Tag Archives: Mayhem Miller

Show Re-cap For Monday 7/16/2012

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DanOD5 getting his interview on after some thuggery

Holy shit, I’m still reeling from @DanOD5 winning his fights! That had to of been one of the bigger surprises that night, I think, maybe, or maybe not. I dunno. I know I was floored. Rawdog officiated a marriage between two lesbians while they were in Vegas, and according to Cullen, he then promptly started trying to sleep with one of them but he got cock blocked by smooth operator Jude. Or maybe it was just the massive zit embryo he had festering on his face. Ellis couldn’t take it anymore and cut the umbilical cord on that sucker for him today on the show. After knocking Gay Bruediger out in the second round, while Ellis was celebrating his victory, he got a little surprise. He got kicked in the leg by Forrest Griffin and then Mayhem got him really good in the knee and fucked up his PCL. Congratulations on your win, now find a wheelchair and fill up on the pain meds! I guess that’s how some MMA guys like to congratulate each other.

MMA Sasquatch lurking and rubbing his jerky in the background

Dingo started one of the rounds in his fight on the top turnbuckle, what a fucking champ! Both he and Danny (not OD5) had been drinking before & during their fight and mysteriously after their fight, there was a vomit trail leading down a set of stairs. I’m guessing that could have been a combination of Jack Daniels, being out of breath, and getting socked in the stomach by MMA Sasquatch. Ellis was awarded the MVP trophy and promptly gave it to @FaceplantLauren and @Shanwize1 for their epic battle in the ring during the “Humongous Bitch” fight, in which Lauren won. By most accounts, it was the best fight of the night and deserving of the MVP trophy. And now seems like a good time to give you a re-cap of the rest of the fights and the winners: Cumtard defeated @shit_toboggan, @Dutch_RDS ended up winning the blindfold shock collar fight, some dude dressed as a belly dancer beat out @Cogdeth in the musical chair fight, and @TheRealRubyR defeated Rawdog.

Mayhem Bot making his rap debut with Death! Death! Die!

Apparently Mayhem was pretty blasted after the fights, but I guess he deserved it after his performance the previous night at the Death! Death! Die! concert. Tully said there were quite a few people who said that was probably the best show the band has put on. So congratulations to everybody in the band as well as the guest stars, everybody in the bikini contest from Friday, and everybody that participated in the fights on Saturday night! And shout out to all the other peeps who got to go to Vegas to experience EllisMania 8 in person! Even though the entire weekends worth of shows put on by EllisMania were probably wicked sick yo, I’m willing to bet if you were to ask everyone who went “what was the best part”, most would answer “meeting everyone” – but since I didn’t go, I can only speculate. At any rate, I’m glad to see you all had fun and all (or most all) have made it home safe sound. I mean shit, just think of how horrible it would be if something bad had happened to you there? Who knows, maybe you would’ve never gotten the chance to kiss your mom’s jizz covered face ever again. OH!

Ellismania 8 Results – 7/14/12

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EM8_15

Musical Chair Fight: Belly Dancer (?) defeats Ballerina (@Cogdeth) via split decision in the final.

Hot Dog vs. Taco: Hot Dog (@KevinKraftSucks AKA Cumtard) defeats Taco (@shit_toboggan) via TKO.

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Big Bitch Fight: Lauren (@FacePlantLauren) defeats Shantanee (@Shanwize1) via split decision in a brutal fight.

Blindfolded Shock Collar Fight: ‘Dutch’ (@Dutch_RDS) is declared the winner.

Rawdog vs. Ruby Renegade: Ruby (@TheRealRubyR) defeats Rawdog (@RadioTFB) in a controversial unanimous decision.

Dan vs. Alicia: Dan (@DanOD5) defeated Alicia (@AliciaLeii ). After 3 rounds ‘The Incredible Hulk’ (@possiblyTully) entered the ring and Dan defeated Tully!

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Danny vs. Dingo One-Armed Fight: Danny (@Dannykass) & Dingo (@theDingoinsnow) both declared winners.

Jason Ellis vs. Gabe Ruediger: Jason (@Ellismate) defeats Gabe (@gaberuediger) via 2nd Round KO!

Jason Ellis is also declared the Ellismania 8 MVP and wins the MVP trophy. Jason passes it off to the ‘Big Bitches’ for their epic fight.

Thanks to @Drklrdbill for tracking the results and all the fans on twitter that provided photos.

Show Re-cap For Friday 7/13/2012

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Danny O’Donnell vs Alicia Leii

Welp. It’s Friday the 13th, and a lot of you lucky mofo’s are already in Vegas for EllisMania 8. Nobody even invited me. So here I sit, writing a re-cap for your asses, clicking furiously on tweets tagged with #EM8, and getting my box of tissues ready for the bikini contest. But guess what? I lied to you guys again today. But it was a good lie, I swear it! I started shouting out @emilyinSD, @tank_yanker, & @mike_in_canada, claiming it was all of their birthdays. I saw several re-tweets and happy birthday wishes flying. It was glorious! Even though it may not have been their birthdays, just think of how good you made them feel by wishing them one! And guess what, you made my day that much more awesome too by perpetuating my lie! I’ve told you before, I’m a pretty fucked up individual. So see, it wasn’t a bad lie. We got to hear the usual suspects being introduced at the start of the show from Vegas. @DanOD5 turned up as JagerBeard, already drunk and high and sitting on Uncle Mayhem’s lap and semi-chubbed up. And that’s when the real JagerBeard came on the scene to take a large shot of Jager and it sounded like he almost hurled.

Dead Acid Cunt vs Some Hot Readhead in the “Yo Momma Round”

Weigh-ins sounded pretty hysterical with Alicia pushing Dan around and Rawdog telling Ruby that he’s ready to kick her 111 pound ass. Gay Bruediger weighed in at 190 pounds while Ellis weighed in at 198 – let’s just keep in mind that Mayhem was working the scales. Gay started acting a fool almost immediately and ended up threatening to beat up Tully and Rawdog if they played the Jingleberries song about him for his walkout music. There was a quick “Doing stuff with Rawdog” segment, which is always a pleasure to hear and very informative, especially the “how to put on a condom correctly” and “how to insert a tampon correctly” pieces.

Bikini contest winner showing one of her techniques

Rawdog’s go to foreplay move is “necking” and aggressively playing with “titties”, I’m ready for love just typing that shit. The bikini contest was next up on the list of show segments, there were 10 fine ladies who entered the contest and was almost widdled down to 9 after one of the contestants flashed her titties at the crowd. After security talked to her and saw her tits up close, she was allowed to stay and the competition continued. The entire contest was broadcast for free, in streaming HD on Ellismania.com. Shout out to Dead Acid Cunt (@freedrose) for being the runner up and Dead Acid Balls (@hendro9364) for banging that shit!

Your mom’s motto

The remainder of the time was spent with Ellis walking through the crowd taking final calls from fans in the crowd. There were quite a few people who apparently purchased their Wolfknives membership at the show, and they all got their gang names. Mayhem will be debuting his newest career skills tonight as a rapper, and I’m guessing Katie is getting banged in the butt later in the night. And that pretty much wraps up this re-cap, I hope everyone in Vegas for EllisMania 8 is having a great time and staying frosty! I have one last question for you. You know how sometimes when you see really, really, morbidly obese people and you aren’t sure if they’re a man or a woman? Wait, of course you do – you’ve seen your mom lots. OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 7/11/2012

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Welcome to the Dog Center Re-Cap, and now fuck that shit. Ellis was a little late this afternoon but he got in and that is what counts. Ellis was late I assume because he was sparring Mayhem and he said that he is faster, stronger, and has more stamina than he has ever had in his life. As Ellis arrived he noticed that something was wrong with the console, his headphones and everything else in the studio. It would seem that Shoebox is throwing one hell of a party in there after the show ends. Some exciting news for the EllisFam that are to broke to go to Ellismania, the bikini contest on Friday will be aired live on Ellismania.com for FREE! That’s right folks, listen to scantily clad women tell you what Mr T means to them.

The worlds heaviest woman, 643 pounds, got so fat because she got dumped and started eating but when she got famous for being a tub of lard her ex-boyfriend came back. Now because he is such a chubby chaser they are bumping uglies seven times a day and she has now lost a whoppin 100 pounds. Way to go champ and thanks for taking one for the team. Mayhem came in about midway through the show and recanted his epic tale of danger and excitement from his recent camping trip to Yosemite National Park. Sometime during the trip his girlfriend managed to wander off and get lost. She ended up spending the night snuggled up to a rock in near freezing temperatures. If this chick can hang with Jason then this night in the woods was probably a walk in the park. Doc Banger made his debut on Shade 45 with Rude Jude and unfortunately if you didn’t change the channel, all you would have heard is New York screwin the pooch again. Tully called them, gave them some strong words, talked about their mommas, and BOOM the show was back just in time for the Love It or Hate It segment. Surprisingly enough, they hated it. I would love to tell you what all was said, but this is the part where I direct you to our friend, @Cobratitis, who has it here.

I want to crawl inside your butt hole and live there like a gerbil.

Daniel Tosh made some chick mad for making a joke about rape or something, apparently he didn’t yell surprise so she got all butt hurt and now he had to apologize. The biggest crime in this is that he has yet to apologize to the millions of others that he constantly rapes in the ear holes with his TV show. Shannon Gunz came into the Swing House today to get things ready for Friday and Ellis called her into the studio. After some friendly banter they started talking about the bikini contest and then asked Shannon some sample questions. The biggest shocker in this entire thing is that she doesn’t know who Mr. T is, doesn’t know at least one racist joke, was a taco slammin cookie licker in college, and she doesn’t know any “Yo Momma” jokes. Tully, Jason, and Josh really had some good ones, but do you know the true origin of the “Yo Momma” joke? They’re all about yer mum, except the one about shitting in a toilet, we all know she just shits her pants, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 6/26/2012

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I speak the truth! Just kidding

Holy shit! Did you guys hear the news that rocked the world today? Rawdog is now engaged to that chick he’s been dating and they plan on moving to Rhode Island because that’s where her family is from, so no more Rawdog on the show and Rude Jude will be taking his place! Fucking huge bummer, but could be kinda cool having Jude on, right? Well that would be some shocking Asia news if I wasn’t totally lying my ass off right now. Really though, he hates hot chicks just as much as he hates MMA fighters, but loves a chick that can twirl a baton. As Tully has speculated before, Rawdog really does enjoy when he gets punched in the nuts with the Hulk hands. This was confirmed today when Rawdog punched himself right in the dick, harder than Tully has ever punched him. In other, actually truthful news, Ellismania8.com is now online and ready to siphon the money out of your pockets. You know how Ellis ran into Big Black while he was in Miami doing the Hooters judging shit? Yea, well now Big Black wants to help judge the bikini competition at Ellismania 8! That’s motha fuckin’ dope, y’all! Do work, son!

MMA makes you gay

Ellis got his A6K back after West Coast Customs had finished fixing it up, the inside looks brand new, has a navigation system for dumb dumbs in it, all the electronics work in it without breaking all the other shit, and now he’s in love with West Coast Customs. Rightfully so I assume. They offered to fix up the outside of the truck as well but he declined, probably a wise choice or it would’ve come back with massive wings and glitter on it or some shit. All kinds of trash talk flying between Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen, sounds like Anderson is finally losing his shit and says he’s basically going to ruin Chael’s face for all his trash talking. We all know a lot of fighters do this to help sell tickets, but Anderson has never really gotten into the whole trash talking game so it is rather odd to hear him go off like that. Sad vegetables aren’t as good as happy vegetables, which makes total sense when you think about how they were raised. I mean, if the vegetables’ parents were abusive or addicts, one would expect life to be much more difficult for the young vegetable.

Facts about your mom

Good news for @Dutch_RDS, he’s getting his shot to fight at Ellismania 8 in the blindfold shock collar fight – so congratulations to him! Ellismania 8 is getting bigger and bigger by the fucking day with guests such as Kit Cope, Danny Martinez, Kenji Gallo, Gabe Ruediger, Forrest Griffin, Stephan Bonnar, Big Black, Mayhem, and more! You shitheads that get to go to Ellismania 8 are lucky as fuck. I hope you all enjoy yourselves and you better take a metric shit ton of photos and videos so the rest of us can live vicariously through you! 50 Cent got in an accident when a Mac truck rear-ended his SUV, sources say the Mac truck is now in hiding after receiving death threats. Today was new music Tuesday, and fuck all that noise, we ain’t talking about it. That Laura chick that gave Ellis his current voice altimication machine was on the show today to give him another fuckin’ TC-1000 Boner Jam Fucker Upper v2.74 altimication machine that has a touch screen and shit. I want one so bad but I ain’t got $800 to be pissing away just so I can call my wife with a creepy voice.

I got the magic stick

More Wolfknives members called in to get their names today, and according to my accounting records there is currently $2.4 million dollars worth of memberships. Also, I am not an accountant and I keep no records – for legal purposes. Some dude who has at least two ex-wives and is an investigator, watched his first ex-wife have sex with some dude. I’m guessing the whole trust issue thing came into play while he was practicing his Magnum PI skills on her. Speaking of practicing, your mom has been going to the gym a lot lately. After all the dudes are done working out and smooching themselves in the mirrors, they all got in a circle with your mom in the middle and took turns shitting in her mouth. You thought there was gonna be a circle jerk story there, didn’t you? Don’t lie! But seriously, she has been going to the gym and putting the 25 pound kettle bells in her snatch. You have to tell her to stop, people are complaining. OH!