No live show today due to President’s Day. I know. I didn’t get it off either. Tully and Rawdog pre-recorded intro’s to clips that help explain where some of the buttons came from. But don’t fret! You can entertain yourself by reading or Tweeting along to: #ChildrensBookTitle
I started a collaborative story on Twitter and asked people to keep the story going by adding to it. Not thinking, I could have made the objective a bit more clear. So instead of one massive connecting story that was contributed to by multiple people, the story ended up fragmenting into several different stories. However, a couple of them turned out awesome, thanks to the participants. Here is the hashtag I used #KeepTheStoryGoingAddToIt and the results of it.
Story (@bitPimps, @AZ_RedDragon):
@bitPimps Lonely, I went for a walk to pick up a hooker. I wanted something new, something different. I found it, she was…
@AZ_RedDragon dead, a parapalegic, amputee (half off), a dude… (I wrote this before I knew what @bitPimps was doing, and I was drunk. That’s why it doesn’t make sense, yet!)
@bitPimps She said she could be anything I wanted. I asked if she wanted to get a drink, she said…
@AZ_RedDragon no problem, I know this great place with a seniors discount, and i’ll even show you how I do shots through my tracheostomy hole…
@bitPimps This was it! Exactly what I had been searching for. I couldn’t wait to get her alone so I could…
@AZ_RedDragon slowly remove her support hos, put her teeth in water, and break her hip, only the way a grandson could…
@bitPimps I sucked on her tubes as I was fingering the hole in her neck. I could feel her vocal cords and…
@AZ_RedDragon she said in her raspy voice, go down on me. So I slowly removed her soiled adult daiper, wiped the errant poo from her cookie and…
@bitPimps started to lick her poo covered slit. I tried to think of Nutella, eventually I cleaned here and…
@AZ_RedDragon I looked up to see that she was no longer breathing. I figired what the hell, I already paid so I might as well finish…
@bitPimps I kept pumping, blood and cum was flying all over the place. I finished and then…
@AZ_RedDragon my dad came in, he said, “mom!, what happened to you? You used to be such a milf.” I wrapped my arms around dad, we looked into…
@AZ_RedDragon … each others eyes, and we knew, we knew what we had to do, as men, as family…
@bitPimps … & hugged. Licking us both clean he stuck 1 end of the tube in my mouth and the other end…
@AZ_RedDragon I slowly reached for his aged but tender balls when suddenly grandmas dead body suddenly evacuated her bowels…
The End. (Because we were drunk and left.)
Story (@bitPimps, @herro_amy, @tank_yanker):
@bitPimps Lonely, I went for a walk to pick up a hooker. I wanted something new, something different. I found it, she was…
@herro_amy A midget with gold buck teeth…
@bitPimps Her small stature and ghetto teeth made me excited immediately. I asked if I she was into…
@tank_yanker going to Harlem for some soul food and hang out at an urban club…
@bitPimps She just stared at me, sucked on her finger & then reached for my ass. At first I…
@tank_yanker was repulsed,but it was quite clear it was happening anyway, by the way she held the .38 to my balls…
@bitPimps I pulled out a roofing nail from my work belt and asked her to insert it into my dick hole and she…
@tank_yanker slammed it home with the butt end of the gun. At that point I…
@bitPimps tried to keep myself from cumming, she pulled it out and rammed it back in then stuck it in her…
The End. (Because @tank_yanker had to go to work.)
Story (@bitPimps, @herro_amy):
@bitPimps Lonely, I went for a walk to pick up a hooker. I wanted something new, something different. I found it, she was…
@herro_amy A midget with gold buck teeth…
@bitPimps Her small stature and ghetto teeth made me excited immediately. I asked if I she was into…
@herro_amy role play and she took off her shoe…
@bitPimps I was confused, yet excited. Especially when I saw her webbed feet. We went to a bar for drinks and…
The End. (Because I fucked up and didn’t get everyone on the same story from the start)
Story (@bitPimps, @cogdeth):
@bitPimps Lonely, I went for a walk to pick up a hooker. I wanted something new, something different. I found it, she was…
@cogdeth Your typical Cleveland hooker, 5’7″ with a firm grip, not like the “fun-size” ho’s of yesteryear.
@bitPimps I knew it was firm cuz she was missing her left arm. I asked what can u do with the the nub & she said…
The End. (Because I fucked up and didn’t get everyone on the same story from the start)
Hey, hey, Tony Hawk here. Not really, it’s just me. I almost had ya didn’t I? No? Okay, well then let’s just move right into it shall we? No? AHH! You fucker, you got me! Good times, good times.
Live Friday morning show today! I assume it was because there was no live show yesterday. No real word on why there was no show yesterday, although during the call from Ken Block today, Ken asked Ellis when he plans on retiring from radio. Ellis said something to the effect of “I almost did yesterday” (paraphrasing there), so I guess maybe he was having a bad day. To answer Ken’s question about retirement, he also added maybe in like 4 to 5 years. Who knows if that is set in stone or not. Since he planned on taking Friday’s off until after his now canceled fight and the time slot change, maybe he just took off Thursday instead of Friday.
There was a lot of Chris Brown talk, a whole lot, like for an hour or so. He’s an uninteresting cocksucker so I’m not talking about him. Hey, here’s a David Lee Roth soundboard to play with though! As previously mentioned, Ken Block called in. They talked about Instagram, some other stuff, and then they watched a video of Ken Block spoofing himself with Nick Swardson as Ken Block, which is pretty funny. Godwar made an appearance today to lead unsuspecting winners to the prize chamber of doom. Turns out it was pretty difficult Godwar contest today, most people that called in couldn’t guess the answers. Matter of fact it got so bad it was just dead silent with the only sound being the fuzzy crackles of a bad phone connection.
Kyle Turley called into the show, he’s an ex-NFL player. Apparently he listens to the show, but called in to talk about how some dude got fired (technically “he left his position”) from a terrestrial radio show because he called some huge woman a Sasquatch or something along those lines. He wanted Ellis to talk about it to help get some publicity for the dude in hopes it could help turn around the current situation. Apparently the show is quite popular and a lot of people want the show back. The overall gist of the story is that terrestrial radio is what it is and has always been. It’s watered down, tamed, and very non-offensive. It’s meant to please everyone, which ironically ends up pleasing very few because it’s not “real talk”.
That’s pretty much exactly what happened on today’s show, minus the parts I didn’t talk about or totally embellished on. You do realize I do the same when I’m talking about your mother, right? Sometimes I leave things out and other times I totally leave them in – that’s how you were born. I left it in. OH!
No live show today, it was another “Best of”. No word from Ellis, Tully, or Rawdog so hopefully everything is okay. That also means, you get lucky, no jokes about your mom today. Instead, here’s Dos Equis Ellis:
Shit got existential right away, talking about God, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and John Wayne Gacy. What? You can’t see the connection? Then what’s with that stupid look on your stupid face for? Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow your roll. I was just joking. You have a great face, I love your face! And you’re not stupid, I’m stupid. Also, I love you. xoxoxo
Today is World’s Greatest Wednesday, the one that has been worked on since last Wednesday. It’s all about world’s greatest guitar lead solos. But before getting into the greatest, they got into some of the worst. Some horrid band murdered their cover of Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb. I felt embarrassed for them, I hope they just unplugged their instruments, threw them in a lake, and went back to painting warehouses. That was awful. I’m going to vomit if we don’t move along here, so that’s exactly what we’re going to do.
Here’s a list of the top 10 guitar lead solos, in order of their placement:
David Gilmour – Comfortably NumbI know some of you were absolutely OUTRAGED by the list they came up with, but don’t let it bother you so much. Just make your own list! I did, all my votes were worth 1 million and guess what? The dude I chose won! How fucking awesome was that? I’ll tell you, it was fucking awesome.
Cumtard debuted his rap skills today, rapping to a portion of Party Bot. He wants to gain some street credit after his Sk8er Boi rendition, which I seriously think he did a great job on. Anyway, it went okay I suppose, he rhymed, stayed in time, but as Rawdog (aka Bitch Stiffer) said – I’m affraid it was only possible in a studio produced setting, he probably couldn’t replicate that live, or at least not right now, maybe after some practice.
And that should pretty much do it for today’s re-cap. I dunno, what do you think? Did I miss something? Leave a comment after the beep. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. Shit, not those beeps, that was your mom walking backwards. OH! Okay, after this beep. BEEEEEEP.