Tag Archives: Will Pendarvis

Show Re-Cap for Thurday 5/9/13

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Sup fuckers, it’s yet another Thursday with your Uncle Ghostload, and the ADHD is heavy today.  Ellis’s jaw hurts cause he’s been sleeping crooked and shit’s breaking on him.  Why do crab’s sleep sideways?  But like Tully points out, if there was a roided up smurf, beating the shit out of all the other smurfs, and your 6 foot ass rolled into town, blue roided up smurf would bring it to you despite your towering appearance cause that’s all he knows how to do!  Which really just means Ellis wants to get back on his board and shred, but not with a bunch of 14 year old kooks.  And Linsanity would be more likely to be Ellis skate board buddy, not to dare be confused with his DP buddy, since Tully is too old a dog to learn that new trick.  Did you know that Will practically gave birth to Silverchair?  I mean this dude was the first to play them state side, and he was the dude that picked them up at the air port in Hotlanta, I mean practically raised those little warlords.  Some crazy dude wants to be Ellis’s fight date buddy, again not his DP buddy, but this dude has never trained, just lifted some weights……well, get it up ya mate!  Speaking of crazy dudes, Rawdog is all set to go to Mars.  He even has it planned to coincide with the his last TJES show in roughly 6 years…….and then I lost transmission……..

 

 

........until they give Ellis $1,000,000.

……..until they give Ellis $1,000,000.

 

…..yeah so I finally got back into The Jason Ellis Show, and just in time to hear them tell some dude to go write a haiku on Silverchair, followed by some other dudes best attempt at “Baby, Baby” or some shit.  So what the hell is going on?  Its the Little Miss Jason Ellis contest!  Yeah I probably should have just switched over to Jude, but I stayed in and here’s what I deciphered.  We had 3 lovely contestants, John, Perry and Jason.  They each went through a well thought our test consisting of the aforementioned Silverchair haiku and a sexy karaoke, as well as eating a banana, a few questions, their overall looks, and of course a turn on the punch machine!  Fuck dude, that’s a lot of shit, this mutherfucker must be important huh.  Perry, who turned out to be the creepy dude, is the ocean and the least fuckable dude, had a haiku more about himself than Silverchair.  Perry did win the punch machine with a solid 66 (Which he used his palm to strike the pad, hmmmm), but came in last in the final voting so fuck off.  John, has huge areolas, which swayed Rawdog’s vote quite a bit, killed “My Humps”, and dominated the banana eating competition.  John had a horrible and uncalled for haiku and more horrible and more-er uncalled for ass or lack thereof, so clearly he isn’t Little Miss Jason Ellis.  Folks, meet Jason, not Ellis just a random dude with the same first name.  Jason knows why bitches be trippin’, haikud the shit out of Silverchair, was easily the sexiest by default, and despite him not knowing how to properly eat a banana, he is the winner of the 2013 Little Miss Jason Ellis Pageant, so enjoy your free shit and don’t ever tell anyone about any of this, ever!!!

 

 

So this is what I pictured, how about you?

So this is what I pictured….

 

Kevin Farley is just a casual laid back dude!  He stopped by the show to shoot the breeze with the fellas, cause you know he don’t give a flying mutherfucking fuck!  Plus, he can do a spot on impression of a cop, so he’s got that going for him.  You ever notice how sometimes in interviews we tend to find out more about Ellis than the guest?  Well, this was kinda like that, but we did find out Ellis and Kevin share a serious bond having brothers who passed and both having to deal, with that and drugs and life and whatever dude let’s talk about Dancing With The Stars.  Kevin’s hosts the road version of the show, which is still mega.  He’s friends with Andy Dick as well, and subtly calls BS on Andy’s new female love thang.  But its not just Ellis that bonded with Kevin today, Tully too shares a bond, University of Wisconsin-Madison bitches!  Turns out that school is like a mini Australia, partying and burnouts.  Kevin also was part of 2gether, a mock boy band, so he knows AJ and all the other boy band stars.  He hangs at Rocking Riley’s, the only Irish Pub in Hollywood as it turns out, and sticks to vodka cause of the calories, but lets just keep that hush hush, its a little touchy.  Lets also keep this hush hush, Tullyvich allegedly has some of Trader Joe’s finest in his home made Red Bull, all alleged of course, yeah come to think of it that didn’t happen, #fucktully.  Back to Kevin, and his new movies!  First off is Project Bigfoot, and this just pissed Rawdog off cause its a spoof on Bigfoot.  After a 5minute exchange of Rawdog justifying Bigfoot being real, and The Loch Ness Monster dodging sonar, Kevin got back to his new movie, Project Bigfoot, which is due out in a few months and should be hilarious.  But lets just say you don’t wanna wait a few months, and want your fix now, BOOM!  No its not called boom ya dumbass, check out Paranormal Movie out on DVD now.  Also, not sure how long you gotta wait for this, but Kevin and Ellis wanna start Titty Fucking Magazine so fuck yeah!  Oh, and finally, for the ladies, if your in the Hollywood area and wanna get titty fucked by a Hollywood Star, thats @ImKevinFarley on twitter – Enjoy!

 

 

Rawdog was quite the little artist!

 

 

Well turns out the ADHD meds are wearing off on yet another tremendous edition of Your Mom’s House, so enjoy Hollywood News kids.  Demi Moore is banging a younger Jason Ellis, good on ya mate!  The Crickets are still alive. Nicole Richie was awesome in her dress she wore at this years Met Gala.  Rawdog ain’t down for eating any crickets, maybe Dom is.  What the fuck is a Met Gala anyways?  Tom Hanks tops the list of Most Trusted individuals.  Julia Roberts is Hindu.  Some dude was swallowed by a hippo.  “Meth Heads Die”, “Tully Beating Potheads”, “Will Suggesting Coke” what do all these  have in common?  They’re just random notes I jotted down, again the ADHD is thick today. Mayhem just figured out he ain’t listening to the show for a few days…….

BJ27x1DCUAA8yKL.jpg-large

 

…..but I’m sure he would feel better knowing that this dude Min existed back in the day, and could drop a load in the Nile River to ensure to crops would grow, duh!  That reminds me of the time I tricked your grandmother into believing that if I dropped a load in her throat, her teeth would grow back, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/18/13

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What’s love got to do, got to do with it?  With that, welcome to another Thursday edition of Thunder Dome with your host Tina Turner a.k.a Ellis.  Yeah, I don’t get it either, too deep for me.  Speaking of too deep, Tully apparently got a little too deep this morning while digging in his ass, just after taking a nice shit mind you, and on his finger was some liquidy substance.  Unfortunately it wasn’t shit like we all had hoped, but blood is pretty fucking Red Dragons I’d say and that’s what was on Tully’s finger when he pulled back.  After a thorough review, he determined the blood was in fact not from his deuce in the commode, but rather from his ass cheek.  And thus begins today’s show, what is bleeding on Tully’s ass, call 855-355-4741 now and give us your thoughts.  But please spare me the immediate need to rush to the hospital as it is both necessary and obvi!  Let’s just focus on the potential para-rectal cyst lying deep in his ass tissue.  Did you know this same scenario happened to Rawdog recently, but turned out he just ate some Doritos, DING!  Thankfully Rude Jude stopped by to help us get off Tully’s ass, and focus on the real matter at hand….washing your hands.  As Jude puts it, wash your hands so you don’t pass second hand dick – Good shit Jude!  Jude taught us all about black hair care and what a weave cap is.  He also said Lord Sears is working hard on staying awake, making it most of the show yesterday which also included Adam Carolla.  “A Tree doesn’t get mad if you call it a bush.  It knows its a tree!” – Rude Jude.   Not sure how to transition from that to chics leaving snail trails and being proud of it, but it happens and I’m sure it somewhere on Vine.  Of course, thats not to be confused with your Happy Trail, or Treasure Trail, or finally Hairway to Heaven!

 

Not sure I like where this is going....

Not sure I like where this is going….

 

Remember yesterday’s World’s Greatest Wednesday, well today’s just as good to finish it up.  It was to find out who or what is, the World’s Greatest Way to humiliate a snail down in Flo-Rida.  Yeah so we just went through all the nominees:

Rawdog betray the snails for a bagel and crucify them

Make snails have gay sex and make fun of them

Cook snails in beer and feed them to other snails

Make them listen to Accidental Racist (Don’t click it)

Beat the snails with Ellis’s PETA award

Put Offspring and Jeff Hardy stickers on their shells

Send them into space on balloons with Death!Death!Die! stickers for promotional purposes

Cum on a snail

Make them drunk driving monster trucks

Use a potato gun to shoot snails at other snails

Have Rawdog posterize dunk on a snail

Make the snails preform parkour

Make the snails preform the Mega Ramp

Surround them with a ring of salt, and a ring of beer outside of that

Spray them with Axe body spray, when their about the get laid, set them on fire

Drag them behind trucks

Dress them as the Statue of Liberty and make them spin signs on the street corner

Give the snails all white boy cornrows

(And some late additions to yesterday’s list, which by the way has a few removed that Ellis ditched prior to voting)…….

Put snails on Jiffy Pop and put them in the microwave

Tie Snails to both ends of a battery and make them touch to get zapped

Pull the snail’s dick out and pour salt on it, the “Salt Peter”

So that’s the list, can’t really do shit about it now but so you knew who or what was even available.  Oh, and Rawdog only smoked like 3 or 4 times in college.

 

Rawdog's new night spot coming soon!

Rawdog’s new night spot coming soon!

 

Hollywood News bitches, and what other bitch but Kim Kardashian to start us off with her divorce of Kris Humphries and how it may be finally happening.  Remember the dude Finch from American Pie, the one that banged Stifler’s mom, yeah well some one night stand didn’t want to leave last night, and well check this shit out!  Serena Williams was strutting that ass in Miami and DAMN!   Adele turned down a million bucks cause she still got more life to live, for real for real.  Did you know Jennifer Aniston has been cupping, or better yet do you even know what the fuck that means?  If oyu answered No, fuck yeah homie!  Well Gwyneth Paltrow used to do it, and Tully hates that bitch, so you should too – remember that’s fuck Gwyneth Paltrow kids!  Jaden Smith says that Obama told him Aliens were true.  And thus concludes today’s Hollywood News, so now just back to how German dudes thought black dudes coudln’t beat them in sports until Jessie Owens and Joe Lewis kinda fucked all that up for them.  From there it was Jackie Robinson and white dudes figured out that when the monies on the line, always listen to Wesley Snipes.  Did you know that Michael Jackson stole the moonwalk from some dude who was a Solid Gold Dancer?  Did you give a shit that Fergie is trying to vogue or some shit?  No you didn’t, but I bet you do give a shit about this two on two MMA fighting over in Russia!  Dom, fuck my bad, Lil’ Bane was out and about the streets of Hollywood yesterday allegedly saying Justin Bieber had been killed by Nazi’s for his Anne Frank comments the other day.  Since Lil’ Bane produces The Jason Ellis Show, he had a tape record on him, and we all got to listen to people’s reactions.  People such as some old lady who swallowed the microphone and some dude who already knew about it before Lil’ Bane told him.  Batman actually spoke and gave his regards to Beiber’s mom.  Finally some Australian dude was propsitioned mon, “Fuck the Cunt, I shoulda killed him”.  He’s getting better folks, hell of a job Dom!

 

JustinBieber1-RIP-1364789695

….Mon!

 

News from a Dolphin, my favorite shit might I add, about some lady who cut off her husband’s dick cause he was fucking an old girlfriend or some shit.  But enough of that, lets get down to some real business.  All show Ellis n Tully sprinkled in some shots at Rawdog about basketball and getting a game together.  Well it will be sometime tomorrow morning, with Rawdog trying to make 3 out of 10 layups, and also a two on two game between Ellis N Tully verse Will and Dom.  Unfortunately tickets aren’t for sale, but how fucking sweet would it be to see this.  Just make sure to listen tomorrow for what happens.  Kinda like yesterday, when you had to tune in tomorrow which is today, to find out who or what is the World’s Greatest way to humiliate a snail.  Well folks, here’s your top ten:

10 – Put Offspring and Ed Hardy stickers on the snail’s shells

9  – Beat snails with Ellis’s PETA award

8  – Send snails into space with balloons to promote Death! Death! Die!

7  – Make snail parkour videos

6  – Dress the snails as The Statue Of Liberty and make them spin signs on a street corner

5  – Pull the snail’s dick out and our salt on it

4  – Put them inside a circle of salt, surrounded by a circle of beer

3  – Spray them with Axe body spray, and as they’re about the get fucked, set them on fire

2  – Have Rawdog betray the snail’s for some bagels, and crucify them

1  – Have Rawdog posterize them

Hey don’t look at me, you fuckers voted on this shit.  Seems pretty accurate to me though, cause having The Illusionist dunk over you and see it on your bedroom wall is some fucked up shit.  But no where as fucked up as the last episode of Suck My Dick with Will and Lil’ Bane, where Thunderballs and I took turns cupping your grandma’s ass while we moon walked all over her pussay, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/11/13

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Rape Dragons!

                      Rape Dragons!

You’d think today was like any other Thursday, but nah mate you are, and things were a bit off today.  The romper stomper intro just wasn’t doing it for ol’ Ellismate.  No Rawdog today, still got the jew aids, which Ellis thinks he may be getting too which sucks Will’s toe.  Just weird was all, but not a sign of loosing it by any means.  But what if Ellis or Tully lost it, and not just their radio goldness, but their overall shit?  Tully plans to have a trusted few to which he can ask just that, and if they all agree he’s off his rocker, then it must be true.  Of course we all remember Ellis retirement plan…..Heroin n XBox.  But again like I said, they haven’t lost a thing – straight into yesterday’s truck pulling Tully proposition.  Seems Will is a fucking hater from way back concerned Tully may hit a stick along his path to certain death.  But as Ellis reminded Will, it was JizzCult that let the show Tug-O-War a MMA fighter which is extreme!  Tully reminded Jizz that Ellis knows the safe word so shit’s cool.  None the less Ellis found the ‘Chinese Loophole’, not to be confused with the ‘Russian Corkscrew’, which was just to film it and put it on Ellismania and Bob’s Your Uncle!  So is Will Pendarvis III a giant pussy or does his alleged wrestling of alligators at the tender age of 8 mean anything to you?  How about Rape Dragon, does that ring a bell?  If no, well thank Barry cause it’s just some shit from the show you don’t need to worry about for now, moving on….Tully gave us a sneak peek at a new Death!Death!Die! track that Bert McCracken laid some vocals down for which were similar to let’s say Axl Rose forgetting to use an over mitt, it was fucking awesome!

 

 

Dom says men who see this, want this!

Dom says men who see this, want this!

If you haven’t heard the producer Dom yet, man you really don’t catch much of the show huh.  Well turns out ol’ herpes stoke face has been pitching like 50 bits a day to Ellis N Tully and using no discretion at all, kinda like us #EllisFam and twitter, OH!  While doing his best to entertain us with penis enhancement, and all because of David Beckham’s junk, Ellis figured out why Dom sucks so fucking much, its his voice.  If he had a Bane mask, then he could be hilarious and overcome the material.  Tully, being all Oxford and what not, devised a sweet Bane starter kit, with the kung fu grip, and Lil’ Bane was born.  But Dom doesn’t have the deepest of voices, and apparently when he tries to make his voice deeper, he also quiets it.  Also turns out Dom is very RawDog-esc, having troubles rolling his R’s as just one example.  But with the Lil’ Bane starter kit, and his new found New York Caribbean voice, our new producer is tolerable to say the least.  After all that laughter, nothing but MMA news for dat ass!  Dana White tweeted something about the Ultimate Fighter Challenge which is Saturday, April 13th at 9:00pm on FX I’m pretty sure but you’ll see it.  Also don’t forget UFC Fox 8 coming to well Fox I guess pretty soon too.  Ronda Rousey says Fallon Fox ain’t cutting it, OH!  Ok I’ll stop with the OH’s for now, but come on that was super cheesy and yes I punched myself in the dick.  From there it was nothing but talk about  how Frankie Edgar’s name is hard to remember and that he use to not cut weight, and how cutting weight’s for pussies.  How one day Rawdog will just have a daily Dork Fuck Fest for a good 5 years as Tully see’s it.  And don’t forget the immortal words of Mayhem Miller, “Posture Mate, Posture Mate”, which luckily were no help to Tony Gianopoulos Jr.

 

 

Today's show is brought to you by....

Today’s show is brought to you by….

Did you hear about the guy who walked into Home Depot, cut his arms off, and holy shit dude cut his fucking arms off?  The good news is he’s got them pretty much sold to Danzig who will be touring with 4 arms, and well that’s it just 4 arms, kinda cool.  Eden Alexander is pretty fucking cool too, been in over 75 porn films, kicks dudes in the balls, and tomorrow’s her birthday!  She came by the show today cause she’s fucking hot so why not, and to play a game.  Before that, check this shit out, Stage 5 Squirter is who were dealing with here folks.  She’s a Power Squirter and can control that shit.  She’s able to build it up, which is increased by fucking a lot, and can shoot it about 14 feet in distance, Pink Dragons to you my friend.  So would Dom trade the verbal abuse he constantly deals with in exchange for spankings from Eden? “Not Really” was the answer I “Swearsed” I heard.  All good though, cause we gonna play us some Medium Sized Dick Karaoke, cause its funny and since the big cock was missing.  But what you don’t know is the medium sized cock can also shoot a load whenever you’d like.  And what you also don’t know if Dom, or someone, didn’t check to see it fit the belt they have, of course it doesn’t.  No worries, while Dom Lil’ Bane holds his medium sized cock, Anal Gay has to hold Lil’ Bane’s mask all dutch rudder like n all.  Paradise City was the song and Eden was on the cock mic cock-mic, Lil’ Bane was on the….shit you get the idea.  Eden did a pretty damn good job as Lil’ Bane creepily had his way with her face.  Not to worry though, Eden got her revenge by spanking Lil’ Bane for a good 20 spanks.  Pound for Pound a lot of fun but I guess you had to be there.

 

 

Great Defense!

     Great Defense!

We heard some new old rejoins, one of which had never been played before, so suck it!  Remember that whole MMA cutting weight shit I kinda skimmed over, well Ellis has a friend who says there is a limit to how much weight fighters can gain back after they’ve weighted in, but again that’s for pussies.  Real man would weight in after dominating a hot dog eating contest.  And stretching, fuck that, put Jack Daniels in my water bottle n come n get you some!  Hollywood News and Jay-Z told Obama to come get him some, well not really but he did rap back to the Cuba trip talk n all, check it out.  Flavor Flav is headed to court for chasing or being chased with a butcher knife or some shit if your interested.  Gwyneth Paltrow has some book out about eating so healthy it becomes unhealthy but you gotta go look that one up yourself.  Turns out Justin Bieber is in Hollywood News today go figure, but he is NOT the #1 followed person on Twitter, not after you take out his 50% of fake followers, and there are other famous people maybe guilty of the same thing?  And if you ain’t heard it all, this is why – Black Sabbath, who’s releasing a new album, decided to get the word out on an episode of CSI, yup!  Then Ellis got a little off subject, and Tully rather than guide him back opted to join in….Yao Ming could beat up Kareem Abdul-Jabar….Kevin Garnett has a little head and is friends with Jerry Stackhouse….Juwan Howard….Luc Longley bangs mad hoe’s…..The entire ’96 Bulls team sucks balls and tea bags Phil Jackson.   Glad that’s over, now back to the #EvilEnvelope talks from yesterday, which is just an envelope of punishments for when you fuck up.  Ellis n Tully read a few of the ideas from today, which were wearing ‘Juicy’ pants for a show, calling someone’s mom and askign her out, picking a cup and drinking it from water, toilet water, your pee!  There were tons more, that were just good laughs for us all, and I also think they took a few ideas they didn’t mention as well.  All in all a pretty good job Ellis Fam, but still not as good as that one time we all took turns sitting in a car full of bee’s, getting out and having your grandma squirt all over us to soothe the burn and hydrate us back to health, OH!

Show Re-cap for Thursday 3/28/2013

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et another Thursday for you and I my friend – I bet your wondering what Ellis said first.  Well, your a fucking pussy.  Yup, were all pussies, including Ellismate himself who said his vag needs to harden the fuck up too.  Apparently The Wing was having a shit day moment, Pansy Fest to be exact.  You see with all the business n shit that came with but after the radio show, its kinda forced Ellis to say shit he usually wouldn’t.  Not all the time, but once in a while is more than he’d enjoy as well all know.  What if it was just radio, and none of the other bullshit like trying to get a TV show for instance.  Like Ellis says, too many fingers in too many pies and the bigger he gets, the less he feels he can say without pissing someone off = Sellout.  I personally don’t agree with that totally, but there is an angle there, and no one wants fish+chips with pizza!  Of course Tully loves beer and ice cream in bed with Ms Tully, its a tradition in the Oxford household.  But #FuckTully right, so back to Ellismate who says he holds back about 1% of the shit he wants to say.  Damn that 1% sounds like some good fucking radio gold but I get it.  He also used to eat his food n think of shit for the show, but now he just thinks of how to handle all the people involved in this Ellis empire!  There is good news for The Cowboy though, he can train at Bas Rutten’s gym since its only down the road……except that when he n Katie made the trip the night before, it turned out to be about 20 miles down the 101, which in LA at 7:30am means forced anal rape-age so that fucking sucks too.  Well what else can go wrong – then JizzCult enters the studio and you know were all doomed.  Nah, Will’s cool and he brings some new drops – and something for you #EllisFam.  If you live near the studio, or your in town, and wanna be in studio playing games on the show?  Fuck yeah you do shithead – email jellis@siriusxm.com with the DATE(s) and/or TIME(s) plus your CONTACT INFO and get it up ya!  83140196 So Tom Green saw a drone today and tweeted that shit, which was finally an upside for Ellis since he could sit back and listen to Rawdog n Tully battle it out on why drones are dangerous to our privacy says Josh.  Well, short n sweet, and a criminal investigator and some other conspiracy theory dude who’s got the criminal investigator now looking into him later = Tully Wins (Tully 1 – Rawdog 0).

 

 

No Shit!

No Shit!

Gay marriage laws are up for review by The Supreme Court says Rawdog, specifically the Prop 8 one and the Defense of Marriage at which was passed by Bill Fuck Yeah Clinton.  You know what’s not gay, being able to watch Big Fucking Mega Boat The Woodsman on EllisMania.com, ON YOUR SMART PHONE!!!!  So remember how Rawdog called out the lack of script for Big Fucking Mega Boat, which Tully said fuck you – Well Tully brought in the “script” for it, and Rawdog immediately started with an apology to Tully, BUT, he also sticks to his guns on not being the producer, only the editor.  Also the go cart track didn’t help much, well it did get everyone there, but then everyone was distracted for some odd reason.  But the script was what was in question, and how about the scene of the Big Fucking Mega Boat with tentacles n testicles, wheres that huh?  No scenes with the BFMB killing any celebrities either or the scene of Jagerbeard shoving a dildo into the rear of BFMB, with Belladonna’s ass as the self destruct button and Muska Kills tagged on the side of the ship. Again though, Rawdog isn’t the producer and the producer is who checks all that shit and makes it happen.  So who was the producer right?  Donald Schultz of course.  Ellis does remember them arguing over who wasn’t the producer, so maybe.  It also didn’t help they couldn’t get cameo’s from such legends like Benji Madden (Another 5 lines that turn into 20 minutes of sweet nothings like in The Woodsman) and Tony Hawk (Another creepy dude with a hat n a moustache like in The Woodsman).  Bottom line is Big Fucking Mega Boat ain’t no Woodsman, but being able to watch it on your iPhone fucking kicks ass.  In closing, Rawdog would like to say if there is another movie involving them all, such as maybe Steve Dead Load or Gory Hole, that he would love to be the producer and would “handle shit” = Rawdog Wins (Rawdog 1 – Tully 1).

 

 

Rawdog's doppelganger per Doug Benson

Rawdog’s doppelganger per Doug Benson

Cock News with none other than Doug Benson, good timing Doug, where a San Francisco school figured out about men who go to the ER for penis injuries mostly do from getting it caught in the zipper.  Well Ellis wasn’t satisfied with this version of Cock News, and Doug hasn’t heard the stories yet, so we got to hear about that one time he blue balled a staff hole into his dick, and the other time he ripped his Ronnie Rollback fucking that one chic, Red Dragons!  Tully got his junk caught in the zipper on his PJs when he was like 4 too, didn’t know that huh!  Both were better Cock News for sure but that’s not why we’re here.    DougLovesMovies.com and his new movie The Greatest Movie Ever Rolled isn’t why we’re here either, but its why Doug is here so check it out!  Were here to play a game with Doug of course, but first lets see what he’s got on the punching machine.  While checking out the board, he knew he had to beat Cumtard’s 40, but wsa threatened by Rob Corddry’s 58, oh and called out Sam Rubin but that turned out to backfire on him as his top score out of 3 punches was a respectable 49, but not enough to beat Rubin.  Hopefully Doug has enough in him to beat The Jason Ellis Show at their own game, kinda based off Doug’s game he plays on his podcast, but with a twist.  Will read off names which were either an Action Stars character name or a Porn Star.  I’m not giving you a detailed play by play, but I will say both Doug nailed the first one by naming the movie too, and Ellis got the first 5 right.  Rawdog n Tully kinda fell behind in the beginning and Doug just kept a solid pace.  Then the Wing fell apart dropping his last 5 and letting the other 3 all pull into a tie for the final question.  Well, the name was Tony Cage and Rawdog knew it a little too well perhaps, and of course was the only one to get it right = Rawdog Wins (Rawdog 2 – Tully 1)!!!

 

 

Oddly enough Sly checked in for both categories!

Oddly enough Sly checked in for both categories!

 

Hollywood News was kinda limited today kids, but Barbara Walters old ass is calling it quits.  They also talked about Justin Bieber spitting on that dude but kinda didn’t give a shit since its so close to Friday n all.  Rawdog did some Teen Advice as well with seniors dating 8th graders and Am I A Lesbian, which just ask yourself 3 simple questions.  Am I Fat?  Do I Wear a Ball Cap?  How Big Are My Calf Muscles?  Again I didn’t pay much attention but this time case I was too busy laughing my ass off at Rawdog give a good 5 minutes of drops, that would fill up at least a page on Ellis’s board, acting like the chics asking this bullshit.  I’m sure we will hear those in the future while listening to The Future.  See what I did there?  Your grandma didn’t see what I did there though, well not after last night’s escapades involving a dart board with a Gory Hole drilled through the bulls eyes swinging from a chain hooked to the ceiling, while she was tied up to the folding chair I keep in my basement with some good ol’ duckie mate, as I did 5 spins around the baseball bat between 5 lines of coke and 2 cialis, and ran full speed targeting your mom’s face hole timed with the swinging board trying to make her tear from gagging the back of her throat.  Well I missed her throat, still got the tears, and came up with a whole new meaning for BullsEYE, OH!

 

 

Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/25/2013

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its_barkinsons

Ellis can take care of his dogs, as long as Katie’s there to do it for him.

Staycation is over, time to get back into the swing of things, and what better way to do that than to do stuff. I know, that doesn’t make much sense and isn’t very funny. But maybe it is funny and you just get my high-brow sense of humor? No, that’s not it. It’s not you, it’s me, sorry ’bout that. Nobody has stuck their dick in the voice-altimication machine during the break, so the hammer has been… on the head, or something. Oh, hey, EllisMania.com is supposedly working on mobile devices now, so that’s pretty big news for many of you. Ellis did tons of shit during the staycation and wasn’t sure where to even begin, but he’s full of puppies today. He took his kids pretend extreme falling and Tiger floated around and shit, he also got tuned up a bit at the gym, and rode a mechanical bull. Tully was busy babying it up. Rawdog went to Oakland with a female friend during the staycation, he didn’t fuck any bitches or friends though. He also didn’t eat any shrooms, even though this “friend” said she had a massive bag of them, but didn’t feel like doing any. Say wha? Jude stopped by today after he heard about Rawdog’s chick friend that didn’t give him any shrooms. He gave Rawdog some advice, he needs to bang out an ugly girl and just keep banging her to get his head back in the game. This prompted callers to chime in with their own brand of advice, one of which was “Jennifer” who wanted to take Rawdog out to McDonald’s and maybe take him home, bend him over and fuck him in the ass. By the way, “Jennifer” ended up revealing he was really a dude whilst saying that last bit. ZING!

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I think I might owe money to the Jew-manji jar for this one.

Uh oh, My Chemical Romance has made an astonishing announcement, they are done and over with. There’s a Jew-manji jar now, anytime Ellis says anything anti-semetic, Rawdog says something bad about Australians, and when Tully doesn’t say nice things about Ellis’ penis – they all have to put money in the Jew-manji jar. Davi Millsaps called into the show to explain why the fuck he’s the fastest deformed man in the world, not the points leader, and to deny Ellis of his used tires. Rawdog got gassed out after lifting some kettle bells (via Onnit & Donald Schwartz) and some MMA school training in the prize chamber. Some Cody dude that was the winner at Tiger Box stopped on the show today hoping to do make-up and take photos of the guys for his spank bank book. One of the other Tiger Box competitors got a drumstick in  his asshole, while another got tackled and molested by a shirtless Grant Cobb. Oh, and Katie ate some chicks ass out on stage, and FuckYouDude might possibly have gotten peed on. Wish it was you that had a drumstick up your asshole? Good news! Tiger Box should be happening again in about a month. Except this time Anal Gay-Lewis won’t be calling people up to compete because he totally botched that job this go-around. There was a debate between Rawdog & Tully about the writing between The Woodsman and Big Fucking Mega Boat. This prompted Ellis & Cody to drop a few coins into the Jew-manji jar and make a few comments. That’s also when Tully put a dollar in the Jew-manji jar, leaving us to assume he will be blasting racial comments Rawdog’s way at some point.

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Toy Story took an unexpected turn.

We got to hear a JizzCult dolphin read masturbation news, turns out the dolphin is a bit of a chubby chaser because he likes to think of whales while rubbing himself on some coral. Some chick called in to ask what “Red Dragons” meant, she quickly earned her first Red Dragons after saying her boyfriend once fucked her with a large, cock-sized herb pipe, which she really enjoyed. World’s Greatest Guitar Riff resumed today, here’s how it played out, or at least as best as anyone but Rawdog could tell:

  • Seek & Destroy (Metallica) vs Bro Hymn (Pennywise)
    Seek & Destroy (Metallica) won and moves to the Sweet 16.
  • Walk (Pantera) vs For Whom the Bell Tolls (Metallica)
    For Whom the Bell Tolls (Metallica) won and moves to the Sweet 16.
  • Seek & Destroy (Metallica) vs For Whom the Bell Tolls (Metallica)
    Suprise, Seek & Destroy (Metallica) won and moves to the Elite 8.
  • Twist of Cain (Danzig) vs Crazy Train (Ozzy Osbourne)
    Ozzy won and moves to the Sweet 16.
  • The Thing That Should Not Be (Metallica) vs A New Level (Pantera)
    Pantera won and moves to the Sweet 16.
  • Crazy Train (Ozzy Osbourne) vs A New Level (Pantera)
    A New Level (Pantera) won and moves to the Elite 8.
  • Seek & Destroy (Metallica) vs A New Level (Pantera)
    Seek & Destroy (Metallica) won the Elite 8 spot.
widest_slot

Nope. Your mom has the widest slot you can get.

Mr. X flew with some sticky icky again, and this time his luggage didn’t mysteriously go missing. This chick elegantly explains a recent hail storm. Now, wanna hear her auto-tuned? TJES fan, @TheWoodswoman had her piano version Awesome World played on the show today. In Hollywood news, despite the world’s best efforts, Lil Wayne is not dead. James Franco is allegedly a terrible neighbor by leaving trash everywhere, he makes noises and stuff, and the children, think about the children! Ashley Greene’s house burned down via an unattended candle, and it killed her dog. The house fire, not the candle, the candle was acquitted of the dog murdering charge, but held for the arson charge. Lindsay Lohan struck a plea-bargain and will be going to a 90-day lock down rehab center, even though technically, one does not exist in the US. So the judge said, “Shit, my bad. You can serve that 90-days in jail if you wanna.” Does not having sex with Lindsay Lohan at Coachella while Blur is playing, make Rawdog less of a man? Probably. Peter Murphy got arrested for DUI after doing a hit-and-run number. Cher put one of her homes on the market, it’s in Venice and if you’re a total fucking freak, you can buy that grey pube infested pussy grease trap. Victoria Beckham has announced she’s retiring from singing. Did she ever really sing or was just yappy? Jesse James got married for the fourth time, which automatically makes him the bitch in any and all future relationships he’s in. But hey, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. I mean, I like you, but you could be banging Urkel and you’d still be the bitch in that relationship. OH!