2013

Posted on May 6, 2013 by bitPimps 中

Best homeless titties in hobo land?

It’s Dingo Monday, but first, whose still shitting their pants after yesterday being Stinko de Mayo? And no, that pun has nothing to do with Hellmann’s mayonnaise, George Lopez, or the Titanic. Anyway, the most valuable thing that Ellis came away with this weekend is you’re only as good as the company you keep. The Ellis children reminded him to call his brother, Lethal Lee, who he hasn’t talked to in awhile. Apparently, the only thing Lee regrets is giving up his moto career after he had gotten hurt, he feels like he’s already peeked in his life and his brother hasn’t. But he goes to work and comes home to hang out with his children, making him a super dad. Ellis went to go riding moto on Sunday with Katie and the kids, found out that Katie’s bike had been left on, leaving the battery completely dead. Then he and Katie had a lover’s quarrel, got to the track and there’s an event going on, it’s packed as shit, and it costs $100 per person to get on the track. Tiger’s bike wouldn’t start, took it to the store and they couldn’t get it started either, and there’s how you kill about 4 hours of your day without even riding moto at all. Dingo’s Sunday was much better, drinking lots of beer and tequila and spraying champagne all over the place. Rawdog had a date on Friday, they went to see 2001: A Space Odyssey, which got his panties dripping wet. No blow jobs, no fingering, no nothing. He thought the date went well, called her the next day to ask her out again, got her machine and never heard back. So he called that chick from Friday’s show to go out, she took him to a gay bar with dude’s in their underwear dancing in a conga line. And then he got a blowjob, came, titty fucked her and blew another load! Later in the show, during “DP talk”, she said she’d show Rawdog what DP was! Then today, bitch that never called him back, called to apologize for not calling back and to say that she had a great time & wants to go out again. Are we seeing a new Rawdog? Will it last? Time will tell. While on the topic on blowing loads and titty fucking, Rawdog’s Nana and Papa just recently celebrated their 59th wedding anniversary, so that’s pretty legit!

Mr. Balls loves the children!

Hey kids, an antibiotic resistant strain of gonorrhea may be the new AIDs! Basically, you could go into septic shock and could kill you within days. It started in Japan (surprise) and has now spread to Hawaii, California, and Sweden, so be on the lookout for that coming to a whore near you soon! Brazil is fighting testicular cancer with a new mascot, his name is Mr. Balls! Speaking of balls, Dingo was trimming over the weekend and clipped his balls right on the zipper and it was dangling a little bit and he cut it off with a pair of scissors! This spawned a conversation about trimming versus going completely bald in the ball area, sounds like Dingo is still going bald while the majority of the world is trimming. This conversation then morphed into how gay-friendly and/or how gay each person on the show is, Dingo’s about 10%, Ellis is about 30%, and Tully might be reaching for the stars as he’s cried while talking about Morrissey to his wife. PETA is mad (what else is new?) that Governor Chris Christie squashed a spider in front of school kids. Which begs the question, how do you feel about zoos? Which begs another question, is it gay to have two dicks in one hole? Maybe, I mean, the balls are typically touching at some point. Here’s where we get another bombshell dropped on us, Rawdog says at some point, the two dudes’ butts are touching, proving that he knows that “DP” stands for “double penetration”, but doesn’t know that it means one in the pink, and one in the stink. To explain and show DP to Rawdog, Dom came into the studio to play the female, while Dingo was in his pussy and Rawdog was in his ass. So, let’s review, what did we learn? That Ellis has a DP buddy! Will we ever get to know his name? Has he been on the show? Maybe this will be something to be autographed in the upcoming book that someone can win? Once again, only time will tell.

I recommend that you don’t. You could get in big trouble!

Yea, she hasn’t done coke much. Naw, not much at all.

Could this Western Australian rugby player, Nick Cummins (aka “The Walloby Winger” aka “The Honey Badger”) be the most Australian person ever? Survey says, YES! Ellis Jeopardy was up next and last time Rawdog won, let’s find out who brought their “A” game for today’s game. Turns out, I don’t know who won. What I do know is that Dingo’s cheese has slid off his cracker, I don’t even know where he pulls his responses from. He managed to get at least 1 question correct, which is typically a big deal for him. It was fantastic! Moto news, Ryan Villopoto won his shit this past weekend, Ryan Dungey came in 2nd for the weekend and 3rd overall, and Davi Millsaps came in 3rd for the weekend but I’m not sure of his overall standings. But you know who does know? The Internet, so go look that shit up if you really wanna know. Hollywood news, and once again, stupid people love to gossip about Lindsay Lohan. This time she says she’s only done cocaine less than a handful of times, which does not explain her looking worse than her mother or the fucking crypt keeper. Anyway, who cares, she’s a fucking has been and I don’t understand how anyone has any kind of interest in her. This led us into 45 minutes of NBA talk with Tully by himself! Ellis had to split to go pitch TV shows and Rawdog knows nothing of the NBA so he hit the bricks as well. While I’m not a huge NBA fan, it was great to hear none the less. If you’ve ever had a chance to catch Tully on Hair Nation, you’d know he definitely has the ability to do good radio by himself. The big difference this time? He gets to take calls from the fans to discuss topics such as: Is everyone watching the playoffs for no reason because the Heat will win? Even though everyone on the Bulls is getting a spinal tap, they could probably still beat the Heat, nobody is sure how to pronounce Tom Thibodeau – not even him – because he’s a mentally challenged person, Blake Griffin is kind of a piece of shit cry-baby whose only interested in getting his dunks on YouTube and Reggie Evans has his number, the Clippers are a big piece of shit and the Lakers will be too. And if you missed any of that, well tough shit – and you missed probably most of the smartest final callers (minus the tree hockey moron) you’ve ever heard at that hour. Also, I’m definitely not reviewing all that from the last 40-45 minutes of Tully’s NBA talk. There was so much information and minutia that I could fill an entire post just on those 40 some-odd minutes. But once again, Tully proves he can carry his own weight – even with no one in the studio with him, to fill a radio show. I hope this was just one of many times we get Tully hour and hopefully it helps to prove that an Ellis Channel could potentially work. And work well. You know who else works and works well? You sister. She learned it all from your mother and from what I know and have heard, she’s got them whore skills. Remember that time your sister had to take a shower with you and her butt accidentally hit your wiener and you two experimented with each other? Yea, that makes both of you fucking deranged sickos. OH!

Show re-cap for Friday 5-3-2013

Posted on May 3, 2013 by Az_RedDragon

Its WGAFF and if you give a fuck then your out of the club! We’re the best and be proud of your self for being the best, except you there, your only second best. The guys started off by talking about how good their show is, and how shitty other shows are. It’s like getting punched in the mouth with silver teeth, having silver teeth sounds awesome, but not when they’re blasting through your face. It’s a perfect analogy. Ellis’s movie of the day is Point Break, mainly because of the incredible acting by the Australian cop at the end, that dude should have won an Emmy mate! Then they started talking about how to get rich, Ellis could either start adding commercials to his radio show or start a pyramid schemes or make a fake product like hair tonic and boner strengthened in one. Hairy boners may be a side effect. Ellis dreamed he dropped a N bomb on air or maybe just said niggy but that’s even worse according to Josh Adam Richmond anyway. Where is the line? Gay, fag, homo, fairy, fruity, pillow biting ass bandit? No matter what AIDS isn’t funny, and this message has been brought to you by Downzing. We here at NoYouAre go to great lengths not to offend anyone but if you are offended by something you have read or saw on our site please follow this link and write us so we may correct the issue. Oh, and in case you weren’t sure, it’s not cool to show your friends your dick or for your friends to show you their dick, unless that’s what your into, then you meat gazers have fun.

Tully read a story about ghost hunters and then gifted us with a little ghost story that he experienced from his childhood. Somewhere in the basement of his home there was

Have you seen Michael? I need to fuck up his printer again.

something that kept fucking up his word processor printer. Might be a ghost, might be magnets, how the fuck do they work anyway? Kengie The Killer came into the studio promoting his new book. He hung out for a while and just shot the shit with the guys. In Hollywood news, Lohan went in the Betty Ford Clinic, it’s still not where the judge wanted her to go but apparently it’s good enough to keep her out of jail. Then there was something about the Elmo dude. And just in time for Mothers Day, Kobe Bryant is suing him mom because she auctioned off a bunch of stuff he gave her and he says it was still his stuff.

In dumbass news, two pilots decided to leave a pair of stewardesses in charge and they couldn’t keep their fingers to themselves and kicked the plane off autopilot almost crashing the whole damn thing, can you guess the dumbasses? A few shows back Rawdog accused small tittly loving Ellis of not being able to handle a pair of massive mammies and to settle this challenge, Karla (@mzkarlaxoxo), Alia (@bestboobsinporn), and Tyadore (@matrixbabe) all came in for the best molester titty groping contest. They blindfolded each girl and one by one, pound for pound, they ~~molested~~ ~~groped~~ ~~felt up~~ caressed each woman. First up was Rawdog with a laughably embarrassing 12 year old boy technique. Alia gave him a crash course on mammary manipulation to prepare for the next two girls. Carla Lane was next and enjoyed the newly educated and ever gentle caress of Rawdog. In round three Ellis won with his more aggressive tweaking of Tyadore’s ta tas.

Apparently after the contest the second girl, Carla, mentioned to Ellis that she really liked the Tussin Wolf and Ellis Mate got her digits to slip to him. After hearing this the only thing I could think was, “aww shit, the dog better slap that ass and get a ticket for the hump bus to smash town!!!!” Speaking of getting laid, here’s the video of the Australian woman getting fucked at the gas pump. And now I present you with the Greatest Guitar Riff finally, finally:

Voodoo Child WINNER

Sweet Child O Mine

Money For Nothing WINNER

South Of Heaven

And the greatest riff in the history of string benders is… Money For Nothing!

Its that guy, in case you see him at Walmart or Target or something.

A 50 year old man was munching rug in the coat store, oh yeah. Actually he was on crystal meth and was eating carpet lint thinking its sparkles. Some family somewhere walks on all fours. Some kids got suspended for torquing, whatever the fuck that is, and Travis Pastrana got the pole this weekend, and he gets to start first in the NASCAR race, da dum tss! A beady eyed buddy from the north called in with a story of how he shit in a cat box. And speaking of Canada, they loosened the import regulations on mozzarella cheese and now pizza is cheaper, enjoy your new found freedom Canooks. Towards the end of the show, Rawdizzle was saying that he may not give Carla the sausage because he feels uncomfortable about her being a porn star and doesn’t just want to ram his rod into random box. Speaking of yer mum, congrats on her getting her website mentioned on the show today, must be a big boost for lustfulkitty.tumbler.com!

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 5/2/13

Posted on May 2, 2013 by wiz1010

Welcome to yet another Thursday edition of The Sounds Funny Show with your host Sounds Funny, aka Billy Madison. That and Diddy is knock kneed, whatever the fuck that means. Listen to this shit, Ellismate, the myth, the man, the ledge, said NO to a TV show. Fuck oath mate! Apparently it was some CMT show about tattoos with The Wing being a judge. Sounds awesome so far, especially considering CMT has such shows as County Fried Home Videos, Guntucky, Redneck Island with Stone Cold Steve Austin, and who could forget Dog And Beth On The Hunt…..but it would take him away from the radio show and that shit ain’t right! Besides, like Rawdog reminded him this only makes the TV networks want him more. Getting over a wheat allergy makes you want pizza more, just ask Linsanity who is over such an allergy, and probably passed out as you read this from his first slice of pie, Red Dragons to you my little Asian baby friend. Speaking of little Asian baby friends who aren’t Asian, or babies anymore really, Tiger and Devin were jamming out to Master Of Puppets with Ellismate and despite their attempt, they couldn’t deny the riff! Oh, and in case you forgot, Dom is a moron. I’m not getting into how gluttony obvious he’s a glutton for glutenous abuse.

Bet he would have said yes to this….

Hollywood News bitches and it starts on a somber tone, as Mac Daddy of Kris Kross has passed on to the ghetto in heaven, may Barry bless your sole. Lindsay Lohan, queen of Hollywood News, may be queen of some California Prison for Women, check it out! Katy Perry’s dad is a religious nut job from way back. People don’t like Jesse James no more, but to me the news was they did in the first place, not OH! Reese Witherspoon spoke out on being blasted and driving, and she’s totally pregnant too! That’s realyl it for Hometown News, so which celebrity would Ellis be able to bang n maybe date a little to gain some serious followers on Vine? Honestly this should be a World’s Greatest, but while were here the discussion was basically between Meryl Streep who’s just too famous, Rihanna who’s just too stupid, Lady Gaga which was just a bad idea in the first place, and of course Ke$ha who was the winner by default. Looks kids, it can’t always be Radio Gold!

Holy shit this is crazy, some dude in Saskatoon got ticketed for not wearing a seat belt, but dude has no arms! Well of course a story this gnarly gets Rawdog, Tully and Ellis going on whether or not this scenario is safe. What does happen if you, having no arms, go flying out your windshield into some dude walking his dog down the street? Rawdog says dude should have to wear a seat belt, Ellis doesn’t – who’s right? Some judge somewhere told this trucker dude that if you get into an accident, and slide out of your seat but the car remains in motion, you can’t stop it….so the seat belt also keeps you in your seat to control the car in a time of emergency. Fucking geek speak but good shit, so I guess we witnessed some more accidental genius. Enough of that, Cumtard is back on the show and sounds awesome, good vibe, and except for a kidney stone the size of the areolas in Rawdog’s dreams, is healthy and working out. Good shit Kevin, so what’s he here for – to plus his shit! Not without first having to defeat his nemesis and arch enemy, who he says he’s cool with but we all know is a total cover, Domtard in a game of Shock Pictionary. Going in the odds were on Cumtard for sure, well since he created the game in the first place. First to 3 (not best of 3) and the teams are Cumtard and ~~Ellis~~ ~~Tully~~ ~~Ellis~~ no wait yeah Ellis (Not cause he wanted to avoid Cumtard rather shock the shit out of Dom), against Domtard and Tully. Round One was well played by both but Domtard edged it out by drawing ‘Fire’ in less than 16 seconds. Round 2 Cumtard ‘TV’ 4 seconds! If you do go back and listen, be sure to catch Dom’s 2 minute 20 second sketch of a clown, hilarious! Round 3 was quite the opposite, with Cumtard getting shocked like hell for over a minute drawing a ‘Cigar’, and Domtard taking the round with a 10 second ‘Moustache’. Now i don’t know what happened after that, but these two mutherfuckers dug deep and pulled out some heroics the likes of Al Bundy at Polk High. Round 4 was pretty crazy, with Cumtard just edging Dom out with a 9 second master piece entitled ‘Alien’. Tied up and all the money on the line, Cumtard starts round 5 with a 6 second ‘Hitler’ (Shitty Band Name if anyone needs it), but is ultimately outdone by a 4 second ‘Sun’ to give Domtard the victory! So fuck that sucks, Kevin can’t plug his shit, what do we do? Give him another chance on the punch machine, and if he can beat the top female score, he can plug his shit! Sounds fair, and remember I said Kevin sounds much healthier, well he laid into the first one and knocked a 55 which was already enough to beat all the ladies and get his plug. But fuck that, Cumtard took all 3 shots, and maxed out at a 60 on his last punch, bringing him even with the likes of Tully and Dingo! So does he get his plug, well not really cause all he got was to get a load shot on his face by fifty while videoed for Vine. Ok fine he can have a shitty little plug – Go to www.riotcast.com and check the merchandise tab for his Mad Scientist Party Hour tee’s n shit, or just click here!

This mutha fucker here is clearly Fucktard Of The Week – way to go champ! Ellis is getting a milkshake bar in the studio with elk cum in it so he can roid up and beat the shit out of any Gracie who wants it. The Everlast song is allegedly done, fuck yeah! And this is the ~~most racist commercial ever~~ kinda stupid! Breaking News and its tragic kids so I warn you this fucking sucks – Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman has died at the age of 49 years old. Instead of a moment of silence, I’d rather offer you this, and please take 4 minutes out of your day and listen to the riff and may he be remembered as great as this!

Jeff Hanneman (1/31/1964 – 5/2/2013)

Slingin’ Cream is real damn it, just ask Mr. Ding-A-Ling and how he was threatened by rival owner Sno Cone Joe, no bullshit! And if you don’t think that’s funny, then go back and listen to Ellis run off a list of new Wolfknife names. I’m not gonna list them all, in fact I’m not gonna list any. Final calls pretty much were just about a whole bunch of randomness really. One caller did have the nerve to call in and steal my closing joke, about how your grandmother went to the swap meet and picked up some porn to keep the 6 year old entertained while I slang some of my own cream, OH!

Show Re-cap for Wednesday 5/1/2013

Posted on May 1, 2013 by Crackerstacker

Greetings fellow mongrels! And welcome to the Wednesday Re-cap of the Jason Ellis Rawdog’s mom beef so Jason wants to duke it out jiu-jitsu Ellis is gonna get all oiled up and get creepy so Rawdog looks better Josh until he farted a hand carved ice ball out of his ass. Well that’s it for today, your mom’s a

Sirius, Am I Right?

Just kidding mongrels. The above paragraph is a ~~somewhat~~ greatly exaggerated depiction of what a lot of people experienced from SiriusXM’s sattelite feed on today’s show. TJES was basically like having a really good jackoff session and just when you have forgotten how sad and dumb you are and are just going for the moment, a cat jumps onto your lap and takes the edge off of your boner. No worries though, you gotta look on the bright side and think: I wouldn’t be so pissed if I didn’t love this show as much. Admittedly though, some parts of the show were missed. And since I can’t possibly re-cap what I did not witness, I’m going to pepper in some nonsense for the bits I didn’t catch.

Ellis is getting all squared away to train at one of the Gracie Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu gyms in his new neighborhood. He’s going to be starting out as a blue belt, and roll around putting balls in his face for a good ten years to get his black belt. Then there was some discussion about degrees of black belts and how coral belts are higher than that, and red belts are the grand master of them all in BJJ. Brendan Schaub is trying to get Ellis in training with him, but Ellis’ schedule is pretty jacked up because of the show and the kids and stuff. But because Brendan is a pretty sweet dude, he’s gonna shift some stuff around and get into the gym with Ellis whenever he can. He’s either a really nice guy or wants to fold Ellis up like a pretzel and kick his ass. This got the conversation centered onto the Dog, and about how he should be taking Deer Antler Extract to beef himself up and get into MMA and just wrestle bitches into his bed. Aubrey(who is a dude by the way) from Onnit called in a bit to clear up the Deer shit and said the extract isn’t really what is supplying the boost in the supplements, but it’s the combination of all the other shit in the compound that does the trick. Either way TJES, and all of it’s fans want to see a lean, bruiser version of Rawdog and get him to stop being such a little manboy all the time. Jason said they need to get Rawdog’s mom in on the show so they can finally square off for ownership of Josh once and for all. That would be a more anticipated showdown than Jon Jones vs. Anderson Silva, with epic implications. And when Ellis wins the day(Presumably concluding with Jason hoisting Rawdog’s Mom by her genital area) Jason is going to oil himself up and get weird on the streets of Hollywood so Josh can look like more of a man and get some strange.

…..ladies

More MMA stuff, Jake Ellenberger wants to beat the crap out of Jason too and is probably going to come on the show next week. I’m really digging the fact that there are more fighters on the show lately, they tend to be no bullshit types of guys as a general rule. But more than Ellenberger, Rawdog had to undergo an MMA gauntlet quiz, I’m assuming because ~~John Cena~~ Chael Sonnen got TKO’d by Jon Jones this last weekend. The gauntlet consisted of Josh performing some physical task(Punch machine, burpees, kettle bell exercises and Rocky style sit-ups with a slap to the belly), and had to answer questions (about who was the champion in each UFC weight class) in between rounds. As you can imagine, Josh was pretty gassed out after the first bunch of rounds and failed to name Dominick Cruz, Benson Henderson, ANDERSON SILVA, Jose Aldo and GSP. Hearing the little bugger getting frazzled and out of breath was quite a treat though.

Hollywood news: Lil’ Wayne had another seizure but he’s fine. Lindsay Lohan is super duper pinky promising to go to rehab, but not the court appointed one because they won’t let her smoke. Fair enough, I say. As long as she gets her ass back into ‘Mean Girls’ shape I don’t give a shit what she does to get there. Catherine Zeta Jones is checking into rehab because she’s having a heavy period. Andy Dick got kicked off of Dancing With The Stars and is apparently dating a chick in the most “Who the fuck do you think you’re kidding?” move of the year. Beyonce apparently has a pretty crazy rider she supplies to every venue she performs at. Such requirements include $900 in titanium straws, Alkaline water kept at 21 degrees, GIVE ME THE BEAT BOYS AND FREE MY SOUL, I WANNA GET LOST IN YOUR ROCK AND ROLL AND DRIFT AWAY, a hand carved ice ball to sooth her throat after performing, off white walls in every room she has to stay in, a new toilet seat and red toilet paper so she can ignore the blood in her poo she gets from all the grunting she does on stage.

This started a whole conversation on what kinds of crazy shit D!D!D! should put into their riders. Things like making someone go get seven slices of pizza from seven different pizza places, a printed version of wikipedia, SUPACALIFRADGALISTICEXPIALADOCIOUS.

The Drifter came up with a new game where he names a sexual position from the kama sutra and the guys would have to guess what they thought it would look like. I didn’t hear a lot of this one, and not because the player was cutting out. Mostly because it was stupid, Jason didn’t like it and we all just moved on with our day.

Women, Am I Right? A woman was speeding down a highway when police began following her, attempting to pull her over. The woman then dialed 911 and told the dispatcher to tell the cop to get off of her ass. She then MISSISSIPPI QUEEN, YEAH YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 80-year-old swallowed a $5K diamond, but it’s ok because she had an asshole doctor appointment the next day, so he got to fish it out. I don’t know about you, but I bet some 10-year old in an African mine is not feeling so bad about his life now. A drunk woman ran over a cop that was posted up at a random breathalyzer checkpoint. A ~~psycho~~ woman was a bit peeved that her ex-husband didn’t invite her to his birthday party, so naturally she stormed into the place and attacked him with a meat cleaver, a knife, a frying pan and a sledgehammer. I was shocked she wasn’t able to actually murder him, considering even Downzig could have lucked his way into a kill with that arsenal. But then again, she was a woman. Am I Right?

Australia is becoming more and more known for gigantic titties (WOOO!!!). But not because of implants, because of fat chicks (awwww). Yes, bra manufacturers are coming out with K-cup bras for big sloppy titted sheilas and you know who couldn’t be happier? Aussie dudes. If you got big floppy mammaries, they don’t care about the rest of ya. Rawdog has always been a fan of big titties and areolas because he feels a deep connection to his mom every time he tweaks a nipple. Jason commanded Dom to get some large-breasted individuals in the studio so that he and Josh could caress and romance the titties and see who has better skills with the breasticles. But really, who really loses there in that situation? Michael Tully.

Rawdog and Katie are still set to fight in Ellismania 9, Oct. 12. Ellis may have come up with a way to make the fight way more interesting though. He is thinking he should drug both Katie and Josh and pack rolls of quarters into their gloves so they are just slobbering messing throwing bombs at each other. Here in my town they just call that Trailer Park Tuesdays, but it would be a sweet idea if the fight went down that way.

In closing, I just gotta tell you guys about my struggles as of late. I’ve been feeling backed up and living has become a bit uncomfortable lately. It’s just this empty but heavy feeling I’ve been dragging in the pit of my stomach for a few days now. No matter how hard I’ve tried to HTFU and push it, I just haven’t been able to break the barrier and really let loose for a while now. So I called your mom, and she did the old “reverse gag reflex” on my colon and I blasted venomous sewage from the pits of my intestines all over her face. Dingle berries were torn loose by the gale-force winds blasting from my rectum, peppering her face like BB’s and cascading all over her saggy tits (that YOU ruined) like Plinko chips. I walked out of that Denny’s bathroom a new man with a new lease on life, and it’s all thanks to that slut.

Peace, Bitches.

The Jingleberries Will Make You Famous, Or Look Fucktarded (Part 4)

Posted on May 1, 2013 by bitPimps 中

Remember when The Jingleberries put out a call for recordings? Well, we’re doing a 4th round that we can send off for The Jingleberries to work their magic on, while we sit back and hope it gets played on the air. Like these previous rejoins!

Allegedly Official Awesome Original Shawshank Redemption
Audio Player