Welcome to a very special Friday recap of The Jason Ellis Show. Ellis started off by educating is an d shit. He said when you truly give it all you got you can accomplish anything and be awesome or something like that. Ellis also says that he’s been getting a barrage of hateful tweets from O&A fans saying he’s a fag and hopes he has AIDS but thankfully Tully says that hate deaths are down and that’s a good thing. Jetta doesn’t hate other people but he is completely shoe racist and won’t wear Adidas. Ellis won’t wear Rebok or Affliction either unless you pay him enough, so I guess he’s kinda brand racist too but that’s okay because anybody wearing Affliction clothing is probably too stupid to know anyway. The UFC this weekend (yesterday) with crazy bones jones (guess who won). I’m not gonna give you any spoilers though, that’s Twitters job. Ellis also got his beard trimmed in Hollywood and he remembered why that place sucks balls so much, it’s all the Persians and their richer than you, I know P Ditty bullshit. Nobody cares if you know P Diddy, my friend once got kicked in the chest by Phil Anselmo so suck it! Ellis then talked about the surgery he needs to fix his heart so it doesn’t get all crazy fucked up again. Speaking of getting all fucked up (Segway pro!) Tully went to a Cochella party and smoked a bunch of weed, which he never does, and then went to bed. That mother fucker is a party animal! Then a guy called in and asked when it’s time to get divorced. The answer is now, now is a good time. If you’re asking that question then run like your head is on fire and your ass is catchin!
In Cock News there was a story on the TV show Sex Sent Me To The ER, a dude named Sean went into the great out doors naked because his chick laughed at his performance between the sheets and a legless lizard climbed up inside of his pee hole. After they did that riveting story of nature and pee holes the guys then gave some new Wolfknife members their names. I’d tell you what they all are but I didn’t write them down so tough shit. If you want some Wolfknife gear of your own go to http://www.shopbenchmark.com/jasonellis and hook yourself up. Use promo code NoYouAre for a 0% discount.
The Grenade Games 10 is this weekend also (hell it’s probably over by now) hosted by Danny and Dingo. If you want more information on this epic event go to Grenadegloves.com. They played a video of John Dailey hitting a golf ball out of a woman’s
mouth but she left with all her teeth so I’m not gonna waste my time looking for it. Dan Bilzarian is a millionaire playboy guy who has way too many Instagram followers and also has a video of him throwing some chick off his roof into his pool. I did find this video because she busted her foot and I know what my readers want! That and she’s naked. Cosmos wrote a story on the things men do in secret. Some of those things are:
- Hang towel off penis, yup
- Dries balls with blow dryer, allegedly
- Tinker with things AKA fix shit, duh
- Tuck their penises between their legs, no comment
- Try to suck ourselves off, nope, can’t reach
- Rub their stomachs, why is this on here
- Eat things without proper bowls, dishes, or proper utensils, less shit to wash later
- Flex in the mirror, welcome to the gun show
- And they think what they would do if the building they were in were attacked by assassins, whoop ass, period!
In Canadian News Prime Minister Bigfoot’s kid had a party at the Canadian White House (probably just a really big log cabin) and there was a lady barfing outside in the drive. I think this made the news because most of the snow is melted so the weather department doesn’t have much else to do. Cumtard came in with a new bit he put together while on vacation. He showed pictures of everyone on the show to random people at Comicon and asked them questions about the people in the photos. The general consensus is that Will is an angry cho-mo, Kevin should work at a video game store, Jetta is a raging weiner wrestler, Tully looks suspiciously normal, and Ellis probably committed a felony. They were almost right. This inspired me to show people pictures of yer mum and the general reply was raging boners and a stinging burning feeling during urination, OH!