VH1 Behind The Music: Nicholas “Cream Corn” Bieber

Preface: This was supposed to be published last Friday. It would have been funnier because the joke would have been more clear in everyone’s memory.  However, as you can see, it was not published Friday – so just try to remember…

Born just 6 hours, 6 minutes, and 6 seconds after his famous older twin brother, Nicholas “Cream Corn” Bieber’s life was tough from the very beginning. His beady-eyed Canadian mother Patricia Lynn “Fucktard” Mallette, was just 18 years old when she became pregnant with the Devil and his twin. The family soon realized just how “special” Nicholas was soon after delivery, he looked as if he had fallen from Heaven because his face was so fucked up. While doctors feverishly tried to mash his pliable forehead back into shape, they had forgotten about his eyes, and therein lies his signature look. A look that has only recently come to light and has also come to define him. Not much is known about Nicholas partly due to the families secrecy and the poor recording of medical records by the Canadians due to their beady eyes and lack of lighting in their tunnels. Other than a couple of alleged sightings, the Bieber family has kept this secret well hidden.

As Justin gained recognition and popularity with his first full-length studio album “My World 2.0”, Nicholas, who had always tried to emulate his twin brother, had planned his own studio album called “Uhhnnngg Cream Corn 18.11.042” which was really just his family’s attempt to please Nicholas and his fits of rage, but was never really intended to be recorded or released. During one of these fake recording sessions, tragedy struck as Nicholas started biting everyone in the home studio that was setup for Justin and Usher to record and make out in. By this time, Nicholas was already a “family secret” and was never in the spotlight much less revealed to the public. Fans were shocked to even learn of his existence. None the less, Nicholas had actually managed to mash buttons until several songs were recorded and uploaded to YouPorn by accident. The songs, “Cream-Cream-Cream In My Corn” and “The Fart Dance” were used in conjunction with a 34 minute cumshot compilation featuring an unknown penis ejaculating into a bowl full of corn and a series of shots of anuses farting with cum squirting out. Not long after breaking into the mainstream world, Justin would start forming a relationship with Selena Gomez that grew as the days went by. Nicholas had watched this relationship blossom and along with feeling neglected and in the shadow of his twin brother, he felt it was time for him to start his own relationship. That is when he made Katrina Slowmez, a cardboard cutout of his famous brothers girlfriend. Nicholas proclaimed to his family and dolls that Katrina was pregnant and that they were expecting their first cardboard box, who was tentatively named “FedEx”.

A self-proclaimed fan of Nicholas “Cream Corn” Bieber, going by the name of @MumTard, who also claims to have a son named “Kevin” who is a fan of Nicholas as well, brought all of what is known today to light. To this day, this is as much as the world currently knows about Nicholas “Cream Corn” Bieber. It has helped to create as much controversy as it has brought information to light. It is also speculated that Nicholas may have been contacted by several groups in an effort to further his career. However, the Bieber family has denied all of these claims and to this day say nothing of Nicholas’s previous contributions or even his existence, citing “It is not a topic of discussion.” Will the world one day finally witness the genius of Nicholas “Cream Corn” Bieber or will he be a forgetten story in the Bieber history, only time will tell.

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  1. Pingback: Show Re-cap For Monday 12/17/2012 | No You Are

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