2014

Posted on April 28, 2014 by bitPimps 中

Taking stupid to new levels!

Sexual degenerate Jason Ellis is live! But let’s not fuck around here, we got some serious news to get into. MLG and ESPN have teamed up for the first-ever e-sports event at X-Games in Austin, Texas. That’s right, the world of action sports has been so diluted now that button pushing video gamers will now have a chance to win an X-TREME BRONZE, or a REALLY X-TREME SILVER, or the all mighty REALLY SUPER DOUBLE X-TREME GOLD medal in the X-Games. Ah yes, people will remember where they were at when Jimmy Pisspants pulled off the first ever “trash talk you mom, B, A, B, A” button combo! Remember that one time that video game character died and got tea bagged by another video game character? Riveting. Ellis is heated about this and refuses to go to X-Games. Dingo, being the savvy investor he is, understands the bold move but also thinks it’s pretty funny. Tully agrees that fine, people can be into video games and watch other people play video games, but the combination doesn’t belong or work together. This topic took up the entire first hour of the show, which is understandable due to the nature of the channel, the show, and Ellis & company.

Dingo’s reaction to Kenda calling in.

Before the show could go into break, Kenda Perez called in with this past weekends UFC bouts in Baltimore. Overall, the fights were pretty good. Two quick side notes here. 1. Ellis had a dream about Rhonda Rousey where she wouldn’t let him train at her gym but held his hand while she told him this, so that’s sweet. And 2. Dingo needs a potty break, but toughed it out since Kenda was on the phone. Anyway, Jones once again defended his title, this time against Glover Teixeira. Phil Davis lost his fight against Anthony Johnson. Some dude with gauges in his earlobes fought with his gross jump rope earlobes taped up so a finger or toe wouldn’t accidentally get caught in there rip that shit. Oh, and this 5′ 11″ chick fighter dressed in all green looked kinda like a female Jolly Green Giant – also, she lost her fight. Anyway, I’m not reporting all that, you can go online to read what all happened if you haven’t already seen it. And that lead us into the first break where Dingo could go potty.

An alleged peek into Hardcore’s flat last night.

Moto news time. Villopoto won and seemed like he hated it and he’s still on top of the overall standings. Eli Tomac took 2nd, and Josh Hill took 3rd. James Stewart withdrew from the race with an apparent injury to his left leg, allegedly. That pretty much wraps up the season, even though there is still 1 more race to go. Hey, did you see that piece of shit dad who was caught on tope kicking his 6-year-old son down a skateboard ramp? Pretty fucked up. We got to hear some HateBean tracks today. We also got to ask how everyone is doing today and thankfully everyone seems to be doing very well, except for Hardcore & Cumtard – he’s a little cranky today. Ellis tried to whip him back into a good mood, but Cumtard feels like he received mixed messages during the motivational talk. I don’t know how the message could be mixed. I mean, “Tell yourself you’re worth a fucking shit, you stupid bag of retarded cum.” seems pretty clear to me. HEYOH! Anyway, the guys all spent about 30 minutes giving advice and pep talks to Cumtard and his mental & physical health. So why is Hardcore all cranky? He’s got girl problems son. He doesn’t really want to discuss it, but he did admit that he slept on the couch last night and when he woke up this morning, they didn’t say a word to each other and he just went to work. As we all know, that means you’re wrong – even if you’re right – you’re still wrong. He’s gonna have to bite the bullet on this one and stop being stubborn. And this took us into our second break for the day. Hour and half segments today, there’s just TOO MUCH SHOW!

Looks like she has a drinking problem.

And we’re back! Next week the show is going to do a “worst music on YouTube” segment that you can help with by sending in links to said horrible music to the show. That does not include the video I sent into the show called “Shit Don Frye Says”. Turns out Don’s a little creepy, but he’s also pretty funny. And insane. And tough as hell. And he don’t give two shits who the fuck you are, he’ll talk shit on ya. So the owner of the LA Clippers, Donald Sterling, has been caught on tape with a racist rant. Supposedly only 15 minutes of the audio was leaked, but there is over an hour’s worth of this audio, allegedly of course. What makes it really odd, I mean, besides his clear racism, is that his girlfriend is half black and half Mexican. Also, gross. He’s got old balls. I missed a few minutes after that because I’m sought after fellow for my sage-like advice and wisdom. HA! When I came back, there was talk about acid and some dude getting some harsh jail time. This led us into talk about brain steroids, aka Adderall, and how them pesky college kids are doing that shit up. And this in turn brought about a story of Ellis getting a massage in Thailand from this lady who smoked some meth before getting to work on the massage. Apparently Dog The Bounty Hunter hasn’t been to Thailand because the ice is flowin’, son! Oh yeah, and there’s some discussion going on with Ellis’ manager and the possibility of EllisMania 10 and possibly SpikeTV! Dingo surprised the show with gifts and it’s not even Christmas, he gave everyone some Beats by Dre headphones. We left off with some final calls, where a lady-boy from Taiwan was happy to be able to smoke crack with Mr. Jason Erris and say how much they miss him. So there ya have it, a nutshell. So to speak. And now it’s time I bid you farewell, until we meet again. If you catch my drift. BONER JAMS 2014!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/24/2014

Posted on March 24, 2014 by bitPimps 中

Oderus Urungus

Welcome to it. This crazy little thing called love. Wait. No. You know what I meant. Who cares, let’s get right into it – deep inside it – in the hole. First things first. Gwar frontman Oderus Urungus died Sunday evening, may the great mothership be covered in his blood and semen! We’ve posted two of his visits to TJES that you should definitely go listen to, he was always a fun guest to have on the show. Let’s lighten the mood a little bit, shall we? Sounds like there was a good turn-out at the Harley Davidson book signing over the weekend. It made Ellis feel way more famous than just some TV news guy, say like… Sam Rubin? Ellis ran into some people he doesn’t hang out with and hasn’t seen in a really long time, like some dude he used to skate with back in the day. Which I can’t remember his name, so you’re just gonna have to trust me, this dude was definitely a dude. Ellismania.com is still down, been down since Friday – apparently it was a victim of an unauthorized domain name transfer. Dingo gets scared when Tully’s all dressed up, or dressed down really. Jeff Emig said something positive about Ellis on Instagram and Ken Block said something negative about Ellis. Ellis went for his first ride on his new bike, he was trying to take it easy and did a little jump where he promptly sprained his ankle and the chain came off his bike. Tully had no such issues this weekend, he rode like like the wind and was doing whips & whoops & shit, you should’a seen him go! Tully had a Monster Energy drink that gave him no energy what-so-ever, matter of fact, it made him sleepy because he’s too much man for some pussy drink.

Dingo while reading No You Are?

Dave Boyce, “The Red Dragon Guy”, is in studio today. He’s the brother of Rob “Sluggo” Boyce sometimes and he makes shorts for small Canadian men. He and Moses Itkonen pretty much run that game, so bow down. Quick bit of MMA News time, everyone thought it was funny that anytime a Brazilian lost, the crowd was so silent you could hear a fly fart. Now, on to something else. Dingo says you can’t surf in Thailand, and he’s been there. Nobody believes him because he was there for only two things, to party, and to party harder. Dingo also claims to be domesticated and is generally a very clean person. Nobody believes him on that either. Another claim Dingo made was that he was pet sitting over the weekend for a girl who is a 10. Nobody believes him. Davidia Boyce is impressed with the show, so much so that he hasn’t said more than 10 words yet. He’s finding it difficult to get a word in with Dingo there. HEYOH! And now it’s break time, so he’s not gonna be saying jack shit for at least another 6-10 minutes.

MMA News with Kenda Perez.

MMA News for real this time, with Kenda Perez on the phone while she’s wearing a Tupac shirt and flower leggings. Oh yeah, and she’s in Las Vegas doing some voice over work for the Best of WEC, the show that she hosts. And there you have it, MMA News. Just kidding. So everyone thought the fight between Fabio Maldonado and Gian Villante was pretty fucking good, especially since the first round looked like Maldonado was gonna get submitted the entire time. And then BOOM! The next two rounds he just kept picking off Villante to the point that nobody could believe he was still standing. Nobody really liked the Rony Jason vs Steven Siler fight because the Brazilian ref stopped the fight so early, but what can you do? He held his head like he was woozy as fuck and went down, tough call. Nobody really liked the Norman Parke vs Leonardo Santos fight either because it went to the judges and ended in a majority draw. Mairbek Taisumov vs Michel Prazeres was an odd fight since Taisumov was so busy checking the the quality of links in the fence that it earned him several warnings and two point deductions. Dan Henderson vs Shogun was pretty awesome though and it ended with Dan knocking out Shogun. Moto News time with expert moto analyst Dingo. Chad Reed is sitting in 10th place in the points standing. Does Kevin Windham have a bit of a lisp? Dingo don’t know, referee bitPimps docked him 1 point for not knowing. James Stewart came-from-behind to for the win and the butt sex. Justin Barcia ended up finishing second, just in front of Ryan Dungey. Villopoto is still in the points lead, but didn’t do so well, saying he was sick and didn’t know the track. Dingo didn’t know if Villopoto was suffering from food poisoning or what, for which referee bitPimps docked him another point. Some dude put up a picture of his 3-ballin’ sack (listen to Three Ballin’) and since Katie is there and likes big loads, naturally the question is does a third ball make you shoot bigger loads? Dingo doesn’t know, and again, referee bitPimps docked him another point. Lattes have arrived which means it’s time Will to shed some blood & cum tears and then time for a break. Dave has managed to squeeze in about 5 more words, bringing his count to 15.

Cumtard came in sick?

The first ever TJES Listener Talent Show Skype Thing will be this Friday at 2PM Pacific, if you’re not available on Friday at that time, you can send them a Skype video message, allegedly. It’s time for a spelling game between Ellis and Dingo, both of whom are legendary in the spelling bee game. Only they’re not spelling, they’re being given words and have to use them correctly in a sentence, which is still a game because both of them are well known for understanding and using words in a sentence correctly. I guess you could say they superfluous the game? We learned Cumtard has been taking Rogaine and squirting anti-biotics in his eye – while driving his hypotenuse. There was something about an old lady and a car wreck, but nobody could get past what he just brought into the room. He’s got strep throat but doesn’t think he’s contagious because his head and ball cysts nullify the strep. Nobody believes him, 4 potato deduction by referee bitPimps. As soon as throat AIDs boy was escorted from the studio, the game resumed as everyone tried to forget about the sickness floating around the room. Before the break, Dave managed to sneak in 2 more words during the game, which also put him in the lead of the game – but more importantly, it brought his word count up to 17.

Back from break and there’s more homeless people in New York than ever in the history of ever in New or Old York. So German customs officials intercepted a shitment of cocaine destined for the Vatican. Dingo explains how this shit is going down and telling us what is true or not. Nobody believes him. Referee bitPimps gives him a warning this time instead of automatically deducting a point. There’s a serial pee’er out there too, he’s been going around pissing on women, just so ya know. Clark Duke came on the show today, no relation to Frank Dux – duh, they don’t even have the same last name, man. What were you thinking? Oh, sure, blame the writer. It took him a few minutes to get the show, but once he did he played along pretty well. In short, he doesn’t have any type of social media profiles, he’s got a reoccurring character roll on Two and Half Men, and he was very timid when asked if he wanted to record his score on the punch pad. While I’m sure the show is not really his style, he did a good job and was an entertaining guest – according to the judges score card. He stuck around for the remainder of the show and took some calls from listeners, even the ones about loads and wads. Clark hit the punch pad and it’s commonly believed he got a 48. In other numbers news, Dave could not squeeze in anymore words, so he finished with a solid 17, however after the show, he hit the punch pad and registered a 74. ‘Atta boy Dave. And there you have it. That was today’s show, it was good. Jesus died for it, so it only makes sense to make it good, right? Jesus did not die for this recap, so I’m pretty much in the clear on that.

Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/17/2014

Posted on March 17, 2014 by bitPimps 中

Oh you! Thanks for reading!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! I don’t get it, but whatever, it gives people an excuse to get shitfaced and eat corned beef & cabbage. Also, happy earthquake day! There was a 4.4 magnitude quake in the greater Los Angeles area today. I don’t get it, but whatever, how exactly does a posi-trac rear-end on a Plymouth work? It just does. Ellis still does not have aids, Dingo acts like he doesn’t, but he sounds pretty raspy today so it might not be a bad idea for him to get his levels checked. The show intro still needs work, specifically the beginning lines. So if you think you’ve got what it takes, then good for you. I don’t know what I meant by that, but whatever, how do magnets work? Disney World makes approximately bookoo monies per day, which is more than Disneyland. The Ellis children’s went to Disneyland this past weekend, there was a lot of fat people there. Wahlburgers. You seen it? Me neither. You plan to see it? Me neither. Let’s move on. Some Jessica girl called into the show to say Ellis got her out of a ticket because she had an EllisMate or Red Dragons sticker on her car. I’m calling bullshit on that, sorry Jessica. Charles Manson and fam lived with one of the Beach Boys & stabbed a Tater-tot. Dingo’s girlfriend is named Stephanie, and as far as we know, she has not claimed to have gotten out of a speeding ticket because she had a Dingo sticker on her car. Cumtard’s ready to party, he’s going to have some whiskey, some beer, and some green eggs – thanks to Tully. We learned that Cumtard thinks he can see orgasms. And he’s not even drunk yet. But whatever, it’s break time.

Drum roll please.

Kenda called in to discuss MMA News, UFC 171, and drunk chicks on St. Patty’s Day that have to do the walk of shame tomorrow. Ellis thought the undercard was better than the main events, both he and Kenda felt bad for Carlos Condit – so they have that in common. People want to see Nick Diaz fight Johny Hendricks and Kenda says Nick was there at the weigh-ins taunting Hendricks for not making weight and to pitch himself as Hendricks’ next opponent. Anyway, you can check out all that shit online. Sounds like Ellis might be able to race some cars, thanks to TJ Lavin. No details were given because talk instantly went into Ellis & Dingo having a vegemite vehicle, one of them being the passenger and bringing a mad mix tape, and a potential sticker for the truck of Tully bending over backwards and sticking his head between his legs. A guy called in to discuss a dude punching a shark, tully had some video and was trying to set it up while Dingo kept talking, which earned him quick “shut up” from Tully. Cumtard is doing more shots and making gross noises as he does so. His fuck partner, Alexa, is supposed to be coming by the studio so Cumtard can puke on her, but Wilson say’s that’s not allowed. Of course he says that, but let’s just see if anyone listens to him. So Guinness, along with other beer brands, mayors, etc. are pulling out of St. Patrick’s Day parade because lesbian and gay groups aren’t allowed to march openly. And with, it’s break time.

Heidi and Frank Show? No thanks.

That guy with a 132-pound scrote? He’s dead. From unrelated ball poundage, it was diabeetus! Speaking of death, Frank Kramer is in studio. He’s the co-host of the Heidi and Frank show. You heard it? Me neither. You plan to ever listen? Me neither. His illustrious career includes a stint on AM radio. You know you’re big time when you’re delivering the corn report on an AM station. Since he’s a whackety whacko radio guy, he was going to bring in some whiskey. But he didn’t. Not so whacky now, are ya Frank? Then he did a whacky shot with Cumtard. WHACKTASTIC! This is where Wilson found a reason to come in to bond with his terrestrial radio brethren. Anyway, let’s move on. Cumtard isn’t feeling any pain right now and he swears that Mike Catherwood has said the word’s “eating pussy” on Loveline before. Turns out, he did actually say that, which is absolutely WHACK-A-DOODY! I don’t know what else to say here. I don’t know Frank, I don’t know his show. So there ya go. Break time yet? Close enough.

Pull the show off the air?

Moto News time. Except there’s not shit to say about it. People rode their bikes, someone went faster than the others, and we’re all pretty sure Alessi is still a bitch-made ass target ass. Fuckin’ Frank is still here. But Alexa is in studio and instantly goes into how her energy drink isn’t doing nearly as much as her cocaine. Her cocaine isn’t doing a whole lot either so she’s thinking about getting into meth. She calls her relationship with Cumtard a win / lose situation because she’s fucking Cumtard, which raises his street cred while her’s go downhill. So the big question is, even though she has low standards, has Cumtard been getting her off? She says yes, but lets face it, she has no idea. Apparently they had their first little argument the other day because she ate someone elses’ puke and didn’t feel too good and didn’t want to go out. So cute. Their argument, not the vomit eating. Starting to get an idea of the caliber of girl that bangs Cumtard? Frank has a wad of money to pitch in if Cumtard pukes directly into Alexa’s mouth (aka baby bird). Pendarvalis (as drunken Cumtard pronounces it) comes in to say he has to take the show off the air if they go through with it. So what’s next? Alexa spit into Cumtard’s mouth. Not in that gross way, but in the classy way. Just kidding. They tried to get Cumtard to eat more eggs & onions so he would barf, he doesn’t want to eat onions. He continues to keep telling everyone how fun, funny, fun to be around, funner, funny, fun, and fun-fun she is. He finally eats some onion eggs from her asshole but doesn’t vomit. Alexa continues to abuse and emasculate him until the show to ended. And there ya go. Recap over.

Show Recap for Monday 2/3/2014

Posted on February 3, 2014 by Az_RedDragon

Did you know that @bitPimps is sick with the AIDS and that’s why I’m doing the Monday recap? And did you know that fat people can be skinny, dumb people can be smart, and the old, we’ll they’ll still be old but a better more awesome version of old? Ellis watched the Super Bowl this weekend, not all of it but just enough to know that the game was a one sided steamy pile of bronco shit. And he missed the halftime show but heard the Red Hot Chili Peppers sucked. Ellis and Dingo both saw the moto race though. Here’s a brief summary of the races, one dude went really fast and another dude went really fast also but not as fast as the first dude, then a bunch of guys weren’t as fast as the first and second dude. Chad Reed has flubber in his tires and it’s illegal for him to give Ellis an old one because that’s top secret shit. And the track was slippery. There you go folks, Moto News! You heard it here first. Unless you heard it somewhere else already. What you didn’t hear first is how they got on the subject of Ellis being in the X-Games. All I know is that Ellis doesn’t want to do the mega ramp or anything that will send him to the hospital for that matter. Jason got call from an Indian woman, according to his impersonation, who asked him to be apart of her documentary because she thinks he is interesting looking. They also talked about Ellis’s book. Unlike his last book this one is pretty mild. It’s a split between Jason’s wild and crazy brain and Andrea’s responsible mommy brain. Tully watched the UFC on delay so he could watch The Candelabra. DING! Phil Anselmo has been noted as being a big fan of The Smiths, so much so that he has hinted that Cemetery Gates was named after an earlier song by The Smiths with the same title. This is the second time in my life Anselmo has fucked up Pantera. Fuck you you fuckin fuck! Mommy called, not your mommy, Andrea. She called to explain why she gave the Indian lady his number and the only explanation as to why was a series of giggles as if this was a very well played prank. Well played.

We returned with the exclusive Jason Ellis show MMA correspondent Kenda Perez. They talked about fights and fighting and face punching and cutting weight and stuff like that. It was MMAwesome! <- I gave myself a dick punch for that one. They talked about the Super Bowl again and since I already covered that I’m moving on to more important things. A squirrel in the UK got a monster mask stuck on its head and freaked people the fuck out. Also remember that time that Ellis said that if Chad Reed ends the season as the number one moto warlord of forever that he will do something awesome? Well he did and they talked about it. Ellis isn’t sure though if he’ll do a Mui Tai fight or an MMA fight or a skate competition. But no matter what he isn’t going to half ass it and will train and practice and give it his all. Some knob bitched about Swardson being on the show Friday. I agree with the point the guys made, who gives a fuck who is on or how often as long as it’s entertaining. If you don’t like it, don’t listen. Speaking of whiney ass bitches, Opie was bitching about the birthday barbecue bash. Bunch of knobs. Phillip Seymour Hoffman died. In case you haven’t been on Twitter or Facebook or are breathing. It’s fucked up not because he overdosed but because he left his kids. Tully made the point that short term gratification is often perceived as a mistake while long term gratifications are often cherished. And on such wise and inspiring words I bring you this, Beiber skateboarding on dance floor. Ellis farted on the cat and Katie heard but it’s okay because it’s funny. Its the rule, if its gross its okay, but only if its funny or on video or both

Hollywood and the world is rocked with the allegations that Call Of The Wildman (turtle man) may be fake! But more shocking and completely real is Ellis Jeopardy! And what might end up rocking the world of millions, Dingo was the winner. The show was ended with some dude complaining about getting his poopie poked, a girl wanting to know how to get her poopie poked more, and some dude mumbling something about cookies. Next time he should try getting yer mum off his face before he calls, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Monday 1/27/2014

Posted on January 27, 2014 by bitPimps 中

What I’m about to do to your mind, and then your mom.

It’s today again, you know the day, Monday. And you might think you know what’s coming, and there’s a good chance you’re right. But what if you’re wrong? Just what if? Huh? Well now is the time to test yourself, let’s see how right or wrong you were. One day Ellis had some heart fluttering shit going on, it was hard to breathe and he was freaking, but that day changed his life. Did you know that? Liar. Dingo’s in-studio today. Did you know that? Liar. A little bit of snot is no big deal, which is good, because Ellis still has a little bit of snot leftover from his mega-cold. Even though it’s embarrassing to admit, Ellis has been thinking about famous people lately, and he’s been getting caught up in it. Meanwhile, Tully has never stopped thinking about famous people. Jenna Jameson was going off on Twitter, posting a bunch of pictures of Tito’s roid fridge. I don’t know why I posted that. Do you? Liar. See, I’m starting to think you don’t EVEN know! Ellis & Dingo almost 2-door Porsche’d it right into a shit-green something or another, but they didn’t.

Whatever it is, can we put wheels on it and ramp it?

Ellis went to Nitro Circus over the weekend and got an email from Trip Taylor. Then he saw some PJ Clapp dude making jokes about “chuck it me dumpa” in the same email. Ellis didn’t know who this dude was so he responded back with, “Really?”, to which PJ Clapp responded with, “Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to go to you” – which PJ Clapp most certainly did mean it to go to Ellis. Then Cumtard came in to remind Ellis of Johnny Knoxville’s real name… Philip John Clapp (aka PJ Clapp) WHOOPSY! Ellis finally got the joke and now he feels like an asshole. Good times, good times. Anyway, did you know Nitro Circus has rollerbladers in their show? Oh, you did? That figures. OH! Well they also have bathtubs. Pretty much anything they can think of to jump off a ramp, they’ve probably got it. Ellis started reading a bit from his new book and he cringed a bit at what he was reading. He’s brutally honest in this book as he always is, but he feels like he’s changed so much since a year ago when Tully started writing this new book. He felt like he sounded a bit pathetic, like he was dying for people to pay attention to him and accept him, and his priorities have changed since then. It’s no longer about just as much money and having sex with as many women as possible. He’s more concerned about what he does and says and how it affects his kids, himself, and the people around him. Ellis noticed how different he feels lately while he was at Dingo’s birthday party, full of quasi famous people who are materialistic, insecure, and busy blowing smoke up each others asses to help make themselves feel like their more famous and important than they really are. Since he started to act like that at one, point he now see’s how unhappy some of the people are because they spend their time worrying so much about shit that should take a back seat to more important things in life that help make a truly happy life. God damn, we got a little deep there, right?

Uh oh. I got a feeling they’re gonna talk about The Grammys.

Hey, did you know you can get your copy of Awesome Guide To Life signed by Ellis by going to awesomeguidetolife.com? Okay, I believe you. Next up, we have the world’s hottest MMA correspondent, Kenda Perez and her super hot dog Dexter, with MMA News so everyone button up you pants – that includes you too Dingo. Tully didn’t get to catch all of it, but from what he gathers, he didn’t miss much. Ooooohhhh! BURN! Turns out Benson Henderson beat Josh Thomson, Thomson said he broke his hand during the fight, we all heard it. The post fight, Benson threw up the Diamond Cutter sign and looked like a doof because that sign has nothing to do with God. He didn’t help his case any when during the fight, he had to tuck his jerry curl behind his ears, to which everyone watching had a nice collective chuckle over. Gabriel Gonzaga also broke his hand and lost his fight against Stipe Miocic, he also needs to shave his back and train in a real gym instead of on the jungle gym. Donald Cerrone won in spectacular fashion with a nice kick to de head of Adriano Martins, it was awesome and so is Cowboy. Alex Caceres won his fight against Sergio Pettis, which was a pretty entertaining fight and Sergio, even with his loss, looked really good for his age and experience. I’m sure one day he’ll grown into a real manimal and be a force to be reckoned with as he continues to improve. Also, Alex’s afro and dance moves before the fight were pretty entertaining. But do you know what wasn’t entertaining? The Grammys. I didn’t even watch it, but I feel confident in saying that it was not entertaining. Therefore, I shall not discuss it and it can go straight to Hades. Thank you.

Whose Tully talking about? Is it me? You? No. It’s… her.

Tully had a dream about a fan. A female fan *cough* @emilyInSD. ~~FUCK!~~ I mean… that he made cry because he was trying to tell her that he was flattered, but married. Instead, it came out more like if he weren’t married, they totally be doing it. So I’ve got some more good news and bad news. Tomorrow on the show, Sam Rubin. I know. BUT… also on the show tomorrow, Thomas Haden Church! Tiger Ellis is doing ollies on his skateboard now, and he’ll kick the shit outta some 2-year-old prodigy, so fuck that other kid. Not literally, come on man! Actually, this 2-year-old is a fucking champ! Continuing with Aussie News, scientists have discovered a newfound sex organ in koalas’ throats. Dingo was at the winter X-Games, so was The Backbone – Dingo totally fucked him over too (not really), but guess who wasn’t there, Shaun White. He’s all about the Olympics right now, and playing guitar in that terrible band, and wearing super tight jeans, and whatever else soulless redheads do. Let’s see, Moto News, and this time there’s no Tickle Time. I know, it breaks your little heart. It did mine too. Ryan Dungey looked solid all day, man. That’s about all I know because work loves to cut into my fucking off time. New intern on TJES today, his name for now is Andrew (Instagram). He’s never heard the show, he’s from Cincinnati, Ohio, he has a girlfriend, and a horn growing out of dick. In case you’re wondering, one of those things is a lie. You make the call. He’s in a hardcore band, he’s straight edge, and enjoys a nice root beer on his birthday. Oh, one more thing… he has a trust fund.

What you look like while I celebrate all the new kick ass shit I just got from TJES.

India says dolphins are not people or something. Breaking News, ladies and gentlemen, its with partial joy and partial sadness that I hereby announce that after years of captivity, I have officially escaped from the prize chamber. I may be suffering from Stockholm syndrome, but trust me, if you ever have a chance to get in the prize chamber – you’re going to love it! Cumtard got in trouble for something, but I can’t remember because all I can think about is all the new kick ass shit I just got from TJES. They punished him somehow, but I can’t remember because all I can think about is all the new kick ass shit I just got from TJES. I don’t even know what all else happened because, yup, all I can think about is all the new kick ass shit I just got from TJES. If any of you would like to know more about all the new kick ass shit I just got from TJES, just let me know, I’d be happy to describe how fucking cool it is to you. OH!

No You Are

Red Dragons, Bitches

Tag Archives: Kenda Perez

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/28/2014

Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/24/2014

Show Re-Cap for Monday 3/17/2014

Show Recap for Monday 2/3/2014

Show Re-Cap for Monday 1/27/2014