Somebody’s gotta do it

OK people, we only have to give a fuck for a few more hours so lets roll!  If Ellismate had 75 dicks do you think his arms would get tired from the excessive jerking requirements?  Its a damn legitimate question, and so is Rawdog asking if he’d even have enough load to support them all  droppin’ loads.  Speaking of loads, Ellismate was listen to Kevin and The Bean this morning, and man those dudes fucking suck. There not really the same thing as The Jason Ellis Show, kinda like the difference between vert and street skating.  Ellismate compared the shit they spew to what he had to do while working on Octane, such as telling you how amazing Finger Finger Death Punch is.  “BLAHT”!  Haha, thats the drop of rawdog gagging yesterday while practicing for his big day.  Tully’s working on the details, but no date has been set yet to see Josh blow that dead horse cock.  Hopefully Rawdog updates his hairstyle before the big day to look his best.  Tully and Ellis threw around some possible looks like herpes infected David Beckham or maybe honest Abe Lincoln.  Tully has afro like hair, which gets all padded down from his scotch taped head phones, which piss on Rawdogs one ear only headphones, fucking swinghouse.  Turns out Will has more headphones, and the new Jason Ellis cum rags.  Right about then Cumtard walked in, and the kids going to be a huge star.  Check him out soon on Ellismania.com doing shit like putting hot sauce on his taint to see if he gets a boner to the obvious butt chugging video.  Ellis also mentioned making the Rawdog spinning by his ankles vid too, and this may be a new Thursday routine for the site so fuck yeah!

That ain’t a sword he’s holding

In Hollywood News, its fucking cold and rainy, wah!  Also Jermaine Jacksun is changing his name and thats not a typo.  Some hot crazy Ukrainian bitch said the ‘Call Me Maybe’ song is a fucking rip off of her smash hit ‘Hunky Santa’.  Molly Cyrus is getting married at 19 and good luck with that.  Lindsay Lohan is a dumb cunt and she may be getting her own ‘Lindsay Lohan News’ segment on the show.  Speaking of dumb cunts maybe getting new shows, Kate Gosselin and Kendra Wilkinson swapped kids for a week trying to keep their reality lives going.  In other Hollywood news, some lady from Kenya had twins and gave them shitty names, and this baby got pregnant in Saudi Arabia.  Apparently all of the shit above was fucking hilarious to Jizz Cult who about stopped the show pissing himself laughing, so be sure to check out @Deadletters on Instagram!  Also be sure to check out Rob Corddry’s new movie Warm Bodies, and Johnny Knoxville and Arnold’s new movie The Last Stand.  Speaking of Arnold, is that dude not the baddest mutherfucker of all time?  Tully pointed out to Ellis that this warlord has been the strongest man in the world, banged a Kennedy and became governor, banged every other woman that walked the earth, and can’t speak a lick of english.  Red Dragons to you sir!

Watch your pussy around this guy

In Aussie news, reporter Michael ‘Sick Cunt’ Tully read a list of Australian inventions that may blow your fucking mind!  From disposable syringes to vaginal cameras these kangaroo fuckers really hooked us up with some cool shit.  Big shits rule, just saying!  So we may be getting another new segment like once a month, ‘Period News’, not to be confused with ‘Women, am i right’.  And then girl on girl star Ryan Keely walked into the studio and she’s fucking smoking hot.  She talked about the new law that passed in LA county and how it was total bullshit.  That the use of condoms with such huge cocks and repetitive banging actually makes the woman more likely to catch a disease since her membranes are so destroyed.  Its all just to stick it to the industry rather to really help anyone in the end. Turns out she is retiring from the game anyways, and just in time as Ellismate is thinking of making his debut with his porn character The Cape-ist, aka The Pussy Burglar.  So what is Ryan going to do with herself besides shuffle her cookie ten times a day?  How about a career in radio.  She’s already got a podcast going and some sick drops on the Ellis show.  If so, she needs to tell her stories about her ex boyfriends.  This one dude used to wake her up by dropping his load on her feet while she was asleep, and he took it up the ass.  This other ex of hers used to line up a friend of his to show up at dinner, and try to convince her into a DP with the two fellas, he took it up the ass too!  I’m seeing a trend with the type of guys she dates, and if you were wondering, she’s fucked 4 dudes in the ass in her lifetime.  Rawdog, I mean Sarah joined the show to have a ‘Sexy Off’ with Ryan Keely which was kinda cool.  Ryan also took the time to offer her advice to Rawdog for his upcoming event.  Suggestions like relaxing his jaw and using his hands to work the shaft should be very helpful when sucking that dead horse cock.  She did fear that the dick may be too big for Josh’s mouth,  but that hopefully shouldn’t be an issue.  Ryan’s also an expert on butt chugging, and gave Cumtard a few pointers to help him, like using a room tempature beer and for it to be flat to avoid the fizz.  She also suggested getting a higher quality beer since it is going up his ass.  She then gave Rawdog a zerbert and made the little Bush Babies day, awww!

I never knew thats what it meant!

In ‘Cock News’, Chad Kroeger is a total dick but also kinda funny too for betting a roadie to put his dick in a fan.  Shoebox rolled into the studio to shoot the shit about Cumtard’s butt chugging plans.  They tried some more to figure out the best beer to put up Kevin’s ass, but maybe its not beer they should be using, maybe Zima?  Shoebox taught us what a ‘chilly willy’ is.  Its when you take a shot of vodka, followed by a bump of vodka up the nose, but don’t try that at home.  From there it was all about Rawdog and this massive horse dick he’s gotta blow.  They tried to figure out how much of the steak Rawdog took on yesterday’s show and Tully placed it somewhere between 2 to 3 inches.  Well, if it don’t fit in his mouth, Joanna Angel will just have to to preform dick tricks on him for a minute and 45 seconds.  Ellis then tried to figure out the best way to display this act.  Should the Dog be on his knees with his arms held back, or maybe tied up like a magicians assitant?  He could have wings and bra and come out as a victoria secrets model.  Maybe a jockey outfit is appropriate for Rawdog, but only if Joanna gets a horse tail butt plug too!  What about the background music for this?  Slinging Cream or Neutral Milk Hotel or how about some video messages from his family for moral support through such tough times.  Whatever happens, one caller was right when he suggested they get the dick stuffed for the walls of the Faction studios.  Sounds like something your mom would ask for, a taxidermied stuffed version of mine and all of EllisFam’s cocks for her walls…..her pussy walls, OH!