Tag Archives: Mike Tully

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 11/7/2012

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Well it is Wednesday again, and the white boy is back and he needs a yellow wrist band.  Ellis will remain incomplete as a man without this magical wrist band he dreams of.  Turns out his friend, former Backstreet Boy AJ McLean, happens to own a company that makes wrist bands with spikes n shit.  They should definitely hook up on that idea, and the idea of AJ appearing on the future Death! Death! Die! track ‘Butt Town’.  Fuck Yeah!  Speaking of Ellismate’s friends, Carey Hart hooked the wing up with a new place to get a trim called ‘The Shave’ and they hooked it up.  Carey Hart has such sweet hair too by the way.  Sorry got a little sidetracked, so Ellis wrote a new song, but not for the band, this ones for him.  It felt weird to him to work on a track by himself.  Tully can sympathize with that, after all he is the mastermind behind ‘Retrofit‘, get it up ya!  Tully’s goal all along is to just get one track played on Faction, who knew.  Ellis would prefer Boneyard which sounds like him, and good ol’ Rawdog wants his shit played on The Loft, though I don’t see Slingin’ Cream fitting in over there too well.  Good friend of the show THC said he heard Liquid Metal play a Death! Death! Die! track which is bad ass.  This article of Ellismate reviewing all the new dirt bikes in the 2013 450 Motocross Shootout is fucking sweet too!  You know what else is sweet, Ellismate found his prostate.  Well really Katie did, and Ellis confirmed for us all that it works like a champ.  Maybe a little too much, cause after you do it once, your an ass whore for life.  Speaking of ass whores, Jizz Cult got to make yet another button today after sabotaging the show, “Can You Dig It”.  He started working on the “Warriors, come out to play” button, but Jizz got out of the situation before we got that piece of radio gold.  Thats really all that happened from last night, that Ellis Tully and Rawdog can remeber…….

Final preparations for The Reckoning

Oh that and Rawdog has to suck a dead horse dick at The Reckoning soon, since we bow again to our lord Emperor Obama.  Ellismate played the audio  from the original bet for us and Rawdog to hear again for confirmation.  The Jingleberries debuted their new smash hit, ‘Kill a horse, suck it’s penis!”.  We also got a quick appearance from Rude Jude, and just in time to witness Rawdog practice on a 10″ piece of steak that Tully just happened to have brought for this occasion.  After some strong convincing to Rawdog he needed to practice to avoid falling flat on his ass shownight, we all got to hear young Josh choke his way and only get about an inch of it down.  #FuckTully said fuck that, and showed him how its done, taking at least a good 4″ before hitting the back of his throat.  Rawdog gave it another try, and damn near vomited it all up.  All in all, worst blow job ever!

Would have been easier if it was erect!

Pepsi has taking a huge step closer towards ruling the world, announcing they are releasing ‘Pepsi Special‘ in Japan, which will make you loose weight.  Coke appears to be working on a soda to make your more beautiful, no you are.  So since the election was last night, there is obviously a bunch of reaction, such as tweets from superstars like Terrible Ted Nugent, The Bean, Justin Bieber and even warlord Nick Swardson.  But none of them were as nuts as the shit spewed from the twitter mouth of one Donald Trump.  Is he serious, crazy or seriously crazy?  Who fucking knows, Ellis thinks he’s just keeping his name out there, but Tully wonders if dudes just loosing it or maybe he’s just pissed at the tax breaks he would have gotten with Mitt.  Trump did delete a few of those tweets, but clever Jizz Cult found ’em and read a few.  Basically dude wants to start a revolution, which would only be successful if you bring Rage Against the Machine and topless bitches in army pants dancing and shit.  Some other cool shit from last night’s erection, Colorado and Washington both legalized weed, Red Dragons!  Of course Tully found the additional language, which is the taxation of it.  It gets taxed 25% each time it passes from the grower to the processor, from the processor to the retailer, and yet again when passed to you.  Quick math on that, if you started with $100 of weed, it would be $195 when sold to you, damn near double!  Sounds just like something Obama would do, followed up by army enforced butt chugging tuesdays!

 

Government demonstrating the proper technique for Butt Chugging Tuesday

Nothing happened in Cookie News but we did get to hear the drop for it which has been long overdue.  Some shit happened in Cock News, turns out 1/3rd or British men can’t see their dicks, and rape kids with their balls.  A shit ton more happened in Doing Stuff With Rawdog.  Fuck man, we now know how to make chicken, chicken salad and a martini.  We can clean a gun and avoid an avalanche.  Thanks to Josh, all of us can tackle Ellis in football and make hash.  The Illusionist taught us how to use a breast pump and find our prostate.  Doc Banger banged us with knowledge of repairing a blown circuit breaker and he added to his sisters quest to get that damn raccoon out of the attic.  Bush Baby enlightened us on how you water ski and how to syphon gas out of a car.  We also got to hear him try to blow a bubble, whistle, snap, burp, fart and much more!

 

Follow @future41 and @tullywood on Instragram

The crew recapped a bunch of shit in Hollywood News from the past few weeks.  Kirstie Alley is a fat slut and C-Lo didn’t rape that bitch.  Ariel Winter was getting mind fucked by her mom.  Also some dude got the living shit beat out of him in front of a Hollywood night club.  Rawdog read some quotes from Joe Simpson’s gay lover in his video recap of the two’s affair, which were just disturbing.  Not as disturbing as this Portuguese gay dude and his castration of his 65 year old lover using a corkscrew, or the curing of aids he did with dudes nuts while walking the streets of Manhattan.  But enough of that shit, lets get back to Rawdog.  Tully and Ellis tried to teach him how to blow a bubble, which took us up to final calls, and Rawdog almost got it.  Turns out Josh is also extremely afraid of cartwheels, but thats a whole other story.  We heard from Sasquatch, whos a truck driver in Alberta and also from a caller who told us Halloween still hasn’t happened in some parts of NY and NJ due to the storms, but those were the only callers the show got as no one else called after that.  We did hear that Ellismate took about 2″ of finger in last nights escapades.  Thats of course a far cry from the 22″ of my arm that goes in your mom when Im fisting her gaped ass, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 11/6/2012

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What the fuck is your problem? Come at me bro!

Hey fucker, did you vote? Well did ya? Huh? Vote? VOTE? DID YOU VOTE? Fucking hell, we’re almost over it, and I know we’ll all be much happier when we stop hearing about politics and shit. Oh, and when Rawdog has to suck that dead horses dick. Speaking of which, dead horse dick guy called into the show to confirm details on the 10-12 inches of limp, dead horse dick he will be sending to the show. Shit is getting serious, folks. Ellis has decided that he’s going to be a weightlifter. Make of that what you will, but sounds like Rawdog will joining Ellis at the gym, pumping iron. Bets are already rolling in on when Rawdog will be quitting his new found love for weightlifting. HOLY SHIT! Ellis and Tully almost got knocked over by the zit on Rawdog’s temple, Tully thinks it’s big enough to be registered to vote. Canadians are all wondering what it’s like to vote in a leader of the free world, and boy are they’re bitter about it. What do you think about having a vampire as a President? Who cares, Jude came in to the studio and he don’t give a shit about that or Joe Biden’s hair line. Know what else? Jude don’t snitch, except when it’s on Rawdog, because that shit’s fun as fuck son!

I look the same after lifting weights as I do when I go to Home Depot.

Nobody else could fit in the studio because of that fetus of zit growing on Rawdog’s head, so Ellis took matters into his own hands and aborted that thing. I thought I heard a spank noise and crying afterwards, but that may have just been my imagination. Hollywood news times again, Lindsay Lohan did or said something or another, I’m not sure. All I know is she’s not worth talking about, plus I can’t stop thinking about that goiter on Rawdog’s head. Kirstie Alley said her and Patrick Swayze fell in love on the set of some piece of shit movie, but they were both already married so they never actually physically fucked, only emotionally. Ellis will be going to see Guns N’ Roses this weekend, who all have great tits, and Katie had never seen National Lampoon’s Vacation until last night. Nobody really knows how that is even possible, but then again, nobody really knows what trimester that thing on Rawdog’s head was in. Would you live with Ewoks? Some people think Ewoks are adorable, Ellis would marry 17 of them, and thanks to Tully, we learned way more than we needed to know about Ewoks. Is JizzCult really Superman? Does this explain why he always disappears? Is he out there fighting crime? We’ll never know his real identity or how deep his love is for Cumtard.

This is why you don’t see any pictures of your mother as a child.

Will weed be legalized today in Colorado? HAHHAHAAAMOTHEROFPEARLHAHHA Fuck no, even if it passed, some shit dick would leak shit out of their dick until it was illegal again. What a dick full of shit. Will murder be legalized in West Virginia? You better hope the fuck not, because there’s going to be an influx of pussies from West Virginia making an exodus, maybe into your state. The rest of those crazy fuckers will be looking to murder some shit in their murdering-ass state. New Music Tuesday flashback to November 6, 1992 – will it be good or will it be shit? Things kicked off with some Rage Against The Machine, which is fucking kick your grandma down a flight of stairs awesome! Things went straight to shit from there with Ned’s Atomic Dustbin, Whitney Houston, and Jade. Ice Cube kind of picked up the pieces of shit that had fallen from the previous three gaping bands, The Pharcyde, and Kool G Rap & DJ Polo helped as well. Then we had some sad ass Leonard Cohen, followed up by some gay ass Bon Jovi, some stupid ass Biohazard, some punk ass NOFX, and some hokey ass Ween. Next up, Ellis Jeopardy, or what I like to call, Tully’s going home with an extra 6 bucks. Then final calls, and we all know how well those usually go so no surprises there. You’re grandpa used to tell all his friends a joke that involved your mom. It went like this, “How do you make a 10 year-old girl cry twice? Wipe your bloody cock on her teddy bear.” And that’s why still to this day, your mother cries when someone gives her a teddy bear and 10 bucks. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 11/1/2012

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Its the first day of ‘Movember’ so get your facial hair looking sharp ma’fuckers!  Speaking of hair, why in the fuck did humans decide to go hairless along their evolution, making coats out of sabertooth tigers and shit. Like Ellis says, we were born monkeys and then we just said fuck it, shave my friends tonight.  Ellis added we have grown taller and with less hair over our existence, and that a receding hairline is ultimately the future.  Tully added the reason Asians are smaller than most races is cause of their malnutrition over their history.  Of course this doesn’t explain anyone of African decent and speaking of Africa, how in the fuck did they get all the cool animals and why can’t Donald Schultz ship a container of Cialis to Africa so poachers stop killing rhinos for old asian dudes, seriously!  Even Rhinos can’t escape the mean streets of impotency.  Apparently Uncle Mayhem can’t escape a bunch of tweets asking him when he’s going to be back on The Jason Ellis Show and hug it out.  Ellis is right here, Mayhem is going to do what Mayhem is going to do, and we ain’t going to change his mind at all – let the man live!  Speaking of men, Rawdog manned up and agreed to test out a flying jetski with Ellismate sometime over the next few weeks, and if so instant Ellismania.com gold!  So I guess Will Smith and Jada Pinkett haven’t gotten a divorce, but i know for a fact that dude can’t rap anymore.  When you got it, you got it.  Cumtard says he ain’t got it right now, despite Ellis saying he is looking great these days.  Cumtard hasn’t been having the best of luck with pitching his screen plays or with the ladies.  Rock bottom isn’t her just yet as he hasn’t contemplated selling his ass for money, but he is close as he is willing to butt chugg for ellismania.com.  So Tully and Ellis schooled him up on how to avoid the friend zone…..just fuck her!  Tully suggest to fuck some sea turtle first as women can detect if you’ve been fucking recently, but they can’t determine the quality of the pussy.  You gotta be sure of yourself, as if it doesn’t matter either way.

 

The Shiznight!

Cee Lo Green maybe didn’t rape that lady, as she’s claiming this shit happened a few months ago.  Gene Hackman is into beating the shit out of homeless dudes, but he knows them and gives em money so its mellow.  Chris Brown kept his doucheness up to par by dressing as a terrorist for Halloween, and theres no link to a story cause fuck that dude.  Speaking of fuck that dude, Jizz Cult  hooked the show up with some old show intros from the last few years.  It was the Shiznight!  Some pretty funny shit, most you’ve heard but a few Im sure you won’t remember.  Ellis is a ‘lifestyle enthusiast’ bringing ‘grenades of fury’ to the radio, a fucking google legend! Sounds like the shows headed to a 15 minute intro of Ellis playing spoonman with his dick subtly behind your traditional Faction music.  So the NFL sucks for wearing pink during October, but not cause its for a good charity (we think), but its just not for the right reasons, but who fucking cares that was last month.  All Rawdogs go to heaven, and all sparrows go to San Juan Capistrano, oh and all sharks that fall from the sky land on the 12th tee.  All sharks that fight in Ellis Mania 9 must die, with Ellis opposing them!  Its about the time he gets a tank, and takes it to the next level, so extreme.  Rawdog told us yesterday that GrillEmAll is fucking badass and Cumtard confirmed it.  Ellis n Tully are thinking field trip, and of opening up the cutest cuddliest most metal spot to get your puppies…….”Master of Puppies”.  Is set to take over the nation, and is the only way to adopt a puppy.  Oh and if you need to adopt a new catch phrase, why don’t you try ‘Bong, Bong‘, it works for the RZA so why not you!

 

 

Domino’s says they have made the pizza delivery vehicle of the future.  Notice how the name of it kinda sucks too.  Tully has a better idea, how about you just cook the fucking pizza on the way there, it don’t get no fresher than that!  Im not too sure if I trust Tully’s judgement on this one, or when he said he pictures every man with a hugh cock.  He also confirmed what we’ve all been wondering, that Chip n Dale dancers do have hugh cocks as well.  They really caught the gay their for a minute, until Rawdog bailed them out with a game of his, Name That Button.  He basically took some buttons from the show, slowed them down to where they sounded all creepy n shit, and Ellis, Cumtard and Tully had to guess em.  Pretty simple shit, but lots of fun if you want to go back and check it out, like the birth of slowed down Macgrubertallica, and a bad ass Red Dragons from Maria Brink.  Ellis whopped up on Tully and Cumtard, but in the end we all were the winners here folks, Bong Bong!

 

How come you got tits, but                 I ain’t  got no dick?

So what is it about being a man, then wanting to be a woman, but then back to a man again just before they decide they’re going to cut off your dick.  Just try shaving your eyebrows first, and make sure you can handle some shit like that.  So Rawdog doesn’t want to be a cyborg that bad.  Tully asked him if he would be a cyborg but have no dick, or just be normal and Rawdog actually chose himself over a half man half robot.  California says if your gay but think your not gay, and you need ‘conversional therapy’, well fuck off!  It sounds like a good deal for those kids who are gay, and their parents don’t believe it and force them to do this kind of therapy.  All thats cool but then Tully was stopped in his tracks when the show finally got a caller who was a woman, but now its a man with a working dick.  Not just any dick but a ‘Donor Dick’.  Since Tully has checked the yes box on his license for organ donor, he’s not too sure he has made such a good decision.  So this dude uses a pump to work his junk, which was some other dudes junk long before.  He got the dead dudes balls and everything, but unfortunately he didn’t get a ‘dick diary’ with it so he knew its history.  But that still didn’t answer Tully’s burning question ‘Is somebody going to get his cock?”  Thankfully your mom called in and confirmed that she would in fact be getting Tully’s cock immediately after the show.

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 10/30/2012

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Dre ain’t gay, but his headphones are!

Coming to you live, from quite far away from the apocalyptic storm that has shat all over the Northeastern United States of Motherfucking America – it’s a Tuesday re-cap for your ass. Ellis woke up early to watch more Claire Danes movies, I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence or if he’s one more movie away from joining the Claire Danes street team. Tully’s kid is starting to be a real dickhead – his schedule is all fucked up from traveling to Japan and he hasn’t been sleeping, which means he and his wife haven’t been sleeping either. For the sake of humanity, some people are hoping Rawdog is sterile and instead shoots loads of Fanta, he also cannot do a handstand or even really get his legs in the air without help. Jude stopped on the show today after having yesterday full of hallucinogens and all day fucking, he’s sure there are at least a few homosexual rappers, but 50 Cent isn’t one of them. Do gay dudes ever fuck chicks? What percentage of gay dudes have never even touched a girl? According to Jude, DanOD5 was so faggy, it helped him pull more poon.

Stop domestic violence, support titty kung fu!

TJES correspondent, Bryan Cullen, called into the show to give us a live, on location, rock you like a hurricane, news update from the eye of the storm. The storm is going door-to-door giving people AIDs, this storm really is son of a bitch. Cumtard gave us some breaking Hollywood news – Disney has purchased Lucasfilm and so there will be a Star Wars Episode 7 in 2015, white people are pissed and black people don’t give no fuck no how, nah I’m sayin? Apparently Edward Furlong has not only gotten to fat shit status, but now he’s obtained wife beater status as well after being arrested at LAX for domestic abuse. Jude used to see him at parties every now and then, and fat shit wife beater actually stole a chick from Jude once. Octomom checked her gaping snatch into rehab and left her 14 little money makers with a nanny (or nannies and friends) while she gets off the pill train. And of course, we can’t talk pills without talking about Jude, Tully, and Tully’s dope sick wife. Okay, she’s not really dope sick, but she would be if she just picked up the fucking pace already.

If NYC falls to Sandy, the Republic of Jesusland is our last hope.

Backbone called back in to give us and update, the hurricane has now become a full on war, NYC is now bombing and shooting the storm. Shark people with metro cards are forming in the subways and planning a retaliatory attack. Cameron Diaz is not hot and you could pilot a supertanker between her tits, but that fact sure pisses some people off. Just ask the callers. Lucky us, along with Sandy2012 it’s also New Music Tuesday today. There was a band called Halitosis or some kind of osis that seemed okay, but the Red Solo Cup guy sounded like shit on a boot heal. Some chick kept repeating the word “touch” for what felt like 35 minutes, it may have been longer, I’m not sure because I blacked the fuck out. Bad news, the shark people have registered on Twitter and have put forth their demands. Good news, in a last ditch effort to save humanity, Tully registered shark people on Instagram. Your mom finally broke down and told the real story of how she started to be a whore. It all made sense, I remembered when you had asked me, “Why did the little girl drop her balloon?” I replied, “Because she was being raped in the mouth.” OH!