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Show Re-cap For Monday 1/7/2013

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You were ready to get a boner for the show, then we had Sirius XM Fail 2013

You were ready to get a boner for the show, then we had Sirius XM Fail 2013

Fucking Monday, oh how we all hate thee – you suck shit, Monday. Sincerely, the World. Guess what else sucks shit? If you said the Sirius XM Online player, you would be correct! Neither the new player or the basic player worked today, so unless you were in a vehicle, have a portable player, or can get on ellismania.com – you didn’t get to hear the show. Fucking shit ass, ass shits. Ellis confirmed that there are going to be no replays, at least any time soon. You can send him hate mail if you like, but it’s not going to change anything. However, he might get on the Rawdog Comedy channel for 1 hour by himself before the show to fill the gap. Tully came bearing incredibly late Christmas gifts today! For Ellis, a beanie he had made from the ass skin of babies, which of course is the softest material known to mankind. Ellis is thinking about growing a long-ass ZZ Top beard and increasing the roids. I think… I don’t know, I missed it because of this bitch ass, ass bitch online player. Rawdog sculpted his guns at the gym today, showed off his weird black hair triceps, and possibly may not be wearing underwear. Ellis went to watch some moto this weekend, said hi to some fans, stayed away from Carey, the chick married to that dude Pink because apparently some of his/her friends don’t like Ellis.

When suggesting anal to your significant other, do you use the Lou Reed technique?

When suggesting anal to your significant other, do you use the Lou Reed technique?

We got some Loutallica from Lou himself reading from some coffee table book of porn shit, which sounded a lot like my reading of erotic fiction during final calls, except with way more anal topics. I suppose that would make it Analtallica. Slaughter houses are killing live animals at a rate of 1 animal every 5 seconds or so, for 8 hours a day. So if a cow and a butcher both left Chicago on a train bound for New York, what time would they both get there if the train conductor was slaughtered? Would you be willing to spend more money on grass fed beef? I don’t know what that has to do with the price of fruit in Puerto Rico since they’ll still be slaughtered and eaten, but there’s an argument for somebody in there. Lance Armstrong may be contemplating his admission of using steroids, and I can’t think of anyone who really cares anymore. NFL quiz time with Tully, and renowned sports fanatic and Native American, Rawdog, lead off with an accidentally correct answer. Ellis and Rawdog traded mostly wrong answers back and forth until everyone just stopped keeping track of who had the most correct answers, the fans were declared the real winner’s here. Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, Rawdog and his sister both had worms when they were younger and had to take pills to shit out a pile of putrid shit snakes. Yucky. He just remembers his butthole itching and feeling something wriggling around tickling his balloon knot and then had to take medicine. How they both got worms is a doggy butthole licking mystery for the ages.

Prehistoric dinosaur fucking is okay, but a movie about Liberace? No way, man!

Prehistoric dinosaur fucking is okay, but a movie about Liberace? No way, man!

Hollywood news, and this time it’s not about JizzCult, it was about pictures of Justin Bieber allegedly smoking that sticky icky (ooh, ooh!) with some Smurfed out rapper named Lil Twist. Tully, best known for stalking Danzig, is now stalking Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale. Once again, he saw their nanny and them some place and is now just working up the courage to say “wassup” to his latest victims friends. Al Roker admitted he straight up sharted his pants while visiting the White House and had to go commando for the rest of the visit. Somebody broke up with somebody, I couldn’t pay attention because the only thing running through my brain was Al Roker shitting his Fruit of the Looms. George Clinton from P-Funk had to fork over the rights to a few of his songs because he owes the man. Matt Damon, Michael Douglas, and Steven Soderbergh had to shop their “gayer than Brokeback Mountain” movie about Liberace to HBO because they were the only people who would carry it. Josh Brolin got bro-rested for being piss drunk in bro-lic and Buzz Aldrin is getting divorced from The Joker and she gets half his shit just like that moon whore planned from the get go. Michael J. Fox is shaking (get it?!) things up with a new show about a newscaster with Parkinson’s – isn’t it funny how life imitates art?

Joanna Angel stopped by the show to do another round of sexy impressions with Rawdog. Instead of Santa and Mel Gibson, this time it was Kim Kardashian (Rawdog) and Lil Jon (Joanna) gettin’ freaky deaky on the dance floor. Final calls time, and once again, we all get to breathe a sigh of relief that we’re not as stupid as the dude that called thinking he was talking to Cumtard and warning everyone about McDonald’s. Another caller tried to pitch him some softballs to make him look less dumb, but he just wasn’t getting it. We’re used to stupid though, after all, we’ve shoved so much shit into your mom’s pussy hole that it’s like a clown car at a circus in Germany. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 12/20/2012

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Rawdog Face Toast - Yummy Yummy for my Rumbly Tumbly

Rawdog Face Toast – Yummy Yummy for my Rumbly Tumbly

Ever gone really really fast in your car, all the way to the point you should slow down, but you don’t….you know that feeling you get after the point of no return, not only is it a cheap buzz, but the best way to equate the feeling of precum.  Oh and its Thursday!  Back to driving fast, why does Ellis do it?  Its in his blood, in his brothers blood, and probably in his kids blood too.  So the Wing’s thinking he outta kick it down a gear with the kids present, so they don’t get any bad ideas.  But when the kids aren’t there, well of course Ellis wants to race.  He still wants to race professionally either moto or trucks or whatevers clever.  Tully doesn’t get it really, he’s never enjoyed something enough for it to be work and a hobby at the same time, guess he’s never written a TJES recap, zing!  Seriously though, would you like pictures of you and your profession throughout your home?  Or how about you and your hobby?  Just depends on how ego centric or bad ass you are.  ‘My Face Toast’ by Jason Ellis sounds pretty bad ass, and if it sells, you may see the Rawdog toast in stores soon. You may also see a lot more of Josh getting pissed, well with his new nickname and all.  Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to “Ew-Jay”, a.k.a. Ew-Jay Simpson, and if you remember pig latin then Bobs your uncle.  If you don’t, uck fey ff oey ou yay ouche dey ag bay! Well if your headed to Vegas for the New Year’s, don’t expect to see the real Ellis there, maybe the fake one though, as Ellis is just going to kick it at home this year.  Well maybe a pool party, and maybe some hookers too. Or just maybe it’ll be Drunk Mitch and Ellis, naked in a pool, just reflecting on the year, so either way should be a riveting time for Young Wing.

 

They don't always make sense...

Not every pic make sense…

In Aussie News, this sick cunt ledge here done went kangaroo shit on this copper for being a dumb cunt mate!  Grant Cobb joined the show, to introduce us all to backpage.com, for all your escort needs – Thanks Grant!    Also, for $30 you can sign up to theeroticreview.com and get reviews, prices, all that shit!  And for $600 and hour, you can get former Olympian Suzy Favor Hamilton, check it out!  Of course while checking this all out, Tully was able to find a chic on backpage, and trace her back to facebook, Woman Am I Right!   Speaking of Woman Am I Right, check out this miss universe contestant, why you so stupid lady?  Oh shit, breaking news – If you tweet Ellis at exactly 11:58am PT with a random sentence, he will use it to open the show, of course he won’t give a fuck tomorrow, so be sure to try that out next week!  Also, be sure to train your puppies to be racist, as apparently Rawdog was right in thinking this was true, as confirmed by quite a few ex drug dealers who called in to support Josh.  Of course, no one supports you when you fuck a chic that looks like John Stockton, but with a bag over her head, they all look like Karl Malone to me.

 

Don't take it so literally lady!

Don’t take it so literally lady!

In Hollywood News, Grant Cobb was almost raped by Ben Affleck while giving him a tattoo.  Is Kim Kardashian quitting Instagram over their new shitty terms?  Is Simon Cowell dating Carmen Electra for real for real?  Is Fat Joe going to get fucked in jail, after fucking over the IRS?  Why don’t you call Kat Williams a N-bomb?  Is Khloe Kardashian as fat as you think she is?  Yeah!  Why does the California Hamster Association hate Justin Bieber so much?  Is Ben Affleck going to run for Senate?  Yes, who gives a shit is correct!  Of course, the ‘GerbalKnives’ may have something to say to the California Hamster douche wads, once they are officially created by Ellis.  Oh, and George Clooney ain’t really up to shit these days.  So thats about it for Hollywood News, see you at Slash’s club, or maybe the Wing’s new strip joint he’s opening up next to the Wing’s gym, whatever floats your boat.

 

racistsThen the show took a turn for the worse I tell ya.  Nothing but racism, whores, tattoo guns on air in the background, and a shit load of ass kissing from here on out.  Apparently we are all whores, so says this news story about how much porn we watch, holy shit!  Super Mario was arrested for groping some woman in Times Square.  Then Cumtard groped our ears with his game Google auto complete thingamajig.  This is just one of those you gotta go back and listen too, but so you know what your in for….You can get aids from swimming with black people, and from Magic Johnson.  Your balls sometimes smell like bacon, and yes Nickleback does suck and does exist.  Mexicans don’t flush toilet paper cause they’re very environmentally friendly and love to recycle.  Australian people love kangaroo meat and saying mate.  Queefs are not only deadly, but are controllable as well.  Lets see, oh yeah, Jason Ellis is gay and single.  Oh and Slash is both black and jewish, similar to Lenny Kravitz.  TJ Lavin is not black, and I don’t think he’s jewish either, but he is one hell of an ass kisser.  He called into the show to talk about the X Games shit from yesterday, and told Ellis how much he loves him, and Ellis loves him back.  Then we had final calls, whore style.  Lots of Sarah and Rachael, and some caller requests.  All in all a good time until Tully took it just a little too far.  You see, just about the time Rachael and Sarah were having their little phone fuck fest, Tully acctually brought your mom into studio, made a huge fuck hole from her ass to her pussy, where her taint use to be, and took turns with Ellis Josh n Grant in and out in and out, enjoying that stage of precum we all love so much.  Of course this pissed your mom off to no end, as all she really wants to do is swallow jizz n excrement and then onto the next one, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 12/4/2012

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We’re just here for the strippers and midgets, bro!

Yo dude bro-bro dudes-bro! It’s Tuesbro, so let’s see what the bro’s have for us on today’s bro-show, you know, bro? I missed the first 20 bro-down minutes or so of the show, so I’m not sure what the topic was, but I came in right when Mayhem volunteered his mother to fight Rawdog. A blind man also called and offered to fight him as well. Not everyone can agree upon what is the cutest puppy, but one thing is for sure, Rawdog just might be the cutest puppy of them all. Deaf people definitely have deaf pride, all trying to rub their deafness in everyone’s faces, telling you they can feel sound vibrations and shit. But who would win in a war with deaf people versus blind people? What about midgets? Why aren’t midgets for sale yet? Some things in life just don’t make any sense. Lot’s of stripper talk today, their stripper tactics, their stripper games, and stripper etiquette.  Ellis popped Katie in the face today with some jabs while they were doing some boxing for a workout. She liked it and wanted more, biatch be cray, yo!

Steven Seagal teaches dudes how to wrestle, too!

Hollywood news time, Gary Busey’s bankruptcy case is now closed, but he still owes $450,000 to the IRS. Demi Moore’s banging some new young dude, and guess what? Tully knows him. Katt Williams is back in the news after leading cops on a chase, he stopped at Target and slapped the shit out of an employee. Katt seems to be out his gotdamn mind. Kim Kardashian is still in the middle east, but with what looks like herpes. Nick Lachey got into a fight with a San Diego Chargers fan, he was making fun of some other dudes shirt (tough guy stuff), this dude’s wife told him to eat shit or something, and then Nick-bro flipped out and got kicked out of the game. Frankie Muniz had a mini-stroke at the mini-age of 27, which would suck large-balls, so let’s hope his mini-ass gets back into better health. In the late 1980’s, Brad Pitt was caught with Mike Tyson’s wife, Robin Givens. Red Dragons! Tyson also revealed that he was high on cocaine while filming The Hangover. Randy Couture made a half joke that he would only come out of retirement to fight Steven Seagal, so Seagal said he’d fight him for free at some place where there are no witnesses. Hugh Hefner had some chick leave him at the isle just before their wedding, but now it’s back on. Yay for money!

Fuck your Christmas songs, you need a Slayer tree topper!

New Music Tuesday Christmas edition today, we got hear new hits from such awful acts as Cee-Lo, John Travolta & Olivia Newton John, August Burns Red, Backstreet Boys, Colbie Caillat, Thousand Foot Krutch, Rod Stewart, Tracey Thorn, Flatulenta, Blake Shelton, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and fucking finally Sufjan Stevens as the pick of the week. All of it was absolutely terrible and was hell on Earth for most of us. Breaking news, Sal Masekela is dead, no wait, X-Games are dead, no, that’s not right either, Sal & ESPN broke up, yes, that’s correct. He will no longer be hosting X-Games. I wonder if they’ll remain friends and send each other Christmas cards? This whole Sal & ESPN thing spawned a massive conversation about hosts and people who interview athletes at sporting events. Aussie news, crocodiles are getting their Christmas dinners in early, sounds like they’re eating children left and right, I don’t even think they served yams.

Wanna have lunch with Ellis, Rawdog, and Tully? Tough shit, motherfucker. Just kidding, you can go bid on your chance to win that life altering moment, and when you win, prepare to fingered with mind tongue. In cock news, George Takei said he jacks off to completion in the shower while thinking of Ellis. You might not want to donate your spermies to a lesbian couple unless you have some sort of legal document that states they can’t come back after your ass for some duckettes. What is the difference between your mom and a refrigerator? The refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out. OH!