Show Re-Cap for Monday 11/11/2013


Shout out to NYA’s only reader. Our only friend.

Hello Bungday, we meet again. Hello readers, we meet again. Hello walls, how’d things go for you today? The shit you hear inside your head maybe like what a snake hears via it’s belly. Who fucking knows, science? SOMEONE GET ON THAT, PRONTO! Dingo has a sweet gold chain on today, so says Ellis. Rawdog has a replica of a chain like Dingos, it’s plastic, painted gold, and from a fair or some shit – you know, baller status shit. The studio is moist today, so is Dingo, and people in the Philippines, so shout out to them – but fuck that typhoon Haiya, no shout out for that typhoon. Fall Out Boy shout out the Philippines, Tully even saw them tweet it, still, no shout out to Fall Out Boy either. Dingo went snowboarding on Saturday and got shit-whipped. Dingo also agree’s that Katie has a great ass, no homo. People see your face differently than you see your face, which is why everyone seems to ask you, “what’s up with your fucking face?” If you got a true mirror, where your image is reversed so you can see yourself like others see you, then you too can hold your vomit back. Just kidding. I’m sure you look splendid. Very pretty. Beautiful even.


More titles to read to your children at bedtime.

Ellis bought his kids the Shaun White skateboard ramps, because… Well, I don’t know why. Whatever. Anyway, he had parenting stuff this weekend, Tiger kicked some goals – not that kind – but literal goals in soccer, 6 to be exact. Some stinky kid was there. Nobody said shit to Stinky McGee, but everyone was waiting for him to burst into a shit-smelling cloud of nasty. Tiger scored on Smelly Turd-Turd which made daddy proud because red-headed Greasy Shitfartington was being a fuck knuckle. Tully met Thomas the Train. I remember when my kid was into that shit, it fuckin’ sucks and it’s even kinda creepy. Anyway, he got serious douche chills because of all the shame and passive-aggressive behavior that show teaches children, but now it was in real-life form, right in front of him. Rawdog did not meet Thomas, instead, he mentioned The Berenstain Bears and how he thinks it was a Christian based cartoon. And if anyone needs Jesus, it’s all y’all motherfuckers and Mr. Adultery himself, Rawdog.1 Actually, he’s not Mr. Adultery for the time being as he broke up with Karla over the weekend. You can tell he’s bummed, but it sounds like he also felt it was for the best, but of course still feels bad about it.


Pretty much everyone’s face when they’re trying to hurry up and finish masturbating.

Tully finally came clean. No, he’s never fucked Wilson’s ex-wife. He did however tell us that the new Death! Death! Die! album is planned to come out of the proverbial closet2 on Tuesday November 26th and there will be an on-air release party. He also says that the website should be updated within the next day or two where the album will be on pre-sale for you to pre-order and pre-cum. Also, he’s never bought a chick a dildo, but has bought plenty of vibrators. For women. And nothing too crazy, like a vibrating fist or Thor hammer. Also, he’s the best total package his wife has ever met. He thinks. Actually he feels really confident about that, he might not be the best cocksmith, but it was enough to rock his wife’s world. But as everyone knows, the real test for any marriage is the Rawdog test. If Rawdog bangs your wife and she doesn’t go back to him, you won. But if her Rawdog appetite is insatiable, you’re fucked – and not in a good way. Oh, and chicks that are too hard to make cum, that’s on them, not you. I mean, as long as you’re trying and not a total dick, or treating them in a way they don’t want to be treated. Also, its okay if the chick tells you that she needs to finger herself or she’s not gonna be able to cum. Lots of chicks can’t cum with just a cock jammed in their wee-wat. If you’re not okay with it, maybe you need some therapy. Or maybe she hates you and your smelly balls. Who knows, but you better ask somebody.3


Wait. What? Hendo got knocked out?

A new draft of the California bill to force porn stars to wear condoms is out, now they want porn stars to wear goggles. Which clearly is an attempt to force the porn industry to make more material for the goggle-fetish porn fans and screw over the jizz on my eyeball-fetish porn fans. Ken Block isn’t in porn, but he does have a new video out today, Gymkhana SIX, and it does not star Vin Diesel, or Rob Dyrdek. Ken called into the show and confirmed that indeed, his new video came out today, but he said nothing about not being in porn – so what I’m saying here is that he might actually be in porn.4 Vitor Belfort and Dan Henderson fought over the weekend and Vitor won by TKO in the first round, which might have included the very first time Hendo has been knocked out, even if just for a second. Jeremy Stephens won by knockout 40 seconds into the fight with a head kick. Want more MMA news? Head on over to your favorite MMA news website. What? No. I don’t have one to suggest to you, do your own damn clicking. Moving on, a Russian performance artist freaked out tourists when we nailed his nads to the street. He said it was a metaphor for Russian society, but nobody gets it. Red Bull is not in porn, but they too have a video out. Actually, they have a lot of videos, but this one is about a half-mile long supercross rhythm section.


How’d you react to the show logos that you couldn’t see? Be honest.

Ellis needs a logo for the show, and not the one on the show’s signature cum rag. So they sent Wilson some logos and before he even showed anyone, he sent them shits back because they looked like hell. Before we could get into logos though, Wilson’s wearing a Sam Rubin style watch that was given to him by a phone company to switch his service. Now, back to logos that we can’t see. Wilson flipped through several options and gave minimal descriptions for the listener’s, such as “then there’s this one” which really gave everyone a good visual representation of the logos. Ellis had a meeting with his new manager today, sounds like he’s stoked and thinks it will be beneficial to errybody. NFL talk time, Rawdog won this weekends round of bets with Tully on who would win, someone was supposed to get shocked or something and Ellis read a portion from his book. Oh, and racism. I have no idea how all this ties into to one another, I didn’t catch all of that part so you’ll just have to suffer. Hey, remember that site Ashley Madison? Some Brazilian chick is suing them for 20 million because her wrists hurt from typing up so many fake profiles for the site. And before I forget, OH!5

1 Just joking. That pretty much puts me in the clear, right?
2 I know, that makes little to no sense. Just roll with it.
3 Or don’t. See if I give a shit.
4 Eww.
5 What’s the difference between a baby and a watermelon? Babies can get cancer.


Meet The Guy That Verbally Murdered The Entire Jason Ellis Show Crew

If you were listening to the show last Friday (7/19/2013), you heard what to date was probably the best rap track on “Unsigned Bands” that’s ever been submitted. This guy @CassetteCoast apparently listens very closely to the show and in his track, systematically tore into Ellis, Tully, Will, Rawdog, and Dom. Ellis and Tully seemed genuinely impressed, as were all of us listeners who were left laughing our asses off and requesting that Ellis play the track in its entirety again – which he did. Today had a pleasant surprise in store when @CassetteCoast reached out, which led me to his website (duh!) where he has posted a video about his appearance on the show. After hearing him (skip to the 1:35 mark in the video below) explaining himself and the track a bit more, and giving props to all the other bands played on Unsigned Bands, I was left feeling that he seems like a pretty good guy. A few Twitter exchanges later and sure enough, he certainly was a nice dude. Along with 4 other tracks, he also has the Jason Ellis Target Practice track up on his SoundCloud, so you might want to go check that out as well. Take a bow @CassetteCoast, you deserve it! I don’t think I’ve ever heard a track do so well on Unsigned Bands, nor have I seen so many tweets about a track featured on Unsigned Bands. You clearly have some real talent and you made a bunch of us laugh our asses off!

Jason Ellis Target Practice

For the lyrically challenged:
Faction 41, hold ya tongue, man I’m fitna show you sumn,
unsigned artist, I’m the target so its only fun,
before you get to raggin’ on me, talkin’ bad and dragging on,
lets put this in perspective for a second, what’s happenin’ homie.

Will Pendarvis, the talkin’ dolphin, been jackin’ off at Dom’s apartment,
and garnishing sausages with his esophagus,
honestly Dom is there predominately as his fuck buddy,
get their butts muddy, high 5’ing holla’n FUCK TULLY.

What’s funny college boy, let’s recollect I checked yo shit,
how is you critiquing people bitch, you put out Retrofit,
the biggest pile of shit to get on iTunes and I do,
feel sorry for your wife, women am I right?

Now now now Josh started changing when Karla Lane had banged him,
and painted his face with some pussy juice some other dude just came in,
smell ya finger playa, ball sack, and a little bit of Chick-fil-A,
Jason, look at Josh man, what part of Rawdog isn’t gay?

Anyway what up Jay, how’s your girlfriend, what up Kate,
ol’ butter face ass bitch gone and tell the tale from that crypt,
now in Aussie news they caught a dude tryna do bukkake on a Kawasaki,
with a hockey stick in his ass waving ’round a Canadian flag.


Hold up. Just doin’ a little bit a target practice man, that’s all.
Red Dragon’s old hoe-ass nigga,
put that on a button, ahh.

Show Re-Cap for Monday 7/15/2013


Thug life.

Holy shit. Did you see Monday’s re-cap of Friday’s show? It’s like he’s not even trying anymore. Let’s see if I can do a better job with today’s re-cap! Aaaaand done. There ya go! All I had to do was get the name of the post and date right. HAHAA! Okay, all kidding and razzing aside, lets see what we have in store for us today, or actually. Let’s start with what we don’t have in store for today, Dingo. We got no Dingo today, he’s in Jamaica or some shit. And then we got spoken to about tits, deep, deep underwater, aliens inside of us, and gaping. Angler fish are fucked up looking and they’ll explode if they’re not in the deep, deep underwater depths of the ocean. Are there any monster’s that have fucked to spawn another monster? It appears that yes, indeed, there was a baby Godzilla. Ellis isn’t a dog beater, he’s salty with Burger Ellis, but not all abusey and shit. Bas Rutten is like the Bruce Wayne of southern California. Ellis thinks his ex-wife might be going to clubs full of only rich guys. This brought up rich dudes that pay for a matchmaking service to hook them up with potential wives. Why do these rich guys need a matchmaker? Probably because they’re uber assholes that don’t really care about the other person, they just want a hot trophy to fuck and someone who they can string along by enticing by dangling the all mighty carrot (money) in front of their faces. Ellis thinks Gabe Ruediger will end up backing out of his fight with Ellis, and Ellis says he might just go into a career of boxing once he demolishes him. Oh, and Rawdog recorded a rap single with his little brother, MC Young Yiddishy, over the weekend.


Look, that’s just badass.

So, that Asiana Airlines crash that happened? They’re going to sue KTVU-TV over broadcast of racist fake pilot names, those being: Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow. Talking about the reporters who were fooled into reading those names, up came the reporter lady that fell while stomping grapes and made funny noises while having the wind knocked out of her. Then there was Trayvon Martin talk, and holy shit I ain’t even gonna get into this shit storm of a discussion. I’m sure there are plenty of outlets for you to read and discuss it if you like. Anyway, that discussion took up the better part of an hour, so let’s see what was next. Over 70 percent of American’s keep their smartphones within 5 feet from them and 12% have used their smartphones while making whoopie. Rawdog’s doggy-style partner, Karla Lane, was on the show today and Rawdog does not want Ellis to put his balls on her. We found out that it’s specifically Ellis that Rawdog has an issue with when it comes to Karla. He’s okay with her career and multiple cocks, but anything to do with Ellis, he get’s super territorial. It seems to be the foreskin, because both Rawdog and Karla have an aversion to it. Rawdog has been doing more doggy style and he also had his first shower sex recently, so shout out to his cockery skills.

That last exchange between Ellis, Rawdog, and Karla re-hashed some feelings from a few weeks ago, what has come to be known as the infamous Chick-Fil-A incident of 2013. Tully thought Ellis was making a bigger deal out of it than Rawdog was, things got a little heated but simmered down fairly quickly and the show moved on. In case you didn’t know, Ellis has an Instagram (@wolfmate) and he got 4,700+ likes on a video of his lizard skateboarding and doesn’t know how he got that many views. And that pretty much wrapped up the show, minus of course all the final callers that still don’t understand that you’re supposed to talk the show out, not ask questions. Speaking of fuctarded people. What’s the difference between Sarah Palin’s mouth and her vagina?
Only one fifth of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded. OH!


Sweet dreams childrens!

Show re-cap for Friday 5-3-2013

Its WGAFF and if you give a fuck then your out of the club! We’re the best and be proud of your self for being the best, except you there, your only second best. The guys started off by talking about how good their show is, and how shitty other shows are. It’s like getting rock-hard-power-creampunched in the mouth with silver teeth, having silver teeth sounds awesome, but not when they’re blasting through your face. It’s a perfect analogy.  Ellis’s movie of the day is Point Break, mainly because of the incredible acting by the Australian cop at the end, that dude should have won an Emmy mate! Then they started talking about  how to get rich, Ellis could either start adding commercials to his radio show or start a pyramid schemes or make a fake product like hair tonic and boner strengthened in one. Hairy boners may be a side effect. Ellis dreamed he dropped a N bomb on air or maybe just said niggy but that’s even worse according to Josh Adam Richmond anyway. Where is the line? Gay, fag, homo, fairy, fruity, pillow biting ass bandit? No matter what AIDS isn’t funny, and this message has been brought to you by Downzing. We here at NoYouAre go to great lengths not to offend anyone but if you are offended by something you have read or saw on our site please follow this link and write us so we may correct the issue. Oh, and in case you weren’t sure, it’s not cool to show your friends your dick or for your friends to show you their dick, unless that’s what your into, then you meat gazers have fun.

Tully read a story about ghost hunters and then gifted us with a little ghost story that he experienced from his childhood. Somewhere in the basement of his home there was

Have you seen Michael? I need to fuck up his printer again.

Have you seen Michael? I need to fuck up his printer again.

something that kept fucking up his word processor printer. Might be a ghost, might be magnets, how the fuck do they work anyway? Kengie The Killer came into the studio promoting his new book. He hung out for a while and just shot the shit with the guys. In Hollywood news, Lohan went in the Betty Ford Clinic, it’s still not where the judge wanted her to go but apparently it’s good enough to keep her out of jail. Then there was something about the Elmo dude. And just in time for Mothers Day, Kobe Bryant is suing him mom because she auctioned off a bunch of stuff he gave her and he says it was still his stuff.

In dumbass news, two pilots decided to leave a pair of stewardesses in charge and they couldn’t keep their fingers to themselves and kicked the plane off autopilot almost crashing the whole damn thing, can you guess the dumbasses? A few shows back Rawdog accused small tittly loving Ellis of not being able to handle a pair of massive mammies and to settle this challenge, Karla (@mzkarlaxoxo), Alia (@bestboobsinporn), and Tyadore (@matrixbabe) all came in for the best molester titty groping contest. They blindfolded each girl and one by one, pound for pound, they molested groped felt up caressed each woman. First up was Rawdog with a laughably embarrassing 12 year old boy technique. Alia gave him a crash course on mammary manipulation to prepare for the next two girls. Carla Lane was next and enjoyed the newly educated and ever gentle caress of Rawdog. In round three Ellis won with his more aggressive tweaking of Tyadore’s ta tas.
Apparently after the contest the second girl, Carla, mentioned to Ellis that she really liked the Tussin Wolf and Ellis Mate got her digits to slip to him. After hearing this the only thing I could think was, “aww shit, the dog better slap that ass and get a ticket for the hump bus to smash town!!!!” Speaking of getting laid, here’s the video of the Australian woman getting fucked at the gas pump. And now I present you with the Greatest Guitar Riff finally, finally:
Voodoo Child WINNER
Sweet Child O Mine
Money For Nothing WINNER
South Of Heaven
And the greatest riff in the history of string benders is… Money For Nothing!
Its that guy, in case you see him at Walmart or Target or something.

Its that guy, in case you see him at Walmart or Target or something.

A 50 year old man was munching rug in the coat store, oh yeah. Actually he was on crystal meth and was eating carpet lint thinking its sparkles. Some family somewhere walks on all fours. Some kids got suspended for torquing, whatever the fuck that is, and Travis Pastrana got the pole this weekend, and he gets to start first in the NASCAR race, da dum tss! A beady eyed buddy from the north called in with a story of how he shit in a cat box. And speaking of Canada, they loosened the import regulations on mozzarella cheese and now pizza is cheaper, enjoy your new found freedom Canooks. Towards the end of the show, Rawdizzle was saying that he may not give Carla the sausage because he feels uncomfortable about her being a porn star and doesn’t just want to ram his rod into random box. Speaking of yer mum, congrats on her getting her website mentioned on the show today, must be a big boost for!