Show Re-Cap for Monday 7/14/2014


My name is Jason Ellis and I’ll be your captain for this flight.

This baby show just got all growed up. It ate the channel and grew seven dicks and it makes Ellis’ pants fuller because his cock & balls have swollen. No, not because of a dick injury, but because “The New Deal” program has been enacted. Not the series of domestic programs enacted in the United States in the 1930’s, but the new deal with Sirius XM and The Jason Ellis Show. There’s a new channel, with talk and music instead of commercials. And it’s Ellis’, so he’s celebrating with a Shirley Temple. Ding & Ellis hit on some moto news, but I wasn’t taking any notes on that since I wanted to keep focused on the new deal – that still hasn’t been explained as of yet. Ding, Ellis, & Tully hit on some football talk, but I wasn’t taking any notes on that since I wanted to keep focused on the new deal – that still hasn’t been explained as of yet. Dreads & the NFL. Still no details on the contract. But I bet it’s some really cool stuff! Touchdowns are kind of a big deal in football (American football, not soccer you dolts). Contract, we still know nothing about it. Should be exciting though! Ellis got a vocal amp and a microphone from the music store so he and Katie can start a band. I don’t think it has anything to do with his Sirius XM contract, but who knows, maybe it does and he just hasn’t discussed it yet. I bet fans would like to know though. And maybe we will. Or maybe we won’t. Okay, wait. We’ve got a little more news. The contract hasn’t been signed yet, but it’s there. Sounds like it will be signed.


That stripping was rolling off his balls. Allegedly.

So Ellis & Tully got Dingo caught up to speed with the most uncomfortable moment in TJES history. We’re talking about the stripper (that didn’t strip) for Tully. Dingo tried to help a caller how to figure out how to sneak drugs into a festival. Turns out the best way to do that is to get fucked up before you go in and then just drink while you’re at the festival. That or rent an RV and just do what they did in that movie We’re The Millers. Did you know people are dumb? Some fools were forwarding around some shit about a “Dinosaur Hunter” posing next to a triceratops he killed. Yeah. That was Steven Spielberg. Dingo went sailing over the weekend, instead of blacking out like he did the previous weekend. Also Dingo & Danny were at the Agenda trade show over the weekend and have fired their companies (Grenade) CEO. Apparently they’re turning Grenade back around and making it not shitty or something. So back zits, elbow pimples, in-grown ass hairs, and puss – who hasn’t gone through an experience with one or all of them? Nobody, that’s who. What sucks about them now is that Brandon Lee isn’t around to fully squeeze the juice outta them babies for you. Tully’s been taking a #5 to his chest and lower back hair, he’ll take a #2 to the face, but never a #0. #2 as in the shaver length, not a turd. Some guy called in to say he trims his ball hair while he’s on the toilet taking a dump. That’s pretty fucking nasty dude, you should not do that. I don’t know why, but all this reminds of yesterday when I saw everyone doing “bucket list” posts on Instagram yesterday. People know not to tag me with that stuff because I don’t participate, but I almost posted one item that I think would be on my bucket list, and that would be to have a picture of Wilson, on the toilet, in that weird position while you wipe your ass – back is arched and kind of twisted. I don’t know why, but I think that’d be hilarious. Anyway, let’s move on.

MMA News time. Ronda Rousey broke a cyst in her hand and also broke her hand in her last fight, which is why she couldn’t take another fight right away. Dana White says that this week, they will sign a deal with Gina Carano. There was more but I got pulled away temporarily and couldn’t take any notes. Ellis and Mike have decided that with the new upcoming contract, they need to have a meeting about the channel – at Will’s house. Will of course doesn’t want that without a ton of preparation, he feels like it would provide the guys with ammunition for mocking him with. He’s subletting an apartment from a guy who happens to be a very big fan of Batman, so there might allegedly be a lot of Batman stuff around Will’s place. He’s got some old Perry Mason videos. No word on any Murder She Wrote videos, a framed picture of Cumtard, or a bunch of drivers licenses whom he’s flashed his headlights at, tacked to the back of his bathroom door. He also swears up and down that there are no cigarettes to be found at his apartment. Will wants to smoke weed without all the paranoia. He’s also one week into growing a mustache. Then I missed more show because OMG THE INTERNET WENT DOWN! By the time it came back online they went straight into break. But word on the air-waves is that there will be a big guest coming in shortly.


The Internet went down? NOOO!!!

While waiting for the guest to arrive, Ellis made a few new sexual intros about Will. That didn’t last long as Janice Dickinson came into the studio. Straight into plastic surgery talk, which you can almost smell coming through her microphone and out of our radios. She has a son that is 1 year younger than Dingo, so it’s a safe bet he has no idea who she is. She’s not sick of herself yet, I mean her profession, she almost sounded like she took offense to Ellis asking her if she was sick of going all day like she does. She’s too old to remember her Twitter password, which isn’t all that surprising, she is 59 and full of botox. She says she doesn’t need drugs to get wild and crazy and that she doesn’t even drink anymore. She says women are smarter than men, and also that she never understood penises until she had a son, apparently she hasn’t heard any of the “Women, Am I Right?” segments. #HEYOH Anyway, they started talking about the Studio 54 days, sex and I uh… I’m sorry, but I just threw up in my mouth a little and I really don’t care what she has to say so I’m just gonna zone out for a bit. I have to admit, I did have a chuckle when she told Ellis to suck her dick and asked if Tully was a doctor.

Last week on the show during the “Women’s Sexual Bucket List” segment, some girl called to say she wanted to bone Cumtard. Sounds like she might allegedly be able to scratch that one off her list as it sounds like she’ll be flying in to meet his meat sometime this week or so. Janice broke Tully’s computer! Damn it, Janice, I put up with you talking all over everyone for an hour, but now this? I will not stand for you breaking my adopted father’s computer! Fuck it. Time for “Come inside my third brown eye” dream reading session with Ellis. Hotdog had a dream where he was with his friends, all in tuxedos and he was getting married. He didn’t know who the chick was but didn’t wanna be “that guy” so he walked up to the alter and woke up in a cold sweat. Which loosely translated means that he’s worried he won’t find the right one and Janice Dickinson will be your mother-in-law. Dingo had a dream that he just kept on shitting all night long, which of course means he’s rich and hangs out with famous people. This segment took us to the end of the show with callers calling in about their dreams and shit, not knowing that their dreams have already been crushed. Sorry ’bout that, callers. I had a dream that we got more details about this contract that hasn’t been signed yet, but that dream got crushed too. See? It’s not just you callers, we’re all getting our dreams crushed. PEACE OUT!


How I ended this re-cap.

Show Re-cap For Monday 12/17/2012

Sorry Canada, you're on your own, but you can have a superhero.

Sorry Canada, you’re on your own, but you can have a superhero.

It’s Monday and some of you are still recovering from The Wreckoning, I feel no pity for you. HA! The show started off with AussieDog and RawTully filling in for Ellis for about a minute. Rawdog has got a sore shoulder from getting an atomic wedgie at The Wreckoning, and you can watch that along with him getting mouth raped thanks to @CobraTits. Ellis says he’s super proud of the fans at how nice they were, especially to the ladies, except the guy that kept prodding Ellis to fight him. Dingo likes to jizz all over everything, car seats, hotel sheets, floors, individually wrapped cups, pretty much anything and everything. Pendarvis revealed that he went to Vegas over the weekend and has a gambling problem that nobody ever knew about. At one point he was down $2,000 and ended up walking away with $1,400 in the black, he also revealed that at the last EllisMania, he ended up winning about $3,000. As time goes on, we find out more and more little secrets about. Should Ellis become the King of America, watch the fuck out, because Mexico will be part of us now and people are going to get shot, and you get no say in jack shit so back the fuck up, son! Canada, you stay Canada.


Get your helmets on, we’re in for a bumpy ride.

The UFC was the next topic up on the show, which of course means that we’re all interested in how much money Rawdog makes working for Sirius. Tully told of a story staying a shithole in Albuquerque, New Mexico with bullet holes in the doors and a broken toilet duct taped back together. This of course reminded Rawdog of how his dad used to take him out for pizza to a restaurant that nobody else was at except a table of Italian guys. So of course that makes it a front for mob money laundering, which in turn brings us to Ellis wanting to bang Adele. And that pretty much covers UFC news. What? Pizza, American’s didn’t invent it and German’s didn’t invent the hamburger. The Hobbit, it sounds like a massive hunk of turd-crap movie that’s too damn long.

iPope location service de-activated.

iPope location service de-activated.

Some angry protestors showed up at the Vatican, they were mad that the Pope said gay marriage and abortion are threats to world peace. Which of course means that if you disagree with him, you shall burn in a lake of fire. Maybe. Or possibly not, nobody really knows. Dingo was baptized, but he considers himself more Christian than Catholic. Sounds like some pound for pound talk. Another church in New Zealand thinks that Jesus is gay and since it’s Christmas time, it’s the perfect time him to come out of the closet as a homosexual man baby. The Game’s new album cover depicts a thug Jesus, which is totally fucking gangster because he’s reppin’ the hood. There’s also palm trees in the image so I assume that means Jesus likes the beach scene too. Cumtard was put under some scrutiny after saying that he blacked out for the entire Wreckoning, but then came to at some point at his apartment and kept drinking. He says he has no recollection of yelling at one of his chick friends that he wants to bang, but something seems amiss in his story to the guys.

Family matters in the public eye typically works out very well.

Family matters in the public eye typically works out very well.

Hollywood news time and Kat Von D got engaged to Deadmau5, on Twitter – so you know it’s gonna last. Kelly Clarkson got engaged as well, she did Tweet about it, but wasn’t proposed to over Twitter or any other social media website, so sorry Kelly, you lose. Janice Dickinson also got engaged, she’s in her 50’s so you know damn well Twitter wasn’t involved at all – however, Medicare was. Brooke Mueller is getting out of rehab for the 19th time, one could only assume she’s planning  her 20th rehab visit sometime just after the New Year. ABC Network has green lit a project to document Justin Bieber’s life before he rose to fame, which is old news because we did a story on Justin “Cream Corn” Bieber way before it was cool. Final calls, some dude with a wife and kids isn’t getting any sex from his wife or his kids, and that’s bullshit. Now he’s Mr. Creepy Guy, staring at any piece of gash that walks by, welcome to getting old my friend. Have a seat. Another dude called in to give his two cents on the Cumtard and his alcoholic writing tendencies, but what the fuck does that guy know? He’s not even an alcoholic in training. Another caller chimed in to ask if the guys thought they could make it in a real man’s world. I think he meant working 8+ hours a day and not hunting down buffalo with no other weapons than your cock. Another dude called in, him and his wife split up but lived together, she ended up kicking him out so she could suck another dude’s dick. After getting bored with his dick, she went back to her ex and said she made a “mistake” and they got back together. Turns out she’s still be texting this other dude and misses his cock now too. Anyways, that’s how it goes when you’re with that cock starved slut that you call your mother. OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 5/15/2012

Sounds like Jillian Reynolds’ (formerly Barberie) boss is now upset with Ellis because he was on KTLA and not their show, which is funny because Ellis has asked to be on Jillian’s show like 10 times and was turned down each time. Dumb Hollywood politics is apparently at play here. Fuck ’em. Ellis wants to create his own collection line of shirts, patches, blankets, bed sheets, etc. Someone called up Andrea to brag that she was going to beat up Katie, and then people had to do their homework for school the next day. Whose some hot old chicks was a topic, Janice Dickinson and Martha Stewart were mentioned among others. Ellis admitted he would not be into dating an average looking person, only hot chicks – and he knows that will eventually lead to a lonely life. But, hey, I guess that’s why they sell ferns.

Not only has Obama come out in support of gay marriage, but so has Jay-Z, so go ahead and change the books. Rawdog was excited to bring a new segment to the show today, gadget talk. I like me some new technology, but I just knew Rawdog was going to pick some stupid shit, and sure enough he did – a fucking phone glove for instance. It turns out that Dingo may have little balls, he had to measure, I assume because it was a rather close call. A literal 12 year-old called into the show while eating a hotdog, and it appears he has kind of an a-hole for a mom. Ellis had told the kid that he probably shouldn’t be listening to the show because he’s too young. The kid was eating a hotdog, it wasn’t cold. Then the kid passed the phone to mom, who called the show “pathetic” and claimed she, nor her son listened to the show, and that they were eating hotdogs. She said her husband loves the show, brings home the bacon, and she gets to drive a nice car… and eat hotdogs. At any rate, she was annoying. Also, hotdogs. Today’s new music Tuesday wasn’t all that bad, certainly better than a lot of the previous ones. I missed pretty much the rest of the show, but I don’t think there was anything of major importance. Oh, wait. Hotdogs + you moms pussy = state fair corn dogs. You know, because of all that batter in her deep fryer of a pussy. OH!