2013

Posted on April 15, 2013 by bitPimps 中

Allow me to play you the song of my people!

Until now, you have remained safe. Until now, you have remained untouched. We give you, the opportunity, to feed your obsession. NYA! Ellis thinks Quentin Tarantino is a fat old lady and over-rated, Cha-Chingo Unchained (or Jango & Change as Dingo calls it) was shit, and the movie Lincoln sucked. Apparently Dingo got to watch Apollo 13 in school and nobody really knows why, or if he was even really in school, or what kind of product he uses in those luscious locks of his. There was something about gluten, Judd Apatow, and some mother trying to control the world. I have no idea what they were talking about, neither did Tully and I’m guessing neither did you. Maybe it was something about Gwyneth Paltrow? Or that Mexican maid on Family Guy? I don’t know. Rawdoggie-poo got a gift from his Nana, he gets tickets to a music festival in Chicago. There was a ton of movie talk that literally went all over the place. We did find out that Rawdog pretty much hates Ben Affleck, except in Dazed ‘n Confused, and we also learned he didn’t see Good Will Hunting because he thought it looked dumb. You just know he was like, “Big deal, a janitor can do math? I’m smarter than that!” Katie’s birthday present was two nights at a hotel with room service and shitload of movie watching, hence all the movie talk. EllisMania 9 is back on, it is scheduled for October 13th and Katie will be fighting Rawdog. However, all that was overshadowed by the news of explosions near the finish line at the Boston Marathon.

Fuck Dom’s shirt, I got that swag!

Some cop got all over zealous on a German tourist and said some dumb shit. Miesha Tate had her face fucked up by Cat Zingano, but everyone seems to agree that the fight was stopped too soon, but we’re also talking about a woman referee here so, yeah. Uriah Hall lost his fight, which kind of surprised quite a few people, after watching him put everyone he fought in a BAMbulance. Urijah Faber won his fight, but does anyone really give a shit – I mean besides that butt-chin of his? Ellis farted in front of Katie this weekend, a conscious fart, not a fart in his sleep. Tully’s never had a big farting issue at home, but he has started to try and curb the extreme burping. Dingo and his girlfriend both fart in front of each other, and they’re okay with that. Chicks shit – it’s true, and this spurred at least one caller whose chick pinched a loaf, took a picture, and named it – and that’s pretty fucking disgusting. Another dude walked in on his girlfriend taking a shit and heard it plop in the water – and that’s pretty fucking disgusting as well. Anybody catch moto over the weekend? Me neither. You can bet someone is fast while the others are slow, though. Dom “Lil’ Bane” the producer’s birthday was this weekend as well, he spent his 30th birthday all by his lonesome. Apparently he’s all dressed up today, trying to look like Jude, but instead looking more like Lewis Skolnick. Rawdog said he shirt is classy and is backing his style, so that right there tells you all you need to know. Dom says that he’s constantly working, even when he’s watching TV – and oddly enough, he doesn’t even own a TV.

Hollywood news does not come from your pussy.

Hollywood news time. Comedian Kevin Hart was arrested for DUI. And if you’re like me, you’re saying “who”? If you’re like Ellis, you’re saying, “Carey Hart’s mom”? This little bit of totally not news was milked for what seemed like, and was close to, 30 minutes. Justin Bieber visited Anne Frank’s house and wrote in the guestbook: “Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” That Bieber kid, what a cunt. Lauryn Hill didn’t file taxes in 2005, 2006, and 2007, claiming that she “withdrew from society at large due to what she perceived as manipulation and very real threats to herself and her family.” Also, she’s looking like shit these days. Jada Pinkett Smith clarified her “open marriage” to Will Smith remark by saying that each of them can do whatever they want because they trust each other. So, yeah. Sounds like they can still fuck whoever. Hugh Jackman was shaken after a stalker threw an electric razor filled with her pubes at him, guess that crazy bitch thought Wolverine could use some more facial hair? Chi Cheng, bassist of the Deftones died 5 years after a car crash left him in a coma. And Clint Eastwood went to Coachella, which makes it officially the stupidest music festival of all.

In “My insane logic knows no bounds” news, Rawdog refuses to admit that Black Sabbath is better than Neutral Milk Hotel. Hey, wanna know how best to survive a nuclear bomb exploding? First, you wanna not be any where near that motherfucker. Second, you think you’re far enough away, but no, go further man. Third, don’t look at it. And fourth, curl up in a ball and await to be vaporized or grow an eyeball on your taint. And this is where my computer decided to take a shit and so far never come back. Lucky for you, I have an awesome phone to finish this fucking thing. And luck for your mom that I finished in her mouth instead of on her tits, because that open wound on her titty from her abscess probably would’ve made things that much worse. OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/8/2013

Posted on April 8, 2013 by bitPimps 中

Wooo-weee! It’s Monday and I’m tired’er than a motherfucker at a mom fucker’s convention. That makes sense somehow, but probably isn’t all that funny. I don’t give a motherfuck, like a mother whose not getting fucked at a convention. Oh, I should also mention for those of you reading a bedtime story to your children, you probably shouldn’t read the rest of this to them. I could potentially use some language that you do not find appropriate for them. Okay, did you lock those little shits in their cages? Good, lets proceed. Dingo Monday’s started off with him shouting out Team Bring It and opening 2 motherfucking waters. He said he didn’t open 2 motherfucking waters, but you can’t trust a motherfucking Dingo who knows so much about WWE. Wait just a motherfucking second. Let’s rewind for a second and listen to The Rock singing the Team Bring It Anthem. What. The. Mother. Fuck? Sounds like Dingo might have found his true calling, and it’s not snowboarding or partying. It’s delivering WWE news. Ellis went to Nuclear Cowboyz (the “z” makes it X-TREME!) on ice, not meth, but like meth. Not really, he just went to the show and they had some hot bitches dancing there. Unlike Dingo and Tully, Rawdog is incapable of rape. If there’s a rape-off between Tully and Dingo, it’s probably going to be close and one hell of a sexy ass rape-mania. This spawned many rapemania related calls & ideas, including Downzig and Mini-Nirvana, which led us into a break with “Rape Me” playing, by normal-sized Nirvana.

Just in time for moon news, Dr. Drew came on the show and dropped the “F” bomb pretty much immediately. I always find it weird to hear him swear. But anyway, back to the moon for a second. NASA wants to tow an asteroid into orbit around the motherfucking moon. Sounds good, I mean, what could go wrong? Sure, Michael Clarke Duncan is dead, by I think the rest of the Armageddon crew is still alive, right? Ok, back to Double-D PhD. He kept sprinkling in little swear words here and there in what seemed like a cringe worthy effort to sound hip and edgy for the audience. He got to hear about Rawdog’s roommate clogging his toilet with his giant turd and not fixing it. Double-D PhD immediately called Rawdog out on his confrontational issues, but played the part very well by also complimenting Rawdog on how he’s looking lately. We learned that Rawdog’s roommate also painted one of his walls with chalkboard paint and let his friends write all over it. Rawdog actually said something this time and told Captain Chair Leg Feces that he had to re-paint that shit, immediately! Since I’m already tired as a motherfucker (as I eluded to earlier) and Dr. Drew’s voice is like a motherfucking Valium I pretty much just spaced out and don’t remember the rest of his time on the show. Basically, he asked a bunch of depressing questions, talked about molestation, answered a few questions, talked about Stevie, and some other stuff. It was interesting to hear his take on the myriad of subjects, but I just wasn’t in the mood to pay attention today, sorry motherfuckers. #LOLWinkyButthole

Still the same deal on EllisMania. So far, it’s a no go, at least until Ellis gets his ducks in a row. Could he have his stuff all situated by September? Maybe. But will the space still be open and available by then? Who knows. Too many variables to make a guess on so I guess you’ll just have to stay tuned. MMA news time, Ross Pearson fucked up his foot before fighting Ryan Couture but still ended up winning by TKO. Matt Mitrione knocked out Todd Duffee, so he’s not cut from the UFC… yet. Gegard Mousasi won a unanimous decision against Ilir Latifi (who?) and also revealed he’ll be needing knee surgery. Turns out Dana White is kinda pissed at the commission in Sweden because Mousasi was supposed to fight so-and-so but they wouldn’t let him fight because he had a cut before the fight. There was more obviously, but what the motherfuck, I ain’t Fuel TV or some shit, go check that shit out if you’re so inclined. Hey, you know all those bikes Ellis bought for his family so they could all ride together? Yea, none of them wanted to ride except him. So he had to struggle with all of them to get them to stop the panic attack thing until they finally started to ride and have fun. Hey more motherfucking moto stuff was said, but I missed most of it because the cooling system at work decided to blow heat instead so my servers were screaming because of the 90 degree heat they were in. I don’t think it was anything important, just who went super duper fast that weekend and it was one of the same names you’d always hear. Some dumb motherfuckers bought ferrets that were given steroids and perms at birth to look like dumb motherfucking poodles. Who gives a rat’s ass, an emu’s dicks, or your dad’s balls? Also, Dingo is obsessed with animals inside peoples’ rectums. And lube. He’s obsessed with lube. Then there was some Hollywood news, missed that shit too and I’m okay with that. The big news of today was how a little old Jewish lady walks into her Rabbi’s office and said, “Rabbi Rabbi I just won 300 million dollars!” The Rabbi said: “Wow, congratulations. What are you going to do with the money?” She said, “100 million will go to the synagogue, they have always been there for me.” “Very good, we could use a generous donation like that. The rest?”, said the Rabbi. “I’m going to spend 100 million on my family traveling the world, and living it up.”, she said. Again, the Rabbi asks, “Very good, you have lived a hard life. Enjoy the rest of the time with your family. And the rest?” The lady said, “I’m going to build 20ft tall gold statue of Hitler.” Shocked, the Rabbi asks, “Why would you do such a thing???? He was a monster! He killed so many of our people! Why would you make tribute to him?” The lady holds out her forearm and says, “Well, he gave me the winning numbers!” OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/1/2013

Posted on April 1, 2013 by bitPimps 中

First time we banged your mom, she said we were too bookoo. But we all knew that was bullshit & sure enough, she took every inch of the entire NYA platoon.

Wassup bitches!? It’s April 1st and that means I’m gonna go full on douche and play an April Fool’s joke or 3 on your asses. Better be on your toes, sisters! So with it being Monday, guess whose in studio today? If you said Uncle Mayhem, you’d be wrong because that ship sailed awhile ago, and Dingo has been coming in on Mondays for awhile now. Ellis was hanging out with old people while looking at a house, the old lady was cool, but the old guy was shaking his head at Ellis. Ellis was all like, “your pants, your belt buckle is on your belly button and I haven’t shaken my head at you in disgust.” He didn’t say that out loud, but he was thinking it – so maybe that old man got the telepathic message – or maybe not. Do you know what ghost hunters wear when they go out hunting for ghosts and other apparitions? Affliction Clothing. Ellis went running for his workout, Dingo has been running, but also skipping the running and instead eating, oh and Rawdog got invited to and participated in an orgy! April Fools, he is still in the friend zone.

In this monetary based world, if you’re not thinking about money, you’re either rich or dead.

Ellis has been worrying about money, so like anyone suffering through tough economic times, he bought 3 motorcycles over the weekend. But hey, he’s looking to move, maybe he’ll be without a pool, a smaller house, and maybe the kids will have to share a room, but things will work out and the kids seem to really like the idea of it all – so that’s what counts. Rawdog had a pround “big brother” moment yesterday. He’s little brother MC McJewyPants started spitting his flow and impressed his big brother with how much better he’s gotten in the past 6 months. Hey, how do you wanna die? Viking style on a flaming boat? Buried in the ground in case you can become a zombie? Burned into a pile of ashes in a crematorium? All this death talk spurred some pretty upbeat conversations, such as family members dying far too soon and supposed crematories that actually just give you a sack of ashes from a month’s worth of smoking in a dive bar. And with that, Tully tried to steer the conversation to a brighter side by mentioning it’s opening season for baseball and some dude in the NCAA broke his ma-fuggin’ leg. When it first happened, everyone was pissing their pants about how bad it was, but that really doesn’t compare to Clint Malarchuk’s accident.

Just watch Spiderman or something, you’ll be much happier.

Jon Jones has pulled out of his fight with Chael Sonnen, he just found out he has AIDs and the athletic commission will not allow him to fight due to the potential threat of other fighters contracting HIV. April Fools, the fight is still on. Georges St. Pierre has to back out of fighting Johnny Hendrix because he wants to be in a movie. Chris Weidman is preparing for his fight with Anderson Sliva, while Anderson is busy picking his balls, and learning how to speak like Steven Seagal. Hollywood news time, Lindsay Lohan’s lawyers have tried to get her to go to rehab and then I trailed off because I’m so sick of hearing about her that I could literally puke, eat said puke, shit that puke out, eat the puke I just shit out, and then shit it out again and slather it all over my body. And that is no April Fools joke. Kim Kardashian is a big fat whale and her stupid shit sisters have all come out to defend her gargantuan structure and say that she is really pregnant, not just eating ice cream sandwiches. Rawdog can’t pronounce Liev Schreiber’s name, we shouldn’t be surprised. Halle Berry wants a law passed where you can’t photograph the young children of celebrities. Justin Bieber got confiscated in Germany. April Fools, it was his pet fucking monkey. Is this dude turning into Michael Jackson or what.

Is Rawdog going to start wearing make-up now too? Come on, buddy! Confront your roommate, if not for your own sakes, for all of ours!

And with that Rawdog brought out a new segment “See It Or Fuck It”, where Rawdog tells you about the movies coming out and Ellis says if he’d see it or not. First up, GI Joe. Survey says, go ahead and see it. Next up was another fucking Tyler Perry piece of shit. Survey says, if you’re black, you know you’re gonna go see that shit, if you’re white, come on. Next was The Host, it sounds horrible. Survey says, avoid that shit like you avoid family functions. Let’s just skip the rest, they’re all shit. Speaking of shit, Rawdog’s gay roommate clogged the toilet with his massive gay turds, and left that shit there for him to deal with. So what’d Rawdog do? Went to Jack In The Box to go potty. What. The. Fuck. Dude gets steamrolled by women, and now by his roommate too? Confrontation is not in Rawdog’s vocabulary, he just got friend zoned by shit. Pretty much everyone is ready to fly across the country to tell Rawdog’s roommate that he’s a dumb motherfucker and he better ~~cut the shit~~ plunge the shit or next time he’ll be eating it. A university study of people in different phases of sexual activity say that the more sex you have, the bigger your brain swells and throbs.

Gonna go on a date with a porn star? Both of these are going to be your friends.

This leads us into Eva Lovia (thanks @cogdeth, I didn’t hear who it was), who visited the show today. She’s an astrophysicist who proved the Virial theorem in stellar astrophysics. April Fool’s, she’s a 23-year-old porn star. Her and Ellis were supposed to go out one night and he opted to stay home instead, so they smoothed things over and told each other that they look better in person. Then they talked about when she started fucking, who she started fucking, why she started fucking, and other fucking related topics. She does other stuff too, like having fun and activities. But mostly of the fucking activity variety. Ellis wants to pump her for 6 seconds, she’ll let Rawdog pump her for 6 seconds as long as they’re both clothed. Rawdog claimed he could pump more than 4 times in 6 seconds, completely missing the joke Ellis made about him blowing his load too early. It was Dingo, pound-for-pound today’s funniest guest, who jumped on the opportunity to explain the joke to Rawdog. Poor guy.

Why didn’t The Lord take the uglier ones first?

Now is when the show moved to “Women, Am I Right?” and we were blessed with a plethora of even smarter women who do things like; blame trained squirrels for destroying their garden, fall out of their vehicles while reversing, along with many other stories, and why you should spill your man nectar on their outsides, not their insides. This brought a single, mini whorecaine into the studio, or better known as Katie. But she’s not stupid, ugly, or dumb. She is a little weird, but fuck it, she’s hot and has nice titties – you’d totally let her walk over your ass if she was yo baby momma, admit it. While we’re at it, I know you’ve been wondering why you cry so much during sex, it’s from the pepper spray, man. OH! Sorry, I know that’s a touchy subject for you. I also know what’s long and hard on you as well. The fourth grade. OH!OH! Which is also the sound your mom made upon her first double penetration. OH!OH!OH! And that’s what dyslexic Santa says. FUCK IT, I’M OUT!

Show Re-cap for Friday 3-15-2013

Posted on March 15, 2013 by wiz1010

Fuck You! I don’t have to tell you shit man, I don’t have to tell you it’s Friday, and I certainly don’t have to just talk about The Jason Ellis Show. In fact, Fuck That! Its Dog Center mofo’s and joining our illustrious host Josh Rawdog Richmond is none other than Michael McTumble Tully (It’ll make sense later on) back from a two day aids-cation, which he “claims” to be over, uh huh! Rawdog doesn’t really fucking care what Tully has to say cause he gets to push the buttons and sit in the big boy seat! Tully did say he checked out some radio while out and the ‘Best Riffs’ was good clean radio fun! Superdad is also shocked Purple Haze is now out of the pool of 64. Tully also caught yesterdays no dick having proposition and got Rawdog started again, and just as he was about the marry a tranny, in walks our hero, our saviour, Young Wing. Well I guess Rawdog didn’t get that memo, you know the one about checking with Ellis first before just going into Dog Center like that. Turns out he didn’t get it, so in the end we all learned a valuable lesson today kids…..It’s Will’s fault, fucking Jizz Cult, who isn’t there today cause of his own aids-cation, which has officially been termed “Tully’s Shit Your Guts Out Disease”. Just hope that shit don’t make it to the East Coast! Anyways, Tiger kicked a ball into his face, and then he whipped his face off on Burger Ellis, and your Chad Reed’s poopie underwears! How sweet would it be to take Tully’s new drug, which makes you feel just like a 3 year old, blissful as it may sound it does include temper tantrums? How sweet would it be to think a Sperm Bank is the place you donate your load huh Rawdog? From there it was just phone calls on fisting stories, the likes of which produced the creepiest of creepy. One caller did remind Ellis how symmetrical and proportionate, not to mention aerodynamic, Ellismate’s penis is. That and Tully needs to tell Ellis this same type of compliment more often, to which Tully jsut dodged big time, finally giving in with a mediocre “Nice Cock”. Rawdog on the other hand does care for 6 pounds, and even suggested he get a Weenie Warmer for those colder nights!

Hope You Get Better Soon Will – Barry Damn!

UFC News is pretty fucking simple, its UFC 158 this weekend with Nick Diaz battling George St. Pierre, oh and GSP plays ~~mind games~~ with himself! Grill Em All is this magical fucking place where these sweet add dudes make the baddest fucking burgers n sandwiches n all since like well never before. They came on the show to toss out some eats for the gents to review, and to plug their shit – win/win! Did you know Grill Em All is no longer just a truck driving around Cali, but rather a restaurant, with walls n a restroom n shit in the restroom n shit. Crazy I know – Its also true they got some deal worked out with Metallica for the name n all, and Metallica has not eating there as of yet. The dudes from Grill Em All did get to meet Lars one time, through Dave Grohl of course. They also were invited to a party Metallica was having, but didn’t make it??? Whatever, these dudes brought food and its Friday so fuck off. Ellis had the Behemoth which was fuckign awesome. Rawdog had the Dee Snyder which was pretty fucking tasty. Tully had the Bar Coastal, also excellent. This place sounds delicious! Weekends are crazy busy for the boys so it sounds like their move indoors is paying off handsomely. The good folks at Grill Em All also extended the hook up to Rawdog to impress any date he may want to bring by, fucking cool man. If your ever in California check these mutha fuckers out and enjoy!

Image from searching “Panda Porn”

Image from searching “Panda Sex”

Breaking News – Panda Porn works! Its weird as fuck, but apparently all those years of shoving two teddy bears together has paid off. Well its March, so what else could that mean? Its Best Riff time everybody. Today we were able to advance one more team to the Elite 8, this time from the ‘Alternative’ bracket. I didn’t catch it song for song, but you get the idea:

#1 – “Superstitious” – Stevie Wonder WINNER

#16 – Some Radiohead song

#8 – No freaking clue

#9 – “In The Flesh” WINNER

#1 – “Superstitious”

#13 – That Pixies song

#4 – “Jerry Was A Race Car Driver” – Primus WINNER

#12 – Violent Femmes

#5 – “Money For Nothing” – Dire Straits WINNER

#4 – “Jerry Was A Race Car Driver”

#5 – “Money For Nothing WINNER (Triple Overtime)

#5 – “Money For Nothing” WINNER

#9 – “In The Flesh”

So the MTV song defeated Les Claypool’s strip club anthem in one of the toughest fought battles we’ve seen in year’s folks, only to move onto the Elite 8. More to come on this when we, you, well really The Jason Ellis Show decides who has the Best Riff!

Say “Hi” Dom!

Hey you’ve met Dom, the new producer dude right? He seems pretty cool so far, but as we all know that don’t mean shit until you get bitten by a snake, or shit on by one too that’ll do it. Well, today is no better day to initiate Dom into the club and who better to bring in the muscle? Reptile Outpost no doubt! And how better to determine the punishment, the Wheel Of Doom no doubt. And how to determine he Dom should face The Wheel, a simple little Q+A devised from #EllisFam tweets and Rawdog. For those of you who wanna play along at home, I’ve left the questions at the end. Now look, questions don’t mean shit here, all we care about is life and living it right! Well man, Dom learned to live today and tomorrow the air will taste so good to him. Cheese will probably never taste good to him as its almost as scary to him as getting bit by a snake or scorpion. Well after the first two questions were wrong, and Dom suffered through both blue and cream cheese and near vomiting, we eliminated cheese from The Wheel and shit got heavy. From there Dom pretty much feel apart really. He pet a scorpion and then a bird eating spider with minor complaint, but when the giant cock roach came out Dom lost his cool and almost his lunch since those things apparently smell like shit. Then it was put your hand in the box time for Dom. The first go into the box Dom was lucky as he missed the dick and touched only the bottom of the box. Then the snake was put in and Dom got another go, and another. Let me tell you by this point Dom was freaking out, screaming with a pitch the likes of Frank Decaro, but the snake wouldn’t fucking bite him. By then Ellis just had the Reptile Outpost dudes bring the snake out and try to bite Dom while his arm was extended but no dice. Its almost as if there’s a direct link between stroke victims and snakes refusing to bite them, weird. Anyways heres the Q+A for you to play along at home, along with Dom’s answer when incorrect (And the “Correct” answers are in the caption of the next picture, if you don’t get it then you are Fucktard Of The Week):

1. What was Tully’s original nickname? “McTumble”

2. Who was 1st winner of Musical Chair Fight? “Dingo”

3. Whos the worst house sitter? “Dingo”

4. Who’s the king of all pouches? “Raw Dog”

5. Give another nickname for Rawdog?

6. Who’s the original owner of Ellis’s Porsche? “Benji Madden”

7. Whats the jet ski tat on Ellis’s leg say?

8. What’s the girls name who gave Rawdog a hand job? “Sasha Grey”

9. What is Tully’s kids nickname? “Little Man”

10. What is Ellis’s favorite Offspring song?

11. Name a sex move Ellis has invented? “The Mouth To Vagina”

12. What is Dingo’s catch phrase? “Really”

13. Who’s the greatest toon to do coke with? “Scooby Doo”

14. What’s the original name of Death! Death! Die!?

15. What does “TFB” mean? “Tumble McRumbleson”

16. Who lives under the studio? “Springs”

..and for those playing at home, Dom got 4 out of 16, I got 15 out of 16, how’d you do?

(1. Cow Fucker) (2. Butter Balls) (3. Jason Mayhem Miller) (4. Jason Ellis) (5. theres so many give yourself a point) (6. Thomas Haden Church) (7. Kawasaki or Kawaski) (8. I Don’t Remember) (9. Linsanity) (10. None of them) (11. Reverse Scorpion, Reverse Chicken Wing Ball, Reverse Motosaki) (12. Pound for Pound) (13. Skeletor) (14. Tony Hawk’s Taintstick) (15. Trust Fund Baby) (16. Bill The Scorpion)

How could I forget tonight is Tiger Box, the greatest event one man has ever planned. There’s gonna be metal n whores n locusts n Rawdog may go too, tis fucking sick man! But before the show can go on, Ellis needs to find his guitar tech/roadie, and this can only be done with a test of will n strength n fucktardedness. So each intern was giving a task to complete, a task that may or may not be asked of a tech in a pinch. Anal Gay Lewis had to go purchase rubbers, poke holes n ’em, and return as quickly as he could…..so Ellis can impregnate every lady there and make tons of shredding babies to carry the Riff on forever, duh! Fruitler was giving a gun, that may or may not, ok was used for a murder and needed to be buried where no one could find it. Both of them were to take pictures of the task for proof, and again return as quickly as they could, at least before the end of the fucking show right. I kinda missed a lot from here to the end, Hollywood News was about Sharon Stone pissing off her maid, and Val Kilmer tweeting Tully about checking out his new play. Well only 5 minutes of that shit and Anal Gay had returned. Well he definitely was the fastest thats for sure, but a job must be done correctly or the clock has not stopped ticking young grasshopper. Well, Anal Gay not only got regular sized condoms, he also decided it be best to take them out of the wrapper to poke the holes in them, and them slip them back into the ripped packaging. As Tully, who so elegantly hosts the world renowned Woman Am I Right, put it “woman ain’t that fucking dumb dude”! From here the show got very happy and stuff, cause it’s Devin’s birthday today. Happy Birthday Devin, hope you have an awesome day!!! Ellis worked it out so he could tell her Happy Birthday live on the radio, so everyone had to be super chill or else! Well Ellis flexed his radio muscle for Snookie to hear, and no more than 10 seconds after he said bye does Josh drop “…shit man, Fuck!” Fruitler had returned during all this, so lets see how he did. Well he had a picture of the gun being buried, and buried too! Well just to make sure he’s the guy, and to also quiet Anal Gay Lewis’s tears of frustration over losing this event, Fruitler was giving the same Impregnation mission, to which he poked the fucking holes into the wrapper – Boom! Anal Gay just died after that, and in my humble opinion got very Bitch Chocolate like from there on out. Anyways its Final Calls from there and you know we don’t give flying mother fucking fuck! All we care about is being elbow deep in your grandma with one arm, fist deep in your dad’s ass with the other, knee deep in your mom’s vagina with a leg, and standing straight up on the other as to form the self proclaimed “Family Tree”, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/11/2013

Posted on March 11, 2013 by bitPimps 中

Skrillex faces are exactly the same as food poisoning shitting / puking faces.

What’s up sluts? OMG, you guise! It’s 311 day, and that’s gay. Skibbi-bee-do-bop. So there’s a radical dude in the studio, he goes by the name Dingo. Someone’s been fucking with the voice altermication machine and letting the air out of the tires in the THC Porsche. Kids love tattooed head guy in pink pants. Ellis took his kids to trampoline world, and when Katie went to the bathroom to go number 1 or 2, she heard kids talking about tattooed head guy in pink pants and all he got was smiling faces. The Ellis household got food poisoning again, this time from the Mexicans – but no love loss, they still their food. Puking and shitting good times was had by all! Then he got in a bit of trouble. Andrea had come over, to get the kids I assume, and as she was leaving, he turned and said, “thanks my only friend.” Of course that didn’t go over too well with Katie as she didn’t take it as a joke and felt slighted. It’s all good though, Ellis smoothed it over and they banged out the issue. Rawdog needs a jacket with a “Jew Claw” patch on the back, and the topper would be to invent the “Jew Claw” finishing move in EllisMania fights.

Xzibit’s fall back career? Pimp my ride Afghanistan edition.

Why hasn’t Mayhem gotten back with Ellis about co-hosting Tiger Box? Is he out training, secretly hitting ever open-mic night in Hollyweird, in an effort to show Ellis up with his newly honed comedy skills? Who knows. What would Ellis and Dingo be doing if they had to fall back on to another career? Probably build houses or dig holes, that seems to be the Aussie crutch. Thankfully for everyone, that’s not the case. It’s calzone time, some Chuck (@EatAtCarlos) dude that makes them stopped by today to deliver the guys’ inventions so they could all try them. In case you have forgotten, here are the calzones featured on today’s menu: Chicken nugget, spaghetti & meatballs, loaded nachos & cheese, chili dog, dessert calzones with Little Debbie snacks & Nutella, Nutty Bars, Brownies, peanut butter & jelly with peanuts etc. Ellis and Tully gave the nod to the chili dog calzone. Dingo seemed to be satisfied with the peanut butter & jelly calzone. And of course, Rawdog went to town on the chicken nugget calzone. Apparently there’s a fucking pizza convention in Las Vegas, which sounds kinda cool until you think about how many bullshit pizzas there has to be there. Nobody wants to be the guinea pig taste tester for the pesto chicken with buffalo cornflakes pizza.

Dude. Your steroids are not helping.

Moto news, Ryan Villopoto joined the 3-time winner at Daytona club, by umm, winning. Man, that guy, he’s one heck of a guy. Villopoto is now in the lead on the umm, leader board. This pushed Davi Millsaps into second place, trailing by 2 points and a couple of shots of steroids. Greatest riffs bracket has been setup, there are 64 entries on the bracket and it’s time to start whittling it down to 32, then the sweet 16 round, and finally the elite 8 round. It’s confusing how the bracket is working, but Rawdog gets it, so we’ll just have to trust him. Basically, 64 songs. If a song wins once, it goes to the 32 round. If that same song wins again, it goes to sweet 16 round. If that same song wins a third time, it goes to the elite 8 round. The confusing part comes up because there are only 8 songs planned for today and the plan is to get those 8 songs down to 1 song, putting that song into the elite 8 round.

Cat Scratch Fever (Ted Nugent) vs Ain’t Talkin’ Bout Love (Van Halen)
Sweaty Teddy won.
Black Betty (Ram Jam) vs Sweet Child o’ Mine (Guns ‘N Roses)
G’NR won. *
The Boys Are Back in Town (Thin Lizzy) vs Eye of the Tiger (Survivor)
Survivor won.
Under Pressure (Queen & David Bowie) vs Back In Black (AC/DC)
AC/DC won. *

Now to send 2 songs from the previous round, to the sweet 16:

Cat Scratch Fever (Ted Nugent) vs Sweet Child o’ Mine (Guns ‘N Roses)
G’NR won.
Eye of the Tiger (Survivor) vs Back In Black (AC/DC)
AC/DC won.

Now to send 1 song from the previous round, to the elite 8:

Sweet Child o’ Mine (Guns ‘N Roses) vs Back In Black (AC/DC)
G’NR won and is now in the elite 8.

We got to hear some Mike Tyson songs on the show today, thanks to umm, Mike Tyson and The Jingleberries. Science is now saying the beer goggles do not exist, which okay, being drunk doesn’t make a chick hotter, it just lowers your standards. Makes sense, poor decision making and loss of inhibitions tend to go with alcohol. We got a little more information about Dom the producer today in an effort to get everyone to know him better, he used to do radio in Arizona and his Twitter name, @TheHippieDom came about because he was labeled as a hipster. However, he wrote out a few more questions with multiple answers and the guys have to guess which is most likely

Hot, naked Dom

Q: What is the main reason why girls break-up with Dom? He goes Dutch on all meals, he works too much, or he has no future?
A: Survey says: He has no future.

Q: Dom toured around several states doing what sport? Extreme frisbee, hacky sack, or paintball?
A: He was an amateur paintballer.

Q: There’s an annual thing Dom does once a year in Mexico, what is it? To hear some great Americana music, to buy prescription pills for his rash, or to visit a friend in prison?
A: He goes to listen to Americana music.

Q: Dom has had some weird jobs over the years, which was it? A real estate agent, a urine drug screen collector, or an accountant?
A: Real estate agent.

Q: One of Dom’s most memorable trips to Mexico was what? Had no phone, no wallet, no passport, & $10 bucks and left by himself in Mexico, something else, or had to sleep in a Tijuana airport for 3 days?
A: He got left because he banged another chick besides the other girl that wanted to bang him. And he is now friends with the chick that left his ass stranded in Mexico.

Q: On a snowboarding trip one time, he came back to find what stolen from his car? Roof, seats, or wheels?
A: The roof.

Q: While trying to do a 180 on a snowboard ramp, Dom broke what? His tailbone, rib, or finger?
A: He broke his rib.

Q: Dom’s first concert was what? Sneaking in to see U2 at the age of 10, Rolling Stones at 2 weeks old, or Guns ‘N Roses at 25 or some shit?
A: U2, he likes Joshua Tree. HAHAAA

Dom stage diving at U2.

Q: Dom’s favorite alcohol of choice is what? Tequila, something else, or absinthe?
A: ‘Atta boy! Tequila.

Q: Six months ago, Dom got hit with what condition? Bell’s Palsy, Premonitory Turrets, or Osteogenesis Imperfecta?
A: Bell’s Palsy, he had a temporary stroke and half his face froze the fuck up and he has pictures to prove it.

Q: This year, Arizona nominated Dom for what? The most eligible bachelor in Arizona radio, best radio personality, or something else?
A: He won the best radio personality in Arizona radio.

Q: The scar Dom has on his arm is from what? A .22 caliber, a human bite, or a bottle rocket?
A: He got bitten by a Cumtard when he worked a developmentally disabled place.

And with that, we close out today’s re-cap and you can go on your own merry way and spread your herpes, just like your father, mother, brother, and sister before you. Also, Burbank Dave sends his regards, to your grandmother.

No You Are

Red Dragons, Bitches

Tag Archives: Dingo

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/15/2013

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/8/2013

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/1/2013

Show Re-cap for Friday 3-15-2013

Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/11/2013