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Show Re-cap For Thursday 11/15/2012

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One of these days Ellismate

How do you like your martini, shaken or stirred?  Well if you have an Ellis Show martini, Ellismate is the vodka, Tully is the vermouth, Rawdog is the Olive of course, and Jizzcult is the bit that spills on the floor like the delicious cum he loves so much.  They really do need to get a health inspector over to swinghouse to check that place out, especially the kitchen/shitter.  Ellis got weights yo!  He’s gonna start lifting em outside jailhouse style.  This is a good start until he can get some ‘boulder money’ like Thomas Haden Church got going on.  I wonder of THC plays golf?  That’s a hard game, and would be a decent idea for ‘Doing Stuff With Rawdog’.  It sounds like Ellis n Josh will be banging out a few of the fans suggestions for Ellismania.com real soon.  Sneak Peak:  Inserting a tampon. Ollie on a skateboard. Baking a cake.  So be sure to get it up ya!  However, don’t go getting those yellow bracelets up ya just yet, as Ellismate was attacked by his  today while taking his kids to school.  Speaking of his kids, Snookie asked him if they could go to Australia for their vacation, which could be a good idea and a difficult one in the same respect for The Wing.   Tully’s kid is perfecting his Dracula voice, and also makes a damn good cymbal for when Tully is drumming to Hair Nation.  And why don’t we beat out kids like we use to?  Ellismate got lifted in the air by his ears when he was a kid and look how he turned out.  That was long before his first AC/DC concert, still inside his mothers womb.  Over 40 years later, and those muthafuckers still shred like none other.  Check out this video Tully was watching with Linsanity, schooling him to one of the greatest bands of all times, enjoy!

 

 

In ‘Cock News’, some dude in Bangkok was injecting olive oil into his junk to gain a few inches, when something went wrong, horribly wrong!  In more important ‘Cock News’, the show called honorary Wolfknives  member ‘Horse Dick Man’ to confirm the details about the horse cock for ‘The Reckoning’.  All’s good to go, it shouldn’t be too big for Rawdog’s throat and he’s going to try to keep the balls.  That shits only one month from today, how excited are you?  Not as excited as you are for Whacky Will Pendarvis and this new game ‘You Sir, Are A Moron!”  Pretty complex idea here, a topic is thrown out, Tully Ellis n Rawdog state which side they agree with, and if anyone is in disagreement, then you sir are a moron.  We got to listen to such riveting debating themes as cryogenic freezing, increasing the drinking age to 18,  Ellen DeGeneres, 10 ninjas vs. 1,000 zombies and many many more.  There was one topic though that is near and dear to us all, big or small areolas.  Turns out Rawdog is a huge fan of huge areolas, and was willing to fight for his belief with such passion.  Oh, and someone tried to snowball Ellismate, but he said fuck that, unlike big areola boy.  Speaking of big areolas, some hot chic sent in pictures of her large nip nips, as well as her number, oh yeah!

 

 

Cumtard after just one drink of an Onion Smoothie

What’s an Ellis Show without some good ol’ ‘Hollywood News’?  Justin Bieber is a good place to start, since he’s not finished with Selena Gomez yet.  Michael Lohan isn’t finished either….making kids. This idiot had a child with another lady, in between the birth of his 2 daughters we did know about.  Too bad it wasn’t with Judge Judy, who is still strutting her shit at 70, check it out!  And who’s going to argue with Leonardo DiCaprio’s birthday being Hollywood News, especially when it involves Robert De Niro about to throw down with Jay-Z.  Maybe we could get those two at the next Ellis Mania.  If we don’t though, we just gotta make sure there are no Onion Smoothie Challenges and we should be ok.  Cumtard and Rawdog weren’t ok though, having to compete in such an event, and did it suck rule.  We already know about Cumtard’s fear of onions from yesterdays recap, but today was the real fucking deal.  First we had to work out the details, like using the shock collars for one, and who the loser had to text.  For Cumtard, who happened to eat 3 bowls of Fruity Pebbles in preparation for this event, it would be his ex on the line.  For Rawdog, the chic with the huge areolas mentioned earlier.  Just as the collars get put on, and the onion smoothies enter the room, Cumtard starts shaking and freaking out from the anticipation.  He said he would rather lick a man’s asshole or take an aids blood transfusion than this shit.  After a little Harden The Fuck  Up, it was showtime!  About 15 seconds in, and not even a drink taking yet, Cumtard started choking.  He only made it about 30 seconds before the dry heaves came on.  Finally he took his first drink, and as he said he would, vomited for the rest of the bit.  Rawdog on the other hand took only a little bit, and spit up most of it on his computer.  He just whined mostly, and no good gaging like from the horse cock practice he put in last week.  BLAHT!

 

 

Areoly Shit!

A former cop is $450 richer today, after dunking his head into a bucket of piss, go figure that one out.  No really figure it out, it is worse to pour a bucket of piss over your head, or dip your head into the urine can?  What if it was cum instead of urine, is that worse?  Let’s say you had to choose your method of death from drowning by piss or cum, what is it hotshot?  Tully reminds us of one key detail in breaking this down, cum equals life but piss is just waste, think about it.  While you ponder that, Rawdog was trying to figure out the best thing to text the Areola Queen.  Despite numerous suggestions from Ellis and Tully, he decided to go with some lame shit and an emoticon.  More talk about Ellismate’s vacation plans, and a sick cunt battle between Ellis and Rawdog in their heaviest of Aussie accents.  It was “fawking” sick mate, about as sick as Cumtard when he finally made it back into the studio.  Felt bad for that dude, he really sounded hurt up.  I mean worse than the time #ellisfam preformed a 960 gang bang on your mom, bitch couldn’t walk right for at least a week, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 11/14/2012

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Detroit’s Finest Baby!

Whatever, its Wednesday, fuck off, suck a dick, a dead horse dick to be exact! I’m sure Rawdog’s having nightmares about that.  Remember when Ellis had that dream about a yellow bracelet that he coveted to this day, yeah he fucking got it.  Tully had a dream too, some crazy shit about doing the show in some resort area, with Reggie Jackson joining Ellis n Rawdog.  Just before they went on the air, Rawdog just started vomiting, and Tully noticed it was dark outside making him think a Big Fucking Mega Storm was coming.  Fucking weird dude!  What else is weird, Gavin Rossdale is a huge fan of The Jason Ellis Show, says Ellis’s doctor.  If your not sure who that dude is, he’s the lead singer of Bush he’s married to Gwen Stefani.  Radiohead is NOT grunge!  Tully and Ellis took the liberty of schooling Rawdog on what is and isn’t “grunge”.  Ellis was there to witness it firsthand and Rawdog wasn’t, so shut the fuck up.  And just when you think Tully loves us as people, we find out he’s no longer donating blood to save our lives despite numerous calls from the Red Cross, so basically #fucktully!  Kid Rock does really loves us all, and Mitt Romney, and hunting with Ted Nugent, talking shit on Howard Stern….I’m kinda not so sure feeling his love anymore.  He also made his own beer company ‘Bad Ass Beer’, cause all the brewers in his town sold out to foreigners, helluva guy.  Rawdog is a hell of a guy when he hasn’t had any nuggets to eat.  Bush baby didn’t get to grab any before the show, so his tumbly was a bit rumbly, which posed the genius question, what would Rawdog do for some nuggets?  We’ll get back to that later, for now lets focus on the facts.  Fast food eaten consistently will lead to blockages in your arteries, has been linked to dementia, and Rawdog hates Dr. Drew!

 

Fuck this honey,   I need NUGGETS!!!!!

Bean ain’t such a bad guy, as he has recently donated a kidney to a co-worker, but Ellis still wants to kick his ass.  Speaking of kicking ass, the former owner of McAfee virus software has gone apeshit.  From bathsalt consumption methodology perfection, to killing his neighbor and evading cops for almost a day buried in some sand, its a must read!  Anyways, back to Rawdog and his love of nuggets.  Welcome to the ‘Eat Like A Dog Nugget Challenge’ where two contestants get to walk on all fours, in pursuit of nuggets they must grab using only their mouths, and dip into a sauce and then devour.  Todays challengers were Cumtard and of course Rawdog.  Somehow Rawdog got an advantage as he only had 4 nuggets to Cumtard’s 6 but what the fuck ever.  The game was over as quickly as a boys first time, with Rawdog winning, but only by the advantage he was giving.  So this wasn’t a smash hit, we did find out @KevinCraftSucks hates onions like you and I hate old people, yeah!  So get ready for next week, where the contestants will have to drink an onion flavored smoothie while potentially vomiting across the studio, Red Dragons!

 

Here’s a fat chic for you Doug Benson

The Vatican has intensified their hatred of gays and is willing to fight against gays all over the world.  Meanwhile, if your of German descent, you are a killer by blood.  This also applies if your say Italian, Russian, Japanese, Chinese, fuck man anything but Canadian really. Oh and be sure to follow @future41 on Instagram as he will now be tweeting naked pics with hashtags written on these bitches nice ladies.  Now that all the serious shit is out of the way, lets get to our returning guest, super stoner Doug Benson.  He just came to shoot the shit really.  Talked to Rawdog about his fast food denial, and they taked about masturbating and weightlifting (notice there is no comma separating the two), oh and of course movies since Doug has his own podcast about them.  We heard some audio Cumtard had from one of Doug’s shows, and I quote “Will Pendarvis is a shit head”!  Then we played another fun game, ‘Hollyweed Squares’.  Doug and Rawdog were on a team verse Jason and Tully, and they had to guess whether the thing in question is a cartoon, or a strain of weed.  Doug and the Dog whooped up on Ellis n Tully, and Doug knew a few of the strains of weed mentioned first hand, what a guy.  Unfortunately he can’t make it to see The Reckoning in person, but like me will be checking it out on Ellismania.com I’m sure.

 

Alf was too stoned to even answer the next question.

 

Hollywood News mutherfuckers!  Bieber got another ticket pushing some sick Ferrari around West Hollywood.  The Biebs also allegedly proposed to Selena Gomez, which she replied ‘Fuck Off’.  Then Hollywood News got real for a second……real gay.  Speaking of real gay, Joe Simpson is at it again, well his wife is since she’s changing her new book up to be more of a ‘tell all’.  Some gay dude is People’s Sexiest Man Alive 2012.  Remember that song 19 years ago by Carmen Electra?  Yeah well her new shit is just as unforgetful so enjoy!  In That Totally Fucking Sucks News, Shane Carwin blew out his knee just a month before is next fight – I personally hope you get better soon dude!  Final Calls was just about the usual shit, hot chics with tattoos, In This Moment doesn’t really exist, and if Linsanity says “vista” Tully will nut punch him off his feet.  Oh, that and where would you spend your Holidays giving the choice?  Maybe in the snow like Tully and Ellis, or in Mexico with Rawdog, and don’t forget about America’s Ice Box up north ‘ey.  For me though, nothing beats roasting my nuts over your moms open mouth, begging for me to cum down her chimney, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 11/8/2012

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Somebody’s gotta do it

OK people, we only have to give a fuck for a few more hours so lets roll!  If Ellismate had 75 dicks do you think his arms would get tired from the excessive jerking requirements?  Its a damn legitimate question, and so is Rawdog asking if he’d even have enough load to support them all  droppin’ loads.  Speaking of loads, Ellismate was listen to Kevin and The Bean this morning, and man those dudes fucking suck. There not really the same thing as The Jason Ellis Show, kinda like the difference between vert and street skating.  Ellismate compared the shit they spew to what he had to do while working on Octane, such as telling you how amazing Finger Finger Death Punch is.  “BLAHT”!  Haha, thats the drop of rawdog gagging yesterday while practicing for his big day.  Tully’s working on the details, but no date has been set yet to see Josh blow that dead horse cock.  Hopefully Rawdog updates his hairstyle before the big day to look his best.  Tully and Ellis threw around some possible looks like herpes infected David Beckham or maybe honest Abe Lincoln.  Tully has afro like hair, which gets all padded down from his scotch taped head phones, which piss on Rawdogs one ear only headphones, fucking swinghouse.  Turns out Will has more headphones, and the new Jason Ellis cum rags.  Right about then Cumtard walked in, and the kids going to be a huge star.  Check him out soon on Ellismania.com doing shit like putting hot sauce on his taint to see if he gets a boner to the obvious butt chugging video.  Ellis also mentioned making the Rawdog spinning by his ankles vid too, and this may be a new Thursday routine for the site so fuck yeah!

 

 

That ain’t a sword he’s holding

In Hollywood News, its fucking cold and rainy, wah!  Also Jermaine Jacksun is changing his name and thats not a typo.  Some hot crazy Ukrainian bitch said the ‘Call Me Maybe’ song is a fucking rip off of her smash hit ‘Hunky Santa’.  Molly Cyrus is getting married at 19 and good luck with that.  Lindsay Lohan is a dumb cunt and she may be getting her own ‘Lindsay Lohan News’ segment on the show.  Speaking of dumb cunts maybe getting new shows, Kate Gosselin and Kendra Wilkinson swapped kids for a week trying to keep their reality lives going.  In other Hollywood news, some lady from Kenya had twins and gave them shitty names, and this baby got pregnant in Saudi Arabia.  Apparently all of the shit above was fucking hilarious to Jizz Cult who about stopped the show pissing himself laughing, so be sure to check out @Deadletters on Instagram!  Also be sure to check out Rob Corddry’s new movie Warm Bodies, and Johnny Knoxville and Arnold’s new movie The Last Stand.  Speaking of Arnold, is that dude not the baddest mutherfucker of all time?  Tully pointed out to Ellis that this warlord has been the strongest man in the world, banged a Kennedy and became governor, banged every other woman that walked the earth, and can’t speak a lick of english.  Red Dragons to you sir!

 

Watch your pussy around this guy

In Aussie news, reporter Michael ‘Sick Cunt’ Tully read a list of Australian inventions that may blow your fucking mind!  From disposable syringes to vaginal cameras these kangaroo fuckers really hooked us up with some cool shit.  Big shits rule, just saying!  So we may be getting another new segment like once a month, ‘Period News’, not to be confused with ‘Women, am i right’.  And then girl on girl star Ryan Keely walked into the studio and she’s fucking smoking hot.  She talked about the new law that passed in LA county and how it was total bullshit.  That the use of condoms with such huge cocks and repetitive banging actually makes the woman more likely to catch a disease since her membranes are so destroyed.  Its all just to stick it to the industry rather to really help anyone in the end. Turns out she is retiring from the game anyways, and just in time as Ellismate is thinking of making his debut with his porn character The Cape-ist, aka The Pussy Burglar.  So what is Ryan going to do with herself besides shuffle her cookie ten times a day?  How about a career in radio.  She’s already got a podcast going and some sick drops on the Ellis show.  If so, she needs to tell her stories about her ex boyfriends.  This one dude used to wake her up by dropping his load on her feet while she was asleep, and he took it up the ass.  This other ex of hers used to line up a friend of his to show up at dinner, and try to convince her into a DP with the two fellas, he took it up the ass too!  I’m seeing a trend with the type of guys she dates, and if you were wondering, she’s fucked 4 dudes in the ass in her lifetime.  Rawdog, I mean Sarah joined the show to have a ‘Sexy Off’ with Ryan Keely which was kinda cool.  Ryan also took the time to offer her advice to Rawdog for his upcoming event.  Suggestions like relaxing his jaw and using his hands to work the shaft should be very helpful when sucking that dead horse cock.  She did fear that the dick may be too big for Josh’s mouth,  but that hopefully shouldn’t be an issue.  Ryan’s also an expert on butt chugging, and gave Cumtard a few pointers to help him, like using a room tempature beer and for it to be flat to avoid the fizz.  She also suggested getting a higher quality beer since it is going up his ass.  She then gave Rawdog a zerbert and made the little Bush Babies day, awww!

 

I never knew thats what it meant!

In ‘Cock News’, Chad Kroeger is a total dick but also kinda funny too for betting a roadie to put his dick in a fan.  Shoebox rolled into the studio to shoot the shit about Cumtard’s butt chugging plans.  They tried some more to figure out the best beer to put up Kevin’s ass, but maybe its not beer they should be using, maybe Zima?  Shoebox taught us what a ‘chilly willy’ is.  Its when you take a shot of vodka, followed by a bump of vodka up the nose, but don’t try that at home.  From there it was all about Rawdog and this massive horse dick he’s gotta blow.  They tried to figure out how much of the steak Rawdog took on yesterday’s show and Tully placed it somewhere between 2 to 3 inches.  Well, if it don’t fit in his mouth, Joanna Angel will just have to to preform dick tricks on him for a minute and 45 seconds.  Ellis then tried to figure out the best way to display this act.  Should the Dog be on his knees with his arms held back, or maybe tied up like a magicians assitant?  He could have wings and bra and come out as a victoria secrets model.  Maybe a jockey outfit is appropriate for Rawdog, but only if Joanna gets a horse tail butt plug too!  What about the background music for this?  Slinging Cream or Neutral Milk Hotel or how about some video messages from his family for moral support through such tough times.  Whatever happens, one caller was right when he suggested they get the dick stuffed for the walls of the Faction studios.  Sounds like something your mom would ask for, a taxidermied stuffed version of mine and all of EllisFam’s cocks for her walls…..her pussy walls, OH!

 

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 11/7/2012

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Well it is Wednesday again, and the white boy is back and he needs a yellow wrist band.  Ellis will remain incomplete as a man without this magical wrist band he dreams of.  Turns out his friend, former Backstreet Boy AJ McLean, happens to own a company that makes wrist bands with spikes n shit.  They should definitely hook up on that idea, and the idea of AJ appearing on the future Death! Death! Die! track ‘Butt Town’.  Fuck Yeah!  Speaking of Ellismate’s friends, Carey Hart hooked the wing up with a new place to get a trim called ‘The Shave’ and they hooked it up.  Carey Hart has such sweet hair too by the way.  Sorry got a little sidetracked, so Ellis wrote a new song, but not for the band, this ones for him.  It felt weird to him to work on a track by himself.  Tully can sympathize with that, after all he is the mastermind behind ‘Retrofit‘, get it up ya!  Tully’s goal all along is to just get one track played on Faction, who knew.  Ellis would prefer Boneyard which sounds like him, and good ol’ Rawdog wants his shit played on The Loft, though I don’t see Slingin’ Cream fitting in over there too well.  Good friend of the show THC said he heard Liquid Metal play a Death! Death! Die! track which is bad ass.  This article of Ellismate reviewing all the new dirt bikes in the 2013 450 Motocross Shootout is fucking sweet too!  You know what else is sweet, Ellismate found his prostate.  Well really Katie did, and Ellis confirmed for us all that it works like a champ.  Maybe a little too much, cause after you do it once, your an ass whore for life.  Speaking of ass whores, Jizz Cult got to make yet another button today after sabotaging the show, “Can You Dig It”.  He started working on the “Warriors, come out to play” button, but Jizz got out of the situation before we got that piece of radio gold.  Thats really all that happened from last night, that Ellis Tully and Rawdog can remeber…….

Final preparations for The Reckoning

Oh that and Rawdog has to suck a dead horse dick at The Reckoning soon, since we bow again to our lord Emperor Obama.  Ellismate played the audio  from the original bet for us and Rawdog to hear again for confirmation.  The Jingleberries debuted their new smash hit, ‘Kill a horse, suck it’s penis!”.  We also got a quick appearance from Rude Jude, and just in time to witness Rawdog practice on a 10″ piece of steak that Tully just happened to have brought for this occasion.  After some strong convincing to Rawdog he needed to practice to avoid falling flat on his ass shownight, we all got to hear young Josh choke his way and only get about an inch of it down.  #FuckTully said fuck that, and showed him how its done, taking at least a good 4″ before hitting the back of his throat.  Rawdog gave it another try, and damn near vomited it all up.  All in all, worst blow job ever!

Would have been easier if it was erect!

Pepsi has taking a huge step closer towards ruling the world, announcing they are releasing ‘Pepsi Special‘ in Japan, which will make you loose weight.  Coke appears to be working on a soda to make your more beautiful, no you are.  So since the election was last night, there is obviously a bunch of reaction, such as tweets from superstars like Terrible Ted Nugent, The Bean, Justin Bieber and even warlord Nick Swardson.  But none of them were as nuts as the shit spewed from the twitter mouth of one Donald Trump.  Is he serious, crazy or seriously crazy?  Who fucking knows, Ellis thinks he’s just keeping his name out there, but Tully wonders if dudes just loosing it or maybe he’s just pissed at the tax breaks he would have gotten with Mitt.  Trump did delete a few of those tweets, but clever Jizz Cult found ’em and read a few.  Basically dude wants to start a revolution, which would only be successful if you bring Rage Against the Machine and topless bitches in army pants dancing and shit.  Some other cool shit from last night’s erection, Colorado and Washington both legalized weed, Red Dragons!  Of course Tully found the additional language, which is the taxation of it.  It gets taxed 25% each time it passes from the grower to the processor, from the processor to the retailer, and yet again when passed to you.  Quick math on that, if you started with $100 of weed, it would be $195 when sold to you, damn near double!  Sounds just like something Obama would do, followed up by army enforced butt chugging tuesdays!

 

Government demonstrating the proper technique for Butt Chugging Tuesday

Nothing happened in Cookie News but we did get to hear the drop for it which has been long overdue.  Some shit happened in Cock News, turns out 1/3rd or British men can’t see their dicks, and rape kids with their balls.  A shit ton more happened in Doing Stuff With Rawdog.  Fuck man, we now know how to make chicken, chicken salad and a martini.  We can clean a gun and avoid an avalanche.  Thanks to Josh, all of us can tackle Ellis in football and make hash.  The Illusionist taught us how to use a breast pump and find our prostate.  Doc Banger banged us with knowledge of repairing a blown circuit breaker and he added to his sisters quest to get that damn raccoon out of the attic.  Bush Baby enlightened us on how you water ski and how to syphon gas out of a car.  We also got to hear him try to blow a bubble, whistle, snap, burp, fart and much more!

 

Follow @future41 and @tullywood on Instragram

The crew recapped a bunch of shit in Hollywood News from the past few weeks.  Kirstie Alley is a fat slut and C-Lo didn’t rape that bitch.  Ariel Winter was getting mind fucked by her mom.  Also some dude got the living shit beat out of him in front of a Hollywood night club.  Rawdog read some quotes from Joe Simpson’s gay lover in his video recap of the two’s affair, which were just disturbing.  Not as disturbing as this Portuguese gay dude and his castration of his 65 year old lover using a corkscrew, or the curing of aids he did with dudes nuts while walking the streets of Manhattan.  But enough of that shit, lets get back to Rawdog.  Tully and Ellis tried to teach him how to blow a bubble, which took us up to final calls, and Rawdog almost got it.  Turns out Josh is also extremely afraid of cartwheels, but thats a whole other story.  We heard from Sasquatch, whos a truck driver in Alberta and also from a caller who told us Halloween still hasn’t happened in some parts of NY and NJ due to the storms, but those were the only callers the show got as no one else called after that.  We did hear that Ellismate took about 2″ of finger in last nights escapades.  Thats of course a far cry from the 22″ of my arm that goes in your mom when Im fisting her gaped ass, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 11/1/2012

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Its the first day of ‘Movember’ so get your facial hair looking sharp ma’fuckers!  Speaking of hair, why in the fuck did humans decide to go hairless along their evolution, making coats out of sabertooth tigers and shit. Like Ellis says, we were born monkeys and then we just said fuck it, shave my friends tonight.  Ellis added we have grown taller and with less hair over our existence, and that a receding hairline is ultimately the future.  Tully added the reason Asians are smaller than most races is cause of their malnutrition over their history.  Of course this doesn’t explain anyone of African decent and speaking of Africa, how in the fuck did they get all the cool animals and why can’t Donald Schultz ship a container of Cialis to Africa so poachers stop killing rhinos for old asian dudes, seriously!  Even Rhinos can’t escape the mean streets of impotency.  Apparently Uncle Mayhem can’t escape a bunch of tweets asking him when he’s going to be back on The Jason Ellis Show and hug it out.  Ellis is right here, Mayhem is going to do what Mayhem is going to do, and we ain’t going to change his mind at all – let the man live!  Speaking of men, Rawdog manned up and agreed to test out a flying jetski with Ellismate sometime over the next few weeks, and if so instant Ellismania.com gold!  So I guess Will Smith and Jada Pinkett haven’t gotten a divorce, but i know for a fact that dude can’t rap anymore.  When you got it, you got it.  Cumtard says he ain’t got it right now, despite Ellis saying he is looking great these days.  Cumtard hasn’t been having the best of luck with pitching his screen plays or with the ladies.  Rock bottom isn’t her just yet as he hasn’t contemplated selling his ass for money, but he is close as he is willing to butt chugg for ellismania.com.  So Tully and Ellis schooled him up on how to avoid the friend zone…..just fuck her!  Tully suggest to fuck some sea turtle first as women can detect if you’ve been fucking recently, but they can’t determine the quality of the pussy.  You gotta be sure of yourself, as if it doesn’t matter either way.

 

The Shiznight!

Cee Lo Green maybe didn’t rape that lady, as she’s claiming this shit happened a few months ago.  Gene Hackman is into beating the shit out of homeless dudes, but he knows them and gives em money so its mellow.  Chris Brown kept his doucheness up to par by dressing as a terrorist for Halloween, and theres no link to a story cause fuck that dude.  Speaking of fuck that dude, Jizz Cult  hooked the show up with some old show intros from the last few years.  It was the Shiznight!  Some pretty funny shit, most you’ve heard but a few Im sure you won’t remember.  Ellis is a ‘lifestyle enthusiast’ bringing ‘grenades of fury’ to the radio, a fucking google legend! Sounds like the shows headed to a 15 minute intro of Ellis playing spoonman with his dick subtly behind your traditional Faction music.  So the NFL sucks for wearing pink during October, but not cause its for a good charity (we think), but its just not for the right reasons, but who fucking cares that was last month.  All Rawdogs go to heaven, and all sparrows go to San Juan Capistrano, oh and all sharks that fall from the sky land on the 12th tee.  All sharks that fight in Ellis Mania 9 must die, with Ellis opposing them!  Its about the time he gets a tank, and takes it to the next level, so extreme.  Rawdog told us yesterday that GrillEmAll is fucking badass and Cumtard confirmed it.  Ellis n Tully are thinking field trip, and of opening up the cutest cuddliest most metal spot to get your puppies…….”Master of Puppies”.  Is set to take over the nation, and is the only way to adopt a puppy.  Oh and if you need to adopt a new catch phrase, why don’t you try ‘Bong, Bong‘, it works for the RZA so why not you!

 

 

Domino’s says they have made the pizza delivery vehicle of the future.  Notice how the name of it kinda sucks too.  Tully has a better idea, how about you just cook the fucking pizza on the way there, it don’t get no fresher than that!  Im not too sure if I trust Tully’s judgement on this one, or when he said he pictures every man with a hugh cock.  He also confirmed what we’ve all been wondering, that Chip n Dale dancers do have hugh cocks as well.  They really caught the gay their for a minute, until Rawdog bailed them out with a game of his, Name That Button.  He basically took some buttons from the show, slowed them down to where they sounded all creepy n shit, and Ellis, Cumtard and Tully had to guess em.  Pretty simple shit, but lots of fun if you want to go back and check it out, like the birth of slowed down Macgrubertallica, and a bad ass Red Dragons from Maria Brink.  Ellis whopped up on Tully and Cumtard, but in the end we all were the winners here folks, Bong Bong!

 

How come you got tits, but                 I ain’t  got no dick?

So what is it about being a man, then wanting to be a woman, but then back to a man again just before they decide they’re going to cut off your dick.  Just try shaving your eyebrows first, and make sure you can handle some shit like that.  So Rawdog doesn’t want to be a cyborg that bad.  Tully asked him if he would be a cyborg but have no dick, or just be normal and Rawdog actually chose himself over a half man half robot.  California says if your gay but think your not gay, and you need ‘conversional therapy’, well fuck off!  It sounds like a good deal for those kids who are gay, and their parents don’t believe it and force them to do this kind of therapy.  All thats cool but then Tully was stopped in his tracks when the show finally got a caller who was a woman, but now its a man with a working dick.  Not just any dick but a ‘Donor Dick’.  Since Tully has checked the yes box on his license for organ donor, he’s not too sure he has made such a good decision.  So this dude uses a pump to work his junk, which was some other dudes junk long before.  He got the dead dudes balls and everything, but unfortunately he didn’t get a ‘dick diary’ with it so he knew its history.  But that still didn’t answer Tully’s burning question ‘Is somebody going to get his cock?”  Thankfully your mom called in and confirmed that she would in fact be getting Tully’s cock immediately after the show.