Tag Archives: Will Pendarvis

Show Re-cap For Monday 12/17/2012

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Sorry Canada, you're on your own, but you can have a superhero.

Sorry Canada, you’re on your own, but you can have a superhero.

It’s Monday and some of you are still recovering from The Wreckoning, I feel no pity for you. HA! The show started off with AussieDog and RawTully filling in for Ellis for about a minute. Rawdog has got a sore shoulder from getting an atomic wedgie at The Wreckoning, and you can watch that along with him getting mouth raped thanks to @CobraTits. Ellis says he’s super proud of the fans at how nice they were, especially to the ladies, except the guy that kept prodding Ellis to fight him. Dingo likes to jizz all over everything, car seats, hotel sheets, floors, individually wrapped cups, pretty much anything and everything. Pendarvis revealed that he went to Vegas over the weekend and has a gambling problem that nobody ever knew about. At one point he was down $2,000 and ended up walking away with $1,400 in the black, he also revealed that at the last EllisMania, he ended up winning about $3,000. As time goes on, we find out more and more little secrets about. Should Ellis become the King of America, watch the fuck out, because Mexico will be part of us now and people are going to get shot, and you get no say in jack shit so back the fuck up, son! Canada, you stay Canada.

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Get your helmets on, we’re in for a bumpy ride.

The UFC was the next topic up on the show, which of course means that we’re all interested in how much money Rawdog makes working for Sirius. Tully told of a story staying a shithole in Albuquerque, New Mexico with bullet holes in the doors and a broken toilet duct taped back together. This of course reminded Rawdog of how his dad used to take him out for pizza to a restaurant that nobody else was at except a table of Italian guys. So of course that makes it a front for mob money laundering, which in turn brings us to Ellis wanting to bang Adele. And that pretty much covers UFC news. What? Pizza, American’s didn’t invent it and German’s didn’t invent the hamburger. The Hobbit, it sounds like a massive hunk of turd-crap movie that’s too damn long.

iPope location service de-activated.

iPope location service de-activated.

Some angry protestors showed up at the Vatican, they were mad that the Pope said gay marriage and abortion are threats to world peace. Which of course means that if you disagree with him, you shall burn in a lake of fire. Maybe. Or possibly not, nobody really knows. Dingo was baptized, but he considers himself more Christian than Catholic. Sounds like some pound for pound talk. Another church in New Zealand thinks that Jesus is gay and since it’s Christmas time, it’s the perfect time him to come out of the closet as a homosexual man baby. The Game’s new album cover depicts a thug Jesus, which is totally fucking gangster because he’s reppin’ the hood. There’s also palm trees in the image so I assume that means Jesus likes the beach scene too. Cumtard was put under some scrutiny after saying that he blacked out for the entire Wreckoning, but then came to at some point at his apartment and kept drinking. He says he has no recollection of yelling at one of his chick friends that he wants to bang, but something seems amiss in his story to the guys.

Family matters in the public eye typically works out very well.

Family matters in the public eye typically works out very well.

Hollywood news time and Kat Von D got engaged to Deadmau5, on Twitter – so you know it’s gonna last. Kelly Clarkson got engaged as well, she did Tweet about it, but wasn’t proposed to over Twitter or any other social media website, so sorry Kelly, you lose. Janice Dickinson also got engaged, she’s in her 50’s so you know damn well Twitter wasn’t involved at all – however, Medicare was. Brooke Mueller is getting out of rehab for the 19th time, one could only assume she’s planning  her 20th rehab visit sometime just after the New Year. ABC Network has green lit a project to document Justin Bieber’s life before he rose to fame, which is old news because we did a story on Justin “Cream Corn” Bieber way before it was cool. Final calls, some dude with a wife and kids isn’t getting any sex from his wife or his kids, and that’s bullshit. Now he’s Mr. Creepy Guy, staring at any piece of gash that walks by, welcome to getting old my friend. Have a seat. Another dude called in to give his two cents on the Cumtard and his alcoholic writing tendencies, but what the fuck does that guy know? He’s not even an alcoholic in training. Another caller chimed in to ask if the guys thought they could make it in a real man’s world. I think he meant working 8+ hours a day and not hunting down buffalo with no other weapons than your cock. Another dude called in, him and his wife split up but lived together, she ended up kicking him out so she could suck another dude’s dick. After getting bored with his dick, she went back to her ex and said she made a “mistake” and they got back together. Turns out she’s still be texting this other dude and misses his cock now too. Anyways, that’s how it goes when you’re with that cock starved slut that you call your mother. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 12/13/2012

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lg3004+birthmachine-hr-giger-poster

H.R. MacGyver with a pencil n paper

Fucking A for Thursday – Ellis n the crew must have ate some happy food, maybe a happy meal?  You see, the food you eat helps depict your attitude in life.  My happy food must be “pussay” allaahaahalla, but who didn’t know that.  Did you know that “Daddy likes orange bikes”!  Its true, Tiggy says Ellismate is a huge fan of KTM.  And everyone is a huge fan of saving starving kids, such as the fine people bidding on a day with Ellis on that hungerthon thing, and with only 26 minutes to go were at about $10,500.  How would you like to see the new spin off, Real Husbands of Beverly Hills, with Ellismate of course?  20 minutes to go, and still about 2 grand short of Howard Stern’s current bid, and world domination!  Tully says Toddlers & Tiaras is fucking hilarious.  Oh shit, we got a new bid of about $11,500 from “Van Hamersly” (Spelling?) with only about 13 minutes left, shits going down!  So Travis Barker was all like super dad n shit at the park with his kids, even though Snookie said Travis looks ‘sketchy’.  Also, Rapunzel is smoking fucking hot.  Only 8 minutes to go and you can cut the tension with a wolfknife.  Ellis would smoke Obama in moto, but he’s not sure how a game of hoops would go.  5 minutes.  Ellis hates everyone from Paul Blart Mall Cop.  2minutes.  Shout out to Papa Fifty.  30 seconds. #fucktully CLOSED!  Fuck, didn’t beat out Howard Stern, but got fucking close and fed a lot of starving kids so Red Dragons.  Will Pendarvis III called the show, not to comment on Cumtards sad state of depression and drinking alone, but rather to tell Ellis he bought him a chair, and just over 11 grand ain’t too shabby.  I’m sure Will didn’t pick him up a microphone from H. R. Giger, though that dude’s artwork is fucking twisted, gnarly and all that good shit.

 

gandalf-460

No More  Toto-Frodo’s-Scroto?

Gather round kids, its Hollywood News times.  Lindsay Lohan could be more fucked than she already is, facing almost a year in jail.  Lindsay Lohan could be less fucked than that last story, if her storage unit is auctioned off with all her dildos n shit.  Sean Penn don’t give a fuck about any bitch, including his two ex wives.  Angelina Jolie cares too fucking much, and will be retiring as soon as her 78 kids reach their teenage years.  Gandalf will take a break from fucking hobbits, as the poor bastard has taint cancer.  Jennifer Lopez and Al Roker ain’t fucking, but are fucked.  And finally, a special NoYouAre shout out to Patriot Guard Riders for their support to military families, and for sticking it too those God Hates Fags pieces of shit.  Now if only we can get Charlie Sheen to head the Gods Hates Gods Hates Fags, then we’d could fight more crime, and eat less chic’fil’a.

 

Can't pull off a Dirty Waffle, check out The Jason Ellis Show!

Having trouble maneuvering the Dirty Waffle?

 

In Florida, this mother fucker here was driving around with road sign sticking out his head.  Anyways, lets get to the first of our guests, Breesa.  The lovely official brewer of the illegal, yet potent, Wolfknives beer.  18% alcohol by content, so it can fuck you up like a Wolfknife could, and since it can’t be taxed n shit yet, its not for sale, but hopefully one day soon.  Breesa also brought some other shit, like some pot beer for Rawdog of course, and some champagne beer as well, corked and all.  Foxxy also joined the show for this debut of sorts.  Bring in Cumtard, and we have ourselves a little game don’t we.  But instead of the normal blindfolded taste test shit you’d hear on other podcasts, The Jason Ellis Show is of a much higher caliber.  No No, not up to the par of Butt Chugging the beer that put all other Canadian beers to shame, but rather – ‘Butt Shot O’Clock’ mofo’s!  Time for Cumtard to take shots of the different beers off Foxxy’s ass, luge style, and guess which is the Wolfknife beer or the other pussy shit.  Despite Cumtard being bitchingly scared of Foxxy’s ass and taint region, and chaotic yelling from Ellis and Tully to just harden the fuck up, and the first shot going down Foxxy’s ass into Cumtards eyes, we did get some good action out of this.  Cumtards nose did go in Foxxy’s ass for the record, and he did guess the champagne beer correctly.  However, Cumtard didn’t correctly guess the Wolfknife beer, though when he did, he admitted it left a nice “asster taste”, zing!

 

Your mom loves it

           Your mom loves it

 

In Aussie News, apple maps is fucking killing people and leaving them in the bush to die.  This reminded Ellis that kangaroos only punch you for fun. Its when they pop back on their tail, n use their feet to gut ya, that shows they’re really pissed.  It also reminded Ellis he owns land out in the bush mate, and he one time shot the face off a 7 foot Goanna, and the fucking thing jumped at him when he tried to pick up the body.  That reminded Tully, what would you do if you saw a lizard with a gun?  Can your toilet flush 20 golf balls, or 2 lbs. of kitty litter, or who gives a shit?  I bet you Ellis wishes he had that toilet back in Australia, ya know when he used to get beat for shitting his pants, and would try to flush the evidence.  Tully thinks it may have been Encopresis, but I think it just fucked up…..that Instagram removed @tullywood‘s sweet pic of monkey balls.  Oh, and be sure to start following Ellismate’s new Instagram, @wolfmate, thats @wolfmate, one more time, @wolfmate.  Anyways, Rawdog had some picture of a ghost that was real, but I couldn’t find that shit.  Tully did find some repressed memories of a ghost slamming the door to his newly built bedroom at his parents place.  Foxxy said she could smell a ghost, but it was just Papa Fifty cutting loose.  We did get to hear from the “Van Hamersly” lady, who called in about her hefty donation, and her plans for the Wing when she meets him.  Sounds a lot like my plans later on tonight, which involve anal fisting, 3 bottles of lube, two road signs, a case of Wolfknife beer and of course yer mum!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 12/11/2012

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The white boy is back, and you know he can never be whack. It was another porn kind of morning for The Wing, which I assume also means he and Katie did sex stuff. Ellis started a new Instagram account, you can follow him @WolfMate to get your fix. Jude stopped into the show again today, this time for more than just a quick gift giving of vaporizers. He’s going to be writing some rap lyrics for a new Jack the Cunt track, and he’s got the ghetto accent to bring the bad shit, boss. Will fucked some shit up in the studio today, battery backup units were a beep-beep-beeping all over the place until bingo-bango, the show went off-air and we got some Social Distortion instead. No live EllisMania.com either, so everyone was left standing there with their dorks in the hands for awhile until a “Best of” show came on. And with that, we’re done with the re-cap, but we’re just getting started on your mother. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 12/6/2012

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Oy Mate, It’s me Jason Ellis! I shit in your mom’s fishtank, Red Dragons ya cunt.

A set of double D tits is better to have for a year than a set of dog’s balls on your face, fact!  Oh, and its Thursday, also fact!  From here on out its total bullshit, so lets get to it.  Ellismate is still doing his home jail house workout, but is stuck in between ripped and Rawdog.  Meanwhile, at the Ellis estates, #burgerellis got his first x-ray today, Red Dragons to you my puppy friend.  Hey, if your ever in Vegas at Drais Afterhours, be sure to look for Jason Ellis, catching VIP treatment and taking photos n shit.  Turns out Kit Cope has a friend who was in Vegas this weekend, and saw Ellis there, high on ecstasy with some Asian chic.  Only Ellis wasn’t in Vegas, so what the fuck – We have an imposture!  Of course Ellis hit Kit up on the air to try and get to the bottom of it, and Kit quoted a line from the fake Ellis “I am Jason Ellis and I make lots of money talking on the radio”.  Cumtard tried to get in touch with Drais, but everyone’s still sleeping so it remains a mystery.  Dogs are dumb, babies are dumber, and baby dogs are dumberer than all.  Not this dog yo, he be riding it til the wheels fall off.  So naturally that video led to Tully, drunk off his ass of course, verse a dog in a race to the death.  Sounds cool, but not sure about the legality’s of that.  If we were in Thailand though, game fucking on! Sounds like Ellis wants to take the show there for a few weeks, and maybe get a group salad tossing with Josh to bond as brothers.  Tully did point out the 3-7 AM time frame, but again, game fucking on!  Its not likely to happen though, as they can’t even get out to Ellis, Kansas let alone friggin Thailand.  One Day!

 

Rawdog just misses his McGriddles…

Mike Dolce joined the show to talk diet and health n shit, and if you listen to the show for health and to get good advice about it, you want to go back and check this out.  Mike’s a trainer for a shit ton of UFC fighters like Vitor Belfort, Johnny Hendricks, Quinton Rampage Jackson and many others.  He helps them cut weight, but not by starvation, rather a good diet and discipline, fucking sucks I know.  Dude knows his shit, which is as basic as eating earth grown stuff every 2 to 4 hours while awake, and til your satisfied not full.  Sure you gotta change up your lifestyle, but you don’t have to be nuts about it.  Mike on the other hand carries a book bag with a day of food and supplies n shit, such as almond butter, oat bran, and hemp hearts (What the fuck is a hemp heart?).  He’s written a few books on it, which Ellis and Rawdog each plan to try out.  For Josh, he will be checking out Living Lean, while Ellis is more of a 3 Weeks to Shredded guy.  Of course Rawdog is the Darth Vader of nutrition so we shall see how he does.  Other cool shit we learned, just cause its 100% natural don’t mean shit, bleach can be 100% natural and ain’t good for you.  Alcohol is a poison anyway you slice it, but weed is mellow as long as ingested not inhaled, since its better than any prescription drug you can get.  Also you need 9 hours of sleep a night, and avoid Crossfit all together as its gayer than you are my homo friend.

 

                 Oh yeah, DING!

 

Dana White, the man the myth the legend, called the show to shoot some UFC breeze with the wing.   I wonder if Dana owns a $450 Starbuck’s metal card?  Not sure, but I can guarantee you he own’s quite a few assistants, all of which are hotter than Ellis’s new assistant Ryan.  Ryan’s a happy dude who loves the Dead Kennedy’s and is from Vancouver.  Back to Dana White, so he’s “friggin’ awesome” and he loves Ellis, thinks the wing is the coolest.  So anyways, which fight is Ellis most pumped to see asked Dana, how about the Cain Velasquez/Junior dos Santos fight which ain’t even this weekend.  FUCK, stupid brain say dumb things go DUH!  Rawdog fed him a few of the fights on this weekends free UFC on FOX5, and Ellis is siked to see both the Benson Henderson/Nate Diaz and the BJ Penn/Rory MacDonald fights, calling Benson Henderson a ‘freak horse human’ so check it out.  Ellis also was a bit pissed at the final on this season’s Ultimate Fighter, but its Team Carwin no matter what happened for him.  Ellis added he was going to go check the videos from the weigh-ins, which Dana reminded him haven’t even happened yet.  Moral of the story kids, if you like to hear Dana White, go back and check this out as you may never hear him again on TJES after today!  In other meaningless news, Snakes on a Plane ain’t just a shitty movie anymore.  This other dude blamed a cat for the murder of a lawyer.  Last but not least, Rory MacDonald dresses like a French Canadian fag, and Tully’s wife is madly in love with Manny Pacquiao.

 

Well no fucking wonder….

Not much today in the way of Hollywood News, just the grammy’s.  Rawdog played a bunch of gay award-winning gay music to show Ellis what was hot this past year.  Maybe Death! Death! Die! can be in next year’s Grammy nominations, I mean shoebox knows a guy.  Just record a clean version of Big Funky Mega Boat and its on like Donkey Kong.  If I may be serious for a second, #fucktully for reminding us about Ghost Dad, i mean really dude.  But not for beating Linsanity with pillows and thundersticks, thats just fucking cool and necessary. Cats kill babies, its all true, and all over the internet.  They literally will “take the breath” of your infant, so watch out.  Stars too will literally take the Ellis show, and just fuck it up to beyond recognition, or so thinks Ellis. He’s fucking done with those assholes, they don’t care and can’t get it right.  His original intention for even being on that shit station was to fucking put it to Covino n Rich.  But those dudes turned out to be cool and care about radio n shit, and with all the fuck ups over the years, its just time to move on.  Will kill joyed any Faction replay ideas since too many people like punk and need a channel for it.  Whatever happens, we will always have our little noon to four on the west coast to look forward too, and Sirius on demand if we miss it, except in Canada I hear.  And your mom always has her Skechers and Crossfit training to look forward too as well, oh and like 13lbs. of shit and load we’ve been saving up for her, OH!