You see, it don’t matter what day of the week it is if you have arthritis, that shit can just flare up at anytime. Today happens to be Thursday and Ellis happens to be in a deep battle with his arthritic wrist, you know the one filled with pins n shit from that one time it broke n could touch his elbow. Look the point is to live life know, especially physically – do cool shit cause you won’t be able to one day soon. Of course this doesn’t necessarily mean to pull along side some crazy dude, who just happened to pull over to some lady due to some extreme road rage and is beating on her window, but that is what Ellis did. Yeah some douche was harassing some poor lady cause she was riding his bumper or some stupid shit and Ellis pulled over to tell Holmes to fuck off. Holmes decided to shout some shit back, so the Wing got out of his THC issued Barry-like Porsche to make sure Holmes knew what he was doing. Well, Holmes didn’t so he got in his car and rolled the fuck out. What I didn’t tell you is Tiger was in the back of the Porsche, and did over hear Daddy calling Holmes “Pussy Man”. Ellis of course talked to Tiger about the incident, and Tiger agreed that Pussy Man had it coming! He also agreed not to say Pussy Man so lets hope he holds up his end of the bargain. Let’s also hope that he, Rawdog and you all decide to not eat as much processed meat, after hearing/reading this shit. Of course after a story like that, its only natural we pick on Rawdog for a few about his shitty diet. Caller after caller about how they got stomach rot from bad diets and how amazing cool ranch Doritos Taco’s are. Truth is, being vegan makes you an asshole and chicken nuggets have a shit ton of protein. That’s really all I got, oh and Rawdog hangs with Cumtard on the weekends, so uh good luck with that!
Liz Carmouche is one bad lady and called into the show to shoot the shit with Ellis n the boys. If you don’t know who she is, she recently fought Ronda Rousey in UFC 157, Liz is the one rocking the rainbow mouth guard in support of gay rights. She’s a total bad ass, a lesbian, a terrible guitar player, and she works at a gym for the love of it and to pay on her fresh Toyota Tacoma. She happens to teach classes at San Diego Combat Academy if you in town and want a beat down! Of course the price may have gone up slightly with her new found fame from UFC exposure. However, not enough to get on her The Ellen Degeneres Show – so here it is, EllisFam Flex, need you to tweet @TheEllenShow and let her know you want to see Liz Carmouche on the show. I’ll wait………..OK kool! So back to Liz, she beats up grown men and dates a mexican chic. Turns out her mexican girl friend actually keeps her calmed down ironically enough. Liz used to be in the military, closeted though since the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ wasn’t in effect just yet. All in all she’s a bad mama jama. Speaking of bad mama jama’s, Katie stopped by the show for the Tiger Box prototype, but first she lent an ear to the Best Riff debate. Nothing much more today but some weeding out of what’s what. The good – Primus is still represented with ‘Jerry Was A Race Car Driver’. The bad – Primus is still represented with “Jerry Was A Race Car Driver’. And on a side note you may see Katie on D.I.Y. radio one day so keep an ear out for that!
If you happen to be in West Hollywood on Friday, March 15 be sure to get tickets for Tiger Box with host Jason Ellis at The Viper Room about 7:30pm. If your not quit sure what Tiger Box is, well you should go back and listen to today’s show for a sneak peek, or maybe check that shit on ellismania.com perhaps. Either way its a fucking hoot filled with whores n metal n metal whores. For today’s little test run, we had Ellis on guitar, Rawdog on drums (computer aided drums), Anal Gay Lewis on lyricaly sheet holding duty, and of course 4 wonderful whores – Katie, Malice, Joanna and our new friend Nikki Hearts. We had a few fans show up to help be the lead singer, casue thats the whole fucking idea of Tiger Box – You are the lead singer, the most metal mutha fucker alive, whores all over your junk, panties flying at your face, allegedly doobies and coke baggies inside of those panties flying by your face, a fucking great idea and night for you the fan! Our first contestant was Ryan from Chino who decided to sing ‘Am I Evil’. Before we review Ryan’s performance please trust me when i tell you Rawdog’s drumming was nothing short of the quality of my recaps, again trust me! Ok so Ellis did aight with his chops, and the whoreicane was in full effect, but Ryan managed to keep his cool and rock out undistracted. He did manage to loose his pants and get Katie’s finger up his ass, your welcome! Next we had Trapper Troy on the mic for his version of ‘Mother’, decked in full Wolfknife attire I might add. Ellis and Rawdog again combined for a lighter raising performance and Trapper started off hot, but he was eventually swarmed by a sea of poon and inevitably won incredibly in his actual defeat! Right about then we got hit with two bombshells, Joanna’s titties came out, ok so one bombshell, Anal Gay Lewis is quite possibly a virgin to which Malice offered to take care of that, such a nice gal. Well Anal Gay, lets hear what your sweet virgin ass can do on a mic, a sing us the sweet melody ‘Twist Of Cain’. Blah Blah Blah drumming sucks Blah Blah Anal Gay did a decent job in the end. So far so good for the Tiger Box prototype, lots of whoring, lots of metal, lots of fun. How could it get any better you ask? Rawdizzle decided to show us how its done ‘Holy Diver’ style. For this though, Tully had to take over the drums and man I guess that shit is kinda hard to do – anyways believe me when i hear you say that Rawdog fucking killed it! The whores were all glamorized by his Dio-esc stylings and clearly overwhelmed with his vocal masculinity, but then again who isn’t right. So again if you happen to be in West Hollywood next Friday, well fucking Bob’s Your Uncle!
Superdad use to be supergirl, check it. Since Tully’s mom was a troop leader for the Girl Scouts, ol’ Oxford signed himself up to be a Brownie and help sell cookies with the other girls his age. Dude did 8 years of this shit, no wonder he’s so fucking twisted I mean think about it people. Anyways, if you like big tits then your sexist like me, and if you like big butts then you can not lie! Speaking of big tits and butts, what else do you do with 4 hot chics after they’ve done whored out at a metal concert? Get ’em to punch n head butt shit for fun. So they did just that with the punch machine to see where each placed. Malice went first and ended up with a high of 47 out of her 3 punches, edging out Rawdog and tying Fruitler. Nikki went next and locked up a very nice 45. Joanna was next and before I tell you her score, remember she is the only victory for Rawdog in EllisMania history so with that, I give you a very unimpressive 31! Katie went again and got her score up to a 46 for good measure, and added a respectable 29 on the head butt list, which turns out is only for morons. In Hollywood News, Bieber is fucking frustrated and having what is known in the industry as a ‘porn girl meltdown‘. Not to fear Biebs, Joanna says she’ll give you a job if you need one, her door is always open. Of course she makes it sound like her pussy is always open too, since its not like it was when she was 19 – come on Joanna don’t be so hard on yourself, after all you taught me that in an orgy you always want to have odd numbers – even numbers only leads to pairing off and ends the orgy! Oh and if your set on having a threesome with your wife, just suck another dudes dick and get it on. Also, if your calling the show for Final Calls, don’t ever have “2 things” to say, it just never works out . In closing I would like to leave you with the immortal words of your own grandmother, “Oh fuck, oh shit, wait that’s my ass, nah its cool leave it in!”