Show Re-cap For Thursday 11/29/2012

Tickle my taint its Thursday again so fuck short people.  Oh, and fuck  people with black hair or that drive PT cruisers.  Fuck people that play golf or tennis, but baseball is cool.  Its a perfect science as Ellis see’s it, but of course motto is better.  Rawdog thinks baseball is complicated, like we didn’t know that shit.  Ellis also fucked up Tully’s honeymoon.  Not like that, nah Ellis and his obsession with shark attacks got into Tully’s head, and he and the misses were near an ocean.  Its all good though since Ellismate is finally a man, well with his chest hairs he’s growing.  Speaking of men, Rawdog said he couldn’t beat Steven Tyler in a fight, but he could take Mick Jagger, uh huh.  Old people could take you and your life, cause they fucking suck at driving.  Tully’s of the opinion that old fucks shouldn’t be allowed to drive during rush hour, and women should never drive, ever!!!  To Rawdog’s joy, Ellis said elderly peoples should be restricted to auto-driving cars.  Either way, they you and I should be as lucky as to realize when we’ve lost our shit.  Tully then lost his shit on all races.  Latin dancing sucks, Africans i mean really, Asians are just hyper white people, Indians stink with their incense and all, and Arabic music just sucks.  And of course the Jews, well they’re just little “Doogie Arabs”, i mean Am I White?


Doesn’t his moves look similar to Rawdog in 100 years?


In STD News, a third of people aged 13 to 24 have not been AIDS tested, and 60% of those with AIDS don’t know it, and Rawdog’s going to be tested on the show, maybe.  Ellismate’s flip flopping on A6K and what to do with it, either just give the fucking thing away to a deserving fan, or sell it to said fan, and give the money to Everlast to fight Cystic Fibrosis.  Then Jizz Cult came into the room and You Sir, Are A Moron!  Remember this game, Will tosses out a topic, and Ellis Tully and Rawdog state their opinions, blah blah blah your moms a moron.  Some decent radio here, from gambling addiction and cops smoking weed to eating horse meat and taking a shit at work.  Ellis and Rawdog did get into it about flying cars, and the floating lights they’d require for lanes.  All three got into a good debate over if 100 dead heads could defeat 10 juggalos in a fight to the death.  Of course when Sasquatch was brought up, Rawdog lost his cool and well you sir are a moron.  Then we stumbled upon if its rape between animals, which wasn’t a topic, just came up in conversation as is usually does.  Rawdog convinced Tully and Ellis its not, as an animal can not consent.  In the end, this game was really only a ploy for Will to ask his real question, was bombing Hiroshima necessary?  I don’t know Will, you tell me, whats up with the government?


Hollywood News time kids – Lindsay Lohan punched some bitches lights out in a NYC club, go girl!  That whole deal with Precious losing all that weight from yesterdays show was total bullshit.  In Sports News (what the fuck?), Michael Jordan has been banned for life from this country club in Miami for wearing cargo shorts.  Brandon Marshall of the Da Bears says dudes be taking mad Viagra to get an edge during games.  Rawdog said he’d like to see that, and would probably get a boner with a bunch of dudes jumping on his back, yup!  Damian Lillard (Basketball dude) is scared shitless of statues.  Meanwhile, Tully is a fucking tool and he knows it and is getting help. He named his kid a combination of the top baby name in 2012 (Aiden) and the name with the biggest increase from the previous year (Grey), but I can’t spell it so fuck off.  Of course little Linsanity was not named after the 50 shades of shit book, nor some dude named Aiden (can’t think of any), so he’s not so bad I guess but still #fucktully!


Yo man your fucking creeping me out


Woman Am I Right?  This bitch here done stabbed up her husband with duel blades cause he wouldn’t fuck her.  This German bitch tried to suffocate her man with her tig ol’ bitties, which Rawdog was fucking amped on, redeeming himself slightly from the football comment earlier.  This Florida bitch beat her man up, cause he won the Cum Challenge!  And this bitch done gone and beat up her bitch cause she couldn’t find her detachable penis.  Then something happened that is rare for the show, Rawdog called Tully out when he tried to run a story that was already done, the one that gave us the Rawdog drop “Someone’s going to suck my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat!”  This other bitch tried to pull a tube out of her man’s chest, for meeting girls at the store.  This bitch working a Dollar Tree beat some lady up for using too many coupons.  And then there’s this bitch who’s best friend is a 378lb. tiger, so keep your eyes out for our follow up story on this lady real soon!!!  Finally we got this bitch who’s showing her support for Movember, which is kinda cool, but not kinda hot.


In case you didn’t click that last link…..Movember!!!


Finally we got an update on that Lindsay Lohan story from earlier.  HA, that was just some bad ass story of an anaconda vomiting your mom a cow.  Back to Lohan, so the woman she hit was a fortune teller who approached Lindsay on some crazy shit.  Lohan called her a fucking gypsy, like i said before go girl!  Shout out to that Red Deer, Alberta strip club that was playing Kiss of Poseidon at 3 in the afternoon.  Ellis and Tully told some dude to stop being a pussy and get his red wings, in the shower of course.  And if that fails, just fuck her in a Bane mask.  A bunch of other random shit in Final Calls, like ‘We Wish you a Red Dragons’ and horses do rape other horses!  Also, Ellis is good at doing Rawdog doing him.  Rawdog is much better at doing Ellis though, so much so that Jason’s thinking of taking a week in China, and letting Josh fill in as the sick cunt host.  He may need to get a few tattoos, but the voice is spot on.  Of course if tats go wrong, he can always just “Cover it up with your mom’s face covered in shit”, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 11/1/2012

Its the first day of ‘Movember’ so get your facial hair looking sharp ma’fuckers!  Speaking of hair, why in the fuck did humans decide to go hairless along their evolution, making coats out of sabertooth tigers and shit. Like Ellis says, we were born monkeys and then we just said fuck it, shave my friends tonight.  Ellis added we have grown taller and with less hair over our existence, and that a receding hairline is ultimately the future.  Tully added the reason Asians are smaller than most races is cause of their malnutrition over their history.  Of course this doesn’t explain anyone of African decent and speaking of Africa, how in the fuck did they get all the cool animals and why can’t Donald Schultz ship a container of Cialis to Africa so poachers stop killing rhinos for old asian dudes, seriously!  Even Rhinos can’t escape the mean streets of impotency.  Apparently Uncle Mayhem can’t escape a bunch of tweets asking him when he’s going to be back on The Jason Ellis Show and hug it out.  Ellis is right here, Mayhem is going to do what Mayhem is going to do, and we ain’t going to change his mind at all – let the man live!  Speaking of men, Rawdog manned up and agreed to test out a flying jetski with Ellismate sometime over the next few weeks, and if so instant gold!  So I guess Will Smith and Jada Pinkett haven’t gotten a divorce, but i know for a fact that dude can’t rap anymore.  When you got it, you got it.  Cumtard says he ain’t got it right now, despite Ellis saying he is looking great these days.  Cumtard hasn’t been having the best of luck with pitching his screen plays or with the ladies.  Rock bottom isn’t her just yet as he hasn’t contemplated selling his ass for money, but he is close as he is willing to butt chugg for  So Tully and Ellis schooled him up on how to avoid the friend zone…..just fuck her!  Tully suggest to fuck some sea turtle first as women can detect if you’ve been fucking recently, but they can’t determine the quality of the pussy.  You gotta be sure of yourself, as if it doesn’t matter either way.


The Shiznight!

Cee Lo Green maybe didn’t rape that lady, as she’s claiming this shit happened a few months ago.  Gene Hackman is into beating the shit out of homeless dudes, but he knows them and gives em money so its mellow.  Chris Brown kept his doucheness up to par by dressing as a terrorist for Halloween, and theres no link to a story cause fuck that dude.  Speaking of fuck that dude, Jizz Cult  hooked the show up with some old show intros from the last few years.  It was the Shiznight!  Some pretty funny shit, most you’ve heard but a few Im sure you won’t remember.  Ellis is a ‘lifestyle enthusiast’ bringing ‘grenades of fury’ to the radio, a fucking google legend! Sounds like the shows headed to a 15 minute intro of Ellis playing spoonman with his dick subtly behind your traditional Faction music.  So the NFL sucks for wearing pink during October, but not cause its for a good charity (we think), but its just not for the right reasons, but who fucking cares that was last month.  All Rawdogs go to heaven, and all sparrows go to San Juan Capistrano, oh and all sharks that fall from the sky land on the 12th tee.  All sharks that fight in Ellis Mania 9 must die, with Ellis opposing them!  Its about the time he gets a tank, and takes it to the next level, so extreme.  Rawdog told us yesterday that GrillEmAll is fucking badass and Cumtard confirmed it.  Ellis n Tully are thinking field trip, and of opening up the cutest cuddliest most metal spot to get your puppies…….”Master of Puppies”.  Is set to take over the nation, and is the only way to adopt a puppy.  Oh and if you need to adopt a new catch phrase, why don’t you try ‘Bong, Bong‘, it works for the RZA so why not you!



Domino’s says they have made the pizza delivery vehicle of the future.  Notice how the name of it kinda sucks too.  Tully has a better idea, how about you just cook the fucking pizza on the way there, it don’t get no fresher than that!  Im not too sure if I trust Tully’s judgement on this one, or when he said he pictures every man with a hugh cock.  He also confirmed what we’ve all been wondering, that Chip n Dale dancers do have hugh cocks as well.  They really caught the gay their for a minute, until Rawdog bailed them out with a game of his, Name That Button.  He basically took some buttons from the show, slowed them down to where they sounded all creepy n shit, and Ellis, Cumtard and Tully had to guess em.  Pretty simple shit, but lots of fun if you want to go back and check it out, like the birth of slowed down Macgrubertallica, and a bad ass Red Dragons from Maria Brink.  Ellis whopped up on Tully and Cumtard, but in the end we all were the winners here folks, Bong Bong!


How come you got tits, but                 I ain’t  got no dick?

So what is it about being a man, then wanting to be a woman, but then back to a man again just before they decide they’re going to cut off your dick.  Just try shaving your eyebrows first, and make sure you can handle some shit like that.  So Rawdog doesn’t want to be a cyborg that bad.  Tully asked him if he would be a cyborg but have no dick, or just be normal and Rawdog actually chose himself over a half man half robot.  California says if your gay but think your not gay, and you need ‘conversional therapy’, well fuck off!  It sounds like a good deal for those kids who are gay, and their parents don’t believe it and force them to do this kind of therapy.  All thats cool but then Tully was stopped in his tracks when the show finally got a caller who was a woman, but now its a man with a working dick.  Not just any dick but a ‘Donor Dick’.  Since Tully has checked the yes box on his license for organ donor, he’s not too sure he has made such a good decision.  So this dude uses a pump to work his junk, which was some other dudes junk long before.  He got the dead dudes balls and everything, but unfortunately he didn’t get a ‘dick diary’ with it so he knew its history.  But that still didn’t answer Tully’s burning question ‘Is somebody going to get his cock?”  Thankfully your mom called in and confirmed that she would in fact be getting Tully’s cock immediately after the show.