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Show Re-cap For Wednesday 1/2/2013

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  Happy New Year Bitches!

Its’ been a long time, we shouldn’ta left you, without a dope recap to step to.  But their fucking best of’s, and we got shit to do.  Today was live though, first of the year, and started with the reminiscing of that time Ellis got that one chic to put a phone in another girls ass, and called in on the air, and he thanked his mom.  Its shit like that he does to help the world, so EllisFam like you and i don’t get all pissed off with the morons living amongst us.  So the next time some idiot cuts you off in traffic, and fucks your lady, you can thank Ellis for not getting so pissed.  So what happened over the break for the fellas?  Rawdog didn’t get laid, but did go to some formal party with Bentley and did get to jerk off his roommate when the ball(s) dropped.  Tully got all spur of the moment n shit and took his wife n kid to Palm Springs so he could hang at a gay bar.  Ellis took his kids n lady to Mammoth Mountain, got ’em ski lessons n shit, and told Katie to Harden The Fuck Up for all the wrong reasons.  Thank god Jude showed up to spare us the drama and instead bring us stories of babies painting playpens in shit.  Jude also got the recap of the Reckoning from Rawdog, who is now a real man, taking that dick like he did, and is ready for a kick ass 2013, you go girl!  OH, and whats a new years break without movies?  Ellis saw Jack Reacher said its was pretty fucking good.  Tully saw Ted and also said it was pretty fucking good.  Rawdog saw Django Unchained, also saying its was pretty fucking good.  Jude on the other hand, saw Django Unchained as well, but in a black neighborhood, and its was not a pretty fucking good idea, but the movie was kinda sweet.  And everyone should see Killer Joe cause Thomas Hayden Church is the fucking man and you can suck it!

 

 

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Couldnt find a naked one armed man holding an arm….

Maryland got the gay, allowing their states first same sex marriage.  Tesla is more than just a shitty decent 80’s band, but also a bad ass electric car thats Ellis Show approved and American made brother!  Who had the worst New Years you wonder, maybe this woman Tully ran into at Fat Burger that not only broke up with her boyfriend, but her car broke down and she slept the night in the parking lot.  I’m sure someone out there has a worse story, and maybe it involves a car ride up a long windy road, in Australia of course, and your stopped by a naked man, covered in blood, holding an arm.  If so, dude you totally shoulda called the show, cause Ellismate had a box of shit he needed to get rid of to whoever had the best story involving the naked blood covered arm carrying man, and how he fucking got their in the first place.  Quite a few callers with some good ideas n shit, but none of which can be put into words, so go back and listen for yourself.  Of course, if you were curious what Rawdog or Tully would do in a situation with this crazed maniac…..Tully would just turn around n leave, while Rawdog would reason with the fine gentleman.

 

 

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Another Rawdog Classic!

Hollywood News time muthafuckers!  Kim Kardashian had a baby, oh shit thats not news worthy never mind.  Kayne West fucked Kim Kardashian and made that bitch have a baby, thats Hollywood News!  Justin Bieber was smoking weed in his Ferrari and some paparazzi dude got ran over for talking shit, says Rawdog.  Then Tully, being super dad n all, had a long heart to heart with us all on the dangers of the paparazzi, and on listening to Rawdog and not reading the story for yourself, seriously people.  Then shit got real realer when a mysterious wooden box showed up that Ellis thought could contain a bomb or snakes maybe.  Problem solved, they just got Cumtard to open the box, which contained…….some cool super cross thingie sent from Trey Canard #41 moto dude, who’s got a movie out about his 2012 life story titled REvival 41, check it out.  I’m sure you’ll check out Rawdog’s new movie coming out one day, you know the romantical comedy about Shoebox and Adrianna Curry….oh and Ellis will also be making a movie, well a documentary, about Rawdog making his movie = video gold!  Anyways back to Hollywood news with Rawdog, about how Katt Williams got into a fight with Sooge Knight and managed to film the shit on his phone.  Nick Stahl, dude was in Terminator 3, was arrested by the Celebrity Jerk Off Cop.  Latrell Sprewell, the man the myth the legend, knows how to fucking party, but has racist neighbors.  Hugh Hefner has made one lady super fucking rich in like 10 years.  If you google image search ‘100 year old dicks’…….well, you know.  Lady Gaga hates her fans that hate themselves.  Did Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt do it?  Matthew McConaughey did it, again, for the 3rd time.  Theres your fix of what happened in Hollywood while we were all having TJES withdraws, good on ya.

 

 

Scientology is wierd enough, but some dude wrote “The Church of Fear” exposing some shit about the odd religion, such as an impenetrable fortress built in the desert for aliens to find when we all eventually die off.  Oh and Tully has some fucking sweet Japanese underwear that are silky smooth.  Shout out to one Todd Richards for hooking Ellismania.com up with some Go Pro cameras, fuck yeah!  You know what else happened over the break, UFC 155 bitches.  I didn’t watch it though, but Cain Velasquez is your heavyweight champ again, battering Junior Dos Santos in the rematch to take back the belt.  There were other fights too, but whatever bro go read up on that shit its old news.  The new news is Ellis is gonna get killed by all of MMA for punching Ronda Rousey, in the future when shes on his show and tries to snap him in an arm bar.  Also in the future, Cain Velasquez will have to fight Alistair Overeem a.k.a Ovaries a.k.a. Walrus Man, whos all jacked up on steroids n raw feeder fish, had to be there.  In case you weren’t there in the beginning, when Ellis got that one chic to put a phone in another girls ass, and called in on the air, and he thanked his mom – he played the vintage audio for you.  In case you weren’t there over the break, when we weren’t writing recaps, and were TP-ing your moms, while I can’t show you the pics from that alleged day, this outta give you a good idea….

 

 

OH!

                                              OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 11/15/2012

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One of these days Ellismate

How do you like your martini, shaken or stirred?  Well if you have an Ellis Show martini, Ellismate is the vodka, Tully is the vermouth, Rawdog is the Olive of course, and Jizzcult is the bit that spills on the floor like the delicious cum he loves so much.  They really do need to get a health inspector over to swinghouse to check that place out, especially the kitchen/shitter.  Ellis got weights yo!  He’s gonna start lifting em outside jailhouse style.  This is a good start until he can get some ‘boulder money’ like Thomas Haden Church got going on.  I wonder of THC plays golf?  That’s a hard game, and would be a decent idea for ‘Doing Stuff With Rawdog’.  It sounds like Ellis n Josh will be banging out a few of the fans suggestions for Ellismania.com real soon.  Sneak Peak:  Inserting a tampon. Ollie on a skateboard. Baking a cake.  So be sure to get it up ya!  However, don’t go getting those yellow bracelets up ya just yet, as Ellismate was attacked by his  today while taking his kids to school.  Speaking of his kids, Snookie asked him if they could go to Australia for their vacation, which could be a good idea and a difficult one in the same respect for The Wing.   Tully’s kid is perfecting his Dracula voice, and also makes a damn good cymbal for when Tully is drumming to Hair Nation.  And why don’t we beat out kids like we use to?  Ellismate got lifted in the air by his ears when he was a kid and look how he turned out.  That was long before his first AC/DC concert, still inside his mothers womb.  Over 40 years later, and those muthafuckers still shred like none other.  Check out this video Tully was watching with Linsanity, schooling him to one of the greatest bands of all times, enjoy!

 

 

In ‘Cock News’, some dude in Bangkok was injecting olive oil into his junk to gain a few inches, when something went wrong, horribly wrong!  In more important ‘Cock News’, the show called honorary Wolfknives  member ‘Horse Dick Man’ to confirm the details about the horse cock for ‘The Reckoning’.  All’s good to go, it shouldn’t be too big for Rawdog’s throat and he’s going to try to keep the balls.  That shits only one month from today, how excited are you?  Not as excited as you are for Whacky Will Pendarvis and this new game ‘You Sir, Are A Moron!”  Pretty complex idea here, a topic is thrown out, Tully Ellis n Rawdog state which side they agree with, and if anyone is in disagreement, then you sir are a moron.  We got to listen to such riveting debating themes as cryogenic freezing, increasing the drinking age to 18,  Ellen DeGeneres, 10 ninjas vs. 1,000 zombies and many many more.  There was one topic though that is near and dear to us all, big or small areolas.  Turns out Rawdog is a huge fan of huge areolas, and was willing to fight for his belief with such passion.  Oh, and someone tried to snowball Ellismate, but he said fuck that, unlike big areola boy.  Speaking of big areolas, some hot chic sent in pictures of her large nip nips, as well as her number, oh yeah!

 

 

Cumtard after just one drink of an Onion Smoothie

What’s an Ellis Show without some good ol’ ‘Hollywood News’?  Justin Bieber is a good place to start, since he’s not finished with Selena Gomez yet.  Michael Lohan isn’t finished either….making kids. This idiot had a child with another lady, in between the birth of his 2 daughters we did know about.  Too bad it wasn’t with Judge Judy, who is still strutting her shit at 70, check it out!  And who’s going to argue with Leonardo DiCaprio’s birthday being Hollywood News, especially when it involves Robert De Niro about to throw down with Jay-Z.  Maybe we could get those two at the next Ellis Mania.  If we don’t though, we just gotta make sure there are no Onion Smoothie Challenges and we should be ok.  Cumtard and Rawdog weren’t ok though, having to compete in such an event, and did it suck rule.  We already know about Cumtard’s fear of onions from yesterdays recap, but today was the real fucking deal.  First we had to work out the details, like using the shock collars for one, and who the loser had to text.  For Cumtard, who happened to eat 3 bowls of Fruity Pebbles in preparation for this event, it would be his ex on the line.  For Rawdog, the chic with the huge areolas mentioned earlier.  Just as the collars get put on, and the onion smoothies enter the room, Cumtard starts shaking and freaking out from the anticipation.  He said he would rather lick a man’s asshole or take an aids blood transfusion than this shit.  After a little Harden The Fuck  Up, it was showtime!  About 15 seconds in, and not even a drink taking yet, Cumtard started choking.  He only made it about 30 seconds before the dry heaves came on.  Finally he took his first drink, and as he said he would, vomited for the rest of the bit.  Rawdog on the other hand took only a little bit, and spit up most of it on his computer.  He just whined mostly, and no good gaging like from the horse cock practice he put in last week.  BLAHT!

 

 

Areoly Shit!

A former cop is $450 richer today, after dunking his head into a bucket of piss, go figure that one out.  No really figure it out, it is worse to pour a bucket of piss over your head, or dip your head into the urine can?  What if it was cum instead of urine, is that worse?  Let’s say you had to choose your method of death from drowning by piss or cum, what is it hotshot?  Tully reminds us of one key detail in breaking this down, cum equals life but piss is just waste, think about it.  While you ponder that, Rawdog was trying to figure out the best thing to text the Areola Queen.  Despite numerous suggestions from Ellis and Tully, he decided to go with some lame shit and an emoticon.  More talk about Ellismate’s vacation plans, and a sick cunt battle between Ellis and Rawdog in their heaviest of Aussie accents.  It was “fawking” sick mate, about as sick as Cumtard when he finally made it back into the studio.  Felt bad for that dude, he really sounded hurt up.  I mean worse than the time #ellisfam preformed a 960 gang bang on your mom, bitch couldn’t walk right for at least a week, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 11/7/2012

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Well it is Wednesday again, and the white boy is back and he needs a yellow wrist band.  Ellis will remain incomplete as a man without this magical wrist band he dreams of.  Turns out his friend, former Backstreet Boy AJ McLean, happens to own a company that makes wrist bands with spikes n shit.  They should definitely hook up on that idea, and the idea of AJ appearing on the future Death! Death! Die! track ‘Butt Town’.  Fuck Yeah!  Speaking of Ellismate’s friends, Carey Hart hooked the wing up with a new place to get a trim called ‘The Shave’ and they hooked it up.  Carey Hart has such sweet hair too by the way.  Sorry got a little sidetracked, so Ellis wrote a new song, but not for the band, this ones for him.  It felt weird to him to work on a track by himself.  Tully can sympathize with that, after all he is the mastermind behind ‘Retrofit‘, get it up ya!  Tully’s goal all along is to just get one track played on Faction, who knew.  Ellis would prefer Boneyard which sounds like him, and good ol’ Rawdog wants his shit played on The Loft, though I don’t see Slingin’ Cream fitting in over there too well.  Good friend of the show THC said he heard Liquid Metal play a Death! Death! Die! track which is bad ass.  This article of Ellismate reviewing all the new dirt bikes in the 2013 450 Motocross Shootout is fucking sweet too!  You know what else is sweet, Ellismate found his prostate.  Well really Katie did, and Ellis confirmed for us all that it works like a champ.  Maybe a little too much, cause after you do it once, your an ass whore for life.  Speaking of ass whores, Jizz Cult got to make yet another button today after sabotaging the show, “Can You Dig It”.  He started working on the “Warriors, come out to play” button, but Jizz got out of the situation before we got that piece of radio gold.  Thats really all that happened from last night, that Ellis Tully and Rawdog can remeber…….

Final preparations for The Reckoning

Oh that and Rawdog has to suck a dead horse dick at The Reckoning soon, since we bow again to our lord Emperor Obama.  Ellismate played the audio  from the original bet for us and Rawdog to hear again for confirmation.  The Jingleberries debuted their new smash hit, ‘Kill a horse, suck it’s penis!”.  We also got a quick appearance from Rude Jude, and just in time to witness Rawdog practice on a 10″ piece of steak that Tully just happened to have brought for this occasion.  After some strong convincing to Rawdog he needed to practice to avoid falling flat on his ass shownight, we all got to hear young Josh choke his way and only get about an inch of it down.  #FuckTully said fuck that, and showed him how its done, taking at least a good 4″ before hitting the back of his throat.  Rawdog gave it another try, and damn near vomited it all up.  All in all, worst blow job ever!

Would have been easier if it was erect!

Pepsi has taking a huge step closer towards ruling the world, announcing they are releasing ‘Pepsi Special‘ in Japan, which will make you loose weight.  Coke appears to be working on a soda to make your more beautiful, no you are.  So since the election was last night, there is obviously a bunch of reaction, such as tweets from superstars like Terrible Ted Nugent, The Bean, Justin Bieber and even warlord Nick Swardson.  But none of them were as nuts as the shit spewed from the twitter mouth of one Donald Trump.  Is he serious, crazy or seriously crazy?  Who fucking knows, Ellis thinks he’s just keeping his name out there, but Tully wonders if dudes just loosing it or maybe he’s just pissed at the tax breaks he would have gotten with Mitt.  Trump did delete a few of those tweets, but clever Jizz Cult found ’em and read a few.  Basically dude wants to start a revolution, which would only be successful if you bring Rage Against the Machine and topless bitches in army pants dancing and shit.  Some other cool shit from last night’s erection, Colorado and Washington both legalized weed, Red Dragons!  Of course Tully found the additional language, which is the taxation of it.  It gets taxed 25% each time it passes from the grower to the processor, from the processor to the retailer, and yet again when passed to you.  Quick math on that, if you started with $100 of weed, it would be $195 when sold to you, damn near double!  Sounds just like something Obama would do, followed up by army enforced butt chugging tuesdays!

 

Government demonstrating the proper technique for Butt Chugging Tuesday

Nothing happened in Cookie News but we did get to hear the drop for it which has been long overdue.  Some shit happened in Cock News, turns out 1/3rd or British men can’t see their dicks, and rape kids with their balls.  A shit ton more happened in Doing Stuff With Rawdog.  Fuck man, we now know how to make chicken, chicken salad and a martini.  We can clean a gun and avoid an avalanche.  Thanks to Josh, all of us can tackle Ellis in football and make hash.  The Illusionist taught us how to use a breast pump and find our prostate.  Doc Banger banged us with knowledge of repairing a blown circuit breaker and he added to his sisters quest to get that damn raccoon out of the attic.  Bush Baby enlightened us on how you water ski and how to syphon gas out of a car.  We also got to hear him try to blow a bubble, whistle, snap, burp, fart and much more!

 

Follow @future41 and @tullywood on Instragram

The crew recapped a bunch of shit in Hollywood News from the past few weeks.  Kirstie Alley is a fat slut and C-Lo didn’t rape that bitch.  Ariel Winter was getting mind fucked by her mom.  Also some dude got the living shit beat out of him in front of a Hollywood night club.  Rawdog read some quotes from Joe Simpson’s gay lover in his video recap of the two’s affair, which were just disturbing.  Not as disturbing as this Portuguese gay dude and his castration of his 65 year old lover using a corkscrew, or the curing of aids he did with dudes nuts while walking the streets of Manhattan.  But enough of that shit, lets get back to Rawdog.  Tully and Ellis tried to teach him how to blow a bubble, which took us up to final calls, and Rawdog almost got it.  Turns out Josh is also extremely afraid of cartwheels, but thats a whole other story.  We heard from Sasquatch, whos a truck driver in Alberta and also from a caller who told us Halloween still hasn’t happened in some parts of NY and NJ due to the storms, but those were the only callers the show got as no one else called after that.  We did hear that Ellismate took about 2″ of finger in last nights escapades.  Thats of course a far cry from the 22″ of my arm that goes in your mom when Im fisting her gaped ass, OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 10/26/2012

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When its friday, and your not giving a fuck, how fast do you drive?  Fast enough to fly by some dude, have him chase you down and yell “What’s Up Bitch?”  Ellis did, and just stared the dude down until he left, Red Dragons!  So he drives a little fast in his new bad ass Thomas Hayden Church approved Porsche, fuck off.  Except Tully reminded him, and us all, the point that you may not just kill yourself, but you may kill others.  Thanks Tully!  We all know Ellis is a professional driver, and Rawdog can’t drive for shit, so I ask you who’s more of a risk?  Old people is correct!  Fucking old people should take buses every where, like a mobile old folks home.  Also, drunks should now have to in their own Drink Drive lane, and if you can handle your booz more than the average Joe, you can get a Black Card Drivers License and bang mad whores! Of course all this is just leading up to the day we start having no traffic lights or stop signs.  When that happens, Ellis will never drive his car again and Rawdog’s gonna lock himself in the bathroom with a helmet and never go outside again.  Fucking Rawdog may be onto something this time, well with the helmet and when he told us that Canada has 4 nuclear bombs.  Thats nice when compared to the US having over 100, and Australia having none mate.  Of course, it only takes one to fucking ruin your fucking day, helmet or not!

 

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! 

 

In Hollywood News, Justin Timberlake is going to make one of his friends do 100 hours of community service, what a dick.  The dude, not JT, is a dick for making some wedding video with some homeless dude in pretty poor taste.  You know who else is a dick, the lead singer for Foster the People, and Prince spotted it.  While Prince was preforming a small show, the lead man for Foster the People was using his cellphone, and we all know how Prince is with anyone even looking at him let alone snap a picture, so he had security boot the Foster dude out of the show, despite his pleas of innocence.  Red Dragons to you Prince!  Do you think we could get about 100 EllisFam to show up to a Prince show, and simultaneously all pull out our cell phones and fucking blow his mind?  You know what blows Ellis and Katie’s minds?  The new LEGEND OF CONAN movie muthafucka’s!  This news was so legendary that Ellis has to call Katie to give her the news live on air.  Heres the catch, Arnold is also going to pair back up with Danny Devito to remake Twins…..only its Triplets this time, and with Eddie Murphy.  Yeah so the new Conan movie should be pretty fucking sick. Sick enough to convince Ellis he’s gotta do steroids, and Rawdog too!  Ellis was doubting his chances of landing Arnold on his show, but Cumtard, Tully and Rawdog seemed more optimistic.  I mean if Covino and Rich can get him, then Ellis has to have a shot, right?

 

Thats Jew-elery hunter to you!

So if you like pepsi over coke, your an idiot.  And if you drink pepsi with a yellow cap, your a jew.  And if I say ‘your a jew’, thats racist, but if I say ‘he’s a jew’ is perfectly cool.  Did you follow all that?  Tully did, and he’s onto the whole Lord of the Rings being all racist and shit.  Smeagol’s kinda like a jew chasing the ring around and all.  Gollum is named after “Golem” the jew monster!  Sounds to me like Lord of the rings is more jewish that Josh himself, well since he doesn’t even know, let alone celelbrate all the jewish holidays as Ellis found out.  Rawdog defended himself  by saying theres so fucking many Jewish holidays that its hard to remember them all.  Ellis wasn’t buying it, but after a phone call to the jewiest of them all, the illustrious Shuli who comfirmed jews even have a holiday for building a hut, Ellis kinda backed off on Trust Fund Baby.  Shuli also told us that technically jewish people aren’t supppose to work or do shit on Fridays.  Kinda gives Who Gives a Fuck Fridays a whole knew meaning!

 

Women need the hoop the be lowered cause they fucking suck at basketball, says the coach of the UConn Huskies.  Dudes right, I mean would you at least be more willing to watch the WNBA if chics were just dunking on each other like Shaq?  Would you be more willing to watch it if they were all naked and Jackie Chan-ing each other all over the court?  I rest my case!  Ellis made a case for Shaq Diesel to be a host on America’s Got Talent, and Tully made a better point with reminding us Blue Chips was about Shaq’s only decent movie.  Just cause the guy can’t hit a free throw to save his life, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be decent next to Howard Stern.  Speaking of TV hosts, Simon Cowell is on the prowl, allegedly banging the shit out of Carmen Electra.  Fuck yeah Simon!  I mean really, other than banging the shit out of ’em, what are women good for?  How about 87 gallons of breast milk, a ride on a manatee, and a snatch to hide your meth pipe….Woman, Am I Right?   You know what Wilt Chamberlain and Andre the Giant are good for?  Check it out………………….

  Arnold wasn’t hitting the roids that hard for the 2nd Conan movie

 

Some dude called on with serious IBS.  Serious enough he was taking morphine to ease the daily pain he experiences.  I never knew the shit could get that bad!  Either way though, this dude was seriously stoned.  Ellis talked to him, and tried to help him see his life in a better way, and go seek rehab.  I hope that dude goes!  I also hope this other caller goes too, somewhere way far away from his wife since she not only won’t fuck the dude almost 3 years after having a child, but she freaks out on him if he jerks off as well.  This pissed Tully off to no end, and caused Ellis to suggest either AshleyMadison.com or taking a shit on her chest and leaving.  Ellis even said it wasn’t as bad as this when his first wife was smashing plates over his head.  But it’s not all just the ladies not giving it up, some dudes are lame asses too apparently.  Not Ellis or Tully of course, and well Rawdog, he’s just an animal.  If your one of those dudes, and you need to please your lady, take the advice of Ellis and try some Pool Lube with your lady.  If you one of us fans of the show, then you may want to check out the last hour, as Tully revealed some more old clips from around 2007-2008.  A bunch of cool shit here to go back and check out, from an Army dude busting a load while shooting at the enemy, to Deegan doing burnouts in the studio, to the 1st ever Dude is it Gay?  This was shit from back when Ellis had a myspace account.  I used to have a myspace account, in fact thats how I first met your mother and I’ve been fucking her ever since, OH!

Ellis on SiriusXM – 10/16/12

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If you missed it, Ellis made two ‘appearances’ today on the satellite radio while on vacation.

The 1st was a call in to Lisa G of Howard 100 News to discuss Tim Sabean getting injured while dirt biking in PA.


Download (link to MP3)

The 2nd was a call in to a live Tony Hawk’s Demolition Radio with Jesse Fritsch and John Dale. He announced that he has officially taken possession of Thomas Haden Church’s custom Porsche 911 turbo.


Download (link to MP3)