Sexual degenerate Jason Ellis is live! But let’s not fuck around here, we got some serious news to get into. MLG and ESPN have teamed up for the first-ever e-sports event at X-Games in Austin, Texas. That’s right, the world of action sports has been so diluted now that button pushing video gamers will now have a chance to win an X-TREME BRONZE, or a REALLY X-TREME SILVER, or the all mighty REALLY SUPER DOUBLE X-TREME GOLD medal in the X-Games. Ah yes, people will remember where they were at when Jimmy Pisspants pulled off the first ever “trash talk you mom, B, A, B, A” button combo! Remember that one time that video game character died and got tea bagged by another video game character? Riveting. Ellis is heated about this and refuses to go to X-Games. Dingo, being the savvy investor he is, understands the bold move but also thinks it’s pretty funny. Tully agrees that fine, people can be into video games and watch other people play video games, but the combination doesn’t belong or work together. This topic took up the entire first hour of the show, which is understandable due to the nature of the channel, the show, and Ellis & company.
Before the show could go into break, Kenda Perez called in with this past weekends UFC bouts in Baltimore. Overall, the fights were pretty good. Two quick side notes here. 1. Ellis had a dream about Rhonda Rousey where she wouldn’t let him train at her gym but held his hand while she told him this, so that’s sweet. And 2. Dingo needs a potty break, but toughed it out since Kenda was on the phone. Anyway, Jones once again defended his title, this time against Glover Teixeira. Phil Davis lost his fight against Anthony Johnson. Some dude with gauges in his earlobes fought with his gross jump rope earlobes taped up so a finger or toe wouldn’t accidentally get caught in there rip that shit. Oh, and this 5′ 11″ chick fighter dressed in all green looked kinda like a female Jolly Green Giant – also, she lost her fight. Anyway, I’m not reporting all that, you can go online to read what all happened if you haven’t already seen it. And that lead us into the first break where Dingo could go potty.
Moto news time. Villopoto won and seemed like he hated it and he’s still on top of the overall standings. Eli Tomac took 2nd, and Josh Hill took 3rd. James Stewart withdrew from the race with an apparent injury to his left leg, allegedly. That pretty much wraps up the season, even though there is still 1 more race to go. Hey, did you see that piece of shit dad who was caught on tope kicking his 6-year-old son down a skateboard ramp? Pretty fucked up. We got to hear some HateBean tracks today. We also got to ask how everyone is doing today and thankfully everyone seems to be doing very well, except for Hardcore & Cumtard – he’s a little cranky today. Ellis tried to whip him back into a good mood, but Cumtard feels like he received mixed messages during the motivational talk. I don’t know how the message could be mixed. I mean, “Tell yourself you’re worth a fucking shit, you stupid bag of retarded cum.” seems pretty clear to me. HEYOH! Anyway, the guys all spent about 30 minutes giving advice and pep talks to Cumtard and his mental & physical health. So why is Hardcore all cranky? He’s got girl problems son. He doesn’t really want to discuss it, but he did admit that he slept on the couch last night and when he woke up this morning, they didn’t say a word to each other and he just went to work. As we all know, that means you’re wrong – even if you’re right – you’re still wrong. He’s gonna have to bite the bullet on this one and stop being stubborn. And this took us into our second break for the day. Hour and half segments today, there’s just TOO MUCH SHOW!
And we’re back! Next week the show is going to do a “worst music on YouTube” segment that you can help with by sending in links to said horrible music to the show. That does not include the video I sent into the show called “Shit Don Frye Says”. Turns out Don’s a little creepy, but he’s also pretty funny. And insane. And tough as hell. And he don’t give two shits who the fuck you are, he’ll talk shit on ya. So the owner of the LA Clippers, Donald Sterling, has been caught on tape with a racist rant. Supposedly only 15 minutes of the audio was leaked, but there is over an hour’s worth of this audio, allegedly of course. What makes it really odd, I mean, besides his clear racism, is that his girlfriend is half black and half Mexican. Also, gross. He’s got old balls. I missed a few minutes after that because I’m sought after fellow for my sage-like advice and wisdom. HA! When I came back, there was talk about acid and some dude getting some harsh jail time. This led us into talk about brain steroids, aka Adderall, and how them pesky college kids are doing that shit up. And this in turn brought about a story of Ellis getting a massage in Thailand from this lady who smoked some meth before getting to work on the massage. Apparently Dog The Bounty Hunter hasn’t been to Thailand because the ice is flowin’, son! Oh yeah, and there’s some discussion going on with Ellis’ manager and the possibility of EllisMania 10 and possibly SpikeTV! Dingo surprised the show with gifts and it’s not even Christmas, he gave everyone some Beats by Dre headphones. We left off with some final calls, where a lady-boy from Taiwan was happy to be able to smoke crack with Mr. Jason Erris and say how much they miss him. So there ya have it, a nutshell. So to speak. And now it’s time I bid you farewell, until we meet again. If you catch my drift. BONER JAMS 2014!