Ridiculousness S2E6 with Ellis – 6/6/12
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If You Could Ask My Wife One More Question, What Would It Be?
Here is another round of asking my wife shit. As some of you may remember, I previously asked all you mofo’s “If You Could Ask My Wife One Question, What Would It Be?” and everyone really seemed to like it, even my wife – and she’s no fun. Just kidding honey, (but not really) the questions and answers were pretty funny last time, so let’s see how this round turned out. And as before, I let her pick the questions she wanted to answer and didn’t alter anything.
@CptnSparky: how old is @bitchPimps?
@bitchPimps: Lets just say bitchPimps robbed the cradle.
Brought to you by, CougarLife.com!
@steveanonymus2: take his fucking account away from him lol
@bitchPimps: Noway. Then we’d actually have to talk and spend time together and shit.
Where would I find the time to post smut?
@CptnSparky: If it were to go down, who would join you two, if a celebrity would join you in bed for a threesome? #OutOfLine #IKnow
@bitchPimps: Couldn’t we just make it a foursome, one for me and one for him?
Could we do it in separate rooms? I don’t want to be anywhere near Paul Walker.
@CptnSparky: Have you ever attempted any of @EllisMate‘s ‘reverse’ sexual positions? i.e. reverse chicken wing bowl, ect..,
@bitchPimps: I may not be up on the latest sex lingo but I’m pretty sure a reverse chicken wing bowl is not in my near future.
Looks like it’s going down prison style!
@CptnSparky: Have you witnessed @bitpimps do any illegal shit?
@bitchPimps: Oh yes. I had the great pleasure of hitting up the ATM at 4am to get money to bail him out of jail. Ah, memories.
That was some bullshit too!
@bwstrangler: ok back to that magical night in that sketchy hotel room, what was it that got things Hot and heavy? #Part1
@bitchPimps: My mouth and his bit.
I was gonna say when Jackie Gleason appeared in the movie.
@CptnSparky: what is a guilty pleasure of @bitPimps music wise, that he loves but would probably rather no one else knew?
@bitchPimps: I do remember having a conversation with him one time about Madonna.
Look, that was back when she was do-able.
@tank_yanker: what’s the weirdest, most disgusting thing you’ve ever caught him doing? #TopFive #IfYouCantDecide
@bitchPimps: Wow, you just want me to list one? Honestly, he doesn’t hide the disgusting things he does. He does that shit right out in the open. Should we talk about him playing with and being so proud of the 4 inch nipple hair he had or the cutting of his toenails on my back porch?
Dead sexy. I’m a lady killer!
@mrsjessliv: What’s your favorite position?
@bitchPimps: Sitting.
I forget the name of the position, but I like when you’re shutting the fuck up. HEYOH!
@mrsjessliv: Name 3 things that make you horny.
@bitchPimps: A clean house, laundry done and my fucking car washed.
I’ve done all that shit before, she’s lying.
@mrsjessliv: Does toothpaste or cough drops irritate you vag? #Random #IHateIt
@bitchPimps: What the fuck kind of question is that?
She’s married to a bubble wrap strangler, go figure. lol
@CptnSparky: Have you ever encorporated a little strip tease into an evening of seduction at home with @bitPimps?
@bitchPimps: Hell no, we’d be so busy laughing there would be no boner.
We did bang while she was doing a Splash Dance routine once!
@CptnSparky: Has Twitter had a positive or negative effect on your relationship?
@bitchPimps: If he’s happy, I’m happy.
Lies! Outright lies! You’re not happy unless I’m miserable.
@CptnSparky: How do you feel about Canadians, in general?
@bitchPimps: I love them! That’s my homeland bitch! Ok, they talk a little funny.
Pft! Pshhh! A little?
@bwstrangler: Do u feel like u posses the strength to rip out a mans testical? Have u ever urinated in the back of a cop car?
@bitchPimps: Absolutely and Absolutely not.
Take a walk on the wild side, add that one to the bucket list.
@AZ_RedDragon: If you woke up as a dude, would you jack off, pee on something, or do the helicopter in front of @bitPimps?
@bitchPimps: I would immediately fondle my wife’s boobs.
I like your style.
@mrsjessliv: What’s your favorite scary movie?
@bitchPimps: I’m a huge chickenshit. I don’t like scary movies.
Verified. She also cries at commercials.
@bwstrangler: U have the chance to date master P’s son, some jerseyshore dickhead, or some shitbag named Jeremy, who do u pick? #FuckINeedCable
@bitchPimps: Nice choices. I think I’d rather play a game of Kill, Fuck, Marry.
I hope you’d kill the jerseyshore dickhead.
@Truk_Norris: Is it true that @bitPimps #LovesTheCock
@bitchPimps: Only his own.
My cock is pretty fuckin’ awesome.
@AZ_RedDragon: Is @bitPimps allowed to go to Ellis Mania with me next year? #BetterAskTheBoss #Pleeaaaasssseeee
@bitchPimps: He’s a big boy, he can make that decision all on his own. The real question is, would he want to go with you?
You have no idea what you just agreed to.
@AZ_RedDragon: If @bitPimps nuts were really nuts what kind of nuts would they be?
@bitchPimps: Are there real nuts that big?
BOOM!
@mrsjessliv: What’s your favorite nickname for your vag? Does Bit call it something special? #JuiceBox #CreamPie #Swamp
@bitchPimps: bitvag.
I’m a gentleman, I usually call it a gash.
@mrsjessliv: How do you feel about anal sex?
@bitchPimps: NO. Simple.
You can scream and cry all you want, that just makes it hotter!
@itswillbitches: if your pink taco aka vagina was a real taco, would it be a soft, hard or doritos taco?
@bitchPimps: Holy shit dude, if there is seriously someone out there that could compare their vag to a hard or doritos taco, they’ve got serious problems.
So… soft taco?
@itswillbitches: if you chose a life of crime, what would be your path chosen? (mob, drugs, fraud, hooker etc.)
@bitchPimps: Assassin. Wait, make that a very hot, sexy assassin.
I’d give you your first contract, a hit on the entire Offspring band.
@mrsjessliv: What’s more funny… Chest or vag farts? #IPreferChest
@bitchPimps: WTF is a chest fart? My boobs must not be big enough.
Christmas is coming up!
@mrsjessliv: spit or swallow? #DependsWhatHeDrinksHuh?
@bitchPimps: Never waste a good thing.
‘Atta girl!
@itswillbitches: if you were held hostage and your captors were to rape you with an animal, would you choose a mouse, snake or horse?
@bitchPimps: Wait, is bitPimps sharing our bedroom fantasies again?
I swear, I only mentioned it once, and that was in passing!
@mrsjessliv: Beatles or Stones?
@bitchPimps: Both.
Tom Cruise.
@itswillbitches: what flavour of cake would you most prefer to be eaten out of your vag?
@bitchPimps: There would be no cake. bitPimps doesn’t have a sweet tooth.
Fuck a bunch of candy, gangster.
@itswillbitches: out of all the soda flavours available, which do you think would be the bully, the emo, the jock and the nerd?
@bitchPimps: Pespi. It has multiple personalities.
Why the fuck are we talking about soda?
@mrsjessliv: How did you meet the man of your dreams? And how did Bit steal you away?
@bitchPimps: When you can’t have Paul Walker you settle for second best.
You know I could beat the life outta that little bitch.
@itswillbitches: if you were at a disney theme park, whom would be the first character that you would hug?
@bitchPimps: Could we invite Buggs Bunny? Don’t really have a fav Disney character.
I’d go for the one with the biggest tits.
@itswillbitches: would you rather be bit by a swarm of mosquitoes nonstop 4 a week, a giant spider 4 a day or bit’s dad 4 3 hours?
@bitchPimps: OMG. And yet another fucked up image of my father in-law. Thanks.
HAHAHAA! That’s awesome.
@itswillbitches: do you prefer to use ketchup or catsup?
@bitchPimps: Ketchup, the way normal fucking people say it.
Yea man, down with catsup! Fuck the man!
@itswillbitches: do you know how awesome it is to lay down in the middle of a street? #drugquestion
@bitchPimps: As a matter of fact, I do.
You know how awesome it is to be tripping on ‘shrooms and going to the cereal isle of the grocery store? Let me tell you, really fucking awesome!
@AZ_RedDragon: Can you touch your toes without bending your knees? Better have your camera ready! #GreatViewFromTheTop
@bitchPimps: Is that your way of asking if I’m fat?? And yes, I can.
Big deal, so can I. You ain’t so special!
@Truk_Norris: Have you ever gaped @bitPimps with your lady fist?
@bitchPimps: Wow.
I know, right? That was an great time! I had no idea a chair leg would fit.
@bwstrangler: If u had one song to take a shot and or have a drink too what is that song?
@bitchPimps: Anything by Jack Johnson or Maroon 5. Depends on what drink I’m on.
That has to be the gayest possible answer.
@AZ_RedDragon: Do you get annoyed with @bitPimps obsession with the show as much as my wife does?
@bitchPimps: Not really annoyed, just uninterested.
You liked when callers had to sing to R. Kelly’s Ignition.
And that’s a wrap folks! Give yourselves a round of applause. And give me all your lovin’, ZZ Top style! Until next time.
Show Re-cap For Thursday 6/7/2012
Wolf Knives Album Cover
Hai you guise! OMG I’ve missed you all soooooo much! It’s so good to see you! Mwah, big kisses and fanny pats. It’s Thursday you fuckin’ ball gagging, piss drinking, cum eating, shit diddling, friends of mine! Don’t take it the wrong way, I mean that shit with the utmost respect. Wolf Knives are a real gang now, with a real website, and if you’re cool, you too can be a part of the Wolf Knives gang that comes complete with a patch and errything, you can check that shit out at thewolfknives.com for all your Wolf Knives gang related inquiries. No word on if you have to be jumped in or if you just gotta fork over the scrilla. Dr. Crystal Methamphetamines was the first outsider to be inducted into the gang, along side @Dutch_RDS, and of course @benjaminmadden and a few other stone cold gassers.
No jokes with this bumper sticker
Josh has finally come out of the closet and admitted he is gay, well at least 5 to 10 percent out of the closet. Ellis is putting up a profile on Cougar Life, looking to get his dick wet from a disease free fountain of cougars. If Mitt Romney becomes President, Ellis will suck a dead horse’s dick, and if not, Rawdog will be sucking a dead horse’s dick. Depending on how you look at it, it could be surprising or not so surprising, but a caller chimed in with access to a dead mule’s dick. This fucking guy is like the Swiss army knife of dead animal dicks, it’s really quite amazing actually. Sounds like the A6K is a bigger piece of shit than Rawdog’s car, West Coast Customs contacted Ellis to tell him the electrical wiring and dash was just too fucked up to do anything with so they’ll have to get him all new shit. I don’t know who worked on the A6K before (likely Audiobahn), but apparently they MacGruber’ed the shit out of it to the point that it is unsafe to even be driving.
Wat? This isn’t normal?
Ellis went out on a friendly date last night with that Michelle “Bombshell” McGee chick, he said she was really funny and cool and not at all like the gossip that seems to follow her around. Am I the only one that thinks she’s not good looking in the slightest? The band Nickleback is shit, we all know it, we’ve all known it for a long time now, and yes Chad Kroeger has ramen noodle hair, so let’s just move along to something more interesting. The guys played some Ellis Jeopardy today, each battling for their own personalized prize should they be the winner. The new intern, Bitch Taco, wants to change his nickname to something a little more respectable, Rawdog is playing for a chance to punch Tully in the dick, and Tully is playing for a chance to upgrade his unused “skip the show for 15 minutes” card, to 30 minutes. And the final winner ended up being the intern formerly known as “Bitch Taco”, who is now known as “Cock Nacho”, so congratulations to you, sir.
Just going out with the girls, honey!
A few of the final calls were kind of interesting, some dude’s wife got mad at him for chewing tobacco, so the logical thing to do was to be all shady, lie to her husband, go have 9 glasses of wine and a burger with some fucking dude. Then she felt bad for being a whore and was all lovey dovey to her husband and then when he reciprocated, she called him clingy. A couple of small (as in little people) calls as well, one midget cock blocked a normal sized dude by telling some chick that he had drank a lot that night. Little people, they’re evil just like gingers, but at least they have tiny souls whereas gingers do not. The other little person caller was saying that the word “midget” is offensive, people are far too sensitive these days, it’s not like people are calling you short stack or lil’ turtle. And finally, I have a prediction and a nice comparison to make about your mother, and being that she’s a street worker (read prostitute), there’s a good chance this could be prophetic. How are cell phone signals, your mom, and Princess Diana alike? They all die in tunnels. OH!
Show Re-cap For Wednesday 6/6/2012
What a better way to start a show than with a little “Suck a clit like a micro dick” freestyling! I can’t think of one, bet you cant either, so Suck a clit like a micro dick ootz ootz ootz Suck a clit like a micro dick. Fuck I better get out of that before I start taking ecstacy and trying to fuck a glowstick. 
California is upping its cigarette tax, sucks to be you. Ellis say a dude whopping up on his half retarded dog and he beat the shit out of him, in his head. In reality he thought he should but did nothing and drove off. At least he did say that if the dog was a kid that he would have actually done something. Thats comforting for all the kids out there, but dogs, your on your own. Somebody was getting beat up and shot the assaulter and this isn’t the interesting part, wait for it. Josh would shoot an attacker to only wound them. Wow, when I heard that I almost dropped my NRA card and spilled my jar of Hopps No. 9. Somebody should teach Mc Tumble Bum that dead men don’t lie and one story is better than two. An actual police officer told me that so I know it’s legit. And Tully was on Hair Nation being a DJ for some reason, I don’t know. But I do know you can hear it here thanks to Cobra Tits.
Zolar from the Howard Stern Show called in because he thought he heard himself mentioned on the show. Nope idiot, try listeneing sometime, its awesome. Many people think that Ellis and Howard are tight but that is wrong. Ellis said that he doesn’t consider Howard a friend, only an inspiration and they don’t hang out and pass notes. Canada has at least 4 flipper babies, congratulations, and we were graced with New Music Tuesday, on Wednesday. Just change the fucking name already, its been three weeks sinse NMT was actually on Tuesday. This NMT was different, and suprisingly good, for once. This time Josh played the song first and then Jason and Tully tried guessing the Artist, it was entertaining and fun. Now I am going to go jump onto my Pegasus and catch some of these flying pigs that keep shitting on my car.
Today was also Worlds Greatest Wednesday and we got the privlege of Mayhem Miller joining the guys in studio. As always, Uncle Mayhem was on fire and kept everyone on their toes. This WGW was “The Best Place To Have Your Penis” or something like that. I don’t think that there was a top 10 because there was a little disturbance in the WGW Force. I’m suck a fucking dork. Apparently Daniel Tosh made a skit on his show that made Rob Dyrdek look like a child molester. This spilled onto Twitter where the two slapped each other across the face with gloves and declared a duel. Perfect for Ellis Mania 8. But the wrench in the story is that Tony Hawk was in this same skit! Say it ain’t so Birdman. Ellis called The Hawk, there was some drama, a little name calling, I’m sure somebody started to cry. But at the end it seems all is well in the skateboarding world and everyone still hates Tosh. So much fucking drama that I almost forgot about the time your mom went to the eye doctor because her vision was blurry. He said that she has to stop masturbating. She said, “Is that why my vision is blurry?” He said, “No you have to stop because I’m trying to examine your eyes and the small from your rotten box is going to make me hurl,” OH!