Its the first day of ‘Movember’ so get your facial hair looking sharp ma’fuckers! Speaking of hair, why in the fuck did humans decide to go hairless along their evolution, making coats out of sabertooth tigers and shit. Like Ellis says, we were born monkeys and then we just said fuck it, shave my friends tonight. Ellis added we have grown taller and with less hair over our existence, and that a receding hairline is ultimately the future. Tully added the reason Asians are smaller than most races is cause of their malnutrition over their history. Of course this doesn’t explain anyone of African decent and speaking of Africa, how in the fuck did they get all the cool animals and why can’t Donald Schultz ship a container of Cialis to Africa so poachers stop killing rhinos for old asian dudes, seriously! Even Rhinos can’t escape the mean streets of impotency. Apparently Uncle Mayhem can’t escape a bunch of tweets asking him when he’s going to be back on The Jason Ellis Show and hug it out. Ellis is right here, Mayhem is going to do what Mayhem is going to do, and we ain’t going to change his mind at all – let the man live! Speaking of men, Rawdog manned up and agreed to test out a flying jetski with Ellismate sometime over the next few weeks, and if so instant Ellismania.com gold! So I guess Will Smith and Jada Pinkett haven’t gotten a divorce, but i know for a fact that dude can’t rap anymore. When you got it, you got it. Cumtard says he ain’t got it right now, despite Ellis saying he is looking great these days. Cumtard hasn’t been having the best of luck with pitching his screen plays or with the ladies. Rock bottom isn’t her just yet as he hasn’t contemplated selling his ass for money, but he is close as he is willing to butt chugg for ellismania.com. So Tully and Ellis schooled him up on how to avoid the friend zone…..just fuck her! Tully suggest to fuck some sea turtle first as women can detect if you’ve been fucking recently, but they can’t determine the quality of the pussy. You gotta be sure of yourself, as if it doesn’t matter either way.
Cee Lo Green maybe didn’t rape that lady, as she’s claiming this shit happened a few months ago. Gene Hackman is into beating the shit out of homeless dudes, but he knows them and gives em money so its mellow. Chris Brown kept his doucheness up to par by dressing as a terrorist for Halloween, and theres no link to a story cause fuck that dude. Speaking of fuck that dude, Jizz Cult hooked the show up with some old show intros from the last few years. It was the Shiznight! Some pretty funny shit, most you’ve heard but a few Im sure you won’t remember. Ellis is a ‘lifestyle enthusiast’ bringing ‘grenades of fury’ to the radio, a fucking google legend! Sounds like the shows headed to a 15 minute intro of Ellis playing spoonman with his dick subtly behind your traditional Faction music. So the NFL sucks for wearing pink during October, but not cause its for a good charity (we think), but its just not for the right reasons, but who fucking cares that was last month. All Rawdogs go to heaven, and all sparrows go to San Juan Capistrano, oh and all sharks that fall from the sky land on the 12th tee. All sharks that fight in Ellis Mania 9 must die, with Ellis opposing them! Its about the time he gets a tank, and takes it to the next level, so extreme. Rawdog told us yesterday that GrillEmAll is fucking badass and Cumtard confirmed it. Ellis n Tully are thinking field trip, and of opening up the cutest cuddliest most metal spot to get your puppies…….”Master of Puppies”. Is set to take over the nation, and is the only way to adopt a puppy. Oh and if you need to adopt a new catch phrase, why don’t you try ‘Bong, Bong‘, it works for the RZA so why not you!
Domino’s says they have made the pizza delivery vehicle of the future. Notice how the name of it kinda sucks too. Tully has a better idea, how about you just cook the fucking pizza on the way there, it don’t get no fresher than that! Im not too sure if I trust Tully’s judgement on this one, or when he said he pictures every man with a hugh cock. He also confirmed what we’ve all been wondering, that Chip n Dale dancers do have hugh cocks as well. They really caught the gay their for a minute, until Rawdog bailed them out with a game of his, Name That Button. He basically took some buttons from the show, slowed them down to where they sounded all creepy n shit, and Ellis, Cumtard and Tully had to guess em. Pretty simple shit, but lots of fun if you want to go back and check it out, like the birth of slowed down Macgrubertallica, and a bad ass Red Dragons from Maria Brink. Ellis whopped up on Tully and Cumtard, but in the end we all were the winners here folks, Bong Bong!
So what is it about being a man, then wanting to be a woman, but then back to a man again just before they decide they’re going to cut off your dick. Just try shaving your eyebrows first, and make sure you can handle some shit like that. So Rawdog doesn’t want to be a cyborg that bad. Tully asked him if he would be a cyborg but have no dick, or just be normal and Rawdog actually chose himself over a half man half robot. California says if your gay but think your not gay, and you need ‘conversional therapy’, well fuck off! It sounds like a good deal for those kids who are gay, and their parents don’t believe it and force them to do this kind of therapy. All thats cool but then Tully was stopped in his tracks when the show finally got a caller who was a woman, but now its a man with a working dick. Not just any dick but a ‘Donor Dick’. Since Tully has checked the yes box on his license for organ donor, he’s not too sure he has made such a good decision. So this dude uses a pump to work his junk, which was some other dudes junk long before. He got the dead dudes balls and everything, but unfortunately he didn’t get a ‘dick diary’ with it so he knew its history. But that still didn’t answer Tully’s burning question ‘Is somebody going to get his cock?” Thankfully your mom called in and confirmed that she would in fact be getting Tully’s cock immediately after the show.