kids. Which begs the question, how do you feel about zoos? Which begs another question, is it gay to have two dicks in one hole? Maybe, I mean, the balls are typically touching at some point. Here’s where we get another bombshell dropped on us, Rawdog says at some point, the two dudes’ butts are touching, proving that he knows that “DP” stands for “double penetration”, but doesn’t know that it means one in the pink, and one in the stink. To explain and show DP to Rawdog, Dom came into the studio to play the female, while Dingo was in his pussy and Rawdog was in his ass. So, let’s review, what did we learn? That Ellis has a DP buddy! Will we ever get to know his name? Has he been on the show? Maybe this will be something to be autographed in the upcoming book that someone can win? Once again, only time will tell.

I recommend that you don’t. You could get in big trouble!

Yea, she hasn’t done coke much. Naw, not much at all.

Could this Western Australian rugby player, Nick Cummins (aka “The Walloby Winger” aka “The Honey Badger”) be the most Australian person ever? Survey says, YES! Ellis Jeopardy was up next and last time Rawdog won, let’s find out who brought their “A” game for today’s game. Turns out, I don’t know who won. What I do know is that Dingo’s cheese has slid off his cracker, I don’t even know where he pulls his responses from. He managed to get at least 1 question correct, which is typically a big deal for him. It was fantastic! Moto news, Ryan Villopoto won his shit this past weekend, Ryan Dungey came in 2nd for the weekend and 3rd overall, and Davi Millsaps came in 3rd for the weekend but I’m not sure of his overall standings. But you know who does know? The Internet, so go look that shit up if you really wanna know. Hollywood news, and once again, stupid people love to gossip about Lindsay Lohan. This time she says she’s only done cocaine less than a handful of times, which does not explain her looking worse than her mother or the fucking crypt keeper. Anyway, who cares, she’s a fucking has been and I don’t understand how anyone has any kind of interest in her. This led us into 45 minutes of NBA talk with Tully by himself! Ellis had to split to go pitch TV shows and Rawdog knows nothing of the NBA so he hit the bricks as well. While I’m not a huge NBA fan, it was great to hear none the less. If you’ve ever had a chance to catch Tully on Hair Nation, you’d know he definitely has the ability to do good radio by himself. The big difference this time? He gets to take calls from the fans to discuss topics such as: Is everyone watching the playoffs for no reason because the Heat will win? Even though everyone on the Bulls is getting a spinal tap, they could probably still beat the Heat, nobody is sure how to pronounce Tom Thibodeau – not even him – because he’s a mentally challenged person, Blake Griffin is kind of a piece of shit cry-baby whose only interested in getting his dunks on YouTube and Reggie Evans has his number, the Clippers are a big piece of shit and the Lakers will be too. And if you missed any of that, well tough shit – and you missed probably most of the smartest final callers (minus the tree hockey moron) you’ve ever heard at that hour. Also, I’m definitely not reviewing all that from the last 40-45 minutes of Tully’s NBA talk. There was so much information and minutia that I could fill an entire post just on those 40 some-odd minutes. But once again, Tully proves he can carry his own weight – even with no one in the studio with him, to fill a radio show. I hope this was just one of many times we get Tully hour and hopefully it helps to prove that an Ellis Channel could potentially work. And work well. You know who else works and works well? You sister. She learned it all from your mother and from what I know and have heard, she’s got them whore skills. Remember that time your sister had to take a shower with you and her butt accidentally hit your wiener and you two experimented with each other? Yea, that makes both of you fucking deranged sickos. OH!

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 5/2/13

Posted on May 2, 2013 by wiz1010

Welcome to yet another Thursday edition of The Sounds Funny Show with your host Sounds Funny, aka Billy Madison. That and Diddy is knock kneed, whatever the fuck that means. Listen to this shit, Ellismate, the myth, the man, the ledge, said NO to a TV show. Fuck oath mate! Apparently it was some CMT show about tattoos with The Wing being a judge. Sounds awesome so far, especially considering CMT has such shows as County Fried Home Videos, Guntucky, Redneck Island with Stone Cold Steve Austin, and who could forget Dog And Beth On The Hunt…..but it would take him away from the radio show and that shit ain’t right! Besides, like Rawdog reminded him this only makes the TV networks want him more. Getting over a wheat allergy makes you want pizza more, just ask Linsanity who is over such an allergy, and probably passed out as you read this from his first slice of pie, Red Dragons to you my little Asian baby friend. Speaking of little Asian baby friends who aren’t Asian, or babies anymore really, Tiger and Devin were jamming out to Master Of Puppets with Ellismate and despite their attempt, they couldn’t deny the riff! Oh, and in case you forgot, Dom is a moron. I’m not getting into how gluttony obvious he’s a glutton for glutenous abuse.

Bet he would have said yes to this….

Hollywood News bitches and it starts on a somber tone, as Mac Daddy of Kris Kross has passed on to the ghetto in heaven, may Barry bless your sole. Lindsay Lohan, queen of Hollywood News, may be queen of some California Prison for Women, check it out! Katy Perry’s dad is a religious nut job from way back. People don’t like Jesse James no more, but to me the news was they did in the first place, not OH! Reese Witherspoon spoke out on being blasted and driving, and she’s totally pregnant too! That’s realyl it for Hometown News, so which celebrity would Ellis be able to bang n maybe date a little to gain some serious followers on Vine? Honestly this should be a World’s Greatest, but while were here the discussion was basically between Meryl Streep who’s just too famous, Rihanna who’s just too stupid, Lady Gaga which was just a bad idea in the first place, and of course Ke$ha who was the winner by default. Looks kids, it can’t always be Radio Gold!

Holy shit this is crazy, some dude in Saskatoon got ticketed for not wearing a seat belt, but dude has no arms! Well of course a story this gnarly gets Rawdog, Tully and Ellis going on whether or not this scenario is safe. What does happen if you, having no arms, go flying out your windshield into some dude walking his dog down the street? Rawdog says dude should have to wear a seat belt, Ellis doesn’t – who’s right? Some judge somewhere told this trucker dude that if you get into an accident, and slide out of your seat but the car remains in motion, you can’t stop it….so the seat belt also keeps you in your seat to control the car in a time of emergency. Fucking geek speak but good shit, so I guess we witnessed some more accidental genius. Enough of that, Cumtard is back on the show and sounds awesome, good vibe, and except for a kidney stone the size of the areolas in Rawdog’s dreams, is healthy and working out. Good shit Kevin, so what’s he here for – to plus his shit! Not without first having to defeat his nemesis and arch enemy, who he says he’s cool with but we all know is a total cover, Domtard in a game of Shock Pictionary. Going in the odds were on Cumtard for sure, well since he created the game in the first place. First to 3 (not best of 3) and the teams are Cumtard and ~~Ellis~~ ~~Tully~~ ~~Ellis~~ no wait yeah Ellis (Not cause he wanted to avoid Cumtard rather shock the shit out of Dom), against Domtard and Tully. Round One was well played by both but Domtard edged it out by drawing ‘Fire’ in less than 16 seconds. Round 2 Cumtard ‘TV’ 4 seconds! If you do go back and listen, be sure to catch Dom’s 2 minute 20 second sketch of a clown, hilarious! Round 3 was quite the opposite, with Cumtard getting shocked like hell for over a minute drawing a ‘Cigar’, and Domtard taking the round with a 10 second ‘Moustache’. Now i don’t know what happened after that, but these two mutherfuckers dug deep and pulled out some heroics the likes of Al Bundy at Polk High. Round 4 was pretty crazy, with Cumtard just edging Dom out with a 9 second master piece entitled ‘Alien’. Tied up and all the money on the line, Cumtard starts round 5 with a 6 second ‘Hitler’ (Shitty Band Name if anyone needs it), but is ultimately outdone by a 4 second ‘Sun’ to give Domtard the victory! So fuck that sucks, Kevin can’t plug his shit, what do we do? Give him another chance on the punch machine, and if he can beat the top female score, he can plug his shit! Sounds fair, and remember I said Kevin sounds much healthier, well he laid into the first one and knocked a 55 which was already enough to beat all the ladies and get his plug. But fuck that, Cumtard took all 3 shots, and maxed out at a 60 on his last punch, bringing him even with the likes of Tully and Dingo! So does he get his plug, well not really cause all he got was to get a load shot on his face by fifty while videoed for Vine. Ok fine he can have a shitty little plug – Go to www.riotcast.com and check the merchandise tab for his Mad Scientist Party Hour tee’s n shit, or just click here!

This mutha fucker here is clearly Fucktard Of The Week – way to go champ! Ellis is getting a milkshake bar in the studio with elk cum in it so he can roid up and beat the shit out of any Gracie who wants it. The Everlast song is allegedly done, fuck yeah! And this is the ~~most racist commercial ever~~ kinda stupid! Breaking News and its tragic kids so I warn you this fucking sucks – Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman has died at the age of 49 years old. Instead of a moment of silence, I’d rather offer you this, and please take 4 minutes out of your day and listen to the riff and may he be remembered as great as this!

Jeff Hanneman (1/31/1964 – 5/2/2013)

Slingin’ Cream is real damn it, just ask Mr. Ding-A-Ling and how he was threatened by rival owner Sno Cone Joe, no bullshit! And if you don’t think that’s funny, then go back and listen to Ellis run off a list of new Wolfknife names. I’m not gonna list them all, in fact I’m not gonna list any. Final calls pretty much were just about a whole bunch of randomness really. One caller did have the nerve to call in and steal my closing joke, about how your grandmother went to the swap meet and picked up some porn to keep the 6 year old entertained while I slang some of my own cream, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/25/13

Posted on April 25, 2013 by wiz1010

Lets talk about our emotions, and how they effect us each and every Thursday. If your getting high to hide your emotions, well that’s not good. If your using music to feel your emotions well that’s fucking sweet. Therefore if your high and listening to music, you’ve figured out the meaning of life. And welcome to today’s show and straight into how Jersey Shore is expanding like Wu-Tang, everyone’s getting their own show on MTV, but not Ellis, FUCK! No one wants to pick up ol’ MC Hollywood for a season or two? Not Rawdog, who claims to be from Hollywood but really is better know as Mr. Marina Del Ray, but Ellismate, who is not from Hollywood so could claim to be MC Hollywood, is better know as MC Sanderingham. Mr. New Jersey, who claims to be Mr. New York, and better know as Mr. Oxford as far as I’m concerned, had to roll the fuck out for a few to get Ellis some Codeine for his Aids he’s getting. Without Tully in studio, talk went to washer’s and dryers, and of course Rawdog’s dick. Oh, let me explain that…..you see Ellis just moved in so he needs a new washer and dryer, and Rawdog could use one but doesn’t have the cash for it allegedly. Oh, and Rawdog is going to his gay roommates party and is figruing out his best lines for getting some stank on his hang down. So far, Rawdog’s best bet is to quote the average dick size of 5 1/4″, and immediately notify them he’s packing a clean 7″ of Taint Stick.

…if your under the magic 5.25 inches!

Apparently all people in South Korea look the same, even in beauty pageants, or so I learned on TJES! I also learneded that Mike Jasper is pretty fucking gnarly too. If you don’t recall Mike is the dude Ellis was sparring a few weeks ago on EllisMania.com, the cool one who didn’t beat the shit out of him too bad, much respect. Dude is a perfect 6-0 in professional fights, but said he did have a fight in Vegas that didn’t technically count in which he did get knocked out, and that’s one he remembers. Dude’s a warrior, and practices the Dolce Diet too so get it up ya if ya haven’t yet! I missed about 10 minutes of the interview, only to come back to Joe Rowe using some training mask in preparation for this year’s Bong Olympics, Red Dragons to you my friend! Back to Jasper the Angry Ghost, and shout out to him for bringing tickets to give to #EllisFam for his upcoming fight May 11th in Woodlands Hills, CA. He’ll be beating the shit out of Lee Chapman who is 4-8 for another couple of weeks. So wonder what this mutha fucker here can do on the punch machine? Well not sure what happened really, maybe he was psyched out from Branden Schaub’s score was less than Ellis’s, or maybe he just missed that stupid fucking star in the middle, but he topped out at a 56. Hey dude, at least you beat Rawdog! In MMA News, Anderson Silva could beat Rawdog too, even after his new contract extending him for 12 more fights in all. Crazy Bones Jones said he’s got some record to set first before fighting in another weight class, in case you were wondering. Kimbo Slice still exists, knocking MoFo’s out in Australia! Finally, and most improtantly of all, it was rumored that Ellis’ next fight at Ellismania may be a rematch with Gay Bruediger, but kickboxing this time!

Sorry Kimbo, I wasn’t saying you didn’t exist…

It’s that time of year again folks, time to vote for your favorite to be the 2013 Twisty’s Treat Of The Year. Say hello to Spencer Scott and Karlie Montana, two of the contestants for this contest I speak of. Apparently the winner gets some money, a diamond necklace, and one grand for a charity of their choice. Wonder what that charity would be? “Um, I don’t have a clue, maybe Um animals?” Let me ask you this EllisFam, do all the dumb bitches come on the show on Thursday’s? Here’s what you didn’t miss, a four part contest to see who you should vote for. In round 1, Spencer is proud of her blow job accomplishments, is best at everything in bed, and fucks like Bill Clinton. Karlie spits load of 34 story buildings in Canada, wishes she had no tonsils to get the dick in further, an thinks squirting is the greatest thing achieved of the last century – guess who won! Round 2 was phone sex with callers, using voice altermacation of course, but only Karlie was down to phone fuck, Spencer pussed out. Round 3 was the punch machine, Spencer 36, Karlie 39. Round 4 was for Ellis to sniff a line of their pussy and judge. Karlie’s was like America and Monster Energy in one. Spencer’s, besides not even being in the competition, apparently smelled all fruity and shit, so again guess who won. 4 – 0 sweep, bottom line folks, don’t waste your time on this shit and just enjoy your weekend!

Sham-WOW!

Hollywood News anyone? Cops in Stockholm, Sweden say Justin Bieber was rolling with weed and a stun gun, but arrested him only because he was hanging with that Lil Za fucker again, damn Biebs! Bieber was also late to some photo shoot and another concert, but fuck off ok! Some dude from the Nappy Roots got beat down by Po Po Mo Fo! Remember that whole “Don’t you know who I am” from Reese Witherspoon the other day, turns out someone looked up other times that shit happened and Bob’s Your Uncle. In other Hollywood News, Ellis say’s don’t watch The Crow cause it fucking sucks now, and some dude did a ton of blow in it and got all sleepy n shit, and that doesn’t really happen. I kinda sorta missed a little more of the show, only to come back to Beanie Sigel, Memphis Bleek and Ellismate all in a cab, shooting it out with Jay Z, all inside of some chics carnival…..but I never did find out her name! Bruno Mars says fuck Joe’s Crab Shack. And finally ~~La Toya Jackson says Michael Jackson’s ghost tap dancers in her house~~, never mind! Teen Advice, need some, get some – well ok maybe not really, but if you’ve ever questioned whether Ellis, Rawdog or Tully would fuck a clone of them self, No Way for Tully, Why Not for RawDizzle, and Yes For A MTV Show for Young Wing. For the rest of them, I think Tully put it best when he suggested ‘move to the sewer and become lord of the underground’. Except for that one 17year old lesbo who’s gonna eventually fuck her teacher, good luck! And as far as any suggestions for your grandmama, how about five and a quarter inches is all I’ll put in if you don’t shut the fuck up, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/22/2013

Posted on April 22, 2013 by bitPimps 中

Oh, gee! Look at the time, it’s time for “Doin’ butt stuff with Mr. & Ms. X”

Hey, it’s Earth Day today! Did you buy the Earth a cake and smash it into the fucking ground? Have you made-out with a tree today? Get some of the bark, baby! Ellis was recently in a cloud of doom, but not any longer, so he’s happy to be here – loud as shit and everything. Rawdog’s vagina ears were hurt, but Tully loves it loud (did you catch his Kiss reference?) and so does Dingo. Would you bang a chick with a vagina on her neck? Would you wear a condom? Dingo saw Swollen Members over the weekend and heard the Red Dragon song live. Ellis has a new friend, Mr. X. Not to be confused with Rawdog’s friend, Mr. X. No, no. This is a totally different Mr. X, and he’s not gay or anything, but he’s done some butt stuff lately. He has a high pressure hose thing, where he can give himself an enema in the shower. The first time Mr. X had tried giving himself an enema, Ms. X was there to help give pointers and a log shot out and hit the deck, causing Ms. X to start laughing. This time, Mr. X kept pushing all kinds of stuff out and was starting to get worried that he might be over-enema’ing (?) and jamming stuff down the shower drain with his foot when he noticed some things aren’t going down the drain. It was pineapple because Mr. X really enjoys pineapple. Ellis had the mermaid party over the weekend and it sounds like it went pretty well – Will’s older son got busted looking at Katie’s ass. Do you believe in life after death? Do you think you’d be happy in the afterlife? Would you need an energy drink? Who knows, what we do know is that while you’re in the life that you have, you gotta go hard in the paint and enjoy as much of it as you can. I guess Adam Carolla said awhile back that women aren’t that funny or as funny as men. That’s nothing new, people have been saying that for a long time so I’m not sure why this was a major point of discussion in the media.

Whatever it is, it’s going to be alright.

A.J. Clemente. What? You haven’t heard of him? Maybe because his very first appearance on NBC North Dakota TV reading the news, he dropped a “gay fuckin’ shit” live on the air and got fired for it. He was actually trying to pronounce the name of the winner of the London Marathon, “Tsegaye Kebede.” Tully choked hard on the Steampipe Alley TV show when he was 9-years-old, once he saw his face on TV, he forgot how to spell “elected” and bombed out and didn’t get to win his Merlin or whatever kick-ass toy he wanted. Rawdog told the story of the first time he was on radio in college at 5 AM, reading old time radio shows like Flash Gordon, Batman, and Superman. A long time ago, they actually played some clips from that time on the show and holy shit was it hard to listen to, hence the 5 AM slot. In MMA news, Benson Henderson beat Gilbert Melendez, and then Melendez proposed to his girlfriend during a chorus of “boos” from the Melendez-friendly crowd. Daniel Cormier beat Frank Mir and Josh Thomson knocked out Nate Diaz. Moto news, Ryan Barbota (as Dom calls him) Justin Barcia (as the rest of the world calls him) won some shit and other people did not. And that’s all the exciting coverage we can handle, so let’s move on. Dom news, sounds like there were quite a few fans of the show that hate his talk into the cup Lil’ Bane voice. So he was ordered to call into the show via the VIP number instead to see if his voice is any less annoying, I’m guessing to the people who don’t like him, it wasn’t. At least until he called back in with his I’m Batman, drunk and on pills voice, which I don’t see how you couldn’t think it was fantastic. Will “vagina knees” Pendarvis is on crutches from his hard in the paint tactics during the crew’s Friday morning basketball game. Hollywood news time, Reese Witherspoon and her husband got arrested for DUI and she tried to play the celebrity card, it didn’t work. And not to be outdone, Tara Reid had a meltdown while shopping because she couldn’t get a discount. Snoop-Lion-Dogg’s 420 festival got shut down, not for weed smoking but for licensing or some shit. Star Magazine has a list of celebrities people hate, that’s neat (sarcasm). There was a bunch more Hollywood news but I don’t remember most of it, I was driving and watching a little fender bender in front of me. And that’s it for news today, who really wants a shitload of news on Monday anyway, right?

Ok, I lied, it’s not going to be alright as long as this exists.

Some dude that fell off a ladder 9 years ago and was paralyzed from the chest down, discovered that he gets orgasmic feelings when he sucks his thumb. It’s generally assumed that he spends a lot of time sucking on that digit. Mitch Fatel came on the show today with his wife, apparently they’re almost swingers, but he doesn’t let her sleep with other dudes yet, but that might be over now that she’s seen Dingo’s luscious locks. Mitch and his wife seemed to take a real liking to Ellis and especially Katie so maybe there’s a hook-up there to be had. They sound just as adventurous for the most part, with the licking of stripper’s asses and such. Oh, and apparently they’re in the process of trying to do a show about all this and more for A&E, which seems odd because this certainly isn’t like Duck Dynasty or whatever. Here’s his “candy cane” joke about bloody vagina, and if you were listening to the show, he doesn’t really talk like David Blaine’s more effeminate brother. Greatest guitar riff time, weeding through the rest of the Sweet 16 to complete the list of Elite 8. And here they are:

Guns N’ Roses
AC/DC
Led Zeppelin
Jimi Hendrix
Dire Straits
Queen
Slayer
Slayer

That’s no typo, sisters! Slayer has two different songs in the contest, showing just how badass they are. And there you have it, your Elite 8 for the Greatest Guitar Riff of All-Time. So goes another mega, cram packed too much show and a mega, cram packed too much re-cap. I know, you’re thinking, “what’s the deal with all the fucking images in today’s post?” My answer to that is, I don’t know man. I was just feeling it and decided to put them in. Besides, everyone loves good images. No? Well shit, sorry then. I guess too many images is a lot like being a pedo, it’s hard to fit in. HEYOH! Oh, come on. Now you’re gonna be upset about that joke? It’s not like someone said the brighter side of the marathon bombings is that the Paralympics just got a bunch more competition. Shit. Okay, sorry about that one. I’m just digging a bigger hole here. Well, let me just close it out proper, I just want to make you all laugh and enjoy reading all this. A new golf course opens in town. It’s rather shabby, and business starts off slow. The owner, taking matters into his own hands, builds three robots to help tidy the place up. For the next week, the place is impeccable; word spreads and people come from all over to try out the new course. Most customers love it, but there’s one complaint: the robots are too shiny, and they sometimes reflect sunlight into the golfers’ eyes when they’re trying to swing. To solve this problem, the owner paints the robots black, thinking it will be a quick and easy fix. The next day, two of the robots don’t show up to work and the third robs a convenience store. OH!

What? This how we say “I love you” here at NYA.

No You Are

Red Dragons, Bitches

Tag Archives: Jason Ellis

Show Re-Cap for Thurday 5/9/13

Show Re-Cap for Monday 5/6/2013

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 5/2/13

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/25/13

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/22/2013