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Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/11/2013

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Skrillex faces are exactly the same as food poisoning shitting / puking faces.

What’s up sluts? OMG, you guise! It’s 311 day, and that’s gay. Skibbi-bee-do-bop. So there’s a radical dude in the studio, he goes by the name Dingo. Someone’s been fucking with the voice altermication machine and letting the air out of the tires in the THC Porsche. Kids love tattooed head guy in pink pants. Ellis took his kids to trampoline world, and when Katie went to the bathroom to go number 1 or 2, she heard kids talking about tattooed head guy in pink pants and all he got was smiling faces. The Ellis household got food poisoning again, this time from the Mexicans – but no love loss, they still their food. Puking and shitting good times was had by all! Then he got in a bit of trouble. Andrea had come over, to get the kids I assume, and as she was leaving, he turned and said, “thanks my only friend.” Of course that didn’t go over too well with Katie as she didn’t take it as a joke and felt slighted. It’s all good though, Ellis smoothed it over and they banged out the issue. Rawdog needs a jacket with a “Jew Claw” patch on the back, and the topper would be to invent the “Jew Claw” finishing move in EllisMania fights.

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Xzibit’s fall back career? Pimp my ride Afghanistan edition.

Why hasn’t Mayhem gotten back with Ellis about co-hosting Tiger Box? Is he out training, secretly hitting ever open-mic night in Hollyweird, in an effort to show Ellis up with his newly honed comedy skills? Who knows. What would Ellis and Dingo be doing if they had to fall back on to another career? Probably build houses or dig holes, that seems to be the Aussie crutch. Thankfully for everyone, that’s not the case. It’s calzone time, some Chuck (@EatAtCarlos) dude that makes them stopped by today to deliver the guys’ inventions so they could all try them. In case you have forgotten, here are the calzones featured on today’s menu: Chicken nugget, spaghetti & meatballs, loaded nachos & cheese, chili dog, dessert calzones with Little Debbie snacks & Nutella, Nutty Bars, Brownies, peanut butter & jelly with peanuts etc. Ellis and Tully gave the nod to the chili dog calzone. Dingo seemed to be satisfied with the peanut butter & jelly calzone. And of course, Rawdog went to town on the chicken nugget calzone. Apparently there’s a fucking pizza convention in Las Vegas, which sounds kinda cool until you think about how many bullshit pizzas there has to be there. Nobody wants to be the guinea pig taste tester for the pesto chicken with buffalo cornflakes pizza.

youre_not_helping

Dude. Your steroids are not helping.

Moto news, Ryan Villopoto joined the 3-time winner at Daytona club, by umm, winning. Man, that guy, he’s one heck of a guy. Villopoto is now in the lead on the umm, leader board. This pushed Davi Millsaps into second place, trailing by 2 points and a couple of shots of steroids. Greatest riffs bracket has been setup, there are 64 entries on the bracket and it’s time to start whittling it down to 32, then the sweet 16 round, and finally the elite 8 round. It’s confusing how the bracket is working, but Rawdog gets it, so we’ll just have to trust him. Basically, 64 songs. If a song wins once, it goes to the 32 round. If that same song wins again, it goes to sweet 16 round. If that same song wins a third time, it goes to the elite 8 round. The confusing part comes up because there are only 8 songs planned for today and the plan is to get those 8 songs down to 1 song, putting that song into the elite 8 round.

  • Cat Scratch Fever (Ted Nugent) vs Ain’t Talkin’ Bout Love (Van Halen)
    Sweaty Teddy won.
  • Black Betty (Ram Jam) vs Sweet Child o’ Mine (Guns ‘N Roses)
    G’NR won. *
  • The Boys Are Back in Town (Thin Lizzy) vs Eye of the Tiger (Survivor)
    Survivor won.
  • Under Pressure (Queen & David Bowie) vs Back In Black (AC/DC)
    AC/DC won. *

Now to send 2 songs from the previous round, to the sweet 16:

  • Cat Scratch Fever (Ted Nugent) vs Sweet Child o’ Mine (Guns ‘N Roses)
    G’NR won.
  • Eye of the Tiger (Survivor) vs Back In Black (AC/DC)
    AC/DC won.

Now to send 1 song from the previous round, to the elite 8:

  • Sweet Child o’ Mine (Guns ‘N Roses) vs Back In Black (AC/DC)
    G’NR won and is now in the elite 8.

We got to hear some Mike Tyson songs on the show today, thanks to umm, Mike Tyson and The Jingleberries. Science is now saying the beer goggles do not exist, which okay, being drunk doesn’t make a chick hotter, it just lowers your standards. Makes sense, poor decision making and loss of inhibitions tend to go with alcohol. We got a little more information about Dom the producer today in an effort to get everyone to know him better, he used to do radio in Arizona and his Twitter name, @TheHippieDom came about because he was labeled as a hipster. However, he wrote out a few more questions with multiple answers and the guys have to guess which is most likely

thehippiedom

Hot, naked Dom

Q: What is the main reason why girls break-up with Dom? He goes Dutch on all meals, he works too much, or he has no future?
A: Survey says: He has no future.

Q: Dom toured around several states doing what sport? Extreme frisbee, hacky sack, or paintball?
A: He was an amateur paintballer.

Q: There’s an annual thing Dom does once a year in Mexico, what is it? To hear some great Americana music, to buy prescription pills for his rash, or to visit a friend in prison?
A: He goes to listen to Americana music.

Q: Dom has had some weird jobs over the years, which was it? A real estate agent, a urine drug screen collector, or an accountant?
A: Real estate agent.

Q: One of Dom’s most memorable trips to Mexico was what? Had no phone, no wallet, no passport, & $10 bucks and left by himself in Mexico, something else, or had to sleep in a Tijuana airport for 3 days?
A: He got left because he banged another chick besides the other girl that wanted to bang him. And he is now friends with the chick that left his ass stranded in Mexico.

Q: On a snowboarding trip one time, he came back to find what stolen from his car? Roof, seats, or wheels?
A: The roof.

Q: While trying to do a 180 on a snowboard ramp, Dom broke what? His tailbone, rib, or finger?
A: He broke his rib.

Q: Dom’s first concert was what? Sneaking in to see U2 at the age of 10, Rolling Stones at 2 weeks old, or Guns ‘N Roses at 25 or some shit?
A: U2, he likes Joshua Tree. HAHAAA

hang_on_be_right_there

Dom stage diving at U2.

Q: Dom’s favorite alcohol of choice is what? Tequila, something else, or absinthe?
A: ‘Atta boy! Tequila.

Q: Six months ago, Dom got hit with what condition? Bell’s Palsy, Premonitory Turrets, or Osteogenesis Imperfecta?
A: Bell’s Palsy, he had a temporary stroke and half his face froze the fuck up and he has pictures to prove it.

Q: This year, Arizona nominated Dom for what? The most eligible bachelor in Arizona radio, best radio personality, or something else?
A: He won the best radio personality in Arizona radio.

Q: The scar Dom has on his arm is from what? A .22 caliber, a human bite, or a bottle rocket?
A: He got bitten by a Cumtard when he worked a developmentally disabled place.

And with that, we close out today’s re-cap and you can go on your own merry way and spread your herpes, just like your father, mother, brother, and sister before you. Also, Burbank Dave sends his regards, to your grandmother.

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 3/7/2013

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You see, it don’t matter what day of the week it is if you have arthritis, that shit can just flare up at anytime.  Today happens to be Thursday and Ellis happens to be in a deep battle with his arthritic wrist, you know the one filled with pins n shit from that one time it broke n could touch his elbow.  Look the point is to live life know, especially physically – do cool shit cause you won’t be able to one day soon.  Of course this doesn’t necessarily mean to pull along side some crazy dude, who just happened to pull over to some lady due to some extreme road rage and is beating on her window, but that is what Ellis did.  Yeah some douche was harassing some poor lady cause she was riding his bumper or some stupid shit and Ellis pulled over to tell Holmes to fuck off.  Holmes decided to shout some shit back, so the Wing got out of his THC issued Barry-like Porsche to make sure Holmes knew what he was doing.  Well, Holmes didn’t so he got in his car and rolled the fuck out.  What I didn’t tell you is Tiger was in the back of the Porsche, and did over hear Daddy calling Holmes “Pussy Man”.  Ellis of course talked to Tiger about the incident, and Tiger agreed that Pussy Man had it coming!  He also agreed not to say Pussy Man so lets hope he holds up his end of the bargain.  Let’s also hope that he, Rawdog and you all decide to not eat as much processed meat, after hearing/reading this shit.  Of course after a story like that, its only natural we pick on Rawdog for a few about his shitty diet.  Caller after caller about how they got stomach rot from bad diets and how amazing cool ranch Doritos Taco’s are.  Truth is, being vegan makes you an asshole and chicken nuggets have a shit ton of protein.  That’s really all I got, oh and Rawdog hangs with Cumtard on the weekends, so uh good luck with that!

 

 

tigerboxLiz Carmouche is one bad lady and called into the show to shoot the shit with Ellis n the boys.  If you don’t know who she is, she recently fought Ronda Rousey in UFC 157, Liz is the one rocking the rainbow mouth guard in support of gay rights.  She’s a total bad ass, a lesbian, a terrible guitar player, and she works at a gym for the love of it and to pay on her fresh Toyota Tacoma.  She happens to teach classes at San Diego Combat Academy if you in town and want a beat down!  Of course the price may have gone up slightly with her new found fame from UFC exposure.  However, not enough to get on her The Ellen Degeneres Show – so here it is, EllisFam Flex, need you to tweet @TheEllenShow and let her know you want to see Liz Carmouche on the show.  I’ll wait………..OK kool!   So back to Liz, she beats up grown men and dates a mexican chic.  Turns out her mexican girl friend actually keeps her calmed down ironically enough.  Liz used to be in the military, closeted though since the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ wasn’t in effect just yet.  All in all she’s a bad mama jama.  Speaking of bad mama jama’s, Katie stopped by the show for the Tiger Box prototype, but first she lent an ear to the Best Riff debate.  Nothing much more today but some weeding out of what’s what.  The good – Primus is still represented with ‘Jerry Was A Race Car Driver’.  The bad – Primus is still represented with “Jerry Was A Race Car Driver’.  And on a side note you may see Katie on D.I.Y. radio one day so keep an ear out for that!

 

 

This could be you at Tiger Box but with actual whores!!!

If you happen to be in West Hollywood on Friday, March 15 be sure to get tickets for Tiger Box with host Jason Ellis at The Viper Room about 7:30pm.  If your not quit sure what Tiger Box is, well you should go back and listen to today’s show for a sneak peek, or maybe check that shit on ellismania.com perhaps.  Either way its a fucking hoot filled with whores n metal n metal whores.  For today’s little test run, we had Ellis on guitar, Rawdog on drums (computer aided drums), Anal Gay Lewis on lyricaly sheet holding duty, and of course 4 wonderful whores – Katie, Malice, Joanna and our new friend Nikki Hearts.  We had a few fans show up to help be the lead singer, casue thats the whole fucking idea of Tiger Box – You are the lead singer, the most metal mutha fucker alive, whores all over your junk, panties flying at your face, allegedly doobies and coke baggies inside of those panties flying by your face, a fucking great idea and night for you the fan!  Our first contestant was Ryan from Chino who decided to sing ‘Am I Evil’.  Before we review Ryan’s performance please trust me when i tell you Rawdog’s drumming was nothing short of the quality of my recaps, again trust me!  Ok so Ellis did aight with his chops, and the whoreicane was in full effect, but Ryan managed to keep his cool and rock out undistracted.  He did manage to loose his pants and get Katie’s finger up his ass, your welcome!  Next we had Trapper Troy on the mic for his version of ‘Mother’, decked in full Wolfknife attire I might add.  Ellis and Rawdog again combined for a lighter raising performance and Trapper started off hot, but he was eventually swarmed by a sea of poon and inevitably won incredibly in his actual defeat!  Right about then we got hit with two bombshells, Joanna’s titties came out, ok so one bombshell, Anal Gay Lewis is quite possibly a virgin to which Malice offered to take care of that, such a nice gal.  Well Anal Gay, lets hear what your sweet virgin ass can do on a mic, a sing us the sweet melody ‘Twist Of Cain’.  Blah Blah Blah drumming sucks Blah Blah Anal Gay did a decent job in the end.  So far so good for the Tiger Box prototype, lots of whoring, lots of metal, lots of fun.  How could it get any better you ask?  Rawdizzle decided to show us how its done ‘Holy Diver’ style.  For this though, Tully had to take over the drums and man I guess that shit is kinda hard to do – anyways believe me when i hear you say that Rawdog fucking killed it!  The whores were all glamorized by his Dio-esc stylings and clearly overwhelmed with his vocal masculinity, but then again who isn’t right.  So again if you happen to be in West Hollywood next Friday, well fucking Bob’s Your Uncle!

 

 

Good thing Tully gave up his hobby….

Superdad use to be supergirl, check it.  Since Tully’s mom was a troop leader for the Girl Scouts, ol’ Oxford signed himself up to be a Brownie and help sell cookies with the other girls his age.  Dude did 8 years of this shit, no wonder he’s so fucking twisted I mean think about it people.  Anyways, if you like big tits then your sexist like me, and if you like big butts then you can not lie!  Speaking of big tits and butts, what else do you do with 4 hot chics after they’ve done whored out at a metal concert?  Get ’em to punch n head butt shit for fun.  So they did just that with the punch machine to see where each placed.  Malice went first and ended up with a high of 47 out of her 3 punches, edging out Rawdog and tying Fruitler.  Nikki went next and locked up a very nice 45.  Joanna was next and before I tell you her score, remember she is the only victory for Rawdog in EllisMania history so with that, I give you a very unimpressive 31!  Katie went again and got her score up to a 46 for good measure, and added a respectable 29 on the head butt list, which turns out is only for morons.  In Hollywood News, Bieber is fucking frustrated and having what is known in the industry as a ‘porn girl meltdown‘.  Not to fear Biebs, Joanna says she’ll give you a job if you need one, her door is always open.  Of course she makes it sound like her pussy is always open too, since its not like it was when she was 19 – come on Joanna don’t be so hard on yourself, after all you taught me that in an orgy you always want to have odd numbers – even numbers only leads to pairing off and ends the orgy!  Oh and if your set on having a threesome with your wife, just suck another dudes dick and get it on.  Also, if your calling the show for Final Calls, don’t ever have “2 things” to say, it just never works out .  In closing I would like to leave you with the immortal words of your own grandmother, “Oh fuck, oh shit, wait that’s my ass, nah its cool leave it in!”

 

Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/4/2013

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the_ace_of_spades

This hills are alive with the sound of…

It’s another Monday, and some of you wouldn’t mind having sex with robots, and some chicks will fuck fat dudes, but not if you show them the fat first. Dingo and Ellis’ friendship has been taken to another level after this weekend, and apparently Dings has a killer pad. Intern Anal Gay-Lewis took Ellis’ advice and got rid of the crooked / aspiring pedophile mustache he was rocking, but he still looks weird because he has a weird head. The guys are thinking of Voltron’ing together to create a single mega-comedian, Laughtron. They could also split apart to be separate comedians, but together they’d be unstoppable with jokes about aspiring pedophiles and people in the audience with pictures of their kids. Ellis saved a gay dude from getting raped by another gay dude that was blue-balling the other gay dude’s drugged up butt. Even though he wanted to kill Mr. Gay Molestor Dude (HOMOcide, get it?), he thwarted off the dude and called the cops, all that happened the same night he went to see The Used, via Bert McCracken – whose wife listens to the show and turned Bert on to it. There was some talk about school. School in Australia, US, France, etc. I’m with Ellis on this one, I hated school and I hate even having to walk through them to this day. Somehow the conversation went from schools to the nearly non-existent middle class in America and Mexican’s taking jobs. All that collection of randomness in the first hour of the show, damn!

bath_salts_so_tite

Fuck yeah, bath salts, so tite!

Good news, scientists have cured a baby with HIV by giving it a cocktail of shots within 30 hours of it’s birth – suck on that Africa. Supercross in St. Louis this weekend, Ryan Villopoto won the 450 class, and that’s MMA news, no wait… That’s Rawdog’s MMA news, in real MMA news, Mark Hunt knocked out Stefan Struve, and Wanderlei Silva knocked out Brian Stann in a super exciting Don Frye-esque fight. And in other MMA news, Katie got paid today and announced a purchase of shaving cream and a bunch of toys, not toys for children, but for adult holes – if you catch my drift. Why would the words “Blink 182 is gnarly” come out of Ellis’ mouth? Because of the drummer, you know, that dude that plays the drums. The next Death! Death! Die! album is working up to be a massive double disc set, as much music as can fit on a cd – plus a DVD of Big Fucking Mega Boat. Probably not out in time to be paired with the double disc release, is the Death! Death! Die! lunch box. A woman tried out to be the first female NFL kicker ever, she didn’t make the cut after missing her 15-20 yard kick – an old injury seemed to be holding her back. New TJES producer was introduced today, Domonick “Dom” DeLuise (@TheHippieDom) – whose been in radio for about 7 years and has luscious locks like Dingo, just not as long. He’s part Mexican, part Indian, part Italian, he eats meat and “froyo” (aka frozen yogurt), which might be a good nickname for him on the show. He speaks well, like he might be smart, so this could hopefully turn out to be a very good match.

horseman_bangs_merwoman

You may not like Hollywood news, but you can appreciate some fine art.

Bad news, JCPenny seems to be losing the battle with Macy’s so your catalogs of department store jerk-off material may be dwindling even more. Who was the dumbest person/s on TJES so far? Stupid Tits? Aaron Lewis? Porn stars? Probably porn stars. This led us into the segment, You Sir Are A Moron, band edition. There was a lot of back and forth here, too much to keep up with so I’m just going to pretend we all know exactly what each person voted and who was more of a moron, sir. Hollywood news times, at 2:05 AM, Justin Bieber tweeted, “Worst birthday ever” – because part of his entourage was too young to be let into the club. HAHAFUCKINGHA! But wait, Bieber said that was bullshit, he didn’t try to bring underage people into the club, he said he walked in – it was lame – so he left. OMG! You guys… I sooooo… don’t give a shit. TMZ says Benji Madden has a dream pad. Jay Leno’s days may be numbered and Shia LaBeouf was boxing at a gym or some shit. Brendan Fraser has some seriously major expenses, saying he’s losing $87k per month, while Drake unloaded a cardboard box containing $50k at a strip club. And some Aussie billionaire plans on building a replica of the Titanic, yes, the unsinkable ship that um, sank. Fuck. That. Shit.

british_porn

British porn.

Revisiting moto news, Will was called in for his opinion as he watched his first motocross this weekend. Predictably, he didn’t have anything to say, which spurred Ellis and Tully to rag on him for a bit until angry Will finally revealed himself and told them to fuck off. One is left to assume Will is missing his tickle partner and is having a hard time adjusting. That brought us to final calls, some lazy chick called in to say she doesn’t like working, which stunned all of us other working class dickheads. A dude called in about this chick that wanted to “eat him out” and it was awkward because she told him to get on all fours, he was scared and didn’t take the bung tongue surprise. That and he thought about her licking another guys asshole and now he’s been making out with her, therefore by proxy, eating another dude’s asshole. Another dude called in to say he signed his kid up for wrasslin’ and wondered if maybe something would be better, because he wants to wear his ass out so he doesn’t bother daddy anymore. Some dude wondered if Ellis ever smoked out of a human skull before, because his dad did Vietnam and swore it got him higher or some bullshit. Clearly that dude’s dad has never smoked out of your mom’s asshole. Because that shit is like smoking a joint rolled by Jesus and licked shut by your little sister’s pussy lips. OH!

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 2/28/2013

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Fuck the man!  Thursday’s just as good as any day to do just that, Fuck the man!  Ellis took part and showed up 2 minutes late, Fuck you man!  Remember how like 5 years ago Ellis was hot shit on myspace?  Shit Tully said its difficult to find a clip without The Wing plugging the shit out it.  It’s still kinda like that now, well with Twitter, Instagram and Telly – but again, Fuck The MAN!  So what else, Ellismate’s been getting to bed earlier so he can get up when Tiger n Devin do.  Speaking of Mr. McPiggles, Ellis said he was in tears cause he asked to be a freestyle moto dude but Big Daddy said no, well when he’s 18 maybe.  Tully played devil’s advocate, asking if Tiger wanted to do mega ramp, and it was more deadly than it currently is, what if then?  Its a good point, much like the kick returner in the NFL verse playing as a kid in little league – just depends, risk verse reward.  Shit changes, shit gets heavy, Fuck The Man!  To Fuck  or Not To  Fuck Hatebreed, that is the question?  Yeah the topic arose again, which brought up a good point again by Oxford, just bring him on cause of TJES controversy around Hatebreed.  Well Ellis went to the callers, cause of course the fucking callers aren’t morons, and the votes were official, Fuck Hatebreed, Fuck The Man, and look for Rainn Wilson riffing with Rawdog and the crew soon!

 

In case you didn't know who Rainn Wilson is (On the left!)

In case you didn’t know who Rainn Wilson is (On the left!)

 

Some shit about this 9 year old kid rapper, so  go ahead and get that up ya. So who’s on twitter that ain’t following @mike_in_canada?  Well he sent in an idea to Tully, ‘ey, and Fuck The Man we played a game today kids.  Guess which Rock n Roll rumors are True, False or Who Gives a Shit!  Aight so there’s not a ton to write really, and mostly cause I was just zoned listening and didn’t really jot my notes – but again, that just means it was radio gold my friends.  Ok so Led Zepplin tied up and fucked some bitch with a shark, an octopus, whatever they  had back in those days.  Of course the David  Bowie and Mick Jagger incident.  John Lennon fucked  mad dudes and Yoko called him  out of the closet.  The Beatles smoked weed at Buckingham Palace and their dentist slipped them LSD in hopes of an orgy.  Jimi Hendrix was abducted by the mob while on heroin, and didn’t even  know it happened.  The whole Vanilla Ice Sooge Knight thingy and finally Marilyn Manson and Trent Rezner fucked some groupies bush out while on fire.  So if any of that interests you to be true or false or whatever the fuck, go back n check it out!  And if that don’t do it for you, how about a sweet new Jingleberries song about Tully shitting in a washing machine, yup!

 

Rawdog during his ass whipping from Katie, with a Horse Cock.

Rawdog during his ass whipping from Katie, with a Horse Cock.

Rawdog been talking some shit, but first check out this gnarly fucking Sea Lamprey found in New Jersey!  And second, one of the two assistant dudes, the shoebox dude, he’s now Anal Day Lewis, so that’s whats up.  OK, so Rawdog says he knows more about music that Katie does, and Ellis calls bullshit.  Maybe Ellis is just calling BS cause Katie’s his girl, or maybe  he knows something Rawdog doesn’t.  Either way shit’s gotta be settled and for cash n prizes, well you know.  If Katie wins, get ready for Rawdog verse Katie at EllisMania 9!  If Rawdog wins, well I wasn’t sure but it was something out of fart on her, grope her, spiderman her.  Well before we get to the battle, lets see what Katie’s got for the new punching machine.  Her first attempt fucking sucked ass, a 16.  But she bounced back and got a nice 45 to top Cumtard, who immediately whined his way into another shot for himself only to drop a 36 and continue his legacy.  Oh, and the other intern assistant guy (I guess there’s 2 dudes now, huh) he’s Fruitler which is an Australian American term for a fruity Hitler looking motha fucker.  Will JizzCult Pendarvis III had 20 questions, and folks let me tell you, this will definitely without a doubt like your mom next to a cock garunted she sucks it be on Best Of real soon.  Heres the scoring as I had it:  Katie, Katie, Rawdog, Katie, Rawdog (3-2 Katie so far), Katie, Katie, Katie, Katie, Katie, Katie, Katie Katie (That’s now 11-2, still Katie by the way), both got it wrong, Katie, Katie, Rawdog, Katie!   So basically Ellis Mania 9 just got fucking sicker and I just successfully name dropped @underwearwolf like 20 times!

 

 

Picture 1

This guy follows @mike_in_canada for sure, ‘ey!

Did you know that Ikea furniture is in the horse meat game?  So Chuck from Eat At Carlos, get it – asked Ellismate what kind of custom calzone he and the boys would like?  Well we all know this is a dream segment for TJES, and for us the target demographic, ya know dumb fatass Americans, so what is your dream calzone?  How about an Ellis favorite spaghetti n meatball calzone, or perhaps the breakfast calzone with hash in it.  You could get the Tully inspired Thanksgiving calzone, or maybe your a chocolate n Vanilla ice cream calzone like Rawdog.  Whatever your into, get it up ya!  If your into Twitter, then get @mike_in_canada up ya cause he strikes again, summoning the one and only GodWar to the show to play one his games for prizes, well by prizes really but its fun.  This time GodWar hummed the rifs to popular rock songs, in reverse and reversed those or whatever the fuck he does, dudes weird really.  Anyways Godwar did it again, no one reached the prize chamber, not even ol’ GhostLoad, ‘cept for one dude at the very end who nailed the last one despite its difficulty, so shout out to you dude whoever you may be!

 

How I Feel Before n After hearing Godwar

How I Feel Before n After hearing Godwar

 

Not much in the way of Hollywood News, so we’ll just update you on Lindsay Lohan and call it a day.  She told the man, Hey Fuck You Man (She must listen to the show or at least read the recaps), and is headed to court, cause she don’t wanna go to rehab.  Oh and coincidentally the Green Day dude is out of rehab and said it sucked.  Tully says dudes in rehab smoke cigarettes above the knuckle, I think its code for take it up the ass but I could be wrong.  Ellis is in a Fuck Off mood, but loves ya #FullHomo, but seriously Fuck Off!  That could only mean one thing, yup – Placenta Talk on The Jason Ellis Show!  Oh boy some dude’s wife put placenta into pills so she can take them 4 times a day, Woman Am I Right?  Tully kept Linsanity’s umbilical cord for like 8 months in the butter dish, and conveniently says all women from Wisconsin are bush pigs.  The Used will be in concert tomorrow night in LA, and Ellis will be there, rocking WolfKnife attire perhaps.  No alone time with The Wing on Final Calls, in fact, Tully pretty much took over from here.  Remember the boss who asked Tully for advice on how to get his workers motivated without options to really replace them – And Oxford told him to fire like a 10th of his workforce, ya know trim the fat, and dude called back and damn if it didn’t work like a charm.  Tully also called out some bitch who called in saying her man was scared to cum insider her even though she said she’s on the pill – when he asked her if she were to get pregnant, would she want to keep it?  She jumped at her chance to answer yes, sounding sketchy as all hell leading Ellismate to tell dude to run for his life, and sparking the catch phrase “In the Bum, No Babies!”.  That’s what I keep telling your grandma, but she insists her box fell out 20 years ago and I got nothing to worry about, sounds like a set up to me, OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 2/4/2013

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larry_king

Larry King never interviewed people while wearing a speedo.

Here we are again, another Monday, and if you’d think talking to humans would be easy, but it’s not. Also, if you could shit one of your dicks out and have two eyes and two brains, it’d be easier. I don’t know what any of that means, don’t ask me. Dingo’s in the house, and he doesn’t have a freebie to bone Katie, but Millsaps does. Talking about motocross, Chad’a Reed did something or another, but didn’t do another thing. A pantsless Ellis interviewed and shook hands with Total Moto Poto, and he doesn’t have a freebie to bone Katie either. Katie hates football, but Ellis had to watch it at least a little bit so he was busy switching between porn and football. Rawdog didn’t watch football at all, so I assume he may have been flipping back and forth between porn and the puppy bowl. Tully and Dingo did watch the game, but not together so it’s not gay. Thunder Thighs TLC Destiny’s Child performed some annoying, yet manly, shit during the halftime break at the Super Bowl. Beyoncé’s wide box and devil face pretty much were the talk of the world though, not because it was stellar, but because her wide box was, well, wide. I still say Kenda Perez has the widest box on the planet, see a box comparison. Hey, good news, Rashad Evans lost his fight and Dana White says Rashad lost the desire and drive to compete. Dingo didn’t realize that his home country of Australia has proposed a new flag.

Can Rawdog make it to fullfill his bet, or will he not quite make it like a chick in the tampon isle?

Can Rawdog fulfill his bet, or will he not quite make it like a chick in the tampon isle?

We got to hear some of JägerBeard’s new buttons from Friday’s show, where he was slurring words and belligerently telling Tully and Ellis not to fuck his sister. After the show Friday, he went home and took a 4 hour nap, hungover and with a headache. He was hungry and was driving to Ralph’s when he felt like he had to throw-up, pulled over and puked. He couldn’t stop puking and decided to say fuck food and just go back home. Good stuff, if you missed Friday’s show, you missed out on a fun-ass show. The salad diet may be taking a toll on Rawdog, today he complained of feeling lightheaded, so Ellis had the intern run out to get him a salad. Sounds like he’s not eating much of anything, one is only left to assume he’s not eating much because he hates salads and would rather go hungry than eat something healthy. He also doesn’t like people to watch him eat salad, he didn’t want anyone to watch or film him, which made everyone think that Rawdog may be cheating – which Rawdog vehemently denies. Ellis ended up kicking him off the air and sent him out of the studio to eat his salad. It sounds like Rawdog might actually be doing himself some harm trying to fulfill this bet, he definitely shouldn’t be feeling faint and clearly needs more food in his body. After 16 minutes, Rawdog ended up coming in to show how much he’s eaten in that time – which didn’t sound like much. He got sent back out to the parking lot to keep eating his salad.

Jay-Z might be cool, but is he this cool?

Jay-Z might be cool, but is he this cool?

Speaking of eating healthy, do you think Jay-Z juices? Or do you think he just eats healthier because he’s rich and famous and it’s easier to eat healthier when you have a personal chef and dietician watching and preparing your food for you. One thing’s for sure, he’s not eating no horse meat hamburgers. That Jared guy from Subway? Yea, there’s no way Jared is eating only Subway sandwiches, maintaining his weight loss, and health. What? Corporations lie to consumers? I have never, ever, never-ever, in all my years… I’m speechless. Cumtard had some friends come in from out of town so they could be on his podcast, which isn’t live, and you can only listen to – not watch. After the show on Friday, he and his friends headed to Vegas – his car makes a noise, blows up, and they have to pull over on the side of the road – still 40 miles away from Vegas. They call AAA and waited in the middle of the desert for 2 hours, finally get to Vegas and raise a little hell by winning and losing some money. Josh came back in, ate all his salad, busted out his get out of jail free card when called Ellis out for not fulfilling his end of a bet where he was supposed to eat fast food and didn’t. Rawdog was clearly pissed and let them know he was pissed and then the show tried to soldier on without this massive weirdness in the air.

Jesus don't care if you hate the Jews, he's got bigger problems.

Jesus don’t care if you hate the Jews, he’s got bigger problems.

JizzCult came in with a game to play, which helped lighten the mood and kept the show rolling on. The game went well and Tully won like $15 bucks or something. JizzCult might be getting a new name due to a boxing poster Tully saw and took a picture of, Mookie The Sponge Back, or something like that. Some chick called in to tell Ellis she had a dream about him where they made out and went hard in the paint with some foreplay and she woke up before insertion, but she sounded satisfied anyway. Bri-Bri from Idaho called in to tell the gang that he and the other one dude that lives in Idaho are starting a “Future 41” sled team. Ladies, you can send your unsigned burps into the show if you like, do not however, I repeat, do not send in your unsigned farts. Another Jew hater that called in last week to say a happy Jew birthday to Rawdog, called in today to say he’s not antisemitic, but we all know better – you can just hear it over the phone. I was almost expecting that guy to say something like, “now that Obama is in office, they’re tearing out the rose garden and putting in a watermelon patch.” like the racist that he his. OH!