Tag Archives: Brad Pitt

Show Re-Cap for Monday 11/25/2013

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getting_gas_at_the_dentist

Getting gassed at the dentist.

Hello reader, how are you? I’m doing fine, thank you for asking! I just wanted to tell you good luck. I’m counting on you. Ellis went to the dentist today, he’s got numb face and he had to tell the dentist to keep that gas going as they were grinding down his toof. He hasn’t gotten his goldie teef yet, but he was such a big boy that the dental assistant chick gave him some chocolate. He’s boned a dental assistant before, a couple times actually. She had blown out titties but got them shits fixed. Dingo needs his own chair in the studio, a Dingo chair one might call it, that he can get his sweaty hands all over. Dingo cooked dinner the other night and cut his poor wittle finger. He cooked a turkey burrito in a pan and he’s been known to make a lasagna once or twice. What’s that? The show seems different today for some reason, you say? That may be explained by the fact that Rawdog isn’t there, but Cumtard is. Absolutely nothing was mentioned about Rawdog’s absence, so anything would be speculation at this point. I’m sure whatever it is/was will eventually be addressed as that’s how the show (and real life) has always worked. Ellis went to get a massage, had a towel over his face, and when he flipped over, he felt his pee-pee lay over towards his hip. When the massage was done, he got up to see what kind of view was revealed and felt like a creep. But a creep who is packing heat.

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Your pajamas were how much?

Dingo’s wearing $190 pajamas today, for that amount of money you’d expect him to be constantly orgasmic, but he just seems comfortable. Dingo and Ellis have decided to burn their Uggs, which has to be the best decision ever because, wow. Ellis is a bit of a soap connoisseur now and he’s not falling for any of those cheap as soap gimmicks anymore, so watch out Irish Spring! In an effort to get candy, he got some rose scented shit sprayed on him and went around asking people to smell him. Dingo’s just waiting for the soap rash discussion, but that never came. Instead, we heard about a 12-year-old, crying Dingo who got scabies and passed it on to all his friends. Sounds like Wilson got himself a new haircut and a new lanyard and has allegedly been fucking the fat off himself. He reminded the guys that the go kart track that they’re going to Tuesday is having a toy drive for poor people and if you can, bring 100% of a full toy, not 10% of a toy like Kim Kardashian. Ellis and Dingo have been having strange dreams lately, Ellis thinks his is from the Alpha BRAIN and Dingo thinks his is from a RZA week.

feexins

Whenever Cumtard is on the show, everyone wonders what the punishment is going to be.

So this dude in Washington, IL filmed a tornado going straight for his house, tornado hunter’s Tully and Cumtard question the legitimacy of the video, but you can decide for yourself. Ellis got his Porsche fixed (not really, it’s gotta go back) and then somebody hit it, denting the exhaust pipe, marked it up, and THAT is why we can’t have nice things – because people suck. In case you haven’t heard, Cumtard has one of them phone apps out, called Freaky Scenes, and he’s gets more chances to plug it today by answering some trivia questions, wrong answers mean he’s eating some death dealing dog food from China. Let’s just say he didn’t leave the show hungry and you probably wouldn’t know the name of his app if I didn’t just post a link to it. Tully got a call from his bank saying someone tried to use his debit card with a fake ID of him and of course it was in Inglewood because Inglewood is always up to no good. “We live in a world.” ~Dingo Let that one sink in a blow your fuckin’ mind. Ellis will be on terrestrial radio tomorrow morning, on The Heidi & Frank Show.

Hollywood news time, Justin Bieber has perfume or wears perfume or both. Angelina Jolie bought Brad Pitt an island for $20 million. Common man Dingo say’s that’s chump change. Mick Jagger is now a great-grandfather. Jason Momoa has a man cave and invited Ellis to come over some time, even gave him his phone number, so he might be on the show one day – the tale of two Jasons. Manny Pacquiáo won his fight against Brandon Rios in the first ever pay-per-view boxing card from China. Ellis started to talk about his incident with Beacher of Beacher’s Madhouse and Dingo quickly cut that conversation off like someone was talking about murder for hire over the telephone. Seems like Dingo now hates that dude and doesn’t want him to get his name mentioned even if just to say “fuck that guy”, which Dingo did actually say. Nobody knows whats up with that and it doesn’t look like the fans will ever know – and I’m okay with that because I said fuck that guy before it was cool to say fuck that guy. Also, apparently people are mad at Dingo for posting a picture of Miley Cyrus on his Instagram. I don’t really care one way or the other, so I don’t know what to say about that. Ellis got sent some Duck Dynasty shit for his pets and Dingo ain’t about to let anyone hate on that shit. This spurred on some callers who treated us to their duck and deer calls. Oh, and we got to hear “Smoked Out Clit” from Death! Death! Die! and Everlast.

nap_time

How to silence Dingo.

Breaking news, Cumtard did not eat death dealing dog treats from China. After he started feeling like shit and forcing himself to vomit it all up, news on the wire was Wilson had played a dastardly trick and Cumtard actually just ate beef jerky. Wilson, you sly minx! Back to the news of the stars desk, Dingo Dingerton went to the AMA’s, he talked about how just fucking incredible, best thing since sliced bread, Imagine Dragons were. Of course he had to name drop Miley, Rihanna singing “garbldey arrrhhhg I forget” (which sounds like a kick ass song title), Nelly was there giving a shout out to the Lou. Thankfully Shoebox came in bearing gifts to steer the conversation away from “Dingo name drops more people in 60 seconds than anyone would think possible.” That lasted all of 90 seconds before Dingo steered us right back into name dropping thing. Shoebox chimed in with some real talk about wanting to fuck Miley. Then back to Dingo for his obligatory Miley name drop and to let us know he’s been to the AMA’s for 3 years now, again. Eventually Ellis had to tell Dingo to shut the fuck up for a minute so someone else could talk. No offense to Dingo, even though it sounds like it. I just could care less about the AMA’s and hate having to recap about that garbage. More power to Dingo for being in the mix in that world. I’ll have you know this man risked his life once. In the passenger seat of a truck. That was being driven by a professional. In the middle of a dessert. Where other driver’s drive past you and if you’re in serious trouble, they stop to help or call out for help. And where helicopters fly above checking the progress of drivers. HAHAA But seriously, thems jokes. Dingo was getting kind of heated for his terrifying rendition of being the passenger in a Baja truck. And finally, two lepers were playing poker, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off. OH!

stay_for_the_entertainment

Come to NYA for the recaps. Stay for the entertainment. Am I right? I’m right, right!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 8/12/2013

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bad_hitler

And that’s how the war started.

PFFSSHHHHH. It’s Monday, who cares. Ellis says it ain’t easy being cute if you don’t have fur, and skin is gross. World War Z has somehow become the highest grossing movie of Brad Pitt’s career and that leaves everyone confused because how the fuck is that possible? There’s so few quality movies being made in Hollywood that young and upcoming actors and writers are all like, “Big whoop, wanna fight about it?” I missed about 20 minutes and came back to baby Wolf Wipes, manly wipes for your manly ass. This spawned some conversation about other possible Wolf products, such as Wolf Moisturizer. 2 Chainz is gonna go broke because he’s not a savvy money saver. Remember that fish that thrives in Peru and loves to eat testicles? Now the fuckers are in a like in Illinois and a lake in Denmark. These motherfuckers have passports and travel, people! Watch your balls! After watching The Last Stand, Tully thinks Arnold Schwarzenegger has grown to be a better actor, but doesn’t get how he drove like 1,300 miles without ever stopping for a tank of gas. Ellis sold his jet ski, it’s going to a better home because Ellis has been neglecting it and it’s starting to show signs of depression and rebellion.

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It takes time, but one by one, all your children’s accomplishments with be destroyed.

Ellis went hard in the kiddie pool over the weekend and he his now known as the fart monster. This is because he went to sit down in the water, had a pocket of air trapped in his shorts and bubbles came out. That’s when his ruthless children teased and tormented him as the fart monster. Tully’s kid had himself a little play date with his little screaming friend and he had to supervise all that shit. What’s the common thread between the two stories here? White people and how much they suck. Do families still go on vacation together and everyone wears matching shit like the Griswold’s? Yup. They sure do! Ellis caught some dad checking Katie out at the water park while his kid was drowning and Ellis had to tell the guy, “hey, you’re kid is drowning, dude” causing the guy to go back into dad mode for a minute. Hope he has good spank bank memory, too bad it’ll be forever stored right next to the image of his kid almost drowning. Lil Miss Ellis sent in a few Instagrams of him singing to Death! Death! Die! and a Michael Tully song for his chance to win an opportunity to sing with the band at EllisMania 9. Here’s him doing Awesome World, Load, and Will A Blank (from Retrofit). WolfknifeScottStapp sent in his video as well. So did DustyGrant57, singing U Can Go Fuck Urself. I think there was another one or two but I can’t find them.

nicklebean

Nicklebean is Googled far less than Nickleback

A couple in Tennessee are the latest in stupid parents that shouldn’t be parents. They couldn’t decide on a last name for their newborn son “Messiah”, and asked a judge, who told them to pick a different first name. This brought up all the other stupid names parents have tried naming their children, and there is no shortage of horrible names, you hear me Nicholas? According Tully, there was a time where he wouldn’t answer to anything but “Little Lenny” and then of course there’s Josh who wouldn’t answer to anything but the sound of coins being dropped in his piggy bank. HEYOH! (haha love ya buddy) Elon Musk, the guy behind Tesla Motors has unveiled his designs for the Hyperloop, a superfast transport system based on pressure tubes and levitating cars. Next up was a game to find out which search terms return more Google results. There were a few surprises, but for the most part the results were mostly what you’d expect. And in the 800 pound, crazy monkey in the room news, Uncle Mayhem has been arrested again for domestic violence.

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Mayhem, please get off the drugs. You don’t want any of that shit.

Antonio Banderas and Mel Gibson have been confirmed in the line-up for The Expendables 3, joining Ronda Rousey, Harrison Ford, and a shitload more. There’s a new residential skyscraper in Spain that’s supposed to symbolize the economic turn-around in Spain or some shit like that, but the architects forgot to put elevators in it and have since resigned. Mexicans, am I right? HEYOH!  (haha Love ya Spaniards and Mexicans) And now, kiddies, it’s story time! One time, my best friend caught me jacking off while sniffing his sister’s panties. Funny thing is she was still wearing them. Needless to say, it made her funeral very awkward. OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 6/3/2013

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ooh_yeah

Your face now that Ellis back.

Welcome back you 4 or 5 other people! The longest 2 weeks wait of your lives is over now that TJES is back in action. We tried to keep you entertained with a massive contest, so hopefully that helped you get your fix. But now it’s time to get back to business as usual and see what happened on the show today. It’s like fucking an old horse for Ellis, he’s just gonna stick it right back in that horse socket and ride like he knows how. He’s also part Samurai, he is not any more Brazilian however, it didn’t fit into his schedule during the break. Dingo went to the outback for a little over a week and had some big news about Prime Minister Huge-Tits is touring and has had no less than 2 sandwiches thrown at her. Why sandwiches? I guess because she’s touring schools, and kids have sandwiches, and special kids like Rawdog, have “sammies”. Which begs the question, what’s the deal with school kids in Australia being into politics? Am I right?

blowing_kisses

Meet the new Rawdog!

Rawdog is looking for spas, specifically for a “couples massage” that he and that chick Karla, with the big areolas can go to together. Get this though, that other chick that had mushrooms to party with and never offered him any? Yeah, she likes Rawdog and they slept together, then all 3 of them went out to dinner and the 2 chicks made out with each other! WHAT. IN. THE. BLUE. FUCK?! In 2 weeks he’s banging to 2 bitches at the same time and swinging a three way? Champion! Ellis met somebody during the break as well, one that he was totally skeptical of, but it seems to be on the up and up so far. Tiger has become full on into moto now, while Snook has pretty much retired from moto. And his ex-wife has broken up with her boyfriend, so overall – the past two weeks have been amazing! Except for Tully, who did not get a new girlfriend, did not go to Australia, and did not make-out with multiple chicks. Instead, he went to the zoo and watched a bunch of chimps eat their own shit. Poor Tully. This spawn some discussion at length about eating shit, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around Rawdog being a god damned pimp now, so just let that marinade in your head for awhile instead of shit eating talk.

meth_r2d2

Becoming a trash can isn’t normal. But on meth it is.

In crystal meth history news, Nazi’s were all on meth. They pretty much invented a precursor to meth and used it as a war drug and administered something like 35 million doses of it to the troops, including Hitler. Many of the soldiers had created suicide or died of heart failures because they were so wigged out. Speaking of Nazi’s, TJES gained 2 new interns today, one is 19 and the other is 23 and believe it or not, both are into music and radio, and one of them was on college radio – like PimpDog. The 19 year-old refers to people older than him as “kids” which is just as stupid as it sounds, and the other one tried to crack a joke, and we all heard how well that went with the last intern, Anthony (aka Anal Gay-Lewis). Sounds like Anthony has become the king of the interns as he’s already took it upon himself to tell the new interns to make sure the talent is well hydrated and to gaze into Ellis’ eyes with a look of longing. The interns were asked what they like about the show. Both agreed they liked that the word “fuck” was mentioned so many times, and they also like Ellis’ catch phrase “fuck yeah” – that apparently nobody in the world knew was his catch phrase, except them. Somehow, this led us into Amanda Bynes and how she looks like Andy Milonakis if he were to get into CrossFit training.

mmmbblarrrg

Rawdog when he gets to read Justin Bieber’s name!

In case you missed it Friday, Little Miss Ellis Show winner @johnnywaffels had his fucking apartment burn down, he and his girlfriend are safe, but needed a place to stay and some help. Some kick ass EllisFam were able to come to their aid and help with what they could, so shout out to all them. Thankfully, both are alright and most of their import items were saved. TJES show replays will be starting up tomorrow morning, 6AM West coast time, and with that – Will brought in some promotional items he had order over a year ago – Jason Ellis jizz rags / bar towels! Hollywood news time and Justin Bieber was mentioned again for he and his friends speeding through the neighborhood in his Ferrari. In one of the incidences, Justin Bieber was chased by Keyshawn Johnson (in his Prius), who blocked his car in while Justin ran inside the house and wouldn’t come out. Handling it like a big boy, hiding and calling mom. Apparently his neighbors are banding together and plan to stop paying their home owner’s association fees in order to get something done about Bieb’s & friends. Michael Douglas says he got throat cancer from licking Catherine Zeta-Jone’s toxic box and also says the cure to his cancer was to continue licking her HPV pouch. Scott Weiland was kicked out of Stone Template Pilots again and replaced with Chester Bennington of Linkin Park fame. And completely out of left field, Brad Pitt is set to star in a video game called Dark Void. He says so many people hate him because he doesn’t remember people, saying he’s face blind. Ray Manzarek, keyboardist of The Doors died recently on May 20th and according to Rawdog, he was the cool one from the band. Philip Seymour Hoffman said he just got out of rehab for heroin and pills, he had been clean for 23 years, started doing drugs for a week or so and decided he better get his ass into rehab before he started to become a real life version of his character Scotty J from Boogie Nights. Adam Levine got in a little trouble when he was heard off camera saying, “I hate this country.” Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are having a girl, fully grown, in a band, and with an eating disorder – or so one might suspect.

The new interns came back in for their rendition of Amanda Bynes news. They were quizzed by the guys about the news and basically presented all news items related to her in the past several months. But enough about them, we’ll get to know them more some other time. Welp, too bad. I made the mistake of installing a new battery backup unit after this weekends tornados and it caused me to miss the remaining 30-45 minutes of the show. But whatever, you’ve got all the important and most of the unimportant details. Basically, all that isn’t in this recap is some final calls and some discussions that weren’t nearly as important as Rawdog slinging cream on 2 different chicks – at the same time! Also, I think I might have broken a rib or two late last week, so I’m all mad over here. Have yourself a good night and you stay classy EllisFam. Speaking of classy, here’s fucking Tupac with fucking Kiss.

tupac_with_kiss

Fuck you, I’m out!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 12/4/2012

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We’re just here for the strippers and midgets, bro!

Yo dude bro-bro dudes-bro! It’s Tuesbro, so let’s see what the bro’s have for us on today’s bro-show, you know, bro? I missed the first 20 bro-down minutes or so of the show, so I’m not sure what the topic was, but I came in right when Mayhem volunteered his mother to fight Rawdog. A blind man also called and offered to fight him as well. Not everyone can agree upon what is the cutest puppy, but one thing is for sure, Rawdog just might be the cutest puppy of them all. Deaf people definitely have deaf pride, all trying to rub their deafness in everyone’s faces, telling you they can feel sound vibrations and shit. But who would win in a war with deaf people versus blind people? What about midgets? Why aren’t midgets for sale yet? Some things in life just don’t make any sense. Lot’s of stripper talk today, their stripper tactics, their stripper games, and stripper etiquette.  Ellis popped Katie in the face today with some jabs while they were doing some boxing for a workout. She liked it and wanted more, biatch be cray, yo!

Steven Seagal teaches dudes how to wrestle, too!

Hollywood news time, Gary Busey’s bankruptcy case is now closed, but he still owes $450,000 to the IRS. Demi Moore’s banging some new young dude, and guess what? Tully knows him. Katt Williams is back in the news after leading cops on a chase, he stopped at Target and slapped the shit out of an employee. Katt seems to be out his gotdamn mind. Kim Kardashian is still in the middle east, but with what looks like herpes. Nick Lachey got into a fight with a San Diego Chargers fan, he was making fun of some other dudes shirt (tough guy stuff), this dude’s wife told him to eat shit or something, and then Nick-bro flipped out and got kicked out of the game. Frankie Muniz had a mini-stroke at the mini-age of 27, which would suck large-balls, so let’s hope his mini-ass gets back into better health. In the late 1980’s, Brad Pitt was caught with Mike Tyson’s wife, Robin Givens. Red Dragons! Tyson also revealed that he was high on cocaine while filming The Hangover. Randy Couture made a half joke that he would only come out of retirement to fight Steven Seagal, so Seagal said he’d fight him for free at some place where there are no witnesses. Hugh Hefner had some chick leave him at the isle just before their wedding, but now it’s back on. Yay for money!

Fuck your Christmas songs, you need a Slayer tree topper!

New Music Tuesday Christmas edition today, we got hear new hits from such awful acts as Cee-Lo, John Travolta & Olivia Newton John, August Burns Red, Backstreet Boys, Colbie Caillat, Thousand Foot Krutch, Rod Stewart, Tracey Thorn, Flatulenta, Blake Shelton, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and fucking finally Sufjan Stevens as the pick of the week. All of it was absolutely terrible and was hell on Earth for most of us. Breaking news, Sal Masekela is dead, no wait, X-Games are dead, no, that’s not right either, Sal & ESPN broke up, yes, that’s correct. He will no longer be hosting X-Games. I wonder if they’ll remain friends and send each other Christmas cards? This whole Sal & ESPN thing spawned a massive conversation about hosts and people who interview athletes at sporting events. Aussie news, crocodiles are getting their Christmas dinners in early, sounds like they’re eating children left and right, I don’t even think they served yams.

Wanna have lunch with Ellis, Rawdog, and Tully? Tough shit, motherfucker. Just kidding, you can go bid on your chance to win that life altering moment, and when you win, prepare to fingered with mind tongue. In cock news, George Takei said he jacks off to completion in the shower while thinking of Ellis. You might not want to donate your spermies to a lesbian couple unless you have some sort of legal document that states they can’t come back after your ass for some duckettes. What is the difference between your mom and a refrigerator? The refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 11/27/2012

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Remember the first time you saw Cumtard? Of course you do.

It’s Tuesday and nobody really knows anyone until you see them flip the fuck out. Example: Tully punched a bed once. Actually, that’s slightly misleading as Tully confirmed he’s the kind of guy that would plot your death if he were mad enough. Rawdog cried when he broke up with his chick. But hey, Usher and Justin Timberlake have cried before too, so don’t be a mother motherfucker. Speaking of Ursher (as Ludacris likes to call him) he’s a shitty singer but a good dancer, at least that’s what we hear. But can Ursher dance if his goddamned life is on the line? Probably not, he’s gonna die. There might be a dance off between the guys, the gauntlet seems to have been thrown down so we’ll have to see what kind of thuggery comes from this. Ellis thinks he may have damaged his secondary dick vein, not the main vein, we’re talking about the taggling dummy on the right side. Let’s hope this doesn’t have an adverse effect on his dance moves, should the dance off take place. It’s been suggested that Cumtard, the reverse fag-hag, could sell his own greatest hits album full of farts, vomits, and shits – for the low, low, price of $1.99! But the real question is, can dude dance his ass off? According to Cumtard, the majority of girls at a metal show are swampy, fat, beach ball chicks, which sounds a lot like a Juggalette.

Hell to the yeah they are baby, and that’s why we love you failed Hollywood starlets.

I don’t know if Satan just visited the phone lines or what the fuck went on, but callers were totally out of their shit shellacked gashes just before first break today. Hollywood news time, that crazy kid from Two and a Half Men? He’s still insane, and the guy in his whack job video that sat next to him? He had a pistol jammed in that kid’s ribs the entire time. Actually, that’s probably not true, but it would’ve made for a way better story. Remember Anna Nicole Smith? Her 6-year-old daughter wants to be a Guess model. No word on if she’s preparing by doing bumps of Fun Dip. Brad Pitt is filming a new movie, so your wives, girlfriends, what have you can diddle their axe gashes to that. He dumped $1,100 dollars into a charity bucket on a whim, he also dropped a load in several hot bitches’ buckets – allegedly. Halle Berry, Matthew McConaughey, and Jared Leto – what do they all have in common? Gout. That’s not true either, Leto had gout, Berry had bad relationships, and McConaughey had his run, so lets move on. R. Kelly is illiterate and pees on underage girls – Red Dragons, and Dolly Parton entered a drag competition and lost to others who were dressed as her – ouch.

Never doubt yourself, if these shitheads can make an album, you can do something too! I don’t know about defying gravity like this dude, but still.

You ever surfed on a red wave? And I don’t mean “have you ever eaten a chicks gash while she was on her period” kind of red wave, I mean a real, salt water, ocean – that’s red though. Me neither. But you know what we’ve all done? NMT. Alicia Keys was up first with Nicki Minaj and that bitch will give you gash rash. Next up was someone whose name sounded like “nostrils” so I was expecting something completely different. 50 Cent was up next, I don’t know how the fuck Adam Levine worked his skinny gash into the mix, but I don’t think it ups his street cred at all. Roc Marciano was up next, he used to part of Flipmode Squad and I’m guessing he wishes he still was, because the track we heard sucked a red wave. Yes, that kind. I don’t remember the rest, there was some jazz and jazzcult, but no jizzcult. More gash news, some dude was married to this chick for 20 years, turns out that chick he was married to was born a man. BA-ZING! You just got gashed, son!

Fuck it, I’m outta here. This re-cap is complete.

Final calls, let’s see if they’re anywhere near as fucktarded as today’s earlier calls. I walked in on the last part of Rawdog doing some freestyle rap – unfortunately, I have no idea what that was about. Some dude called about his snooping ass girlfriend getting mad at him for watching porn and I think I heard something about her never masturbating before – which has to be pure bullshit. Quick question. Would you lose respect for Rob Dyrdek if you caught him masturbating eight guys in his backyard? Well, this is the type of shit you need to start thinking about! Back to final calls. People still just don’t get it. People keep completely dropping the ball here. I’m going to give you a helpful tip, honestly. If you get through and the music starts playing at the end of the show – take advantage of the shit by SPEAKING, FARTING, SINGING, ANYTHING! Seriously, it doesn’t matter, the airwaves are yours! Alright, now that we have PSA out of the way, let’s talk about that massive bump on your mother’s forehead and how it got there. When she was little, people used to hang her from a clothesline and spin her until she puked. That’s not what did it though. Turns out, stopping her from spinning by using a shovel is what gave her the bump and the mental capacity of a 7-year-old. OH!